Friday 31 December 2021


the last of the last 

of the last of the year

may we open our eyes

like 4 the first 

time   #katyamills


i often pedal down your street 

the home where you grew up 

by the Sacramento Bee 

you can taste the print coming off the papers


not unlike how your words 

and your life indelible 

touched us    #katyamills

Wednesday 29 December 2021

be the one

be the one 


to admit when you are


you may be

the only one

be the one


workers on break

slowed heartbeats

inhaling the rain 

on break

stirring grounds 

in the kettle

pushing the embers

cutting earth out of the sole

with a blade

cherishing a smoke

with a friend


Monday 27 December 2021


all the cakes and pies gumballs turned out the machines bouncing off kitchen floors produced the precise sugar rush required to render the masterpieces san francisco streets the geometry of farms and orchards touched by sunlight divided by river within the delta


Sunday 26 December 2021

cash out

farewell to the holiday bonus sucked into these machines relentless sound smoke and show farewell to the players pale hanging off they drinks rinky-dinks indefinito forgot how to think what time or day what the hell to say no cash 2 cash out no getaway #katyamills

Saturday 25 December 2021


one lonely night in Ione

headlights pawing the foothills 4 life 

my heart whispered 

the truth beneath these shields

of rain and wind

that though we may be better off apart

distant relatives is the sorriest

combination and god only knows

where my life would be 

without you



long we lived 

in darkness. wonder 

not y we worship 

the sun


Thursday 23 December 2021


the rains came down hard 

sleep escaped me for some time i 

dreamt my car was broken in and 

had a run in with the cops

when i awoke i cried to the kittens who 

replied by flourishes of tail

you only have today 

so make the most! make 

the most!


california psychotherapist

Katya Mills, LMFT #129963

Wednesday 22 December 2021


im not so great in many a formal

setting i like to dress just how i feel

lovely or bedraggled 

makes no sense to me to dial it up

otherwise. maybe for joyful masquerade 

the show off who expresses toward some aim

i so disdain it makes me tremble


Monday 20 December 2021


basin water drawn
to the face green blue green eyes
my thoughts turned 2 the less fortunate

i castigated the glass
ran out on the sun
cussed the mean cold

hunting my contacts i
called on the loneliest one
who could not would not answer

the loneliest one
was i


Sunday 19 December 2021

morningside park

tugging on a lamppost 

atop a flight of stairs

by a blade they lost

they strength


not without a fight

began to fade

between the teeth the skin

the beat it slows 

to fin and many full 

with sorrow



Saturday 18 December 2021



like one long forgotten



D plus or minus

thrust into hand my essays marked up 

red like a tongue been punched in the mouth 

after i turned them in so square

clean geometric rails and trains carrying verses 

plundered then ransacked over the open plains 

i thank god i could not never write 

how you wanted    #katyamills

down one

winter highways a mess 

kids with sleepers in their eyes

pleading - don't go! 

fuck all the long commutes

forgot how to end

ice cream sundays!  they exclaim

throwing they boots off

factory gonna have to live 

down one 



Thursday 16 December 2021

vax realities

they stamped my card

pumped my arm full 

of medicine

 i zipped up

ten miles home 

in the rain

popped some tylenol 

advil and said



death of an inconsequential man

blood surging through his veins

disseminating after a decade of lifeless

sedentaryanism the inconsequential man 

with a battle cry hurled himself out his 4 story window 

cradling his miniature labrador 

who as luck would have it

had already passed



once an iconic city

before the wars and the amphetamine soaked 

antisocial dictators regime

got bombed 2 smithereens


Monday 13 December 2021

crypto night

they gave what they had 

the hours of attention undivided they gave

what they made 

digitally sealed cryptographic tokens

etched into trees scrawled 

upon paper

to fade


Sunday 12 December 2021

Anne Rice

upon parting

trading this world for another

the eleventh of december, twenty twenty one

all the vampires  

who made her like she them

were given sudden



Friday 10 December 2021


the violet 
halfway between blue and invisible
became violent 
attacking an otherwise
nondescript wavelength
with a volley of purple multiphasic

our rocks
developed button fly star

what a bloody


Thursday 9 December 2021

the relatively unknown

at home

facing the faces of holiday cheer 

the relatively unknown 

dress and dial down fear 

with hopes

4 a fearless new year


Wednesday 8 December 2021

tailor. precinct 11

far and wide 

the old man was called upon

his number had come up!

he arrived carrying the suit he wore 

on his wedding day 1975

knocked on the thick oak door 

the office of aptitude 4 

deconstructing and reauthoring identities 

tailored to your desired 



Monday 6 December 2021

introducing the no see ems

while reading books by all my favorite authors 

all of whom are dead 

i let the room

and gave the stage to the no see ems 

they put on a punk flying show beyond compare

demonstrating how unreflexive

we truly are   


water from fabric

like water from 

fabric you got the truth 

out of a liar

by twisting 


conversations with the future

on a train leaving Las Vegas

i thought to my (future) self

with all the deception in the world

who needs magic?


Saturday 4 December 2021

it's a crime

it's not a crime to care and it's

not a crime not 

to care it's not a crime

not to care it's a 



Friday 3 December 2021

the inconsolable light that is you

so inconsolable 

you became the forecast 

god knows 

your light after the storm your

light! the calm!

before so inconsolable

god knows the light

the calm after

the storm


Thursday 2 December 2021

not only the lonely

the voices carried 

deep into the heart of recollection

no one was witness no one


what a gathering of friends  

for the lonely


Wednesday 1 December 2021

thoughts near 25

we went on advancing

cutting new angles 

experimenting constantly and who cared

where we landed or when

10 days a week they demanded you 

show up exactly on time wear a suit 

show no thigh and why? 

was it not enough

to love unconditionally do

life differently

demanding impartiality 



Tuesday 30 November 2021

fake sun.shine

in the age of machines they foraged

for scraps fought for territory

the latest liquid cooled solar powered billboard 

ridiculed them from the heavens  

they silently protested black fridays 

cyber mondays and the obsolescence 

of thoughtfulness 


Monday 29 November 2021

tired from sleepin

i got pummeled by dreams 

last night thrown into skirmishes

fought back but could not 

stay on my feet. now its morning 

and got to be ready sometimes

so tired from sleepin  


Sunday 28 November 2021

warrior 2

with a breath to the top of the lungs

and a prayer from the bottoms 

up they arose high

and headed in


Saturday 27 November 2021

december 5

in a sky swimming with currents

they held on to mom by fistfuls of cotton 

seated on a giant slab begging alms under the palms 

about to fall asleep when a set of shiny silver trumpets the angels did envy

heralded a monster rolling wheels big as they 

themselves   #katyamills

Friday 26 November 2021

black friday

on a frozen detroit morning

the cars slosh by the department stores

window shopping heat on the racks

please help a boy cried out disconnected

from reality and though they raised him 

they loved him they

didn't     #katyamills

Thursday 25 November 2021


days of heavy rain

the dry old world turned 

green our hearts yellow blue

then red. seeing you smile was a miracle

the desolate world teeming we crossed ourselves carelessly

skipping down jackets waxed halls

a stark freedom chased by 

the principles the rules

made for proper



Wednesday 24 November 2021

ode to banana

i punctuated my morning 
pulling a comma off the bunch at the stem
a vessel 4 electrolytes 
symbol for art and inspiration
i got under its skin then it got under mine
repetition of consonant
and vowel


Tuesday 23 November 2021


dyssed at a formal function 

sad kinda suicidal ina river of thought chasm 

wonderin what the fuck?

compositions on acid

dead show parking lots. organized isms

blue blockin the asms

save the copper attitude like a useless penny 

for a rainy day  


Monday 22 November 2021

starbound days

the one i hoped against hope to love in the starbound days took apart the sum of my words and selected from them a single choice, out of context, and left me, dissolute, with the remainder. i burned through nights, furiously attending my reduction. i did not rest until it was done. out in the street one dawn, shutting the door quietly behind, i carried the hearty broth to the needy  #katyamills

Sunday 21 November 2021


no wonder good things live underground for once they see light so often they are trampled 


Saturday 20 November 2021


tacked down
put in irons whipped with sheets
and tapered knots
we caught a sudden gust from the west
and turtled
shocked by cold salt water
we emerged
free again we sailed
slanting rolling edging
one with foaming whitecaps
dotting the horizon


Friday 19 November 2021


the fields how they turn 

from gold and fallow

lush. we let a yawn the crack of dawn

wrap ourselves in blankets

wool the usual layers 

had no pull

we kept warm with dance and

song. you need not read a book

to know love needs no push

to grow


Thursday 18 November 2021


all the holiday ads

in all the holiday papers

could not put them

back together

the savings promised

future bank at the



Wednesday 17 November 2021


fog obscured the sun

the light drawn into water

photons strewn about in a diffuse haze

enfolding sky and land they 

walked into the forest 

never to return  


Tuesday 16 November 2021

thirty some

the threat was made the charges
stuck the kids were taken the awful
luck. what will it take to reunite?
will do almost anything the wrong
 to right and fight and fight and fight
and fight  #katyamills

Monday 15 November 2021

the heights

hair tied back

they mix chemicals into buckets

with water with beats

distorting the sound slowing it down

hands and knees for you

mopping waxing dusting

on the ground for you conceptualizing 

open the valves fire up the boilers 

in the cold for you 

smiling when the work is done they

disperse into the heights

leaving behind an unreal

shine   #katyamills

Sunday 14 November 2021

the out and about crowd

in the in crowd

for the sum of years and days they

self-cancelled over crossed feelings

and forged identity

made a blood pact with the outsiders

to be fearlessly out

and about   #katyamills

Saturday 13 November 2021


i threw the phone

against the cold soundless punishing 

darkness. the city an ocean and when it got mad...

the faces pale gaunt dissociated

stress seared into the foreheads

no more! i stretched to my deepest limit

saw it break apart and dove in 

after  #katyamills

Friday 12 November 2021

american farm


into your production

up at scratch every morning

intermittent flapping of eyelash

your ineffable ways 

like the moon but not a phase

ina daze you amaze 

every harvest  


Thursday 11 November 2021


tipping the scales toward 

creation in a world of 

destruction gives a spirit

thrills   #katyamills


pushed down

a thousand times

got up  

a thousand and 

one   #katyamills

Tuesday 9 November 2021


i remember you giving me eyes

 outside Chicago your brothers 

your sisters anyone who happened by 

mom pushing meat 

and potatoes. we took sides 

off editorials in the Reader you 

gave me eyes young and in trouble i 

could not see i never wanted to hurt you

but i did  #katyamills 

Monday 8 November 2021

record store 1981

big decisions...

given a choice between

vodka and cigarettes

and the touted new release

vinyl was far less 

nutritious  #katyamills

Sunday 7 November 2021

the night an hour lost

on a sunday predawn

the candles liquid the

street lights glowing orbs  

in the fog i fought the bastards

in my sleep they set us back 

turning hands like clocks

i summoned source

for the great escape into



Saturday 6 November 2021

good luck with the supercilious attitude 

your shocking entrance and exit

good luck with the shabby

coat of titles and flawless conceit

i love to walk the runway in eighties

thrift and taste my buttered fingertips 

watching this rerun play out  


Friday 5 November 2021


twice i retreated to the mountains 

awakened (28 years) downhearted

reconnected to the old truth i was dodging 

i couldn't spark and turned to ash

again. then (forty years) i came out 

aflame writing for fighting for my life   


Thursday 4 November 2021

what i seen

orange lights

black kicks

hot lies

dirty rivers 

yellow eyes

subway entrances

blue thighs

scarred lips 

red skies


Wednesday 3 November 2021

life of an addict

internally pressured 

to score 

they squandered

all they had and went



Tuesday 2 November 2021

speak and therefore exist

i let the paper fall
scarred by a sudden memory
touch the silver lotus
with a laugh from no source i
ring the cup with a 
spoon. cat with no tail 
hidden in the hedge
by the rail i am talking
to myself to know i exist
the day will give a little
like cream softens coffee
she always got somethin 
to give


Monday 1 November 2021

the sun shines everywhere

the out and down

rather fuck off and get high

in the broke part of town

throw green glass

be with someone you know

or don't know don't matter

you feel about the same 

watching sunlight move

rather spirited yet

empty   #katyamills

Sunday 31 October 2021

betrayal of darkness

i am juxtaposed

they look at me funny 

i am bleached they are normal 

in some abnormal


i dive into the earth

so i can grow only

they shoot me down


i am a goner


by some betrayal 

of darkness i rise 

teeth first to speak 

my heart



show on the road

cat of nine tails
punctuate the mountain trails 
squash and apple and potato 
farmers bag up crops 
for sale

skunk raises his back
to the gentle chocolate lab
thickened by sugar in the depths 
of the sierras

playing notes of caramel we are
the entertainment. can you spare a twenty? 
we gotta keep this good thing
going   #katyamills

Friday 29 October 2021


lost in my kid's alphabet cereal
making words of letters disheartened
by monotony and repetition i stepped out
for a walk i chanced to look skyward
the patterns like arrows! tips of wings!
tickling the underbelly of clouds!
no time to say goodbye i flew south


Thursday 28 October 2021


i made up one eye 

soft and black with powder

your fist would 

have been too



Wednesday 27 October 2021


i saw you disturbed you 

were crying

may i help you?

there are ways 

one may protect ones 



Tuesday 26 October 2021

30 watts

30 watt lightbulb 

splashed across these

walls like lemon 

lemme see your face

up from these pages why

do you cry? they cannot hurt

you. lemme read you

these damn classics 

until we fall  asleep


Monday 25 October 2021

tune in.out

they got so busy mixing

and splicing ambient sounds 

with hacked lyrics

they could not hear the multi

media metaverse

calling. the rain drumming

thumb wheels thumbin 

what a day to be def


Sunday 24 October 2021

a thousand one liners

they was not asked around 

folks bein focused on the arts and crafts 

of survival they was not missed 

a thousand one liners later one young gun 

she lit a candle and prayed for them 

with implicit permission by god they

took a holiday from the street 

to tweet


Saturday 23 October 2021


you could not see his eyes

body lashed by the belt in the back 

headphones and hair mopping 

the face drownin them out 

rain checked windshield 

of pathological indifference

he was accused

soundscapes caressing his soul

driving his imagination 

wild he was innocent he was



Friday 22 October 2021

peace is lost

we imagined

the offshore oil platforms 
invading warships 
here @ the meeting
of land and sea

how quickly peace
is lost


Thursday 21 October 2021

autumn in the graveyard

the grounds overtaken with fallen leaves
it's less how we look that concerns me 
so much as can we survive?
you understand... 
let us give another candle
the best light for the dearly departed
may we always do what we can
to see them in it


Wednesday 20 October 2021


barely time to daydream

like usual when you edged 

into my office out of sorts 

to betray logic and reason

the strangest thing

it was like someone was 

there... my blood raced 

to believe our dearest comrade

she returned! 


Tuesday 19 October 2021


i remember

the day we stopped traffic

you and me in a daze in the street  

bystanders asking did we need

help? metal glass plastic call 911

there's been a collision! lovestruck

it was the best accident

i ever had 


Monday 18 October 2021

5 to 25

what a world 

where @ 5 years old you are mostly 

brilliant and when you hit 25

you know exactly 



Sunday 17 October 2021

notes 24 october

with hope upon wakening

believin the work to be done 

i open my manuscript

and like the washer the dryer you

spill out on the floor at my feet

such is life

replete and resplendent

we sharpen our blades

and fall on them


Saturday 16 October 2021

kick no. forty and one

sometimes life demanded a kick in the teeth

anything to see you 

smile  #katyamills

Friday 15 October 2021

they worked with chemicals 

and film 

swallowed several shots 

before work toward


extrication of light

from darkness


hopelessly devoted to

the process


Thursday 14 October 2021

turn on

when all's quiet 

in my home 

the great amplitude 

of raw energy

like a switch

turns me



Wednesday 13 October 2021

all you got

they beat the mean streets 

and hard luck faces 

by a big heart a 

penchant for laughter a 

stomach for failure 

ana means for makin 

easy cash and friends

ina forsaken land 


Tuesday 12 October 2021

katya to stardusk

dear Stardusk,

these jobs on the old earth

(aft of second sun) they really 

suck your soul thanks 4 

the AI flowers what a surprise

i hope you felt the emoticons

i charged  

orbiting you always 


Monday 11 October 2021

beholden to the wind

you slammed my bedroom door 

all throughout the night

howled into my ears forced me 

out of bed you blew away 

my style. beholden to the wind 

i am. when they see me 

all shall run  #katyamills

Sunday 10 October 2021


in the reprieve of summer
we gathered like birds in the park
for a cause

i donated books to the library
a man with manufactured legs
walked his dog

the trees dying of thirst

in this land
we cannot live without
our causes
a great many flock behind 
the ones who stand
in front


Saturday 9 October 2021


i lost my voice
miles from shore i
had no choice

the old rage and confusion 
the sadness yes i took the bait
jitterbugs 9 hooks
tore my belly up

i ran the line out to 
its end i clean broke that red devil
flash! in the air

you ain't never gonna
catch me 


Friday 8 October 2021

hungry tummy

we were kids we 

could not see behind our

backs. you headed 4 the duck pond

brought back dinner 

4 the hungry 



Thursday 7 October 2021


seaworthy to be
we wore layers upon layers
thick wool caps to be 
landworthy laced our boots tight
to be worthy to be 
we wore our hearts out 
unfurled them off a post
gave them to all 
the elements 
our adversaries 
did not stand 
a chance


Wednesday 6 October 2021

i died 4 music

cuttin and pinning wires
while you carve squares 
into the cabinet

the blade breaks clean
under your power
my lips in stereo thanking you

a star thrown
strikes me in the

i died
4 the love of


nail polish

my nails grow so fast

they will push you out of bed

they said. you won't even recognize me 

this november unless you feel



Monday 4 October 2021

Hollywood Hills

two lane highway
snake in the forest
take us to the sea

take us to Hollywood
to family with blessings
take us 2 the top of the world
to share a smoke
against sorrows

memories of screenplays
of travels
Egyptian swindlers and
the red-haired boy
the love of winsome
LA sunsets


Sunday 3 October 2021

various shades of green

5 days i polished the temple
with soap water a bristle brush on hands and knees bucket and rag liquefying greens ina blender i could go on like this forever without meat fish dairy sugar bread. painting the walls various shades of green dear god not without coffee


Saturday 2 October 2021

San Luis Obispo

SLO @ dusk
empathy yawns
into the void 
welcome to seasoned vindaloo 
with lamb
apparitions of Zebras
trotted out on our fields
of vision
castle in the clouds
San Simeon
the crimson the society
cool nights and clover
surveying pumpkin farms


Friday 1 October 2021

channel islands

accompanied by gulls
by Santa Barbaras willet 
long-billed fletcher
elegant terns and reddish egret we
shared coffee and song stared
into the morning light  


Thursday 30 September 2021

the last wave

down a narrow sandy path checkered with manzanita
to Point Rincon in this sleepy surf town
a memorial of painted rocks for a man who gave his wife
the child she always wanted before drowning
on the last wave. three days we stayed in Carp
churning avocados into guacamole. we are lucky 
llamas truly blessed hoping to meet a descendant of
the Chumash   #katyamills

Wednesday 29 September 2021

Big Sur beats

highway 1
eleven hundred miles 
of coast with you 
los gatos at home
weaving through 
the mountains
radio and gas stations 
the canyons
salt in our nostrils
kelp tossed like an aside
to the beaches
water pounding sense into 
these rocks 

reach out 
over the cliffs to 


Tuesday 28 September 2021


was gonna cross myself

take something wasn't mine

had the opportunity and 

let it be. before i awoke found

myself reading what i wrote on a stage

touching into the under

blue arm tattoo

dear anarchist dream self 

thank you for coming in 

line after 48 years all 



Monday 27 September 2021

enter the ocean

i cannot believe i am
flawless if you told me a million times

the salty breath
crashing into shore 
repeats this notion in my dumb

if you dare not enter the ocean 
headlong you will not drown

neither will you be 


Sunday 26 September 2021

small by the sea

the ocean swallowed the red sun
whole. you and me tucked behind a blanket
this sandy realm gone twilight i feel 
so small by the sea and it's good
why had we not gone swimming? 
had i forgot... in the body
the memory pulled me up
with a start. the mind 
cannot fathom the sinister   


Saturday 25 September 2021

con respeto

you came from Mexico to work 
you say to make money painting
houses seven days a week no days off
ever? this is why you came
you say. i offer you a doctor pepper
and ask you  - con respeto -
the fumes! have they
gone to your head?

Friday 24 September 2021

they want you they want you to be someone you not they fantasize no intention on realities you fix them breakfast stare into they soul streamin vids fightin jetstream wide open like the canyons the world is hard and wants you too and took you we have lost


Thursday 23 September 2021

run on empathy

drained they was

runnin on empathy alone

clothes tattered

eyes red thoughts 

burned black elbows

an knees nicked 

tummy grumbles throat

gurgles breath wheeze

please don't leave 

me we got all 

night don't we?


Wednesday 22 September 2021


intervals together we

shared the unforgettable 

brevity the building feverish 

the long hours waitin...

years later got our wish

all our days twenty

four seven together we 

could have killed each

other and then...

we did  #katyamills

Tuesday 21 September 2021

the 5th try

a hawk fought 4 balance 

over the banks of the river

5 times she spoke 

4 times he did not listen

it was bound 2 be a great 

fall     #katyamills

solution like the ocean

the days could be dizzying

we all got mixed up

it matters

how you put your

self together how fantastic 

to solve oneself 

like so   #katyamills

Sunday 19 September 2021

say if

if you say if 

i was wrong in your

letter of apology

you ain't



Saturday 18 September 2021

b gen

i gen and then evolved to be gen

life was saturated online

receptive fandoms and such

offline the marble got smaller

and rolled and could only be seen

from a great distance 



Friday 17 September 2021


unable to think unable 

to speak. mashed and bounced

precisely half ways across the earth

absorbed by some gargantuan feeling

you wrote poems unlike mine 

except they was true. watch 

over me and i over you


Thursday 16 September 2021





Alma Petterson
rated it really liked it
Sep 10, 2021
rated it it was amazing
Sep 02, 2021
Paula Cox
Aug 06, 2021rated it it was amazing
I really did enjoy this book. I really disliked the cliff hanger it ended on. Now I have to find the next book to read so i can find out what happened. UGH!
rated it it was amazing
Jun 26, 2021
rated it it was amazing
Jun 06, 2021


rated it really liked it
Sep 12, 2021
Paula Cox
This seems really familiar. It seems to be like the book Maze I read. It was good. I liked it a lot. Would definitely recommend.
rated it really liked it
Sep 05, 2021
rated it liked it
Jan 01, 2021
Bianca Betts
rated it it was ok
Nov 17, 2020
Aaron Stroud
rated it it was amazing
Nov 08, 2020
Christi Massey
I really enjoyed the grittiness of this book. Very atmospheric and engaging. Great read!