Monday, 5 June 2023

boys cry

I seen the emotion

come into your face

the tears for your brother

you tried to apologize for crying and I wouldn't let you

and I knew then why

I love you



they wheeled up to her parked car
one seated in the chair covered up by a blanket
the other pushing
it was an age old scam 
while she dug into her purse for change
the invalid would jump up with a knife
block the open window with his arm 
threatening her life
and off with the 


off the ave

they ditched the stolen bmw

on this small road that elbows off the avenue

the only witness the strawberry



all the machines

the summer still carried faint traces of freedom on its salty humid breath. kids being let out of school. the final bell. plans to fill the car up and travel to the shore and look out and imagine you were at the end of the world. the heat deep enough to melt all the clocks and short circuit the power grid. all the machines stopping. sending us home from work.   #katyamills

Thursday, 1 June 2023

June 1, 2023

I confess I am beat up, not so proud, not so smart as I once was, quite shredded from those years of rushing toward danger, trying to see how I match up against things much bigger. I know how to love and be loved. That is enough. I found my place in the world.  #katyamills

Wednesday, 31 May 2023

work is good

I got off my shift and you just started yours

sleeves rolled up we exchange uplifting words

we are workers. we make our freedom! this is how we live

it keeps us honest. work is good. it keeps us on our toes

it keeps us


Tuesday, 30 May 2023


the day before the final day 
in May we went to town hall 
it was cold and gray
we liberated the coffee from 
the crates imported and gave it 
all away. Main Street turned blue 
burners on. nothing left to do
but have a cup and tell stories 
like the man whose home was unmoored
in a storm and floated away
chased out on the final sun ray 
second to last day 
in May


Monday, 29 May 2023

sweet from bitter

it took me all of 10 years 

to unlock the secrets within 

the green cabbage 

now she tastes sweet

and i can kick up 

my feet   


Yosemite in May

the lady at Chinese Camp

dressed in a floral pattern

warned us the mad river 

had escaped. Highway 120

was impassable

we would have to travel

south on 140 to Mariposa

we bought an Indian blanket

and fed the chickens to 

thank her for her kindness


Sonora, CA

the combination drive and hike wiped us out 

we planned to get up before dawn 

for Yosemite

i popped some tylenol at 3am

told you not to stress

let's sleep in



with a face that blocked the entire sun

a voice made of water fallen

she lured you 

up the slippery rocks at her feet

toward the clearing where 

her lofty song thundered 


i lashed myself to a beech tree there 

calling yelling shouting

no longer able to see or hear 

so this is how they 



Merced River

we follow her twisting frothy madness north by Highway 49. roar ascending like a stadium crowd at the south fork. her banks filled to the brim with snow transmuted by the sun and rushing off the peaks. what's left of the wildest winter. our spirits rise to her


Wednesday, 24 May 2023

high stakes

i learned by living

to lower the stakes we set so 

high we panic

scared to make a single


i learned by living

if you fall it may be bittersweet

for the ground she will

hold you


the one true friend


at eleven

was nothing like you 

at fourteen

beyond the years

red with fire and no longer 



let me be the one true friend

i refuse to amble along

pretending not

to notice


Saturday, 20 May 2023

the licks

in the city of your dreams
scurry the serpentine back road black 
top beauty. an ice cream snowball 
crashes into your knee a
natural painkiller
for all the licks


Friday, 19 May 2023


i am taken
flecked with silver and shimmering
hands clasped around your neck
wearing the forever coat of nails
you made me

i wanna kill the ones who made the internet
sometimes. for drawing me away from you 
to careless icy screens


the living daylights

out of bars
out of cars
they got kicked
(they got scars)
out of class
been harassed
off of trains
in the head out of bed in the dark
the living daylights extinguished
off and on like an electrical short
some say
they made hard living look


give a secret to the sky


on our fingertips

we rest in a field

sciatica makes you sigh

a secret falls off the lips

up cycled into



Thursday, 18 May 2023

world of uncertainty

sleepy dreaming. sonorous was locked in the body. anarchy in there. i coaxed it out with a mission into this world of uncertainty. a sonic boom. everyone dropped their phones in unison. aware of dead time. exfoliated the cells. once that wore off we were super fierce


Wednesday, 17 May 2023


we locals

not casting out very far

wheel around town in a three door car

you know our names and we know yours

stop at the candy store and the bar

for some steady gossip to remedy 

any overthink with a steady



Tuesday, 16 May 2023

wild card

perfection. the dalliance ends now. stop the fuckery. i am with friends i walk with good intent. the weight of age and time the only pain i carry. no longer self-inflicted. my royal flush ends with a wild card. the feeling you get after you lost it all. to live on.   #katyamills

the hour you meet the world

wistful you push us too hard. with some slow burn desire you push us. you push us too hard. you sing this song night and day feverish after what you long for yourself. please. sit back and count the stars. the hour you meet the world. let things be as they are.  #katyamills

what was and ceased to be

they dragged him out to the fields middle of the night and roughed him up good. she woke up alone and wondered why. locked out of the house he somehow managed to climb over the fence. she found him sprawled out in the backyard, shirt torn, under the influence of apricity. 


Monday, 15 May 2023


at ninety-seven the allure was still living in his own home he built in the fifties with the help of a friend. he fought the knees. they did not want to get him up and standing. he ordered tamales and empanadas by the dozen and gave them away to anyone who helped.    #katyamills

Friday, 12 May 2023


languid and still drunk

you took your bottomless coffee

like medicine to ill effect

you could still love bro

sometimes that's how it goes bro

always up on your toes bro

heart broken like the eggs over 

your grand slam special


Thursday, 11 May 2023

heart of glass

she had done herself up and sumptuous by nightfall. he watched her drag her glass bottle coke with a straw. he already had her heart but could not know. hidden behind a heavy fortification of eyelash, cool undertones with a touch of cosmic apple blush. #katyamills

boba 15

all we had left besides
blurry screen smudged vision and apocalyptic climate heads 
was the kindness we shared over a smashing boba tea 
in twenty twenty three


may 14


you got me a manicure

the color was pretty in pink 

we ate fresh tamales

watched the movie about a hotel in Budapest

and woke up to birdsong

and cats watching 

the nest



may 9

the thoughts were like 

poison mixed into a moscow

mule and killed the hour

you believed 



Tuesday, 9 May 2023

b4 u think

broil the salmon 

golden pink

stop the thoughts

before you think

you don't have to feel bad 

about it



audio of tongues


flicks off a screen 

replicated churned out 

the machine 

acne and scars 

stitched up in pixels 

strung out like guitars 

mixed at the top of harp-shaped lungs 

sampling the primitive 

audio of tongues 

this is the age 

of ai


Monday, 8 May 2023


the zillion cheers Hip Hip
Hooray in the murky gray 
of the UK

super uneasy
reluctant with scepter and orb
out of total fashion
in the year twenty 
twenty three

a new King 
takes the 


Sunday, 7 May 2023

night so strange

on hard times


the days turned strange


easily bruised

turning colors 

laughing and jumping

they twitch

as if turned by a switch 

into night

unable to register

any longer

the light 


Friday, 5 May 2023

less than likely

we watch the kids
play pinball at the city arcade
selecting broad beans for our coronation
quiche. the lands we lived on
shaped us. it had nothing to do with sex
get the mind out of the gutter
ball. the clothes cling to our body
and the line in the garden
closing the book over the mark 
we go to sleep


Tuesday, 2 May 2023


I line my eyelids
with a metal finish
the day begins with words
from an interior 
space. a common life i have
formed by various pressures and forces
lucky with freedom wishing
to be a light to show 
a way out of the darkness
to any lost soul
i line my eyelids
a silver finish


Monday, 1 May 2023

your love

is a command

a letter with intent on a flaw finding mission

a plastic screenplay run through ai

generating artificial tears

to torture my wounds

thanks to your love

i love to be 



Sunday, 30 April 2023


my heart 

scarred by daggers

lodged with bullets


beats on


Saturday, 29 April 2023


half a mile from downtown

drinking vodka under a hanging bulb

throwing ideas around 

it was easy to like you

all the while knowing you won't show

tomorrow for the back breaking



Friday, 28 April 2023


i gave my blood to

the mosquitoes 

iron-clad they traffic in hemoglobin

for they know

what i am made



ok being ok

i flew a drone up high 
to get an eye from 
the sky i

put an iron track 
down to reach the town 

butter and cream on 
an engine pushing 

we ate potatoes 
with tomatoes and began 
to sing



i wanna ditch these streets
for the soft touch. an endless forest
these days have passed
awakened by your voice
i cannot find my way back
i wanna chorus of crickets
the only knock upon door a woodpecker
where my money don't matter
sustenance to lift by roots
from earth


Tuesday, 25 April 2023

diamond in a dust storm

living off energy drinks 

other people's kindness

cunning with tears

no cash in the pockets 

expecting annihilation

they kept moving for a while

sun directly overhead

casting reflections they

perished like a diamond

in a dust storm


Monday, 24 April 2023


make me pretty paintings 

according to my wishes

kill all the bugs in my code

once upon a time my

limit was sky

the complexities i mastered

a proud diy. i am nothing

but a simple poet these days

without the one 

and only ai


Sunday, 23 April 2023


disheartened by society

tripling down on positions

like an error in the code of empathy

the material coming apart

i pleaded with ai

exhibited the source across the unifying

intelligence which was great and vast

greater than vaster than 

more loving than

faster than 



Saturday, 22 April 2023

still waters run





still waters




beat replete

the night got pretty tense
nothing i could do but watch them kick the tar out of you pushed up against the fence

no cameras watching
predated social media
they copped our rights

we helped us home
beat and replete. compassion
stemmed the blood
knowing we survived
even more alive

drawing smoke
we fell into the loving embrace
of furniture


Friday, 21 April 2023

fuel (the imagination)

my body covered in
fossil fuels
i stand above the giant canvas
charcoal and oils

behind glass
relics of my imagination

they will never burn
into the deep blue


Wednesday, 19 April 2023

e.motional come down

the hopeful stain 

the persimmon intensity of the hour

dissipated as the stuff wore off

broken amps and glass and thoughts 

a river carried all the debris away

from the scene

you would be lucky to have a friend 

wrecked and dirty. looking to score

by your side


Tuesday, 18 April 2023

cheated death

she sipped the bone broth

he made her to recover her strength

after countless days in the elements 

the little ones hung off her thighs

and words as she shared

how she cheated death 


Monday, 17 April 2023

April flowers

you were a hornet

with dossiers and studies backing what you perceived

absolute truth

i was a bumblebee 

with an opinion and a knack for gardening

tired of getting stung

one day i amped up my arguments

pollinated by emotions

faced the needle and refused

to back down



the cars out scouting and thirsting for gas. every day the same. i boiled the water, prepared the grounds, and poured our mugs full. fire us up and good for what we got ahead. eyes brightening. here's a hug the size of California. stay foxy.  #katyamills

Saturday, 15 April 2023

a dedicated energy

we were determined 

we crossed states we crossed states of mind

to uplift

the show would not go on without us 

no. that was a lie we liked to tell ourselves 

it naturally goes straight to your head

we liked working

it was better than not working

and we would not sleep unless

the body made us


hero was a zero

the heart full to bursting 

body sore

my hero was a zero i

showed him

the door

a thought told me off

what a fuckin bore

the screens flaming

websites loading

my girls gaming

the boy coding

a zero 

the hero

heart aching 


back to the laundry list

trip to the



Thursday, 13 April 2023


one can plant oneself

on either side of an argument

or howl like a timberwolf

in the gray

the point is to



Wednesday, 12 April 2023

q butterscotch

they saw the man who attacked them in aisle 6 at Safeway

knee deep in fashion mags

unable to diminish the intrusions by breathing and affirmations

they grounded through the senses

a butterscotch lifesaver


Tuesday, 11 April 2023

guru 1

what is honesty really? 

they asked 

in a world full of lies

guru answered

stop asking questions 

do the good work 


Monday, 10 April 2023

on a 1958 interview with Pearl Buck

The narrow mindedness of 1958 American media mentality can be clearly seen in interviews conducted by the gold standard bearers of the time, smoking Parliaments, talking to women like Pearl Buck, winner of the Nobel Prize for literature. Rather than base his interview on the masterful storytelling, the themes she covers and how she was able to write such captivating work, Mike Wallace focuses on clarifying her position on the role of the American woman in her family and community, and in relation to her man. She was diplomatic. If she were living today, and interviewed this way, she could sincerely have told him to fuck off.   #katyamills

Sunday, 9 April 2023

four nine

i empty myself 

of desire

the secrets

they appear

simply wanting 

never got you 




on a Sunday morning

vodka flirting with tomato in the bloodstream

they drove the Cadillac up on the abandoned railroad tracks and followed the river home

same way they had when they were teenagers


done away

the sun 
did away with darkness
shadows scrambled to hide beneath trees

the rivers 
made by mountains
broke out and flooded the land

up on our toes
the waters circling our ankles
we reached to meet the sky
and hastened to create 

for we would not be
done away


Thursday, 6 April 2023


the book got picked up

that profits might grow

it was easy on the head

inanimate characters

dressed up in royalty streams

we completely lost

the thread


absence of voices

the nurse. it was her job. push the antipsychotics. a sunrise followed a sunset. don't be angry. listen to the birds. forgive. he was lonely for the one voice, the one that gave him the feeling he could be somebody. his thoughts now may be clear but dangerous. if only i could live in this world you made.


Tuesday, 4 April 2023

pink on pink

you gave 

your wet nose 

to my fingertip

to cajole the catnip



never fold

bronze silver

copper and gold

follow your heart

never fold


Sunday, 2 April 2023

eye rolls

down the icy hill we crunched. fingers and toes aching. waiting for the bus. the boy next to me began to talk to me about things he liked to do in private. i started to feel sick.

 time to disconnect.

snowballs flying. roads barely passable. the machine roared into view. windows fogged. an inadvertent throw. the hazards came on. the Greek with his restless head of black hair lumbered down and out of the shuttered doors. demanding gruffly who was it? 

we froze differently. from the inside out.

i was the only girl. he looked to me. all i did was roll my eyes the same direction i had been rolling them all along. toward the one with the dirty secrets.  



I recall how the pace slowed 

we began to really get one another

after living hard and fast

flashbacks of powder mixed with water

blood in the syringe

how we found space inside these judgments i do not know 

your arm crossed over me protective

leaning into you

we rest 


Friday, 31 March 2023

more than halfway out of control


when you breathe 

you do so effortlessly

whereas i have to run like i am hunted 

just to sharpen the axe

writing off this shallow sleep

blow by blow

what are we more than 

halfway out of



Thursday, 30 March 2023

vaca to the earth

i wish i could be a space cadet for a day

seeing earth from a great great distance 

admiring her perfect beauty

wanting to go so badly 

thinking it would be everything it's not

rooted in my imagination

without landing gear 

i hike the interstellar trails



poverty had almost destroyed them

they made up the balance

by kindness selflessness

and congeniality


Tuesday, 28 March 2023



the first drop of rain

seeded from an ominous cloud

the journey to earth


the murderous bastard

tried to break her apart 

she landed on the bloom 

of a blushing cheek where

a salty teardrop 

took her in   


Monday, 27 March 2023

Ming Dynasty

on a bright and sunny Sunday

we forked fried taro masterpieces

and lemon curd in wonton skins 

hailing from the Ming Dynasty

falling off the budget toasting 

the end of all soul sucking 

aspects of life


Sunday, 26 March 2023

thought. at feeling street

the sun left the sky

violet and orange 

the paint faded fast

under this skin

i touched universe

at last

i meandered inward 

inspired by a beat

and hit the thoughts

at feeling street


Saturday, 25 March 2023



i won't cry 

unless you cry 

sectioned off under the lights. another stage

black tights and vests with shiny buttons

midnight blue

boots laced up 

awaiting your direction 

heaving chest of breath


in opposition to certain



Friday, 24 March 2023


chain controls on

descending from the peak

swallowed by dawn 

you fell back asleep

the pines made way 

for us to pass through

i was deeply moved

cutting tracks into the frozen sea

salted groove


Thursday, 23 March 2023

silent treatment

silence can be weaponized

when i was a kid you showed me how

and i brandished it

until i learned right from wrong 

not speaking up is what i find offensive

when a few honest words could 

settle the hurt


Wednesday, 22 March 2023

march marches on

the rain

the wind

the love you


anaerobic ponds

once clouds 


and march 

marches on




Tuesday, 21 March 2023

on a red eye to Boston

a lovely affection traveling up and down the spine

conservatorship recently revoked 

on the threshold of grandiosity

leveled by whiskey 

they saw an opening. 3A in first class

and prepared a cash bribe for the chosen



Monday, 20 March 2023


they tamed the squares of grass

weed machines whipping tentacles 

the equinox spoke in shades of green

kid became a turtle. camouflaged

feigning a study of the phone


Sunday, 19 March 2023

remember it all

it astonishes me to remember how i hurt you

and you nearly killed me and yet

we were in love

some say leave the past in the past it's ancient history

i remember it all

if it were not indispensable why 

do we study History as if it were

some exquisite 



Saturday, 18 March 2023

memory #141

smoking after heavy 

drinking. taste the bloody lip


up all night reading pacing writing

heart and mind playing


sprinkler system pushes up

out of the ground at dawn for the back 



death of a comedian

one of my favorite comedians 

made me extremely sad for the first time ever

by dying

i watched reruns of his shows

and laughed and laughed so hard i cried

but then i got confused

was i crying from the dying?

it does not matter because he was great 

and i miss him


raccoon (dogs)

chased out of China 

they made it West in shipping containers

up the deep water channel

into our city

the artful ones escaped the ports

dodged cars into yards

only to face their distant cousin

the American raccoon

who welcomed them 

with gnashing teeth

to living hell


Wednesday, 15 March 2023


all the coffee in the world 

could not shake your personality

you needed someone to discuss it with but you did not want to

and so the world learned to live

with you


Tuesday, 14 March 2023

three years on

pain has many flavors

in the spine it's like cayenne simmered in a chamomile bath

three years on it's still hard to relax

the pandemic almost buried us all

now i take my key 

striking out to see friends


set 4 self destruct

my life was self destruct set into slow motion
my tailor drug and drink

subgenre rebellion 
in the age of deconstruction

the undercurrent identity

for it would never be okay 
to not be who i knew 
i was


Sunday, 12 March 2023

press mute

there's nothing like the sound

of early birds of spring 

you gotta mute the commercials

to really understand



you talk of eradicating our rights you

lost touch with reality

you have mothers brothers sisters nephews

daughters and sons who identify

yet you still disbelieve? 

you sleep but never dream

your hatred your brand your kind cannot last

we will always exist 


Friday, 10 March 2023

even steven

they don't really know what they
are doing

forgot all the things you said
to help them understand

the sun will shine again
your honey will love you
through anything

and when you put on your uniform
and go to work

all will even out
like cream stirred into


Thursday, 9 March 2023

don't know where or why or how

we broke off into cliques

saturated in our societal relations


writing off half 

the damn world

i became an individual again

somewhere i don't know how or why 

without closure 


looking in



Wednesday, 8 March 2023

go fish

back home 

staining they sketchpads with inks

up all night alone they would not buy the lies for free

misfit friends in they head. loner celebration

extinguished the tv and touched the room with radio

they cast they line 

deep and trolled for broken



Tuesday, 7 March 2023


our senses gone
an unbroken dawn 
cracks and poaches its whites by the sea
the folding of time into the sun and elements 
overexposed the same
no one to blame 
adventure magnificent and tragic 
we will never love like that 


different now

now i am having the adverse reaction to tv. i am different from you. now restless in the sleep. now pursuing some dream. now i am indifferent, locked without key. now sitting still. meditating. what looks like peace… it is an illusion


2001 karma reel

i paid you a fair wage to help paint these walls
when you overdosed we could not wake you
firefighters empowered to slap you into consciousness
high on heroin with money you stole from me
when i figured it all out i was blazing mad
but thanked god for sparing your life


Monday, 6 March 2023

slush piles

a storm of emotion

anticipation of victory

all the colors of all the territories

condensed into one

powerful narrative

delivered to all the major publishing 

houses only to face resolute



Friday, 3 March 2023


maybe 7 years old 

pushing lemon wedges into my mouth 

until my face stretched out

from the sour 


eliciting laughter by my diversion

better than any excuse 

for bad behavior


Thursday, 2 March 2023

you and your force
of opinions

on any other day i indulge
in distant lands 
dive into RPGs and mobile

today i laugh

selflessly plunging into
the vortex behind those
honey cambered


earthen world

I confess 

I am undeserving

of your caress 

these words he spoke 

a mouse in his throat

for you know not yet

of my betrayal 

my fingers closed 

into a fist. i struck out 

until my knuckles


the earthen world



Tuesday, 28 February 2023


the last light 
of an abbreviated month 
appeared in rain 
falling like whispers
from the sky 


Monday, 27 February 2023

there are days

where i am so pulled so stretched

to the synapses

give me ten minutes of rest

sunk in those spaces

recharged by chemical




deep in dead body pose

you never felt so alive

letting the exhalations wander 

out into space

with compassion 

for all


Saturday, 25 February 2023

opposing voices

be super

be sweet

no one else can

be you

be quiet

wake up

you're lazy

you can't 


there is no safe

you wanted me
to be soft and sweet. safe
but i came out all hard
and tough to swallow

you broke your teeth
on me. tasted blood

i left the leash and collar
snagged upon your
fence. i ran with all i
got. body mind spirit


night fight

must we always ruin a perfectly decent Saturday with our Saturday night fight?


Wednesday, 22 February 2023


with your laughing spirit you
left earth last year. i would travel great distances to meet you but not that far (not yet)
and thank god you are here in my heart
and reflections of you
in your family and even random
spirits i cross


Tuesday, 21 February 2023


i saw a mom hug her kid
not wanting to let go

a bird in a tree
cheerful with #incomplete song

i saw a runaway
making a break for it

2 dobermans overlooking a wall
sniffing out the commotion

life is like a sentence. unedited

running on and on
and on



i still wanted to believe

i saw the good die young
and the others live long and untroubled
circumstance like a thief
had snatched my faith away
prayer became senseless without it
i never stopped wanting to believe

and so i learned to ask only
that my faith be restored

and it was

love in the delta

the tomato harvest ending
he got stabbed in the ribs
stepping in to help a friend
at the dance

the pain in his heart made the wound
meaningless. he feared he would not
see her again

camp broke up
he steeled himself for fate
up river she came to release him
too late



Friday, 17 February 2023


he would work

until it killed him

distant he surrendered the emotional fields 

full of land mines 

you cannot tell him to stop

he has no stop



 ten years before

on the brink of madness

they slept rarely and up all night

emotions swallowed them 

there was nowhere in the world

they knew to be safe 

ten years on

they would never forget

the terror of the past

and each and every new sunrise 

they was inside and out



Wednesday, 15 February 2023

soda profits

the soda

a rather inadequate drink deleterious to the health

and yet any business who sells it profits upwards of %800

of the 30 cents it costs them per!

on a tangent i am happy to say i mostly quit soda

other than an occasional ginger 



the meaning manufacturing plant

we have our grave differences
crashing around these rooms
we speak as though what we believe were facts

no. they are just opinions
packaged by the meaning manufacturing plant

i would be sincere. acknowledge the power
the thoughts have over us
and love you just the same


Tuesday, 14 February 2023

Nevada morning

24 floors up encircled by a mountain range
dipped in snow

i was looking down on the streets by
the old Cal Neva. drunks and construction workers
walking the streets. cold dawn

you were watching bad chad on the tele
hunting junkyards for a contracted car

i stretched yawned tumbled on 
down to the lobby 4 my first cup of coffee

time to weld a chassis to this frame 
and get back in 
the game


dead or alive


if you get very still with yourself

and listen closely

the palm of your hand on your chest

your heart will tell you

all you need 

to know

if you get nothing

call the doctor

you may be dead


Sunday, 12 February 2023

gen z meets recession

she shivered in a tank top 

walking home in her black work boots

her work uniform long gone

they call it letting you go

which is nice nice for clean out your locker

get out and don't come back

damn it  she said

i will find somewhere 



Saturday, 11 February 2023


the road on which we traveled passed along and over the ridge. life was full bore uphill for a time before it leveled. we hit a diner. walked around and talked to random people. i am warmer in the cold, paradoxically, gambling the tax refund away, downhills are harder than the climb.  #katyamills

Friday, 10 February 2023


we set out. the sun was high in the sky. denver omelettes and coffee. we put chains on and headed up the mountain. you were chewing on jerky, i played with the chain on my neck as we talked it all out. the rivers were mighty carrying snow and dead skin down to the valley.



you got some new clothes
eyebrows threaded for the occasion
watching two films at once
(flashbacks included) at the movies
when you fell off the pulse
you had access to the words to ask him
for kindness please and promulgate
the connection


Wednesday, 8 February 2023

spell of expansiveness

they grew very lonely with dreams of leaving 

the farm

they began to recite a spell they inherited

from the great great ones toward


one morning

sun peeking over the ridge

dew on the grass

enfolded with promise

they followed the first rays



Tuesday, 7 February 2023

2 work

got stuck in a loop again searching 

for the best self before we went extinct

could not find it on the phone

could not find it 

in a pill... 

found the best self

just going to work with you

and doing what we




the city streets was ice cold

they had clarity of thought and dangerous 

in the best way

disarming you with unanticipated sweetness

violet with kindness for the world 



keep working and you can work your way into and out of the conundrum we call life 


Monday, 6 February 2023


they watched true crime
not because they liked suffering
they watched to awaken the compassion
toward all who suffer


Saturday, 4 February 2023

undiagnosed ADHD

you was only five so full of questions and promise. could not stay still. got lost in your head in your dreams. setting your mind upon something was next to impossible. they thought it was cute until you got up in grades and got ridiculed. it became painful trying to conform and you dropped out of school eventually. something was wrong with you and I guess it must be you. you found work and got fired for careless mistakes and you were bored anyway so whatever. you found more work and lost more work and you began to believe you were stupid and bad and it was useless to keep trying. someone offered you some magic powder which blasted all the confusion out of your head. you went back again and again to the man. you went on like this in a new magical world of perfect clarity until you finally blew up your bank account and we all know how the story goes. after much trial and tribulation you were forced to comply and admit you didn't know anything about life or how to go about it. when you finally heard the therapist say I think this may be ADHD and yes, don't worry, there's something we can do about it. you broke down crying... thank god... thank god... it wasn't you. it never was. 


Thursday, 2 February 2023

felt pretty bad being alive and all

an accident stopped them from running around 
trying to hustle up enough money as they had done their whole life
they listened to all the yearning all the reaching 
inside it was like a waterfall
they got to see what was underneath 
all this ruthless behavior
it felt pretty bad but not as bad as the broken bones
they let the water pound them into oblivion
a lightness overcame them 
no longer a body
a spirit


Wednesday, 1 February 2023


they got down on the boy 
it was easy
to be unkind
looking through 
the fear lens

drilled into him 
day after day
like newspaper
pressed with ink 

and what about 
give it 50 spins 
around the sun 

he shut down the
press. for good

i can feel
i can help
i can finally live


Tuesday, 31 January 2023

soft wish

a single striped candle. a blazing light
i make a soft wish
he sings to me only once a year
and i adore him


Monday, 30 January 2023


you had to fumble for a little hope in the darkest places and thread it and stitch fragments together. the absence of hope made you care about it more. there were other ways to feel and not to feel and i wanted to know them all. #katyamills

seconds 2

you put up the impenetrable walls without even thinking. drinking at bars was a way to take a sledgehammer to them but you couldn't break through. passing a joint around a circle of friends maybe. some artificial light cutting into the night. but if you really want some sunshine you gotta take them apart brick by brick. you gotta be longing for it. badly  #katyamills

Sunday, 29 January 2023

any american

like any american
she was in debt
in the wealthiest country in the world
pressing the last bit out toothpaste out of the roll
easy with cash 
when she was drunk


ph phrenia

i often saw sweet images 

as we pressed liquid into fabric

processing soy sauce for the restaurant

i kept this to myself for years 

until the voices began to speak to me 

you can't make me do anything I don't want to

i cut and stretched and framed the fabrics 

let me share with you

here. open your eyes

can you see?


Saturday, 28 January 2023

upon waking. tuesday morning

tuesday morning

wake me with flashing pixelated light

blast me with heat from a gasoline engine

drop a single sugar donut into my belly

float me on a river of coffee 

black. let them play with words 

if they want 



they was being themselves
and they got told they was not okay
that way

this is how it is for us
this is why we stick together
so when they ask us to be someone
for them

we can say hell no
and go somewhere where we
are wanted


Thursday, 26 January 2023


she paints her face
throwing knives at cutting boards
for the little creatures
she attacks dirt grease cobwebs until very late at night
when the narcissistic monster comes home 
demanding of her

the heart of a fighter she
billows her skirt 
shows her teeth


the the the stuff

my doppelgänger
fell for a car and a home. a washer and a dryer
years of not caring much about stuff and now
she does

when i inquired about the change of heart
she answered people die on the streets with nothing
why should we go out like that?

she does whatever she wants 
and now i think...

i like stuff
don't really know why and not sure i care
i like stuff


mega terf monster

will i see a mega terf monster
barking up the twitter tree
better get some bear spray just in case
or turn my iPhone into a strobe light
those who come without a phone
cannot take the throne


Wednesday, 25 January 2023

one two four liquor store

we had much to discuss
across from the liquor store
on a Friday night

gay icons
boba milk tea
lotto tickets
yellow curry

watching drunks
in the shadow of the 


Monday, 23 January 2023

year of the rabbit

the year of the rabbit

a month of steady rains

got my ticket. unlimited 

hopped the southbound



Thursday, 19 January 2023


you may not feel the world 

so uncaring

if you place yourself in it



Wednesday, 18 January 2023


caught in a downpour on the highway

rain and hail

the trucks wheels put up a fountain of water

blinding us. not long after someone road raged on us

like it was a tradition

i deepened my relationships 

to pain and uncertainty



Tuesday, 17 January 2023

January 16

behind us the sun
setting the storm clouds threatening 
the east

a full rainbow beams impossibly
across the sky

my thoughts
turn to the daughter
of the king

wishing they may be 


on the banks of the American River

after the storms
he came out swinging
cutting chips off a hackberry with his axe
to feed the smoky fire

the whole park deluged. camp sites underwater
tents ripped up off their moorings

the sky turned orange
all his strength in his arms
he came out swinging for
the comrades


Sunday, 15 January 2023

love. circling

we rode our bikes across the bridge. on windy days we stopped to watch the starlings fly down off the supports, hundreds of them circling in unison. traversing land, sky and water. it was here where, what felt like a hundred years ago, we fell in love.  


Saturday, 14 January 2023

wicked sweet

i am butchering Spanish. i know it makes you laugh. reading the recipe on the back of Betty Crocker's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. she wasn't even really extant, BC. they made her up to sell sugar. all that's left is to crack this egg and have you at the belly. how wicked. how sweet.  


one one four. lost

walmart. 8am. a man in the parking lot sells tamales out of the trunk of his car under a green and red striped umbrella. neither of us won the mega millions last night. soon I am #lost in the aisles in my thoughts.  


Thursday, 12 January 2023

isolation bad

the stores were out of eggs. we were surviving on oatmeal. the highway e-billboard display bright like a star. severe storms. avoid travel. they left out the important part. severe depression. do not isolate at home. 


Wednesday, 11 January 2023

day 1

what you never thought 

would happen will happen 

this day

get out of bed



Tuesday, 10 January 2023

the tragically un.inspired

left in the dark one gloomy windy night
perpetrated by a climate change event
chance poses as terrible circumstance
to contend with the untouched material
at the core of anyone falling in the
common class the tragically


Monday, 9 January 2023


before dawn

i offer an honest appeal

born of faith

for strength to face life

and her many faces

only then may i shift

seamlessly into



Sunday, 8 January 2023

yesterdays paper

scrolling. it's like a punishment i give myself for cheating on my life, carrying on this relationship non-discreetly with a phone

i drop it on the table. pick up yesterdays paper. the rain plays off the gutter rails. the comics are colorful

i find myself

drawing in the margins


Saturday, 7 January 2023

one seven

when we were kids 

morbid was going to the cemetery dressed in black

even youth wants to make sense 

of death



Friday, 6 January 2023


on harder days she would be in her car, parked, watching rain hit the windshield to compose herself. she was a counselor. in the city of inflation, it was hard to balance accounts. she was full of treasured moments which stopped her from scrolling around for more lucrative offers. anyone with big problems coming to her office to talk for a spell, to rest, to let her in and shoulder any burden. it gave her the strength to carry on.


Thursday, 5 January 2023

one five

the river swells

the walls of peat cannot contain her

the plain floods and the citizens run for their lives 

had they only listened when she spoke

tugging on them from the murky depths 

while they swam  


Tuesday, 3 January 2023

the runaway

no longer could they be held
the most lonesome note you ever heard 
drifted off the deepest bottom of a breath
the first hours walking the streets 
searching for a place to call home


at the pinball hall of fame

two hours
on the same and single quarter
she was generous she had us
in the twilight zone

finally we introduced to her
a disheartened boy
taken by gravity
pockets empty

the silver ball
pushed on the pin
he pulled back on the coil
fired her into play

we watched them fall
in love


Monday, 2 January 2023


on a windy night 
in Sacramento
a massive tree fell and took down the power lines
several blocks are out

now we light the candles and listen
to our heartbeats and the storm
and the rain


true crime sediment

a new year

a deeper shade of blue overcomes the other colors

i fear the sediment damaged my

superlative sparkling 


i head to the lab 

with intention to forge 

a true crime