Sunday, 29 January 2023

any American

like most every American
she had serious money problems in the wealthiest country in the world
she learned to use public transport
and ride a motorcycle
she got a free library card she
ate like a survivalist
bought her clothes at second hand stores
pressed all the paste out of the toothpaste roll
like most she was walking the socioeconomic tightrope
only generous with cash on holidays birthdays or
when she was drunk

#katyamills

schizophrenia

i often saw images 

as we pressed liquid into fabric

processing soy sauce for the restaurant

i kept this to myself for years 


one night driving home

under the guiding eye of a single headlight

a voice told me to get a gun and use it


the very next morning

i forced my way into the local psychiatric ward 

told them what i seen and heard


i let them pump me full of antipsychotics i

learned about my illness. they call it schizophrenia


i still see images in the fabrics and

i like who i see in the mirror

the voices sometimes speak to me but 

i talk back. you can't make me do

anything I don't want to


#katyamills

Saturday, 28 January 2023

one twenty eight words into play

saturday morning

wake me with flashing pixelated light

blast me with heat from a gasoline engine

drop a single sugar donut into my belly

float me on a river of coffee 

black. let me put these words 

into play


#katyamills

Thursday, 26 January 2023

corazón



she paints her face
throwing knives at cutting boards
accompanied by little creatures
she attacks dirt and grease and cobwebs until very late at night
when the narcissistic monster comes home from the penthouse suite
demanding all 4 food groups
the heart of a fighter she
billows her skirt 
shows her teeth

#katyamills

the the the stuff


my doppelgänger
fell for a car and a home. a washer and a dryer
years of not caring much about stuff and now
she does

when i inquired about the change of heart
she answered people die on the streets with nothing
why should we go out like that?

she does whatever she wants 
and now i think...

i like stuff
don't really know why and not sure i care
i like stuff

#katyamills

mega terf monster



will i see a mega terf monster
barking up the twitter tree
better get some bear spray just in case
or turn my iPhone into a strobe light
those who come without a phone
cannot take the throne

#katyamills

Wednesday, 25 January 2023

one two four liquor store

we had much to discuss
across from the liquor store
on a Friday night

gay icons
boba milk tea
lotto tickets
yellow curry
therapy

watching drunks
in the shadow of the 
marquee



#katyamills








Monday, 23 January 2023

year of the rabbit

the year of the rabbit

a month of steady rains

got my ticket. unlimited 

hopped the southbound

trains


#katyamills


Thursday, 19 January 2023

un.caring

you may not feel the world 

so uncaring

if you place yourself in it

caring


#katyamills

Wednesday, 18 January 2023

tradition

caught in a downpour on the highway

rain and hail


the trucks wheels put up a fountain of water

blinding us. not long after someone road raged on us

like it was a tradition


i deepened my relationships 

to pain and uncertainty

today


#katyamills




Tuesday, 17 January 2023

January 16


behind us the sun
setting the storm clouds threatening 
the east

a full rainbow beams impossibly
across the sky

my thoughts
turn to the daughter
of the king

wishing they may be 
reunited


#katyamills

on the banks of the American River

after the storms
he came out swinging
cutting chips off a hackberry with his axe
to feed the smoky fire

the whole park deluged. camp sites underwater
tents ripped up off their moorings

the sky turned orange
all his strength in his arms
he came out swinging for
the comrades

#katyamills

Sunday, 15 January 2023

love. circling

we rode our bikes across the bridge. on windy days we stopped to watch the starlings fly down off the supports, hundreds of them circling in unison. traversing land, sky and water. it was here where, what felt like a hundred years ago, we fell in love.  


  #katyamills

Saturday, 14 January 2023

wicked sweet

i am butchering Spanish. i know it makes you laugh. reading the recipe on the back of Betty Crocker's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. she wasn't even really extant, BC. they made her up to sell sugar. all that's left is to crack this egg and have you at the belly. how wicked. how sweet.  

#katyamills 

one one four. lost

walmart. 8am. a man in the parking lot sells tamales out of the trunk of his car under a green and red striped umbrella. neither of us won the mega millions last night. soon I am #lost in the aisles in my thoughts.  

#katyamills

Thursday, 12 January 2023

isolation bad

the stores were out of eggs. we were surviving on oatmeal. the highway e-billboard display bright like a star. severe storms. avoid travel. they left out the important part. severe depression. do not isolate at home. 



#katyamills

Wednesday, 11 January 2023

day 1

what you never thought 

would happen will happen 

this day


get out of bed

first



#katyamills

Tuesday, 10 January 2023

the tragically un.inspired



left in the dark one gloomy windy night
perpetrated by a climate change event
chance poses as terrible circumstance
to contend with the untouched material
at the core of anyone falling in the
common class the tragically
uninspired


#katyamills


Monday, 9 January 2023

shift

before dawn

i offer an honest appeal

born of faith

for strength to face life

and her many faces

only then may i shift

seamlessly into

work


#katyamills

Sunday, 8 January 2023

yesterdays paper

scrolling. it's like a punishment i give myself for cheating on my life, carrying on this relationship non-discreetly with a phone


i drop it on the table. pick up yesterdays paper. the rain plays off the gutter rails. the comics are colorful


i find myself

drawing in the margins


#katyamills


Saturday, 7 January 2023

one seven

when we were kids 

morbid was going to the cemetery dressed in black

even youth wants to make sense 

of death


#katyamills

 

Friday, 6 January 2023

treasure

on harder days she would be in her car, parked, watching rain hit the windshield to compose herself. she was a counselor. in the city of inflation, it was hard to balance accounts. she was full of treasured moments which stopped her from scrolling around for more lucrative offers. anyone with big problems coming to her office to talk for a spell, to rest, to let her in and shoulder any burden. it gave her the strength to carry on.

#katyamills

Thursday, 5 January 2023

one five

the river swells

the walls of peat cannot contain her

the plain floods and the citizens run for their lives 

had they only listened when she spoke

tugging on them from the murky depths 

while they swam  


#katyamills

Tuesday, 3 January 2023

the runaway

no longer could they be held
the most lonesome note you ever heard 
drifted off the deepest bottom of a breath
the first hours walking the streets 
searching for a place to call home

#katyamills

at the pinball hall of fame


two hours
on the same and single quarter
she was generous she had us
in the twilight zone

finally we introduced to her
a disheartened boy
taken by gravity
pockets empty

the silver ball
pushed on the pin
he pulled back on the coil
fired her into play

we watched them fall
in love

#katyamills

Monday, 2 January 2023

cyclone

on a windy night 
in Sacramento
a massive tree fell and took down the power lines
several blocks are out

now we light the candles and listen
to our heartbeats and the storm
and the rain


#katyamills

true crime sediment

a new year

a deeper shade of blue overcomes the other colors


i fear the sediment damaged my

superlative sparkling 

outlook


i head to the lab 

with intention to forge 

a true crime 

filter


#katyamills