i was not well until i was

anyone could tell i

was not well

those who cared had tried and failed

to help uplift my life 

derailed 

from this low and dreary

state. having lost what i had left 

to lose

to die not of despair i chose

to be a light for some small one

suffering

this need not define you

let the pain inform you

you can and will

make it out

#katyamills

Journal # 09.20.16

Another night followed another day followed another, the rails scraped clean by braking, the trains screaming down the line. Somehow I killed my depression and went on living lightly. Then it came back hard bearing down and I jumped out of the way. What do you want with my life? I am not rich. I am not pure. I am not decent. I am convoluted and curse a lot. I eat Doritos for breakfast. I talk to cats like they are my children. I am a favorite scapegoat. An object of attraction. A third rail. Of all the people in the world...

must be
      you want
          what you cannot have