radio music and the neuroplastic explosion

the old radio music was intractable. at any moment one of those crap songs would revisit her and she would find herself involuntary humming. if only there was a match stick of dynamite or neuroplastic explosive to pinpoint the spot on her brain where overplayed one hit wonders derived.   #katyamills 

compass

there is an urgency to be on the cutting edge of everything in this culture. to stay current on all the latest news. to be in step. information is a vast industry serviced by technology. i like to be aware of what's going on for sure. and yet I find the deep longing that resides within to be a truer compass. 

#katyamills

 

9.24

if anything is to blame for all the problems in the world it is not books

#katyamills

not a color but a hue

I lost myself. Not in a color but a hue. I wouldn’t call it green. I wouldn’t call it blue. By the way it painted over our lives, there was little else we could do. He knew a place by the water where we could sit in the shade. The river looked blue from above, and green when you invade. I felt threatened. I would miss that room, with friends, on Sunday mornings. We drank decaf coffee out of a thermos and it was disgusting. We swallowed it like champions. Here you may be rather alone but you can say what you need to say and nobody will talk over you. Or say nothing and be seen and not forced to speak up. I lost myself in the clarity of untroubled colors. Death to the insidious former hue. I wouldn’t call it golden and it certainly was not blue.   #katyamills

forget 2 remember

I forgot everything. I forgot the world forgot what happened forgot my name just forgot. The dreams pushed my eyes across the oily undersides of my lids, the eye movement rapid, the nightmares they were senseless and vapid. No one could hurt me anymore and neither could I. I forgot everything just so I could begin to remember.   #katyamills

stitched

i stitched together a so so morning after a night turning with visions and scratched up sleep. it could have been worse. society could have turned on all of us. all it takes is runaway fear and someone to target. queer nonbinary would be easy to pick off. the far right stays up late working on it. i cannot count my blessings. innumerable are they.  #katyamills

it's not pretty

this won't be linear 

it won't be pretty it won't go your way

you will encounter hopelessness and death

battle thoughts that tell you lies

dust off. try to love it for what it is

and be kind to yourself 

first

#katyamills