Monday 21 December 2009

all alone so together so alone all together

so together now like all the time with the one who chose you...who you chose too...who have inspired climax via tangential lip discipline. who have been inspired by tantric - only to keep breathing to accompany the sweating and embracing and having visions and cathartic rhythms. who would toss the porn and magz aside, even radio can slide, to maintain focus on one another -- fix and abide.

this is so very unified this experience, the way its described, and yet the very description gives away a certain distance, unravels the unification into its divided states with their differences (fireworks sold down south here, no alcohol tax where they live free or die, killer storms attack big sky, midwest goes from liberal to neocon, if you can keep your eyes open through nebraska you are somethin like a phenomenon) so hey! here we are, you are, i am... all alone in the zone, experiencin on occasion the jonz to reunify with him (my guy)...thinkin about the new orient i have discovered, letting go into this country, meeting his friends, invited into his lifestyle or aspects offered up as i follow his tracks. tired end of days together, lying on our backs.

and yes, i have compassion for those i left behind. i may be accused of alot of things, accused of violence, accused of slamming, accused of damage, accused of trading people like cards...we all do as we all also misconstrue, as the plane begins to blur or warp on the edges, folds and burns and rises as ash maybe before or tearing eyes, so close it burns, fuck! the pain! and we still dont pull away like hand from stove, why? because we need to know we can be thrown in the fire, we need to relocate to that land of humility for a while, although what we do is wonder why we are so goddamn disposable to someone who we fucking carried on our backs half the mountain, someone who drank from our spirits once? our spirits so dry like dust and blown out into traffic and the eyes of strangers whose tears then carry us into cotton for slow molecular sliding down to the edge and falling off to the gutter where we were left like relationship civil war protocol dictates. kill or be killed. i understood it. i had been killed again and again. now i killed. this was a choice, yes, but the killing was only accomplished in the name of resurrection of the spirit of the one i truly could have continued to love tangibly, but only to both our detriment. a wise woman in jail told me how. i hope you dont meet her. well not in there. its no mistake wisdom surfaces on the clock of dehumanized seconds. Go to jail in America and you will understand how Salvador Dali melted clocks - in the land of a thousand locks, no pillows, rationed soap and socks. compassion? not rationed.

so i thank goddess for the wisdom to walk away. not to be walked on or away from or not to not walk anyway for the sake of status quo. dont tell me you neva been a status quo ho? youre not alone...we all ate green on some version of reality, before the dawn of consciousness woke our palette up to the juice of life. dropped the koolaid, jumped into the rainbow sugar lips first. red#9 beamed up into the macrodivine. up up above it all, a distance from myself, expansion, before i contract back and break into the mansion, squat on foreclosures, the happening stance. not so romantic but who needs romance? just frag and defrag, soak up sun like the plants.

no theres more, yes i know it, been through it (not just told it). i appreciate with devotion the past relations in my ocean of experience, dont dwell on past tense, light a candle maybe, those whose time together we had was real and real fine. true the wind blows some windows shut and sometimes they hit hard like trade winds or jetstreams, the premier of winds blowin like dylan never seen. so the slap in the face can be interpreted (not based) on the volume of the windowframe hitting the recess, sometimes resting nice, others slammed so hard the glass falls to pieces. loss of form akin to clothes lacking creases. so how it feels when relationship fails. like macktruck losin brakes, gone runaway, ya, nature prevails. adrenaline rush. sadness, destruction. no signposts to follow, no clear horizon. vertical motion of falling or holding on. ever knowing it cant be long, cant be long. feel the pain. sing its song. your feelings cant kill you. shards of glass lie harmless on windowsill. watch them catch the light. feel the pain into the night. let the shine wear off the scene. let your memory be real and lean. not something you wax pristine over. atleast when i see way out past my selfcenteredness, thats what i showed ya.

even now fallin in love im like charged and livin large & drinkin deep... i refuse to be fearful, refuse to sleep. this is real. shit is deep. i pray my angels my soul to keep. same room and two different locus, this man i have come to love, trust and have a certain faith which is to kneel and drink the waters the inspiration into a form...and where form fails there is silence, water runs clear, between us touching the hardwood floors, catastrophic fears pass over my vision, like the tapestry of burning towns in deserts, or the dope around us the street level hustle, an engagement ring comes after the same girl so many times...she runs cause it aint real. some cheap way for some wannabe pimp to cop a feel. the ring fits on her ring toe. all a front, all a show. burns low her glow.

unequivocal bend at waist and drop of top hat, tricks of worn out dirty fucking trades. in some dudes genes like some dudes jeans carry blades. basically the same dude any way you cut them, chop, grate, dice, always lay the same at your doorstep. cats eyes to make you one and one makes two kinda dude, wants an apartment with you, you gotta work or sell your body, didnt he tell you? our apartment, your rent. for fucks sake asshole! the better part of you cries out, get the fuck bent! some old fashioned illusion creates newfound contusion on head where they kicked ya, circular like ring seated in your eye.

whether or not you knew it today ya gotta die, cause the street level mentality cannot stand socio-cruelty, economic unity looks hand to hand. not what you can or cant stand. the choice becomes ours as we let go of solitude, the clearing of fog breathes in unity type attitude, like when we look after one another just walking down the block, sometimes its all we gotta do, look after your neighbors kids like they were your kids too. kids like they were like you were too. kids like your kids too. like yours too. childlike look alike. yours too. look after yours, too.

Thursday 17 December 2009

falling...into the sky....brings out blue & yellow eyes

She found herself falling...not a free fall but relaxing the mind to mindful, affect to attitude, dropping to life of tropic of latitude... she was falling for him, he became the one, day by day as she begin to understand the greater meaning, not just an ordinary light, no no no! this touching of souls wore out the sky like summer suns. she was falling, ya

she fell... deep into the well so pure of love so fresh! caught softly by latticework of natural knowing just where it was she suddenly but surely belonged! beneath the power of his spirit, the righting of all wrongs, ya, there beneath the heartfelt singing of songs you can see her already prone and looking up to him...she lonnnnnnnnggggssssssss!! his presence -- way he carried himself -- all came together running like watercolors into the sky.

all the times she ever fell came coursing through her memory, and they looked something like this : a child falling out of arms, towels, sheets....a child fallen generously from the stars, through the times, roulette kinda zodiac signs. baby girl falling off a chair, holding up her hair. off a swingset, jump up into a fall to feet in sand. then the stubborn teenage girl, fallin off in grades. cat fights with other girls, she falls out of favor of some clique or another. fallen off the balance beam, this time no one to catch her. decline of rollercoaster. life spinnin' faster and faster it seems to her. she feels fallen cant fall no more! her body aches her feelings sore. decline of summer...loss of virginity... misguided by the boys she feels fallen like a whore, fall into leaves. they beat down he door. into arms of boyfriends she fell. life was swell. out of friendship. out of love in various ways. into despair and maze of mind. slip and fall on black ice, come now rewind. nothin nice. but always she had picked herself up, dusted self off. by choice.

she spun herself round thrice with the energy she received from source secondary to prayer and gratitude. her truth premiered uncut & nude - original. vulnerable. her sincerity unlocked her, heated the colder unfeeling parts within, defrosted ice. As chain reactions connect and react, so happened she dissociated fear. critical to mission. critical to transformation of me to us. had to be peeled away, spun apart (the fear, the lust) the only natural commensurate start. outcasted for good, out of her aura! (they say fear walked away on some bitch named Laura, whose karma was foul & now became later, who ran a redlight, shrieks of terror, shaking heads locked in sight of her tragedy, folks with firewalls around avatars, who at home seek comfort by waging wars (our girl shook fear off so decidedly, fear was clocking hundreds per hour and very near missed them!

hell, breathe! now she could breathe. now she felt relieved. in and out of the city streets did she weave herself, feeling gradual improvement in health. CNS was no longer braced, flight or fight mode had been set aside, cold cased. not a phone call left untraced. she had followed her line all the way back as blood trails, generations upon generations of highs & lows. she picked out the most hardworn souls in her unknown memory and chose the ones like her, quite an array of personality. borderline, bipolar, extreme rapid river of feeling was the usual. The dress and attitude: casual. Those who know they know nothing, who can call out when youre bluffing. Smart to the backalleyway rules of the street. Able to withstand miles walking through november sleet. And breathe! breathe out mist. Gloves from the knuckles worn up to the wrist, made of wool. Working class types who work under the knife, the gun, or the cock...the kind who might know well the sound of turning a lock. You see survival in their eyes. They keep their cash in their sock.

These were the ones she came from, she smiled to herself. She had love her spirit always did rise secondary to her efforts to arise. they say this brought out the blue and yellow of her was said about her fall into the sky....pronounced (the sky) the ocean of eyes. lightened (the sun) the yolk of eyes. this kinda action came not easy, but of many tries, many tries. manny manny, manny manny tries.

so what of this so called sky? was their rain? i mean, did it cry? well yes. no lie. tears can be as much for joy as for pain, like criminals and innocents find themselves both in chains. the so called healing of the nation, yet obvious to everyone its a true fucking damnation. Eagle infused with quality of vulture. one of the things she fell out of love with, her culture. Day by day, hour by hour. Stress -- time for another hot shower. wish she had a bath. Desperate to keep the meaning meaningful... what had been beauty, beautiful. Sometimes hoped to fail to understand reality. 'how unreal' she might say. Reality could be so dehumanizing, as its arising. escaping reality often became her (and millions) preference. not surprising.

the sky was full with juicy pearls of water (they call rain) and emotional content, yes, the sky she fell into was the open eternity of new love. manifested suddenly, mysteriously, with great and undeniable patterns of synchronicity criscrossing in waves and tides. the outcome: in him, she confides. in her, he confides. mi casa su casa brought them home to where they currently reside. they addressed one another with great feeling like that contained in the pearls that burst upon the sunlit sky of newfound sacred scary full of fucking wonder immersion down under the weight of passion and unknowing, leading, learning, teaching, towing....the seeds of some big harvest for two lives to thrive in, had undeniably been sown! the sky could hold them. the sun could soften. almost every day they touched...well, quite often.

so this was the rush of it, neurotransmitters in transit....falling right into it with her. this big adventure. no expectations or agendas, really, quite pure. neither of them had been looking for anyone, and he had gone so far as to say the girl would have to really juice him, crush him, peel him out, the girl who would be chosen. when he saw her the first time, all was sudden and frozen. times he looked at her within the two hours of first contact, well, possibly a dozen.

she herself, she was often found contemplating the recent death of her cousin. sandy blonde named sandy. not long of the earth, late thirties laid to rest. she prayed for some movement of spirit, like migration to west. her cousin was from the east. she was clearly west. although the ways of being may have been opposite, she leaned clearly east. though nothing did not matter, in double negative speak, not one but both had seen part of them deceased. the way she knew her, and got known back, the love they shared, so worn and cracked.

so she did not notice, the first few times they met. she would arrive and stand or sit or lie. he was drumming with some friend, some guy. she was usually tired from travel. had her energy released, unraveled. he saw her vulnerable there in one room. he wanted to talk to her, hoped it would be soon. she knew him only by his music, the drumming, well, his soul infused it. it carried into her and grounded her well. she no longer feared getting carried away, the groundswell. his smile she found hella kind, compassionate and giving. A West Indian with dreads, she found this riveting. But unknown to her as he was, he felt her eyes penetrated deep. he felt she knew him or he knew her somehow? someway? past life? quantum leap. into eachothers consciousness they began to seep.

she got distracted almost every time, people talking to no end. around her space was confined and small. she generally waited on her friend, a man. This dread, he saw she was hella tall. and gravitated to her being so easy, like his music had her heart synch up. they were in for a colllision! or unification! some amazing new relation creation! they might just light up the supermarket mags, this sublimated couple a global sensation!

the sky they fell in opened to all possibility. the chakras were tuned for the vibration of chi. iani became entangled with jah on mount zion. allah and buddha exchanged smiles in the hot sun. looking up to the sky was yeshua, age: real young. the stars had aligned, all this must have happened. no other explanation! tea leaves and i ching followed suit, if you trace them. the old sufi wisdom went west without explanation.

the two lovers they stayed up all day and all night. taking in all, not taking nothing but light. it was clear as day their shared intuition. they followed this far past the five senses, way beyond individual volition. they spoke to one another in different ways, various tenses. no words made silence unapprehensive... or just fine. in one another they saw the divine. the world became afixed in rose colored lenses. the embrace full, it need no verbal. the charge? shotgun! amplified! ya, accelerated to light speed via turbo.

Wednesday 9 December 2009

oh how the one closest to my heart can take her out too

the terrible deed! was less than surreptitious. not under cover of night (the thiefs element) but in the break of daylight. the beating dead center got boosted like some koolaid kids juice did. panic and tears and sugar red lips. grasping out stretching a bunch of pale fingertips. this crime to be fathomed was deeper than surface. leaving whole systems off balance, allostasis. listing to one side and left dry was oasis. the upcoming of impact to eco-system was tensed. teeth clenched in the moment, with mind on the future, the blood drains perpetually, the history designed. looking up in the daylight she stared at the sun and around it, blindly...the stars had aligned.

sweet silent morning of the night, pre-dawn reprieve from us walking our soles hot with friction, thinking our heads sore descramblin diction....the scene absent of us reads headlines: BENEDICTION! no one would think one would get their licks in, on such a crystal clear pristine purity, but clockwork keeps moving. proving must be succeeded by proving, no stoppin only moving. like ladies puttin tricks in...hitting bricks again, now and then, never not, gotta always be ready to strike. iron in the coldest metallic hail, steady hot, you can feel it. dont deny it. you gotta deal with it. may as well settle (down) to groove-in.

not sneakin into that sacred space, no, not a thief in the night after my heart. one hand on the left ventrical, other on the right. oxygenated blood pulsing all over... you shoulda seen the sight. and why because i let him there. opened up and met him there. i kept a year long vision, or should i say stare. because the truth be now told, some care less ness in some cooling kinda season. watching him so close in my vigilance i thought. disorder aka chaos in my life had been controlled, had been caught. so i thought. and thought wrong like the part where the song goes astray, improvises out, and no one fights the wandering...leading to a waterfall hurtful kinda tragic falling... doom aka death aka rebirth aka change aka not as bad as we make it out to be but still it throws us sometimes all into a hyperventilation, sucking for help from any being, any nation. feeling the panic. then you are panic is you are bright lights: PANIC.

so i thought we had built some decent trust. something to hold onto, each other true and accountable for the love created. tending it, neverending it. as best we mighty can. and then i thought we felt peace like...that we felt the release like...?
or even the essence of the godsgoddessesgoodlordbuddhallah all up in a casserole.
sung praise so to save every single soul from above.
i found myself
praying and praying hard as i can, trying so hard to let go...
so hard holdin on to myself, self embraced clutching ribs holding my water in, ex (communicating) my every breath...
nothin left...
nothin left.

the eyes press water by salt.
it aint his it aint hers -- aint nobodys fault.
how come? when sourced from what so honeysucklesweet?
how does this lifeblood
leave ya bereft and beat?
tired and past.
requiring 24/7 chewing on nutrient roots
not to refresh the spirit
nor to replenish the body...
no. simply to LAST.

well it happens that way, it happened that way.
every day im remembered by the silence where once beat the heart
the core. now no sleep.
this shit is hella deep!
gotta keep on movin, out and back into
try and find me, im a steady movin target
and let me tell you now leave your GPS behind
before i forget
now again i shift careful
out of earth element
sweeping up in the wind
dont worry, i wasnt an evil spirit
come because you sinned
be not afraid

out of sight was i
now back to earth was you
jack the volume up in your impala
fade the fader back to the boots
slammin nightlife energy into your roots

jack the central nervous system
down a notch
feel the music hit and bounce
across your midsex...
now dance for the man
with the single malt scotch

i follow you without your knowing
your aura is simply glowing
i will protect you best i can
im your biggest spiritual fan

i weave off the mans cologne
into the honeys
perfume pullin them away
or back around him
i orbit like a moon
surround you like a cocoon

you lick the cream
off the whip of monsoon

i spray off into space
club kids rollin all over the place

you tumble weed right out the door
like the desolate crossin
next to unknown already
highway #4

thats when your heart stopped you
for a second
you took me
i takes you back there
you beckon

to that lonely discarded feelin
we felt
in the desert

your cards they fold
the game is up
the two of us
are all we got

no family, no love like that
a love like this! is all exists!
its enough i tell you
dont ball your fists
quick grab my hands!
now grab my wrists!

bow down we will
and turn around
retrace our steps
without a sound

hold hands it cant
be done alone
abandon all
cellular phone

take back the faith you tossed!
take back the land you crossed!
time is come you
find salve
for heart

Tuesday 8 December 2009


when the terra strikes no memory in ya soul.... the part of you thats fearful begins to grow old. you feel it now and then in times you feel troubled. you go on tryin not to panic cause you see fear and smile. sometimes its been a long while. and you know the game he wants you to play, like to go to the motel under platonic circumstance (hey, well watch tv...maybe some intimacy). when really as you get down on soft bed with hard driven rules, in time he brings out romance (its the only way he could ever have a chance) and watches you careful first and the picture that carries across your eyes then flashes of skin flashes of skies, informercials waiting long after sun sets and dies. as he pins you to the bed, becomes clear; he lied! he lieshe lieshe -- lies!

the only weapon you brandish -- your eyes. lemon bands light up the aquatone two tone cornea surrounded by milk ocean. the pupil holds the ground while the retina usurps the crown. glaucoma cheers from around the way, stretching out the moment. the drama, the ocular scene. see it with your eyes like all the other guys, the wannabe suckers, casting fishing poles and wearing dockers. Red lightning strikes across the milky way, branches out effortlessly to either side of center. branching round the pupil like its gonna strike, serpent tongue forked describes it all right. truth is its a living reef more like, in a coral colored bay with a gloss covering over like a a membrane sea spray. with the spotlight dark come swimming below the surface, to scan the horizon vertically, hyper vigilance you see. you catch him cold with lady rays, shooting amethyst light in a delicate way.

arterial de venous armed with misdemeanors. then the coronary comes with its felony. crime of passion? crime against humanity? when the attack hit his heart, his wife lost sanity. waiting in the cool light hospital corridors, waiting for hours. biting her nails for the first time in years. not even trying anymore to hold back the tears. she was with him for years and years. suddenly no knowing if hell make it one more day, what more can you say.

he should not have cheated, and done them both wrong. she knows now the truth, and its so very long. stretching back a whole ten years, when cellulits made appearance. she remembers the moment. modeling new bathing suit in the heirloom looking glass. he was right behind her, making motion toward her ass. she did the playful move they knew from beginning to end. right down to knee bend. he stopped sudden this time, stood upright and paused. she turned and asked what? he could not deliver it. just told her nothing, dont worry its fine. she doubted him. demanded. tell me please! she could hardly stand it.

such was the entrance of cellulitis, that blackened their relations like detritus. within a year he was online with craigslist. searching for young girls with resurgence of lust. some nights stayed up so late the eyes began to crust. looking at pics and writing statistics, trying so hard not to grab his own prick. usually he would have to, though, after midnight girls in stereo in the back of his mind. scanning forward... then rewind. stop to study. get all giddy. then hes dizzy, spinning into early am. whispering to himself with every rejected email...damn...damn. then finally one landed, when he perfected his art. anyone can do it. you just have to start. the time you invest does all the rest. you compose yourself differently. you see whoyouwishyouwere more clearly. you steadily work it out of you, without clearly lying. girls on the other end of the line - well, maybe one somewhere starts sighing. by the end of the night she will be crying.

she could imagine all this a decade later, his wife betrayed and many moons past laid. seeing his grinning face in her memory. how happy he was! and she felt happy too. yet the bedroom she had repainted in a dark dark blue. her lingerie she set afire once she learned to vent the flue. chalked it up to end of youth, through & through. his persuasions veered offtrack. she had no clue. yet her intuition chose for her the dark dark blue. why she now knew. hands on either side of her head, pressing in wishing, to forget or forgive, drop all the way back from the whole affair to innocent kissing. she screamed every time she thought he was better off dead. she pulled out from her head length of hair -- she knew she was a monster. he created her. a big scare. her insides went from soft to hardware. towards ordinary strangers she stared. then glared. temper suddenly took on quality flare.

i felt her energy right then and there. scalded by him was i, the last girl he would lose himself over. see ya later, por favor. and i was drawn to see her, meet her. my eyes had set on him. my eyes my only weapon. he tried to avoid them, tried to keep distance. all the time i infused them with all he made me he could feel them too. a dose of his own medicine. only doorway in. after ducking and dodging while i struggled, ten minutes or more i am sure, he looked in my eyes, i showed him the way of his sin. seconds later as he got the upper hand, the attack hit him hard. on the floor was where he land. over him did i stand. foot over his throat. hand on my coat. stood there hyperventilating for a minute. watching him clutch his heart. hating him like no other. then out the door i dart.

then beside her, his wife, in the hospital pacing. touching her arm and gesturing. she stopped and dropped her head, gave in finally. we visited his deathbed. she clutched my arm. i turned gently with her and turned her to me. its gonna be okay. her face just registered alarm. listen, he cant do no wrong no more. to you, to me, thats what im here for. to tell you aint none of it your fault.

she could hardly bear it. the earth the salt. the funeral. the home. the way his family spoke to her: in monotone. so i bore it with her. i came to get her, take her out her element. warmth and kindness i gave to her. then finally one day she looked to me. looked me in the eye. she felt the amethyst rays her way. she smiled. i looked in her eyes, too. i smiled. yes, i smiled in the warm sunshine depths of her knowing...

emerald bays, emerald pools

Wednesday 2 December 2009

community found by way of chance. sudden strike of light slash romance.

i lifted my hands, i lifted my head, divine carried through me, awakening the dead. i opened my eyes and thought of lies i heard, thought of the lies and how absurd. became convinced my sincerity could be the true word, ya. as i walked through my life and up and off of my path, ya, i learned that my word showered down a soft rain...
fell on those who had suffered coming across, you see. grateful were they and grateful was I, mastered the category, dispelled half the lies had led them down, fell back to the ground, no sound, no weight at all, i was too fucking tall they saw, and so i got chopped to size, they took me down on paper (the 'wise'). Dubbed me 'corrupt', dub it was the fashion. they sentenced me without any passion.
Tears and tears are how i am defined, and the paper i use.... well its got no lines. and the road i drive is so alive with danger, they double up patrol and overtime all rangers. you know the stranger i picked up? just because he need a ride. no reluctance, no hesitation, running free like a mack truck. you cant touch what im saying? no delay. stop loss. you wonder how i got the holes out of holy cross? maybe its sunshine and maybe its fine, maybe its soulful and sung into space. anyway you like or hate, anyway you rate. make no difference no how. cause the rules no longer rule.
if you got a harvest you better damn trim it, cut it, make it clean and prosperous and shared . its the stretch of stretches, the lex of lexus. prefix it for the table. extend the cable so you cannot see what you eat or whose around you. give thanks for the people who prefounded you. whatever you do, no looks in mirrors.
medusa and shes got the snakes in her hair. she likes to lie around, play truth or dare. you know the games that she plays she learns them by heart, all of the men they think shes a tart. but shes a queen yes she knows! and the way that she glows, so brightly you see that you cant find your key. if you cant locate you then how will you locate me?
in the sky its so high, the thought pollution, the chains; we lie in the dark and listen to trains. in the backyard beyond all the clothes on the line, you feel so damn bleached you know, you feel so damn fine....
unemployment runs high, the well has run dry while china flash and smiles, quickly buying up our styles. Still the jeans they are tore, man, at the knees where we fell... just another one from the well.