loose tooth

working the orchard

they were pretty dehydrated 

one of the apples 

pulled off the branch 

they sunk their teeth in 

went in for another

bite they saw blood 

felt around the mouth 

the drunken fight 

last night 

a tooth was 

loose

#katyamills

dead!

got into a fight over nothing

we yelled it out scathing and then it was gone

i watched your eyes blink in slow succession like subway car doors when they're jammed

wanna go for coffee? you asked

that make up smile

i'm dead

 

#katyamills

fight for it!

He served in the Navy and had been a pilot. They thumbed through scrapbooks together and he showed her. There were photos of him arm to arm with his brother and father, both who were aviators before him. It was an intergenerational thing, a legacy. She didn't have to act impressed. When she fell on hard times he volunteered to cover her lodging and food until she could get herself situated. He would not take no for an answer. She said she could handle it but he read between the lines. He would have kept her safe to perpetuity. She loved him a little before all this. They were both fighters. She would love him a little more for loving her, afterward, by heading out into the world with renewed strength to fight for her life. 

 #katyamills

ten eleven

again and again

i fought my way out of a bottle

behind wings of paper you

rocked with the train along the tracks 

peeking out at the not newsworthy

i am loved and that's why i 

keep fighting i keep

loving

#katyamills

8.10

a bar fight 

a skull fracture

no one knows who did it

deep in the forest

far away 

a lonely dog

calls out

#katyamills

we are true

you took my hand you 

pulled me forward against the same old stories

surrounding us

they would always be made up

whereas we are

true

#katyamills

 

Ukraine

seeing the vision in the Ukrainians

the volunteers the photojournalists 

hope is restored. a country fights

for the values by which it came to exist!

that's sacred. still. it's war and

hope is also decimated

 #katyamills

beyond the wildest dreams

following your convictions and craft to they desperate ends will appear to others like superstitions and even a great waste of talent and time. you will be labeled if not belittled in this world where one is supposed to abandon one's dreams and visions and face reality. though devoted and even spiritually fulfilled, you will feel like you got crossed. you will be lonely and almost bitter by common society's rejection of you. you will be aching sore and if you are anything like me, stubborn. swore and demanded more and doubled down. they will tell you your stuff is no good, for if it were everyone would be reading you. this is a lie. you will be tempted to lie to yourself, too. do not. go all in and why? because devotion is uncommon and rare. keep at it, with self abandon, and, i promise you, the kind of wealth beyond the wildest dreams   #katyamills

betrayal of darkness

i am juxtaposed

they look at me funny 

i am bleached they are normal 

in some abnormal

psychology

i dive into the earth

so i can grow only

they shoot me down

again

i am a goner

unless...

by some betrayal 

of darkness i rise 

teeth first to speak 

my heart

relentlessly

#katyamills

high school fight

cigarettes and cars 

we glisten in the mud

smoking
laughing
chasing

whatever are we waiting for 

nothing

we blast our heavy metals
from our beater cars

much better than
home this nowhere here

good as anywhere

we
eternal youth

hopin' on some thrills

if the fight don't happen

donuts in the mud

can't hurt

whatever we are doing
making out
all right

picking each
other up
we have fun
doing it

dream #1234

So many dreams to go. This one is a waking dream of  acceptance, to see myself in the context of all my world and relationships and choices and demands, the push and pull, the ebb and flow, and wake up each day willing to embrace it. To fight for what I want and need, knowing full well the fight will never end for the challenge is the life.

savage

i like to bring a 20 oz genuine thermos to work with me, full of coffee or tea. i like to bring an genuine awakened consciousness, too, as this can be helpful in tricky situations. one goes with the other; if i go without coffee, i may not be completely with you there, and you may need to tell me things twice or knock on my skull and ask  hello? katya? anyone home? please gimme a reprieve! i am in my forties now and have lived through a lot of bullshit. i know nobody hardly respects their elders anymore, true, but aren't i cute and nice enough to be an exception? if you decide not to show me leniency, okay, that's what my nieces would call  SAVAGE! and then when my sleeping consciousness gets properly plied by your orange roughy, well, the savage will awaken in me from any depth of slumber and i will stand on my hind legs and make myself bigger than your ego and we can go UFC - MMA fighting where i shall take your ass properly to ground.

future mma star?

martial arts mixed with supermodel moon

Good morning world, today it will be partly hysterical with scattered tear gas and a good chance of healing the narcissistic wound, by appearances, anti-Trump and replete with overenforcement of law, and disorder. the wild-eyed tatted up boy from Dublin will enter the Octagon in the square, Madison Garden, while a New Yorker agent of real estate assets makes moves on the Oval, the Office, bearing fruits of the violence of free speech, talking of violence and violence of talking, while the political correct find themselves bundled and floating, sucked slowly into space, drawn to the supermodel moon. the lights of civil rights are mostly white wandering place to place, eye for eye, martial arts mixed and in danger of falling from grace.

Maze 2:13:4 Storytelling

Book Two

Daughter of Darkness Series

Chapter 13:4

In the last episode 2:13:3 Bless and Ame finally throw down! Ame uses her Girl Army skills to evade and attack. Girl on girl crime! 

a star obsolete

I am so sad and there's nothing I can do, well that's not true, I can do my nails and take a shower, I can get dressed and go to work, I can glue myself together and hope that it will hold, yet, sometimes I feel I am headed for a break, like just the other day when my world had turned grey and I fought back the tears and so misunderstood, it took all that I could not to go back and fight, but to give up on the chance to make things all right... yes, it was right around then as I pulled to the curb, slow-cooked my head and sat there disturbed, as the breeze off the delta came whipping around, that I said to myself in a scared voice asking god, is it gunning for me, my psychotic break? Will I sink to the bottom of this salt water lake? I could feel my heart was not into the commitment of losing my mind to starfish and brine, I could feel that my heart preferred to stay sad maybe shocked after my spirit got clocked and devastated so quickly, after such a good run before sands got so shifty.

The only big difference I saw from the past, the last time a friend dropped me hard on my ass, was my own situation how far I have come, 'cause back then I was full of nonsense and chewing gum, unable to work and basically done, no longer young, cold-spirited idle and sometimes suicidal. And the friend and ex-lover whom I lost at that time, carries all those qualities still so I can see through her how I have changed, how that is no longer me. But I don't need to look back anymore or compare, I don't need to be faced with a mirror and stare, to know how I have stretched for my dreams to this place, it's written in my eyes, it's visible in my face, but more essentially woven into my whole character, and though I may fall back upon self-treacherous times, in a moment subdued by a flashback or heartache, and go into madness and anger and venom, and say things I long since stopped saying, and panic and fear and confusion can enter the room... I am essentially goodness and warmth and white light, by noon I will have come out of the darkest of night, and back to my senses and self and clarity, the departure of all fear, weakness and irregularity, where in the cool silence of my study I see, my journey is there, patiently waiting for me...this may not be so, but I hope so to dream of a chance to shine if only to be a lighthouse standing tall, for all the ships out there heading straight for disaster, may I at very least be a star obsolete to guide you, an aster.

enveloped in media glaze - fin

There i am
lagging realtime...

red is now blue
and blue is now green is
 now gold is now
 silver

silver surfing
edged off a
screen

separated from the sugar
the lemons turn
orange

there i am
doing the dishes
with my eyes closed

day-trading milliseconds
making a moment
per trade

sometimes life feels like
convincing a pig being hammed
was a cure

there we are
we need another miracle
one was not enough

mother nature
on a rampage
the killing kind

there we are
renewal in the rain
refilling a prescription
for affliction

sensation of merlot
down the gullet
some sorta warmth

there it is
the opiated vision
tele path
tele vision sets
a course for
disaster

i used to tell myself
you are just plain rotten
the best in me
i had downright
forgotten

verboten

another fifth of a second
time traded away

there we are
our gps in
reverb

we are the echo
of a sliver
of a moment
in time

promoted unconditionally
shamelessly
feverishly

it is so sad to watch her unfold
fate. nostalgic

like a carpet
stashed away in the back of your closet
you see all the old stains
and remember
and unravel

this is why i roll it up
and choose
destiny

enveloped in media glaze -iii

There we were
beyond irreverence
plain old sick with inherited inattention and hate
the litany of bitter recall
transformed by psychosocial maybe
magical means

our loyalty to us
our caring for us
our sheltering us

into a white
snake

we now hold a reception to
culturally-sanctioned pissing
on modern artists
modern art

on ourselves
because it's hot
and steamy

and toxic
unctuous
noxious...
scrumptious!

everyone's invited and no one comes

sex with us is asexual
fighting us ... (at best) ineffectual
believing in us (good) for the karma
without us (there is) no tension
no dharma

i'm gonna jump in anyway
disappear into it. let it absorb me
that's what i am gonna do!

comfort is manufactured. right here in America.
we won't ever outsource comfort. we like riding
on suspension braking on
air floating in
water softens the
earth for building a
fire

Rolling allostasis -iv)

She was in her twenties, when she surfaced from the midsection of an iceberg, the frozen contents of some formerly fluid collective subconscious experience. In the middle of nowhere, mind you. A slow drip of unhappening. Congealed into living memories (consistency of molasses).  So she thawed from her heart out, and the ice around her began to soften in her light and heat, and collect supine at her feet. Aqua devotion. If water had hands... then prayer beneath her dry eyes. So rare did this sorta manifestation occur. The glaciers melt in their natural way before her. And she takes her damn time. You don’t hurry a glacier. You age it, like wine. Or wait for her to melt, to reference empirical evidence of global warming. Melting butter at room temperature. She never left the kitchen table. Painting her daily bread. Turning and turning yellow over time with the wallpaper. Gotta get worse before she gets better. Baby blue with white flowers, soft and malleable. Almost vulnerable, fallible – almost human again. As she wishes. As they want her. Sorry says the fight inside her, delivering the roundhouse Queen Anne Victorian style. Round one...TKO. From a frozen warrior #2 asana. Feel the heat. Sauna.