a fight
out of the past
blurry memory
sparkling delight
reflections in an iron skillet
the gravest face
hungry and tired
cast and seasoned
to last
#katyamills
a fight
out of the past
blurry memory
sparkling delight
reflections in an iron skillet
the gravest face
hungry and tired
cast and seasoned
to last
#katyamills
hey in the shadows
you the one torn in denim jeans
made of meds and recitations
galvanized by ultraviolet scenes
dodgy streets and stairwell
leans. hey you
with the dizzy aspirations i
love you
#katyamills
the vernacular of a friday night
in the city punctuated by tires
sketching patterns on asphalt
carbon black and silica
synthetics form symbols
of collective youth rebellion
in the haze of drift
"But let me tell of the best times for to leave them out would be like painting watercolors in the garden in the rain." #katyamills
Link to the review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6018445999#_=_
Goodreads review of Girl Without Borders by Katya Mills.
Reviewed on Dec 1st, 2023 by Kelly Marie Purdy... https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6015720556
This felt like a pretty intense read. I felt the author wrote in a way that was very to the point, very raw, without sugarcoating anything. I think that made me feel more aware of the characters' emotions and experiences, and I did feel connected to them. Something that I noticed was the fact that I felt quite sorry for these characters. The whole time I was reading about them, I felt as though I never fully understood them, or why they behaved the way they did, and that impacted me a little bit psychologically. I did like reading this though, it definitely had my attention after a few pages, and I became invested in it.
my working memory does not work very well but i will remember you all my life
#katyamills
most cats are more genuine than most dogs. i know. its a controversial thing to say. my cats made me type it.
#katyamills
the best notification systems come from instinct you cannot buy them on amazon
#katyamills
if you have no way of getting out of your head you are a goner
you can make it as a novelist
#katyamills
she was very little. she was a boy. it was her first hockey team. the ice was smooth at the start of practice and rough at the end. it always was. her dad one of the coaches. they had learned enough about teamwork to be ready for their first ever game. stepping out of the rink the skates hit the rubber mats and they walked to the dressing rooms. her heartbeat doubled maybe tripled. they had pinned all the jerseys on the wall. she ran up to get hers. a big W on the front to represent the town they lived in. embroidered hunter green and yellow gold on white. the colors. on the back her last name was stitched in capital letters above her favorite number. in her very first game she scored the team's very first goal with a wrist shot past the goaltender and into the net. she made her family proud. everyone could see it was number 4. she raised her arms over her head and her teammates skated up and into her arms. #katyamills
in today's world it's easy to overlook what's going on inside you. do this but at your own risk.
#katyamills
When we fight I can go from zero to one hundred and all the memories of all the fights I have ever been in, come back. This time I was flashing back on Kali and how terribly we fought when we were under some influence. She would come at me with a fist and I would be shocked and try to duck and sometimes she would catch me on the jawline or jab her knuckles into my shoulder and I have to confess it felt good being hit, I wanted to be, it brought me into my body and out of my head where all the bad thoughts were torturing me in those days. We were lovers in these strange phases of wanting to kill each other. It would last for hours maybe days or until one of us acquiesced. and we made a shaky peace because it was too exhausting to keep on fighting and we lived together. Then we could lie our bodies down and watch mindless tv and drink and wonder if we could ever hold one another and feel loved the way we had before, after all the blistering hatefulness. This was twenty ten and I was thirty-seven and Kali, who I thought at the time was my forever, who I wanted to be and burdened with the responsibility of being my forever, was almost forty. We took selfies of ourselves and printed them out on colored paper after photoshopping them and tacked them to the wall of the room where we were staying. We walked down the paths hidden beneath trees down the hill to Grand Avenue and the last Blockbuster in the world, holding hands, to rent obscure movies. I preferred horror and she preferred crime, and the genres seemed to bleed off the screen and into our life together. We didn’t fuck enough, in her opinion, and she held it against me. And the more she held it against me, the less I wanted to. #katyamills
#katyamills
a rainy night. waiting for you at the train station in the shadow of a high rise. we have a couple years to catch up on my dear sister. to get started i will make you coffee. from scratch. #katyamills
callous looks in the subways
charitable smiles to pure disgust
the reactions had a range
pressure made a river
what it was. it never started pretty
they cut through settled lands
fomenting division
still. they reverberated inside
no longer pretending no longer wondering
what could have been
#katyamills
the gallon jug of Arizona got away from me
took a bounce off the sensor
came apart on the floor
the blue vests gather around staring at the puddle
someone radio the cleanup crew
another broken heart
#katyamills
I love my fish! she said. tranquil. could they love me too? eyes look opposite directions. i cannot tell. who said love needs eyes? #katyamills
november arrived
the wars multiplying like cell phone towers and fear
the only one who might help was
any of the gods
the line was corrupt or unattended
the pantheon hallucinating
#katyamills
I preferred horror and she preferred crime, and the genres seemed to bleed off the screen and into our life together. We didn’t fuck enough, in her opinion. And the more she held it against me the less I wanted to (fuck). #katyamills
wouldn't do much good if you didn't believe in yourself. showcasing your work in the public forum was a gauntlet every artist had to run.
#katyamills
played time
one Sunday morning in November
slapped the thief back
hand of the clock
sixty more minutes to
fall back to
write the finest
verse
#katyamills
the valerate was not numerically stable in the blood. the doctors fumbled for a baseline while they prepared themselves for the odyssey. they wondered what the wars would look like six months out and would they still be around? it gave them the kick the urgency they needed #katyamills
remember January? you asked. like yesterday. how we tipped the new year with a bottle of red and fell asleep hopeful. time was a thief entwined with memory clawing like ivy into mortar for dear life. the cats pawed at the blinds. silence a dangerous thing and we avoided it for hours. #katyamills
she was trending toward isolate. call it an acceptance of death. at which time anyone would be involuntary reunited with all ... and that's beyond #katyamills
he was anxious waiting for the bus. he already missed one treatment and shouldn't miss another. he promised his kids. the toll it takes on your constitution. it scared him. he put his elbows on his knees and stared at the print on his chest. fuck cancer.
#katyamills
#katyamills
for the last time they told her
these are the rules. if you don't like them you can leave
her first move was to get the tattoo
with her best friend
then they mapped out a plausible
month long wave for her
surfing couches
#katyamills
we found the one open on Sundays. you laughed when I told you the name. it helps you stay humble doing things you could easily outsource. glass plastic and tin to the Billionaire Recycling. Don't know if they got rich I'm still a paycheck from broke #katyamills
the night was a twisted thing. the geese flying in formation came to claim the great pond. friendship on the rocks. weather could not make up it's mind. flash flooding. they opened the locks. dreams tried to kill me in my sleep. #katyamills
#katyamills
when the world is at war and there seems no end in sight, only escalation, i find myself singing more and more. if a missile ever strikes my neighborhood i will scream and run like anyone. later, if i'm still alive, i will sing all the harder, butchering classics.
#katyamills
october was sullen
the trees bare
the cider hard
like your stare
i will not be deterred
i do not scare
one mile north of the cross
at midnight
if you dare
#katyamills
like you I have been hurt
one too many times
god bear witness to surviving the self and other harms done
chin up. until death come we both know
it will be hard won
#katyamills
im having trouble with life I
don't even know why
the trees are very still the world like a painting the light infiltrates
the wings of birds
its too early to feel troubled
now waking and speaking
i rise up with you
in contradiction
#katyamills
#katyamills
the moon
made by the sun
into a glowing scythe
two blade ends harvest
the stars
we must now locate ourselves
from within
please
no matter what may happen
do not change
#katyamills
under a formidable skyscraper
the trains clack along in their tracks
dripping sparks to the street
a young man in low heel boots and brown denim
semi-smile on the lips
you want me like i want the sun and sky
drinking off the pot of burnt black
we are analogue
#katyamills
the truth. so easy and hard to tell. sometimes it appears instantaneously. or must be laboriously mined. the truth. hidden from our hearts for an aeon
#katyamills
she would find herself involuntary humming. if only there was a sigil or neuroplastic explosive to pinpoint the spot on her brain where overplayed one hit wonders derived #katyamills
they settled into the living idea
turning inward for direction
a recovery from this incessant
longing for belonging
#katyamills
seeing you happy I could not so much detest you for all the things you did that made me unhappy like buying another gas guzzler when you already had three. seeing you happy
#katyamills
i stitched together a so so morning after a night turning with visions and scratched up onerous sleep. i cannot count my blessings. innumerable are they. the counting itself helped me go down and get up nevertheless!
#katyamills
this won't be linear
it won't be pretty it won't go your way
you will encounter hopelessness and death
battle endless thoughts
try to love it for what it is
and be kind to yourself
first
#katyamills
"you are two people again stumbling through life and pissing each other off. but it’s not so bad and you get through it and let it go. snuggling. because you are all you have". #katyamills
and when you feel it surging, alternating currents, rising and falling, nothing compares. true love. a cellular party. two invites. no plus ones. #katyamills
I am the asana
holding my heels
listening to Boards of Canada backwards arching
diverting all thoughts
from the chasm
#katyamills
the black jeans broke apart again at the knees. while stitching them back together all the memories from the past ten years the details of which were in the scuffs and nicks and paint stains and cuts in the fabric set off images and the feelings intricate as hell
#katyamills
you twisted the storyline. it was a lesbian memoir from the year 2000. must you? I got turned off by this thing that turned you on. Imagining me with other men and women. We were at quite an impasse. a little hopeless. I looked you in the eyes. we both started laughing.
#katyamills
she spoke up for herself
and told them off
her gemini twin came out swinging
she knew she was more than
less than
in the past she did not defend herself
and less than became miniscule
they would not come out of pocket
again
#katyamills
she had a title she commanded a bit of respect and it was all a bit of a facade but what can you do? in the context of power you travel farther from the thing you hoped for. she was left feeling a modicum unloved #katyamills
they wanted out but there was no escape. they had chosen this. they had gone to school for this. they had gone into debt for this. they had traded out of a life of dim prospects and odd jobs for this. this was the West and no matter your colors capitalism would make you pay. #katyamills
your blood is black
drinking water like gasoline
you can get me through the rocky places
you cost too much to have
when not working
you are idle and no good for nothing
i love you
#katyamills
#katyamills
summer is ending. the farmers harvest the grapes. the hawk wings tipped to the side observes the changes from above. i am down in it. in the city they live in tents on the avenues with blue-nosed pits to protect them. a simple walk on a cool fall morning is my high.
#katyamills
her face the sun had not touched for many weeks. she worked at night and industry never sleeps. the early sun caught her near the horizon pulling laundry off the line before the rains. she let the sheet fall to her chest. closed her eyes and felt it. #katyamills
if she cared any more it would kill her. and it saved her. stopping. it was a life hack @ age 24. the whole pain and suffering caring caused her was sent off into the night like a wolf. for a while she lived on nothing to lose mentality
#katyamills
I met some good folks at a memorial yesterday at a Super Taco in South Sacramento. The two daughters one of whom seemed to be like a black sheep and left out. The best friend of the daughter, Sandy, who kept an upbeat energy the whole time. The oldest grandkid who planned on becoming a pharmacy tech like his mom, and told everyone to be happy today because that's what his grandmother would want. Then there was one with the world weary eyes. A founding member of the Deftones. Dominic. He said he teaches music at Skip's music and they were relocating the store to Madison Ave and we should stop by. Tosh lost his sax to a house fire so I know he would want to go. it was a not so blazing end of summer day thank god, even clouds in the sky which is rare for September. we were out on a wide patio for hours with little cover. Tosh and I brought some orchids we picked out for the family of the deceased. she was the sister of Tosh's sister-in-law and the big C had claimed another one. I never met her but her daughters and grandchildren were full of the kind of emotion that meant they were so deeply loved and cared for by her. we all ate together and talked. young kids running around the caterers. when the mic got passed around toward the end it was hard and I found myself crying for someone I never even met. especially for the little boy, her closest grandson. he couldn't keep it together and neither could I but he stood up there like a little champion under his dad and mom and spoke. Tosh's nephew Mike, a big man with a big heart, said a few words because his mother could not. He recalled how Vickey used to measure his height against a bush in the yard and they all got a kick out of that. I gave the big man a big hug when I saw him after. He told me there aren't any good people anymore. His voice breaking up. I don't really agree with that at all. But the way he said it, something behind the words was true, and that's what I agreed with. #katyamills
you were sunk in the couch trying to escape the world. i couldn't light a fire under your ass so i lit the three wick candle. the cats were positioned one on top of the other grabbing neck by the teeth and simulating sex. cut it out. you're brothers for godsake not to mention fixed. I rambled on senselessly in the dark. You have a love and hate relationship with coffee! you shouted. I had to stop and think. No. That's not right. It's all love. #katyamills
like anything good it won't be handed to you. I fancied myself Amelia Earhart. jumpsuit. cropped hair. purposeful half smile. I did not sleep well but who cares? leaned into the props to get them spinning. it's up there. above the cloud cover. go for it! #katyamills
nine years. today's our anniversary and after work it's haircuts and dinner. Chevy's on the river. no big deal just to be together. no one else can so we fit the fragments what our combined memory remembers. no one else can. they don't sell this puzzle at hobby lobby but if they did we would make a hot item for sure. a top seller. what i love about you is how you can turn a trip to walmart into a show. someone's jaw drops and i walk out smiling. #katyamills
you deserved more than romance more than some worn out saying so we gave you a rubber knife fake blood torn stockings lace up boots a hideous face and called it love. You gave us all the candy you had and asked us please. go away #katyamills
under sky blue
they irrigated the fields
green the corn and tomatoes grew
the trucks piled high crawled out on the highway
the day was done
they went home and drank and danced
slow with their wives and the kids
quietly laughing got up
and slow danced essentially
too
#katyamills
The first draft had to be almost effortless or else you would get caught up in editing too soon and lose the story. The final copy would have to come off as almost effortless. The difference between the first draft and the final copy was blood sweat and tears. Okay, blood is an exaggeration. Usually. #katyamills
thank you
for without you
playing with my emotions
taunting me with unapologetic sarcasm and cruelty
i might not have broken free
from the impenetrable
chrysalis
#katyamills
you fold my dress you turn
a phrase
unearth a deeper calm
behind a morose
gaze
#katyamills
#katyamills
the meds. without them survival was unlikely. instead of going to work to make money to buy food they would stay at home immobile and brood
#katyamills
inspiration arrives
with hurricane
beleaguered by insecurity
churning morning
moods
#katyamills
got into a fight over nothing
we yelled it out scathing and then it was gone
i watched your eyes blink in slow succession like subway car doors when they're jammed
wanna go for coffee? you asked
that make up smile
i'm dead
#katyamills
I am like a car that's been beat to shit and still runs. my upholstery pulling apart. glasses cracked. my engine speaking out its gruff noise. with a world-weary look my paint is faded and i settle remarkably into the scenery. the untold miles visible in my lines of cracked leather. I am small and passed by on the highway by fresh and sparkling machines who know little of life and what it's made of. I push on through any inclement anything, wind, rain, snow. It won't be pretty but we will get you where you need to go. #katyamills
to live with those who cannot in mind and heart, not needing some soundtrack behind you. to not give credence to all the random thoughts popping off. like blueberries on the bush some are sour. you don't have to care for them.
#katyamills
life will tell you straight up
I am what I am
so direct and yet we go on dreaming up something different
like true love and world fucking peace
in my many years i discovered
you can live in reality
and dream
#katyamills
we descended from Twin Peaks
to sun touched warmth on Cortland Avenue
i waited for you by the liquor store
on a steep deep hill in headphones
sketching an armada of
clouds
#katyamills
San Francisco
foraging for books with my best friend
and boba
they do not barter with local authors so
i paid cash for Terminal Boredom by Suzuki
left a signed copy of my latest on a bus stop bench
Clement Street
#katyamills
#katyamills
mosquito
got so dizzy off my blood crazy flying circles thunderclap !no longer themselves
condition quite grave
they held it together
until something gave
turned from a particle
into a wave
#katyamills
the emotional impact
came to being
on the comet tail of a spectacular
dream
splashed out corners of eyes
while foaming morning
teeth
#katyamills
formless in her ex boyfriend's sweatshirt she walked to the end of this dreary American town. no one could tell how fast her heart was beating. formless before the heat of a dull summer day. how very long she had dreamt of this moment. this highway. California.
#katyamills
standing on a city street. all the chores done. mild bitterness. head full from books. surrounded by plastic. fifty percent sweet. dreaming.
#katyamills
friday. the big feelings. cannot get around them. the thoughts walk silently into court. powerful strides. my body fills with tension. these tendons when plucked make fine music. I place a palm over my heart and breathe. hopefulness, seated there, uprises!
#katyamills
she had been to hell and back
worked with animals for several years trying to restore her credit and sanity
there were tons of new friends to make over mocha
in her heart lived the ones she loved the most
the ones in hell
#katyamills
like the super moon
we cannot be dissuaded we
give ourselves to the world
as we are
#katyamills
the family rules. she broke the ones predicated on that's just the way it is and always been. long after she left home she found the stragglers and scraped them off like barnacles.
#katyamills
#katyamills
i let the machine choose our quick picks. hubbabubba. you asked me if i could make change for a fifty. no but there's like thirty cashiers here can you ask one of them? okay hubbabubba. i only realize this is my nickname when a woman who has overheard our exchange asks. is that what he calls you? oh. ya probably. he comes up with a new one almost every day. that's adorable. while i would love to win the mega millions, life is not likely to get any better than it already is. #katyamills
#katyamills
#katyamills
Rockstar set them up against an iridescent sun. they flew through yellow light for poke. makame and scallions in a base of sushi rice. black lady asked them where they party? they said those days behind me. she did not believe them at the AMPM.
#katyamills
after the many many touches i bimble to the post. letting go this letter. from my heart to yours.
#katyamills
had to die a hundred times
all within a single day
for what i thought had happened to me
was nothing
was okay
#katyamills
the sun lasered the moon into a lemon wedge
what we thought
this day would be like
was nothing like
what it was
#katyamills
wistfully I recall our chemical hearts
pumping at breakneck speeds
cooled by alcohol and valium
welcome to hell
did you make it out alive?
god only knows
i wish for you
this spacious transfer this
soundless rejuvenation of energy
this big love
#katyamills
#katyamills
the social fabric, sewn with prefabrications, was moth eaten. the yarn ran easily off cat claws. we held on to the senseless hope it would withstand the fast approaching fall
#katyamills
he was trucking through farmland, california endless with it. she and a song she liked to carry on the mind. he would help her, too, for all the years. the ovuliferous inflorescences bursting forth in the geometry of fields. the ocean made the math lay down. #katyamills
what the world dubs a literary masterpiece was once dismissed as nonsense, panned by critics, denounced by haters and assholes
#katyamills
this very moment
like you
like me
moves and wakes
recedes quakes and
sometimes boils over
this moment
like me like you
asking only to be held
tenderly then let
go
#katyamills
an ambulance charged down the street ignoring traffic laws and warming up the atmosphere. a striking coat of red. we were like that once, full of sound and light. people stopped and stared. we were accidental. we were lovers and we were monsters, too
#katyamills
her life did come apart and it was a tale as old as time. she took on credit card debt and sometimes her checks bounced. they came and ripped her cable out and the car on lease was long since repossessed. she found it harder and harder to tough it out. she got by on canned goods at the save mart and public transportation to a minimum wage job. she wasn't going to ask anyone close to her for money when there was little hope in paying them back. second hand stores for clothes and government assistance for food. she had already moved several times and the rent was going up. she chose escorting to bring some stability to the equation. this worked for a while but she got discouraged by the scum of the earth. maybe one out of ten johns. the other nine were fine. the work paid well enough and she met them online so she had not yet been in trouble with the law. she had a guy she trusted to watch her back. she paid her debt and got a high def tv with all the movie channels. she shopped at Macys and bought a lightly used late model Ford. she signed up for classes to become a phlebotomist and got prescription glasses. she met a man who made her laugh and did not judge. she had close calls with cruel men and she got beat. the guy she hired for muscle caught one and payback. in tribute to her sister, the one who disappeared and never heard from again, she did a final trick and got out of the game. this super turnaround would not be covered by the nightly news. #katyamills
Some of my patients want therapy to be a certain way. As a professional I want to be open and give you what you want. Therapy cannot be everything so misconceptions must be brought out and cleared away. Some want structure and psychoeducation. Others want it to be motivational, to free them from inaction. I see six to nine patients a day, and each one demands something from me, whether the demand is covert or overt, it is there. And that's a good challenge. I always try to ask the day I meet someone, how has therapy been for you in the past? what worked and what did not? What would you like it to be? I do like working with the ones who ask for a more freeform, conversational approach. Often the younger ones, Generation Z, like it this way. Psychotherapy is at its best an art. Each session becomes an adventure, an exploration. Curiosity makes it interesting. You don't always know where to begin and you may be surprised where we end up. #katyamills
I have seen sunrises and lived by the llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll light
funny how we fall asleep listening to our favorite murders or keyed up watching World War Two battles in color. it's not a big deal, really, but every night? are you a true crime junky? shine a light on your actions. that could be low key damaging
#katyamills
As a practicing psychotherapist, I notice my clients coming into therapy worn down from battling external world stressors and they do not yet have the approach or the skills (mindfulness) to see how the internal world (thoughts, feelings, sensations, impulses) is operating. Or they may be avoiding the interior (which often works against them). You can empower yourself by learning mindfulness which is in some part just directing your attention to your internal world and listening without judgment. You will find that your greater awareness can hold just about anything, and you can have a little distance from them by becoming a witness of your own experience. Try simply noticing, acknowledging and describing what's happening. What thoughts are arising? What feelings? What sensations or impulses are arising in relationship to those automatic feelings and thoughts? These feelings and thoughts inform one another and influence our behavior and our inaction, too. It helps to build a relationship with them. Dialogue with your fear, your anxiety, your sadness. Ask it what it wants from you at any particular moment. You will find they have good and bad sides to them. They may be trying to help you but in all the wrong ways. You can challenge them if they are over or under blown. Meditation can help. Watching them arise as you are trying to focus on your posture and your breath. Letting it all be. Acknowledging it happening without judging or criticizing yourself. Becoming less attached and less unattached or avoidant. Watch how they subside, arising and falling like waves. Understand the natural cycles of things. Surf an urge or impulse without actually acting on it. See how long you can last. Play with it. The problem with mindlessness, in my opinion, is that we become enmeshed with aspects of our interior world, and when you think you are your thoughts, or you are your feelings, this can cause suffering. You can learn not to buy in so much. Just let them in, have them for tea, but challenge them when they have outrageous ideas like telling you that you are nobody or nobody likes you, or that you will never get things right because you're a screw up. No! That is a lie! You’re really not broken or faulty or unloved. You are living in the context of an unforgiving, fast-paced, judgmental, patriarchal, capitalist world! And it is having a bad effect on you. Anyone might naturally feel lonely, alienated, weak, and hopeless in this context. Don't believe everything your automatic thoughts tell you. Talk to them. Question them. Stay curious. And try to keep moving toward your values, toward your happiness. Fight for your life if you must. Find the ones out there who you can understand, the ones who can appreciate your struggle, the ones who give you the sense of belonging that everyone is thirsty for. Try to envision your best self and be your best self today. Don't give up hope! #katyamills
I rolled up the cuffs and took my time. washed the glass on both sides. borders brought in line. i drove pins into the frame and secured it on the wall. hyper focus tended to still these mercurial waters. studying the face behind glass i saw we suffer the same
#katyamills
where land and water meet
in a white dress fastened by a blue sash
auburn hair cut close to the head
a dove sheltered under the chin
tail feathers fanning down
the gaze subdued and searching
they are made of more than
chalk on canvas
#katyamills
we talked all night
let the heaviness inside
out. i watched it fall
off your aura like
a film restoration
criterion collection
passage through point
of inflection
#katyamills
the old sea turns
a very deep blue
our eyes skipping stones
flirt with the pages
everything touched by the sun
i ask can it be?
you say it's forever
maybe
maybe
#katyamills
cat tail swishes
electric lights fizzling out
morning dove
water rush behind the drywall pipes
moths wings
pilot ignition ticking
clocks
dawn holds all the soft sounds premature in its infinite silence
#katyamills
awash in plastic oceans
they lived for the ones who could not
no longer medicated numb
no longer heralded by fear
no longer dressed in tailored ads
the followers of fads
they lived for community
like it was the first day
like it was
the last
#katyamills
some lives go off
the deepest end
what if they did not sell the soul
it got absconded
#katyamills
there was light enough
to bring the work to completion
the sun soon corralled
behind the fence
wasted was the fullness
hanging heavy off
the vine
troubled were the thoughts
arising in the mind
i gave them my undivided
until the sky was red
then with a wink
sent them off
to bed
#katyamills
if you cannot question your thoughts the same way you question authority you will live under the influence of them and what a way to live
#katyamills
the warmth we once had between us began to burn. talking to you felt dangerous like dodging thrown knives or jumping a live wire. i don't know where it all went wrong or maybe i do. i cannot answer the phone when you call. not because i don't want to. it's just not safe anymore.
#katyamills
they bound the hay with cord
stacked in cubes on golden fields
like newspapers espousing causes
forming larger cubes on solid earth
fated for consumption
#katyamills
the personality
is disordered they told him at the clinic
take these pills
he filled the prescription
in a fortnight by god he was freed from
the voices yet suddenly
terribly
alone
#katyamills
#katyamills
deep in the heart of the galaxy
known as samsung
the metals of rare earth secrete into the bloodstream
accounting for the odd behavior transcribed
in the last newspapers
on earth
#katyamills
this house
speaks to me in code
of bubbled paint
settles into earth
taking on the stress
so i won't have to
this is my home
cracks appear in the walls
let them run
i am thankful
splash of milk
in the tea
#katyamills
my emotion
a lonely cephalopod
reaching and grasping
tossed against a sky made
of salt water
turning inside out
blasting any blank page
with ink
#katyamills
migraine city
you got into my head
two years earlier
you killed my friend
on the third day
quivering and wet with fever
like a flower facing the sun
i took charge and backed you into the lungs
come out and fight! Corona
you got nothin
on me
#katyamills
what you want won't help you
any longer than the sweet brief season
in anticipation of getting it...
getting it... having it upon getting it...
until it no longer really interests you
because you already got it
#katyamills
at night i set my head ablaze
became a dangerous passionate thing#katyamills
we stopped scrolling
and streaming we put away our phones
braved the weather
stepped into our colors
and made out well
at the dance
#katyamills
the multi boundless medias
the vitamins
medications
nothing could console
her sordid collection
of heartbroken
recollection
#katyamills
dressed down after the grand occasion i
made us a pot of midnight coffee we
recollected the week from beginning to end
the sun came back around
and sent us to bed
#katyamills
Dandelion was the name of the candy store in the town where I grew up. a tall man with a moustache used to keep shop with an anxious high whistle. he watched us kids by mirrors with hawk eyes. when they make you for a thief long enough, you want to prove them right. one day the whole gang flooded the store, eight of us, then took off like we done something wrong. we dropped our skateboards over the curb and rolled out. breaking apart like the seeds of a taraxacum erythrospermum blown by the wind. #katyamills
they ditched the stolen bmw off this one road elbows the avenue the only witness the strawberry moon
#katyamills
summer nights
the heat was deep and sustained forcing
rolling blackouts like a wave over the power grid
you filled the void by malt liquor and fits of patriarchal tyranny
we have no candles i lied
descending the back stairwell i would rather
take a chance on
the street
#katyamills
love cannot be careless
or thoughtless without feeling
isolated. no.
the ace of hearts plays off an entire deck
love has a litmus test
sanctified the moment
something given is received
both hearts must turn
red
#katyamills
off my shift. 8am
sleeves rolled up we exchange uplifting words
you thank me for starting a pot of coffee
on my way home sleepy yawning i
pass a house on MLK
yard littered with wheels and frames
a fence for stolen bikes
this work it keeps me
honest
it took us all of our years
to unlock the secrets within
like green cabbage perfectly cooked
kick up the feet for
life now tastes
sweet
#katyamills
#katyamills
the combination drive and hike wiped us out
we planned to get up before dawn
for Yosemite
i popped some tylenol at 3am
told you not to stress
let's sleep in
#katyamills
with a face that blocked the entire sun
a voice made of water fallen
she lured you
up the slippery rocks at her feet
toward the clearing where
her lofty song thundered
down
i lashed myself to a beech tree there
calling yelling shouting
no longer able to see or hear
so this is how they
disappear
#katyamills
#katyamills
i learned by living
to lower the stakes we set so
high we panic
scared to make a single
mistake...
i learned by living
if you fall it may be bittersweet
for the ground she will
hold you
#katyamills
you
at eleven
was nothing like you
at fourteen
beyond the years
red with fire and no longer
green
please
let me be the one true friend
i refuse to amble along
pretending not
to notice
#katyamills
galaxies
on our fingertips
we rest in a field
sciatica makes you sigh
a secret falls off the lips
up cycled into
sky
#katyamills
#katyamills
we locals
not casting out very far
wheel around town in a three door car
you know our names and we know yours
stop at the candy store and the bar
for some steady gossip to remedy
any overthink with a steady
drink
#katyamills
perfection. the dalliance ends now. stop the fuckery. i am with friends i walk with good intent. the weight of age and time the only pain i carry. no longer self-inflicted. my royal flush ends with a wild card. the feeling you get after you lost it all. to live on. #katyamills
wistful you push us too hard. with some slow burn desire you push us. you push us too hard. you sing this song night and day feverish after what you long for yourself. please. sit back and count the stars. the hour you meet the world. let things be as they are. #katyamills
they dragged him out to the fields middle of the night and roughed him up good. she woke up alone and wondered why. locked out of the house he somehow managed to climb over the fence. she found him sprawled out in the backyard, shirt torn, under the influence of apricity.
#katyamills
at ninety-seven the allure was still living in his own home he built in the fifties with the help of a friend. he fought the knees. they did not want to get him up and standing. he ordered tamales and empanadas by the dozen and gave them away to anyone who helped. #katyamills
languid and still drunk
you took your bottomless coffee
like medicine to ill effect
you could still love bro
sometimes that's how it goes bro
always up on your toes bro
heart broken like the eggs over
your grand slam special
#katyamills
she had done herself up and sumptuous by nightfall. he watched her drag her glass bottle coke with a straw. he already had her heart but could not know. hidden behind a heavy fortification of eyelash, cool undertones with a touch of cosmic apple blush. #katyamills