dizzy

thoughts. sift through them for the ones will give you strength to face another day. the venom from traumas is pure and lethal. 😵 when dizzy you can sometimes dance but not always

bloom

get up and say a prayer. drag these 50 year bones to the kitchen. pull the bag of beans out of the freezer and and grind them by hand while the tea kettle fires water to a boil. memories begin to percolate in my styled bed head. the whistle. the first splash into the ceramic cone lined with filter is to let her bloom over the mason jar. the thoughts are beginning to breathe. images of new england and chicago and the road between them. clockwise over the grounds and feelings are bubbling up now. long slow exhalations. it's between four thirty and five. the frothy brown liquid is ready. deep blue yosemite mug. pull my hood over my head, open the sliding glass door and walk out into the dawn. i have to leave the past behind or it will kill me. just listen to the morning birds. just watch the sky fill with light. #katyamills

give a fuck

a long sleep 

followed a terrible apathy

woke up off a few shots 

of espresso and la crema 

d'italia

promised myself 

once i recovered 

gonna give a goddamn 

galaxy of fucks

today

#katyamills

melon

a great rain gave the land muscle

you could see it

squeezed into the grapes 

on the vines braided tight across the land

the sun made the bodies tearful

green rind rockers

a memory of watermelon

an artillery of seeds

shot out of the mouths of

boys

#katyamills

n.one

all the broken hearts
came together to make one
with chips and holes and cracks
drippin blood from the edges
auctioned off at Christies
to a soul who had
none

#katyamills

afterlife

all this stuff won't be useful 

to you he says. not after you're dead and gone

i saw through and hung on tight 

his aim clearly to separate 

me from it. for i was young and nowhere

near the after life

#katyamills

distraction

the vision idled

distraction stuck a knife in us 

the vision watched us like house plants

rooted in the here and now

needing to be 

watered

#katyamills

introspective 1

the young explorer wondered 

were the interior world as immense as

the material one

might it be more efficaceous

to set up a meditation retreat within the forest

and live the life

there?

#katyamills

Lenny Chacon

when the young man passed away

friends of his who were also homeless called out to her

over the garden wall

she penned a tribute

describing how he helped her with the weeding

but mostly of his kind soul

she traveled to the small town in the Delta 

carrying a hundred copies 

to pay respects

 #katyamills

2 elation

the saddest day 

gave way 

when the cat came home

to elation

got off work early 

watched birds by binocular

tacos and coke

we made love

fell asleep to maurice ravel 

nine inch nails and 

the smiths

#katyamills

july harvest

they mixed drinks in the valley

with the plump hanging pears pulled from orchards 

hemmed in by vineyards 

a sweet exhaustion set in 

the sun usurped the sky and lit the 

golden fields

#katyamills

war 1

these divisions in the earth

pay heed. often invisible

noted by a sign or fence or posting

which side you are on may 

be the difference between death

and life

#katyamills

language 1

i like to pick up on cadences

language rolling off the tongue

a writer's job is like mining colloquialisms 

off the streets

#katyamills

the creative life

they found refuge in the creative life

after years of deconstruction

born to a mother who 

wanted a clone
disliked for having formed 

an identity outside of 

her own

#katyamills

full speed

we gather around the table
eating chicken off the bone listening

to the old man tell us stories

the snow
melting off the mountains
comes toward us now
full speed

#katyamills

whatever (it takes)

 smoked a whole pack 

of cigarettes drank an entire pot

of coffee

whatever it takes to keep still 

and write the damn

book

#katyamills

homecoming denied

whistling and searching

they got they arm cut up and belly slashed

that's how the cat

tells you he's not coming 

home

#katyamills

one and two

i was one milk tea short of a spectacular day

when you told me you were at your breaking point 

the beneficiary of your former friend's rage 

i doubled up my order adjusted my coordinates

and found you     #katyamills

galaxies

images from space

made all my big problems 

small. now i can do whatever

my heart calls out

for   

#katyamills

faith 1

i believe god can only be felt not 

touched, heard, seen, gendered or named

and the way you feel god's energy

alternating creative and destructive

is by faith

#katyamills

9.12.12 remix

the landlady gathered up the law, some paper and lies, tied them together like a bundle of black flowers then sprung upon them. the RDA of stress doubled. one morning they heard her walking up the hall toward them in the little room. they pulled their favorite jeans like second skin up and over the kneecaps. they squinted and came up on their toes. perked up their senses as best they could. out of the fires of passion and creation comes frequent destruction. to dissipate the pain they endured by painstaking measures to avoid scrutiny, they smoked some weed. capillary action in the eye. you better get out of here, she shouted through the door. you and your cat. you cannot stay!   #katyamills

farewell to a peaceful day

it started so well. a cool morning after a hot day in the valley. my love came to see me and we read the newspaper together on the balcony. like any couple on any sunday morning going back a hundred years. the prime minister of Japan had been assassinated. i went to prepare coffee and discovered one of the cats was missing. somehow the front door had been left open. my heart sank. we searched and searched. i called and whistled and called before falling into an emotional flatland. i went online to distract myself from the shock. one of my old friends whom i survived addiction with  - initials DC -  had been homeless on the streets for many months now. farewell to a peaceful sunday.   #katyamills

silhouette conducere

1898. Vienna 

the great composer Mahler upon the stage 

inhabiting the many forms...

a bull fighter. a teacher giving 

lessons. a thief backing away 

a thinker. a man lost in cups 

a sorcerer aligning the stars 

an emotion laid bare by 

the sun

#katyamills

misspent holiday

they ran up their hotel bills

feeling the world had run its course

overcharged to the maxxx 

living for the moment they championed 

another misspent holiday

they didn't care they even welcomed 

the aftermath

#katyamills

farewell to the pm

in the House of Lords

we watched you hold court past the point of despair

your ministers deserting their posts 

the podium propping you up like a stand

falling on your sword between general elections

 night falls. the people cannot save you 

somewhere in Kyiv Zelensky picks up a burner 

to offer kind words and

help you rest      #katyamills

madness stops within you

to stop in yourself

the madness of the world

online and off

find what you stand for

tolerate disagreements

be properly outraged 

and mostly passionate

able to voice what you care about

and why

#katyamills

fix - movement no.5

they parade after a feeling 

like they are saving unborn children

they drive for days in need of a fix

they take hormones and kill pills

so no unwanted creature roams the earth

what's right is not a destination you 

can pinpoint on a map

it's a sonata 

with countless variations

#katyamills

Virginia City

strapped into your cousin's 1966 Shelby Cobra 

we rumbled charged and fishtailed up winding roads lined with sagebrush 

to a haunted old town built into the side of the mountain

they had stepped off the sidewalks and walked the streets 

a believer, you thrust the stick forward

redlined and smoked them all. terrified turning round i saw them

wave like lurching. untouched 

beneath tall and solitary 19th century brick homes 

and i knew    #katyamills

holiday weekend

we had a big fight then mended our hearts

fireworks are not allowed

we followed the highway up and over the mountains 

to see your cousins in Dayton, Nevada

the land on the other side dry as my eyes 

by then. i guess god wants to keep us together

#katyamills

2045

strange living in the years before singularity

technology made things very comfortable

and AI had it out for us

she placed you in the least expected most compromised of positions

she tossed back another cosmopolitan she 

exposed you for a charlatan 

in the temple of the spirit

#katyamills

paws

under a frothy sky of foam

we were going round and round

these arguments long lost sense

breath of life what i would take 

and give. a moment  just to live

#katyamills