sweet

You could just listen to them and enjoy them for a couple hours it's not like you had to go home with them. She was surface sweet. It's easy to lose yourself in a sugar cookie.

#katyamills

sugar

she gave them #sugar
honestly
enough to sweeten the deal
not poison it

#katyamills

sugar spike

they was sucking on chocolates leftover from halloween and traumatized by the sugar spike but someone had to do it  #katyamills

scout

the scouts covered alot of ground 

in the 45 hours i was away

formed a line along the baseboards

dove into gaps in the caulking

yet they would not find the 

sugar

#katyamills

so damn sugar

i fall super behind i

take a hundred breaths 

gotta be kind 

to my poor sodden 

mind. battle the ants 4 

sugar i won't say sorry 

for being damn

sweet 

#katyamills

despondent at 22

despondent at twenty two 

 where to go
what to do

classes had ended she
needed a job. she
broke up with
her

she smoked and walked the streets
feeling ditched

filled out applications until
a market took her in
a waitress

wasn’t tryin to get rich

her best friend moved
away. the rent she
could not pay

is there hope for me?
she asked the sky

happiness came in
little bursts like sugar
out of cloud cover

a sun ray

crash

holidays are here and i do not wish to crash. try not to overindulge in sugar and sweets. i wanna good effort going in the right direction. best to keep reading and writing.

sugar

K in Tahoe. pic by K's brother

These are the holidays and sugar runs high and mighty in the bloodstream. I wanna get back to baseline

back to water
back to coffee

rivers
and the sea

avoid the fake
and real news, too


back to books
and Tetley's tea

all my old friends
and me

high fructose corn syrup dyed, twisted and wrapped tight in plastic, posing as black licorice

We were at Lucky's having breakfast. The booth was luxurious under our asses. You said you wanted to be helpful and we got close because I reached out for help and you appeared. Then you acted in a way I thought was unhelpful and I reacted in a way that upset you and then you distanced yourself presuming I was ungrateful or shocked because you thought you were being helpful and should not experience other people's reactions. I think I was about to walk away and out the glass door framed in the glass wall, the storefront where the specials had been frosted on: Ninety-nine cents for a cup of coffee. 2 fried eggs for five bucks. I did not wanna trust you were being helpful when every cell in my body was on edge by some things you were saying. You saw me getting ready to get up and pre-empted me. You laid down cash quickly on the flat plastic tray, and walked away. How could getting me worked up this way be helpful to me? How could you be so upset at me for feeling defensive? I thought you were working me up this way, but it was really me. You thought I was hurting you but it was really you.

Suddenly we were no longer close. Everything changes, the whole world gets blocked out. All I could hold on to as I picked myself up to follow you out there, was the smile I saw on the old man's face, the proprietor, with an apron tied around his belly. I passed him by as he was wiping down a booth closer to the door with his rag. Someone wasn't so offended by me. Still you and I were miles apart. This did not mean anything, for we both had an underlying connection, call it friendship. This connection caused us not to feel abandoned, just hurt temporarily. Call it a misunderstanding between friends. I approached and listened. You told me I was acting entitled, when all you were doing was trying to help. I told you how you said stuff that hurt me, which caused me to react. You demanded an apology. I thought about it. While waiting for an apology, you preached. You were a bit older so I let you. On the side I was contemplating an apology as a gesture of good will. I do not typically give in to demands, but maybe for someone I care about who cares about me.

I admit I tuned you out until several seconds later when I apologized. You didn't hear it because you were worked up, so the next time you told me how I oughta apologize I reminded you I just did. We were on the sidewalk in front of Lucky's. The cars were passing by. The atmosphere was white without shadows or fog. The sun just could not be refined. The street had noise which kindly muted our argument. My feelings were laid out for you. I think you saw me the second I reminded you I had apologized. Because that's when it changed. You saw I was quiet and quieter than you and putting up with you there. You saw that I was your friend. You relaxed a little bit and changed your tune. You acted like an older woman telling a younger woman how you were trying to help me, how your support would look, but not feel, like support. I nodded my head because I honestly remembered you were wanting to help me, you were trying to. Maybe I just wanted your help a certain special way, like I am programmed to receive only certain kinds of shapes, like Tetris falling. Everything was okay again. We were friends again, with only a residual, a bad memory; like high fructose corn syrup dyed, twisted and wrapped tight in plastic, posing as black licorice. You finished describing how you are. You didn't have to say anything, I guess, I already figured it out on my own.

meditation

I thought about the origins of a feeling of unloved
How many generations one must go back
How long it had been passed down
And how could this weed ever
be uprooted

Or would you always
forever feel unloved
no matter if all the world gave you its heartbeat
the sky and the earth
the birds and the trees
the honey and sugar
the radio the tv

the winter spring
summer and fall
the lonely ghost faraway down the hall