clearance Q

for the love of silence 

they lived 

alone

no tv

no kids
strong meds

no voices no 

dogs

they got they life 

back 4 nothin' 

off a clearance 

rack

#katyamills

fears and opinions

 dawn

coffee and

classical music 

help push aside the fears

everybody has 

i must be thoughtless

dreaming

for worlds come

into view

#katyamills

joie de vivre

the songs on the radio 

could pull them through the roughest days

the no knock warrants of mood and memory 

flashbacks attacking the heart

the soul

if they made it out 

alive they traveled to the intersection 

of bustling and boisterous

hoping joie de vivre might 

rub off

#katyamills

life after cancel

 they anticipated a day the world 

would cancel them too and dreamed 

up some life what would follow

#katyamills

levee city

we walked levee road

the heat threatening 

shopping carts pushed

into the canal the geese 

hissing. the last great flood

in 1850 the things 

which used 2 no longer 

scare me

#katyamills

geolocation

out from under

hundreds of miles of cassette tape

and wires. useless and bound by 

an ethos of noninclusivity they

patched it together they

sang they own wobbly

song til someone 

came around

#katyamills

immersion

composing worlds in solitude

what a way of seeing something missing

bringing into being what

you seeing

they can go there 

all who belong

#katyamills

the prince is dead

beholden to the union jack they

cried the prince is dead! 

nobody could recall the day

a child was born with a royal

stake. the screenagers in great piety  

dropped phones and made a vape tornado 

to celebrate the deceased 

the end of life leased

#katyamills

b.rex.it

in the wake of the British exit

and covid lockdown Belfast began to immolate

rocks and petrol bombs the 

working class weapons

a few hundred years 

ago we dumped their tea in protest

of tariffs we could not get the redcoats to

to leave

#katyamills

sarah

mineral green her eyes

the color of the river

Nile. over middle earth 

to the sea she moved 

the world in sultry 

malachite

#katyamills

once upon a time in april

we got free phones free

shots in the arms waiting 

in lines. we got sun rays we got fools 

days without showers we

got flowers   #katyamills

off the coast of friendship

we could tell the future

by the birds gone quiet

a change in the winds

our energy jumped

full of dread we shouted out!

like we gonna perish

then the storm subsided

left our faces wet and salty

lush and flush 4 the sunshine

#katyamills

cathe.dral

solitary horn opens the cathedral

8am. stained glass dove etched

in the dome. weary-eyed bishop

golden marked robes. you can't have 

communion if you ain't a saint and 

who wants to be anyway

#katyamills

faith.less

known more 

4 the absence of faith

than faith

they followed a feeling

bought a taco

4 a hungry

kid

#katyamills

blanco y

grew up white ina world 

where nobody hurt you like 

you hurt yourself where if you

got any color and spirit you 

got beat down now how can it be 

any wonder in the world 

today white is unpopular 

distrusted despised? 

#katyamills

fiches

laserfiching with blueprints 

they mapped out grand plans

thanking all gods

they was trans

#katyamills

slow mo

tail end of the nightmare pandemic

an extended slow mo hug was greater

than any antidepressant stronger than

any drug    #katyamills

shift.ing

life once was song 

created and produced by crickets

ina full throated silence

now 

flying down a dirt road at dusk 

consumed with emotion 

she demands 

we find another

gear

#katyamills

lover girl boy

she choreographed the words

by heart channeled to the lips
conducted by the tongue she
wanted him he wanted
her. the earth shook the
ground beneath cut up into zigzags they
held their ground they
held hands across the divide
and made the world
whole

#katyamills

free the ever given

endless tugboats and an egyptian

full moon high tide

could not dislodge the floating 

skyscraper lost its bearings in a sandstorm

blocking the artery

giving the world a stroke

#katyamills

static pop

the more involved 

they was the harder 

2 disconnect. when tugged upon 

ina loving direction they

wires uncrossed 

the sparks

how they

fly

        x

x

   x

           x

      x

#katyamills

re.set deux

abandoned they car by golden
arches campers panhandlers
broke up a field of mustard they
kept a journal and the basics
nothing much. feckless wasted burnt
off they last sawbuck on god knows
what. chin up. dodgin reality
the life of the broke woke 

and idle

#katyamills

navel (gaze)

contemplative 

2 the tune of a minor threat horn section

stopping traffic

they relived the days they 

were inseparable

#katyamills

pre.sent

you 

are when you are you

are not when

you are 

not

#katyamills

up from the downtrodden (cover reveal)

SaWaDiKa!

they took no umbrage

amidst another tumultuous attempted overthrow 

born under the lights they faced a hundred million semi-happy believers

palms together they smiled without 

a smile

#katyamills

c.overt

covert

resistance turned

overt in the year of got nothing

to lose

#katyamills

true crime

rolling thoughtful eyes

a milky soporific

tea leaves discarded in an angry

drain.  too long i let it steep too long. i'm sorry

a confession

the weapon

time

#katyamills

re.set

the roads still glistening with dew they 

carved a 180 @ the 5432 

café. a pour over black no creamer

for the dreamer 

#katyamills

the hundred

like a storm cloud 

both - and + charged 

a hundred days they 

venture until

spent

#katyamills

 

1984

you tore into us

drunk again

one of your moods 

unpredictable 

charged 

i tried to make 

myself small i

stood out like a cherry 

on a sea of whipped 

cream

#katyamills

deep cut no.2

life like 

a switchblade 

it can be used 

against you

#katyamills

o.zone

in the ozone

some choose some are chosen 

mixing it up with song and dance

others paid to capture 

and serve to witness in silence

the ultraviolet

charade

#katyamills

corner of over and under

born of a lavender haze

inspiration found an untimely death 

at the corner of over and

under

#katyamills

the little things

shadows under bridges under

trains under eyes the postcards they 

got from a distant memory friend 

could lighten they darkest 

mood

   

#katyamills

return of the ghost of green eyes

ona street confronted 

by the ghost of green eyes

talks to them feeling they 

pain 

knows how to hiss forgot 

how to love

got some crumbs

for you here and some

time 

crying now? 

whatsoever 4 

the ghost of green

eyes they remember 

this was 

forbidden

Dallas

bronzed with nails of gold

sick of waiting on hold 

she threw her hair back 

gotta jump on her '89 Peugeot 

to Dallas. intercepting lines with a decadent hum

intermittence of back lit squares

mascara and eyeliner bold

triumphant she got in on the other

side and out of the cold

    

#katyamills

scrambled march

on zoom we 

were less than full power

like degrees of forests 

set to the tenth april 

shower

#katyamills

aces

when the magic dried up the

onlookers moved 

on 

the suits 

jacks and queens in diamonds

the spades and lonely hearts

the kings

leaving them

only true 

aces

#katyamills

2021 royal

royal in a dollar store 

sucking the life out a green apple 

lollipop coupled with angst

the dyed hair the 

cell phone stare the resignation 

of the throne. the press stalks

with bloody mary

#katyamills

green and blue days

the whippoorwill calls and calls

into the silence. no one answers 

what once they shared

now severed beyond 

repair

#katyamills

back.ward

yes freedom also means you have the right to believe anything no matter how patently false unequivocally backwards and unceremoniously walk away from common sense and wisdom to devote your entire being to the pursuit of social injustice and economic inequality. you live with yourself. 

current z

the boy made worlds

where they could live

the girl commanded the currents

to lean back 

not take no one

too far out where they 

would or could

get hurt 

#katyamills

update

i got a promotion this week -- Clinical Director -- at tpcp.org... excited to make a greater impact for our community ... listening and speaking from the heart ... helping my team of outpatient case workers support our people out in South Natomas and North Highlands ... life is more and more challenging on the streets ... what with mental illness and socioeconomic challenges ... cultural/racial injustices. i ask myself every day: what more can i do to help? at least i have a small platform and some skills to offer. 8 years clean off the hard stuff. what with the poetry, the books, my friends, as a therapist, life keeps getting more and more exciting.

4 keeps

the days unsparingly dull 

then when they lay down to rest 

the dreams like a thriller

replete with all the life they could not have 

encouraged to be somebodys

project dependent and broken they 

sometimes forgot 

the best about them

self what was for keeps

#katyamills

af.fluence

they spirit so affluent 

the gold diggers counted 

they ghosts

#katyamills

bad reel

some introductions fizzle

from the start like a film with award winning acting cinematography and stunts

a musical score to die for  

yet the screenplay shallow piss

poor. a non event a bad

reel

#katyamills

lying

(remix of dys.phoria)

soft thin and lying against
a negative space

the air cool industrial alive

4 a moment we don’t have to care

how strange

secret messages penned by the rain

upon leaded glass

in a blanket on your couch
electric the infinite tenderness

#katyamills

eu.phoria

the world

whether or not you can keep up with her

provides random bursts

of euphoria

to live there a second longer

to live there to

live

#katyamills

emo al.so

negotiating the hill

to your home the emo

set a dangerous 

tone like an alto circling

a tenor who felt dead

alone in a cosmos 

the shy of heart never

known

#katyamills

k.ept

the left kept charging the right

kept charging the rain kept washing away

society and unrest

an honest condition

you kept coming and they

kept pushing 

away     #katyamills

@ the mall

divergent they
struck out for the mall
one tall the other small
hot topix for septum rings
starry eyes
jewelers bling. they
hearts got pierced where they wanted
without tears without
a flame the long and hard
adieu they understood
they were the
same

#katyamills

the one

momma brought them 

home

searching for they

name brushing

they soft and storied 

coat round they 

long and emerald

eyes

#katyamills

fluence

under the influence

a stubborn yellow light

in a ramshackle hollow

breakin the tight weave

of farmland a scribbler

may do they best work 

#katyamills

notes from a cardboard box

two story high 

imagination roams cream 

walls french vanilla

sky. entresol the cats

survey new lands 

from a cardboard 

box we have 

somehow

arrived

#katyamills

killing on 43rd ave

they sweep and mop they 

stock shelves they 

ring you up at the register they

deal with all american 

attitude. we call it the graveyard

shift for good reason last

week they left one to bleed

out for some 

change. god rest your very

soul

#katyamills

tuned out

twenty one suns 

one and twenty years 

into the so-called twenty first century 

none of the calculations 

had any true significance when 

you tuned the holy roman

empire out 

#katyamills

journey into the light

there there 

dry your eyes

the darkness drains from the sky

see how you were so certain?

so terrified 

the thoughts how they

lied

#katyamills

mach.ines

they would not let machines

take from life 

the mystery

the work 

that made them

honest

#katyamills

cassis

they found her 

still alive they loved her

they promised 

hi def pixels for eyes

cold brew coffee for drive

she prayed for a vertically 

integrated chassis they

dubbed her

cassis

#katyamills

hi.story

they never stopped 

scrubbing one could see 

their reflection in the silver

 nothing else. imagine centuries  

passing that off 4 

reality

#katyamills

off note

the dissonance caused by all 

the off notes touched a hundred 

thousand hearts who turned 

the radio up and swore 

someone finally got them 

#katyamills

run over

weightless the body

in flight. carbon monoxide 

swell of heat 

spun up so light the strange 

sound of brakes so late

they cheat 

staring down they 

fall in the winter off the 

wall of metal

sheets 

 #katyamills

book review

 

Katya Mills rated a book liked it My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Read My rating: 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars[ 3 of 5 stars ]4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars

Our antiprotagonist gets progressively mired in her chosen selfish sedentary life for a year. Like a life experiment with a careless interest in self-transformation, in NYC, 1999. She lies to her psychiatrist about her use of prescriptions for no apparent reason, as the psychiatrist has no moral or ethical compass to begin with, just a professional hiding behind a lot of jargon and bullshit. Ever met anyone like that? The character closest to real is her best friend Reva yet she is the most annoying and pathetic of them all. Materialistic. Superficial. Zero self-worth. Dependent on guys who use her. They both are. Maybe this is why they are friends. I liked the book, laughed a lot. Some very funny one liners. But not as much as Eileen. Maybe the main character was too sad and jaded. A product of her environment. Maybe it came too close to how life can feel in 21st century America when it's at its worst. When you give up and are rich enough not to have any responsibilities, and you care but not really.

visions

i saw visions

a porsche turning circles in the snow 

a man pissing on a brick wall barrows

wheeled over hay early 

dawn

i got chills 

a headache 

the light hurt my eyes i saw 

visions as the melody 

sorted out the 

birds

#katyamills

run on

chevelle on the lift 

hydraulics 

turtles in a fish tank swimming endlessly toward 

a rusty cogwheel tangential to the universe

the phone 

far less riveting 

full of the world tapped the skull 

instead they read 

a book 

#katyamills

faux pas

the misnomer the slip the drunken

tattoo the shaved head the misaligned 

teeth of reactionary fists. leave us the faux pas 

to combat these dull and senseless

perfections  #katyamills

profile #21

soap bubbles for eyes text bubbles 

for tongue corn syrup stomach 

marijuana cig stuck to sandpaper

lips. the screens 

crack and pop and whistle

words march across the tape it's twenty

twenty one

wash and stand up 

to the sun

#katyamills

super.fated

the sea surged the sky 

a charcoal gray against which

a ghost from the sub system's

incendiary furnace

materialized of sublimated metals

chromium iron cobalt

to lead the wretched

super state from 

the predetermined

fate

#katyamills

smile the sad goodbye

they wore out

fabrics to allay the troubling

times one of rayon one

of tested yarn and rope

one of pheasant fur and birch one 

of hope they 

wore out welcomes

made of clay

quilted cloak 

of sunless days they

smiled the sad 

goodbyes   

 #katyamills

you and i

pushing through a friday

cabbage and coffee grounds

span of paperwork cuts of dark 

chocolate. don't know how don't know

why i cannot stop loving

you

#katyamills

q.anon.ymous

affixed to a rail they 

pushed for the sky until the helium wore off 

they hovered between heaven 

and earth. the kids cut them free

wrapped them round 

the wrists filled them full of water

watch them break upon 

the sodden conspiracy laden 

heads

#katyamills

sudden pact

down on the luck they

came upon a forgotten 

patch in the city. they

felt sorta useless alike they 

made a sudden pact they

excavated and grew a 

goddamn tree for the whole

goddamn world 

to see

#katyamills

 

trajectory of suns

interior lands locked

upon a promise hollow 

wonder what and who

to follow. unable to see

suns rise and fall against 

the sea

#katyamills

48

given 1 day off 2 books 

3 shots of ristretto  

4 scratchers fanned out over a 5 mile road

sunrise kiss and a phone call i could

turn 48 forever

#katyamills

the second recipro.city

how unusual to give the attention 

undivided like an orange like 

a planet like the wheels that drive an engine 

in this our post-industrial society

specialization so refined the mouth 

has no relation to the belly

#katyamills

i deny i

like they do you could 

too live behind the lie 

deny. do you not feel cherished? 

do not live dishonorably

this is no way 

2 live  #katyamills

upcycled blue #2

oh pomegranate 

swollen on the bush dangling

illogical participle

seeds afire like jelly like

wax they almost picked us off 

decisively you stood up

and out like embers like 

fireflies like rain in a spotlight 

modify you modify for days 

and days and

days

#katyamills

like colors we run

we dodged the skin of palms

morning after the storm we

never made it to work. like

strays in the park like 

colors like dreams 

they cannot hold us 

we run free     #katyamills

dim.in.ish

all the ideas they 

had of you could not 

diminish you

#katyamills

gracie the dragon

by the red house

in land park she lies 

made of metal made of tile 

glass and stones

the camelias they wave to her in the breeze 

as she parades at the speed of earths

rotation made of 

love

#katyamills

cru.sade

i had luddite dreams

a crusade to end all screens 

life gives you

little highs and lows 

independent of a mouse 

and a click one pony

trick now power

down

#katyamills

 

back track

saw a man on a broke down 

bicycle asking about his stimulus check

everyone wanted to be his social

worker for a second until he said

he owed back pay on child

support

#katyamills

up from the downtrodden

the blood got up in a good way

to see Moscow pummeled with snowballs

citizens out for Navalny

coming home. will we always be fighting

for answers? the blood 

got up in a good way. up 

from the down

trodden      

#katyamills

post

the N95 particle parade 

inaugurated a post consumer reality

breaking news

the stuff was in the way   

#katyamills

the twenty twenties

our songs of lipstick lead

immunity boosters and covid dread

our voices unpacked with dry ice

banded together in supersites out from 

under masks like mittens made of tires

forklifted from some autoyard in

vermont   #katyamills

dawn #534

dawn broke as i walked to see you

bounce in my step. neon signs spun the fog

into curls how unfortunate you

were not home. dashed my love

drifted. piecemeal. distributed among the forlorn

manic girls party boys and the mangy 

cur      #katyamills

route #9

we cut class we cut

through woods to route 9

sliced the town

in two. we thumbed rides

when you pulled over we

ran off to devil's slide  

a wicked rock to split a senseless head 

you chased us like the cartoons

sabotaged by rockets shot

from coke bottles 

smoking

#katyamills

idc.idc.idc

when whole bodies

trembling and we look dead

in the eyes and the words hit the walls

i don't care

and the walls fall

you know and i know

how badly

we do

#katyamills

base

crushed beneath the base

work and faith became mindless

too. in the era of you 

know who

#katyamills

the lost and spellbound

he comes to you unafraid

dyslexic softly stabbing

wood all day with a

blade

humming

like a bird to feed

plants hanging around

awhile. dripping with smile

Childish. he dips into you

spellbound. a man he

gets his fill and

gone

you

spellbound

#katyamills

world bipolar

time made history we

shred the wheat in the bowl

soak in milk and 

digest. they lie in the mud

sheltered by big red hats

and flags. injustice

never ends. world bipolar we hope we 

retreat then take the stage

more colorful than red

white and blue 

#katyamills

1995 self portrait

mistaken for a German boy

a belly full of phobia they 

didn't even know their own 

pronouns

shy of six feet slapped 

incomplete wasted on whisky

lost in books and city streets

typing mad into the night full

with misgivings fists into bricks

black belt in broken

hearts

#katyamills

sub.sumed

what stitch of light we wore 

in the pitch heart of darkness

sewn with such care and concern

could not be subsumed

made of noon on the 

solstice day 

#katyamills

year of luxury

americans sedated on chocolate and pills

a soft butt of foreign jokes 

life was luxury status 

year 2049. liquid liver soak stations 

phones mobilized to do the chores 

sedentary. racist. relegated to epilogue status 

tweets regurgitated 

4 swallows

#katyamills

2005

i met a space man with a chemist

for a friend. my truck broke down

again. an epic perfectionist i 

made friends on craigslist i could not stand to be the one

you got to know. i was changing 

you left me i howled

when you were gone

#katyamills

shot

he had her in his sights

up on the truss of the tower

bridge she wore the golden

threads the sun could not

contend under a spotless sky

off the paint the winter

morning birds watching he 

posed and shot her

#katyamills

855

the head told you 

you were crazy the heart 

called it out on a lie born 

to live not born to die

#katyamills 

8mm

the heart finally spoke out like cinema
ina condemned theatre
tape rolling through a bell howell
projector dug from an archive. the heart
finally spoke out
the light cast upon the wall
bringing the past to life for
the heart never dies

#katyamills

the atomically compromised

thought you controlled the world your

media constructed myth 

up downloading torrents of permanent denial 

retweeting your favorite tweets glued to the young 

the restless dreaming of another piece of ass wading 

thru your broccoli florets stuck on stupid atomically
compromised goodbye  

#katyamills

in America

nobody thinks alike nobody 

feels the same all 

the time. this is diversity

not subversion

we have shared history 

not carbon copy

if you wanna force someone

to think like you

this country is not 

your home

#katyamills

unified by division

topping charts to Siberia
they cast across Europe the States
legs down south by jeep by boat by
on foot on mood stabilizers on
chromebooks over streams and bit torrents
with under age girls
like some strange new religion unified
by division

#katyamills

the blinking ghosts

we float above stones 

ready to be polished

in then out of view

now we are colorful neither shiny 

absent not faded

not simply a statistic

dreaming to be someone we are

more realistic

#katyamills

city kids

an inside job turned out
a city kid gripped 
with doubt. the infinite details
the mind runs through

some barren fields
smokers heavy in their chains
anti-drug campaigns

DONT WALK        -      run!

she took your hand

in the street you 

knew you were 

loved

#katyamills

daybreak again

some spirit set off the motion 

sensitive lights triggered a memory 

the world had forgotten and you 

never would. they wanted you tough

growing up. had you up early

dressed and out before daybreak 

missteps and tears rarely forgiven 

they had been beaten 

out of them before

you

#katyamills

twenty thirteen

when fentanyl hit the spleen
overdose became mainstream you lost 

friends and legends and the sun still rises

the light wakes you under 

your angel hair cabbage you formulate 

a mission you play with memory you

love and live on

and on

and on

and on

#katyamills