Tuesday 31 July 2018

your fortune

befalls you
each morning
   when you
 come to

slap your face
  drink your dreary coffee

eat twice as much

still you lack
    cut yourself
   no slack

the assembly line of life
wants you back

don't go

give yourself a
a lavender mud mask
write a book
count all your pennies
shout Foucault to the rooftops

leave us your history
of madness


life and all its head aching

dull like old world
war weapons
under glass

twist the cork toward
the pop

bubbles burst over West Hollywood
neurotransmitters desperate
to breathe

out the dizzy heads

the flutes
fighting for air
in the gutter
below the booths

ecstatic applause
then static

ina drought

laughing and screaming
in delight

the flutes spill over
and over with


yet trapped beneath
the truth

trying to see through
stepped on

all into a gel
the eye

then the voices

you could find her
predawn by
the old covered

if you moved like a shadow
conceived in the less than light

a world of silence
in her head
overtook the duck pond
by the lily pad bed

then the light
then traversed
the sky

only the pond
remained dark with
her reflection
and the night

then the voices
began to bubble
anaerobic from the depths

then the cry to stop
then the aeroplane
then the cry for help

an orchestra of crickets
picked up where
they left

you can find her
predawn by
the old covered

that's where she died
that's where she

Monday 30 July 2018


Most rock stars walk the memory back to the days when every concert was hard pressed and hard won, when they knew personally every groupie and went afterpartying with the club, fresh cuts on their lips. When gigs were dive bars, audiences unpredictable if not hostile, and pay came in the form of an open tab. When a station wagon full of amps needed a jump. The simple luxuries on the road. A bitter loaf of bread and one night stand. A pan full of eggs and bacon. Walls dressed in hard wood. The percolating coffee pot to ringing ears. Crazy laughter after what just happened? Most rock stars dream of such beginnings. Through the gold-plated bars of today's high hung song bird cage. Awash in stale hits. Buried in mountains of paperwork. Studying the tax codes. Dining with divorce lawyers. Oh, how a dream can turn back on itself. 


all the forms brought all
their shadows upon the parks
and fountains

the forms themselves rarely
crossed the line unless

weather systems forced them
to huddle together and

they did so

for the shadows of the forms
made new cities

so heavy
were they

the homeless
lived there
on a currency of wine
and blankets

in the forms shadows

Wednesday 25 July 2018

therapy styles by k

let's throw some light on the relationship between thoughts and feelings and behaviors. how i feel about a situation reflects my values. if i express pain because i am lonely, then i will ask myself, do i value friendship? this is absent but implicit. if i feel useless when unemployed, is not the underlying message that i value working hard? feelings can help me connect with myself and others. when i am upset and i show it, people may become more invested in helping. when i cry or vent my anger, it's a release and i feel alive. the thoughts which color my feelings are not always facts. feelings are not facts because the thoughts behind them are colored in by attitudes and beliefs and assumptions. if i can increase my awareness of my automatic thoughts, patterns of belief systems i inherited from my family will begin to reveal themselves. i was embedded within a family system. the family developed its own coping strategies within the greater community, manifesting in thoughts and behaviors. what i was taught then may or may not be of use to me today, and may even get in the way of my health and happiness. i can give myself a chance to discard the useless, irrational, ineffective ways of being, and evolve into more fruitful ways of being. this can free me up to be playful and respond to the world differently, lessen my inhibitions and make healthier choices.

Tuesday 24 July 2018


half of all i did ended with someone else's song on my lips and a bottle of jack in my hands. hemingway went fisherman mad in the end. old man and the sea. im american too and write my own life down.  not all that well traveled and gave up on dionysus. my rebirth wasn't pretty. i sing my own sad songs to a can of orangina. fall for pulp and fiction. author, editor, publisher, marketer, designer. that's my bottleneck now. i cannot give a damn if they like it. I put my heart and soul in it anyway.

shiny horrible new cars

new cars and i would rather keep my old one, it was new 14 years ago, when i still rather kept my old one, when my old one, now, was new

Monday 23 July 2018

therapy styles by k (describing my practice in words)

alliance. you come with your intention. your concerns. i respect you. you want to work and improve upon your life. i want to help you reach your potential. we begin our journey together. you let me into deeper parts of your psyche. you trust me. i am a professional. i have learned to listen for cues, to help bring unconscious (dreams and symbols and drives) out of the dark and into the light. maybe it's based on a thought process (attitudes and beliefs which shape what you value in your life) you learned in childhood, how you got your needs met then in an environment particular to you and you alone. maybe it's how you feel or associate or dissociate and go numb. i want to ask the right questions. open-ended. to help you explore your inner world. so you can see how your thoughts and feelings and attitudes shape your behavior. to help you see your choices. you don't have to act on impulse again and again. you can pause and consider alternative ways of being. you may resist this, because it's hard work. it can bring up painful memories. things could get worse before they get better. i want to help you through your resistance. i appreciate how you have survived. you are dynamic. ever changing. we are working together to get your blood flowing. you may feel disconnected from yourself. this is existential work. i want you to feel so alive in a modern world of madness which tends to dehumanize us. i want you to feel purposeful and find meaning in life. to empower you. you are doing your best. you are open and trusting and honest. you are willing to change. you are also so human and resistant to change. we all are. it's okay. i am your companion for a while. we have a working relationship. we got this. thank you for coming. for letting me in. let's do this. we got this.

Thursday 19 July 2018


acrylic made 4 good makeup
girl when hung on a wall
and bludgeoned by praises


stockton boulevard

down an uneven stretch of stockton boulevard in summer, south of sacramento, i came across a classy broken broad, remarkably postured like a runway girl, walking bubblegum pink stilettos, long tan legs up to daisy dukes, a halter top, don't stop, the mechanical boyish stroll, dry heat tempered by a bottle blue parasol angled off her skinny shoulder blade, urban electric milkmaid conjuring the ghost, to the tomb of some unknown soldier


comin together
fallen apart
broken spirit
broken heart

cotton soak
dollar store folk
iphone clone
addicted to

city spatial
summer storm
form by

bus exhausted
paper chasin
spirits deadbolt

find a window
look outside
thank god 4
a home

Wednesday 18 July 2018


was an idiot on
the road takin up
two lanes stepped
down from a ford
truck to deliver
fists on a prius
stopped behind

what are you doing
out on the road
with your rage

you gonna
get hit by a

Tuesday 17 July 2018

upon waking

concede unto the hour
up and take the day
like the thirsty flower


Monday 16 July 2018

fashion a life

life wore us
in and not out

we had answers 
to questions
asked many years

all was repeated
the obvious

and feel sure

life wore us

in and

rose self.y quartz

you coulda been living in a car
you were and
who cared you disappeared off
the lips with a

rose quartz
the quality to express

a pale of having been purified
by trial

only accomplished in
those the world gave

Saturday 14 July 2018


Several years had passed and talking to others became refreshing and I was drawn off my guard. I could hold a dialogue with you, maybe withstand an argument. Then I could look into your eyes without losing my train of thought. Then you wouldn't mistake me for dishonest. My skin became a millimeter thicker and I wasn't so cold at night. Then I was not so sensitive to things you said. My social norm restoration experiment was paying off. Life was less a collection of used parts and problems I wished would only die away. Engagement became rewarding if not organic. I set my clock to the frequency of several functions a day. I demanded no less than I show up. Not every meeting was reciprocated, and not all of those that were, bore fruit. I found only one good conversation a day (face to face) was enough to keep my finger on the pulse of culture.

Friday 13 July 2018

pattaya 2007

I remember when I looked emaciated like those boys trapped on Pattaya beach in the Thai cave licking the limestone walls. My life driven by anger and fear took me there in my twenties and again in my thirties. I was in certain darkness and could not get out. My heartbeat slowed by pulses of heat and  flashes of pain. I was so lonely and surrounded by loners like me. I thought it was me against the world, and it was. Me against the world and me against myself. You cannot live long that way, and you cannot live that stance forever. Some die young. I had to make a full turn. I was wounded needing love. I was hateful needing peace. Fire needing water. Impulsive needing patience. Selfish needing out. Needing meaning, needing work. Needing a meaningful relationship to myself and others. A devotion to a spiritually seeded cause. All life is like mine. I had to humble myself and see the universe in me. Cool my jets and stop taking off, running away. Stay. I had to stay and breathe into it. All life can be renewed. All life is like that, yours and mine, all life is valuable. We need you.

Thursday 12 July 2018

fields. thursday

you brought me a fortune from a cookie. it was dawn and I scratched your back. you stood on my chest where I could admire you. you swished your tail. the sky outside began with orange. a hot summer day ahead. we live in the valley by the air field. i can hear the engines fire and props slice up the sky. we are living, we are loved. magnetic fields cannot resist us. 

÷÷ blue lady ÷÷

she may have been depressed but she was not sad she hid in the mountainside when the rains came hard like tropical noon. she once was tranquil now a monsoon. the blue lady was downcast from time to time and only we were lucky to catch her swollen tears in our banks. we  irrigate our lands and feed our children for to carry on and on and on and on...

÷÷this post was inspired by the painting  the blue lady by Tameeka Knox, an artist from Sacramento.÷÷

Tuesday 10 July 2018

rebel ina safe

i keep my rebellion
under lock and key

i sign it out
on tuesdays
by photo id

twice as nice

once upon a cloud
feeling rather proud
all accounts break even
children awful loud

you cracked the piggy open
eyes as wide as coins
the exclamation spoken
iowa! des moines

a hundred silver dollars
in bed with porcelain
you lifted up your collar
to hide the widest grin

each child given two
and told not what to do
one was twice as nice
another not a clue

what remained then was invested
in reclamation of
the sky

to turn her
back from black
to blue

Sunday 8 July 2018


descend from your high flying escalade. descend from your earned letters and titles and surname. acknowledge you have never gone a week without food. a month without shelter. 60 days without love or care of some kind. acknowledge your privilege.

descend and be

meditation no.12

how sitting still can help you. cultivates patience. attends to your processes. you begin to be able to feel yourself breathing. see yourself thinking. experience your muscles tense and relaxing. form relationships with your emotions. fortify your philosophy. it is not  wrong or right. it is effective or ineffective. variations on usefulness lead to fresh choices. meditation empowers you. see how you view situations and challenges. how you react. reflect upon a stale way of being. life is all changes. you are born to adapt. recreate yourself so you can be most helpful to the world you live in. most useful. roll your sparkling super self out and give thanks, now! we need you.

Friday 6 July 2018


dawn has struck
the sky is turning colors
the last bit of dynamite
blown. shredded paper
tumbles aimless on the breath
of passing cars

what will we
do now

Thursday 5 July 2018

love was

love was often pushy
to get you on your feet
love was often bitter
before it could be

Wednesday 4 July 2018

bye bye 4th of july

settlers of land
painted faces and hair
nationalist fervor
fireworks stare

bye bye
bye bye

parading at night
smoke and bright light
cut through the forests
river of white

bye bye
bye bye

river of red
river of blue
fourth of july

fare the well
stars by stripes
fifty two gun

revolutionary snares
the flute

bye bye
world wars
peaceful sweet sandy

bye bye

tricks are for kids

stepping across the honeycomb of the mind i found a little home what was windowpaned in amber, encased by five walls of durable paper, gone gray. words were written there. i tried to make them out. i saw by the script they were my words. now it became a message from my past self i had to decipher. ten years old i was mostly lucky, and happy. i learned ways to deceive myself when i was sad. now i would and could not. i have to be real. tricks are for kids.

Monday 2 July 2018


i lit three candles. morning, noon and night. fox trot of the forest. lovely shadow. light. the world was like an ocean. self-contained in atmosphere. i heard you by your dialect. to see you out of sight.

star made

star made of matter
star beyond ice
all the hearts feeling
tumble through space
like numbers chase
paint off the