Friday 30 October 2020

moons on wax

unable to get what you 

want when you wanted it your 

eyelids fell over two waxed 

moons thankful for all 

you have



we were young we were trouble you
knew us by our answering machine messages 
we set fires in your faux fire


Thursday 29 October 2020

still life

turtle green eyes stare wide off the back
of the couch strewn with catnip porous by hundreds of thousands 
of claws. fleck of tail. gnash of teeth
the red sun rising       #katyamills

Wednesday 28 October 2020

end of policy

 the impoverished pride of a wannabe dictator

washed up on a foamy shore

edge of a landfall hurricane. the world wept

and shook a fist for the casualties 

of careless policy    #katyamills

Tuesday 27 October 2020

Book Review: Nabokov's Luzhin Defense


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It took me 9 months to finish this book but that's not terribly unusual. Anything written by a master like Nabokov can be taken up like a special chocolate your traveling cousin brought you from overseas, kept in the freezer and partaken once in a while for an instant of exceptional flavor. I would only read 5 pages at a sitting and I had other books and magazines vying for attention. Nabokov's writing style will never disappoint a careful reader, unless perhaps the translation is weak (and you're not likely to come across that problem if you live in an English, German, or Russian-speaking land, for he lived in many countries and translated his own work). The story revolves around a boy who takes up chess and becomes obsessed by the game, easily chosen over a community of peers who have little to offer and mostly pick on him for his appearance and demeanor. There is an obvious antagonist in Valentinov who takes Luzhin around to coffeehouses in great cities around the world, setting up matches, promoting him widely and checking him into hotels and pulling him by the collar without any heart for how he may feel about his insular life as a budding chess master. Valentinov reminded me of Elvis infamous 'doctor' always in recess with his bag full of 'medication'. Luzhin naturally decompensates under the rigors of traveling and the hyper focused spotlight of competition, performance, and obsession with the game. You could call his nervous breakdown the Luzhin 'Defense' as it ultimately acts as a defense mechanism to protect his ego from being swallowed whole in this world. The remainder of the novel is reminiscent of Dostoyevsky's The Idiot (another book I am reading very slowly lol) as both protagonists are half-baked moving about with watchful eyes of worried loved ones. Line by line I certainly wasn't feeling drawn into the 'suspense'. This was a character driven book. Clearly not one of Nabokov's most popular. It is a touching study of what it must feel like to exist inside the mind and heart of a man who was fated to play the part of a pawn on the chess board of life.

Monday 26 October 2020

cold 2 hot

hot to cold you turned so

quickly i wondered what 

i did. turns out your turning

cold then hot then cold

was mood seasonal and

by consensus often



Sunday 25 October 2020

play 2 win

goth girl 

off work 

threw her apron in the bin 

hit the bodega

voted blue

a dream play to win


Saturday 24 October 2020


 a kid of the eighties i

was there when the first computers 

came home. color graphics

with sound effects. joystick some

second dimension golden cheese wheel

floating through a maze swallowing 



Friday 23 October 2020


when the storms of life strike the 

rains the heavy winds we bundle up

and hunker down. i was spinning classics 

for days calling out with the chorus

like forty years ago was only




i cried falling asleep i 
could not stop waking up then a bit of a drought
lots of effort in several directions i
really wanted to live to
make the most of the strange time 
on earth. i never fell asleep


pain receding

you was down and out 
unable to do much of anything you 
saw how difficult the world 
can be. you called your last friend they 
gave you an idea. reluctantly you stepped out into the sunlight 
cursing your friend and 
yourself...then...the pain


Tuesday 20 October 2020

tbh #8

no method 

can rival a letter 

written by hand

describing the thoughts the 

feelings to convey

you truly care

much less effective

to be honest 

when you fail to 

drop said letter in

the mail



Monday 19 October 2020


the method 
relentlessly within
a wave of sound
from dusk to dawn

a chorus of frogs

the eye of a
full moon


Sunday 18 October 2020


on my morning walk to seven

eleven for coffee i heard a single bird

watched the light come into the sky

two women held one another

crying by the petrol station

a cat with a collar on a line wrapped round

a man austere by the fence

cobalt eyes 


Saturday 17 October 2020

tbh #7

to be honest this

can happen to anyone the loss 

of direction sometimes you

gotta pray for guidance

believe in yourself!

there's nothing you cannot 



Friday 16 October 2020

butane hill

alone i faced the wind

above the trees blowing

in my hands sheltering the

laughing blue life of



Thursday 15 October 2020

vote for the one who speaks from the heart

who has had hardship

overcome it

who realizes violence and madness

are contextual who did not come out of

nowhere. vote for the one who is

not destructive but



Wednesday 14 October 2020


7am. getting numb where

the drills will commence the battle 

of the teeth. the sky 

orange like novocaine

painted on gums oh 

what fun. getting



Tuesday 13 October 2020

flower. papiere

the petals turn colorful pirouettes

pinwheels for narrow pupils having a moment

under careless of cashier judgment unspoken

ultra premium violet exposition

1999. like midnight sun was a tradition


Monday 12 October 2020

tbh #6

some truths 

are too painful. i dispel

them with ice cream 

and books


Sunday 11 October 2020


an army nurse out of shiloh
tennessee found herself deep
in the hornet's nest. after the war
came west. the sunken road
prominent in her nightmares
the men bloody and dying
gasping unable to speak she
could not turn away her 
stone is simple she passed 
in 1903


Saturday 10 October 2020

tbh #5

life has come together in the last decade. all that i have learned has come to use in some way. to be honest it's been a long journey. i struggled for years with identity, mental illness, addiction. never stopped writing. working on my 6th book of fiction. my author page is here: 

Friday 9 October 2020

tbh #4

to be honest i pressure cooked
an artichoke i stole from
your garden. drizzled oil
with garlic squeezed upon
the heart i cut out for you

all u ever learn comes to use
some way some


Thursday 8 October 2020

tbh #3

 to be honest the laboratory 

curiosity has filled 

with experiments will

be trashed the day subject

becomes object


Wednesday 7 October 2020


gave my towel coded

red to the wind to be 

honest the sun 

is a bull


Tuesday 6 October 2020

tbh #2

To be honest i cannot know 

your heart your mind and though

your words your actions confuse

and vex me upset and perplex

me i can only be who god

made me and do the best 

i can. 


Monday 5 October 2020

in this our post-industrial society

how loving to skip the math to give 

your attention undivided. how 

grateful we are for wholeness 

like an apple like

an egg

unless one holds the deficit hyper

active or otherwise multi 

tasked. we understand one

cannot undivide 



Sunday 4 October 2020

tbh. scratch

 to be honest i 

beat myself into a hopeless 

frame of mind 

no matter how down i

get relentless i

get back to work i



Saturday 3 October 2020


my mood was Q a big wide

open with a kick stand wants

to roll. like dynamite 

set off at sunset ina pumice 



Friday 2 October 2020

into the cellular memory

she concocted a potion for the full

harvest moon. diatomaceous earth

stirred with baking soda

and water. to convey the spirit 40 million years

back when all cellular life was more

or less collaboratively 



Thursday 1 October 2020


a diatom i befriended

passed away and willed his remains

in a letter. i mixed a teaspoon

with water and planted myself

by the root of the bonsai

to activate our silica