Wednesday 31 March 2010

coming 2...(a vision near u)

eyelashes open with a shudder sometimes
refuse to touch when manic

embrace to withstand the dirt and pain
lashes whip in a panic only to protect old iris land

psychologically drained
location California
time twenty ten

girls were falling in love
girls were falling for girls
girls were falling for guys
and get this...
scandalous reporting
worldwide urban
suggests the improbable
and highly sensitive news:
guys fell for guys

everybody falling
in swan dives off the
hetero high platform
into a morass of sexuality
& gender continuum soup

this the backdrop for these 2
falling for one another
 and losing control over feelings

his channel was non-verbal
hers verbal
to understand one another
could be quite an ordeal

darkness often fell
as one might imagine
to coincide once in a while
with sleep

the energy between them
was heartfelt

she drank coffee
he did not
he ate oatmeal

he loved making music
hours at a time
they congregated drums
to experience the divine

she liked to write
where they lived
edge of the bay
nudged up

they found
(then lost)
unitive experience

they found her
where they lost her
again and again

stubbornness in them
virgo & aquarius,
both tend to flirt
when they aint all so serious

like tea steeped in water
full integration
was possible...
(but she drank coffee)

 knowing just when to let go. she resisted all the time, she found this new way of being so crosswired with the way she grew up. he helped to encourage her. he lifted her up.
their bond grew stronger
days grew longer
spring hit the scene
the sun made appearance

she worked on her tan,
a ritual experience
he made lots of music
(and ate lots of oatmeal)
loyal was his nature
hers was to FEEL

(or to FALL)
falling in love she was
color blue
shade royal

her seasonal sadness
replaced with fresh energy
she took them to nature
he took her inside

cell phones left at home
questions prevailed
without answer

they got hotter than capricorn
reading tropic of cancer

all of the fear
and resistance subsided
love became source
by this they abided

Tuesday 30 March 2010

pray maybe de-escalate to stillness... until whats furthest from... becomes alright

I like it when all the noise stops for a moment. I pay attention when i can. Feel it inside and out my existence. Become still in my soul, stirred sweet as cement.  So-called earthquake weather or the 'calm before storm'. I felt it just last sunday mornin mid march. I swear. I was in the looking glass just a combin my hair.  got to kill the anxious overwhelm. Spirit woke up to sunny calm air. Lay back fully conscious into web of sunchair. my boy F*D*Y had just got outta jail. budget cuts have cut most terms to half, he said. kitchen duty was part of the sale. F*D*Y , he just laughed in the telling, ducked out 72 of 75 days he said with simple smiling. I was fine to sit and listen. Seeing my friend happy made me too. made my day. the time just flew. The whole cosmic aura had overriden my system. How could I have been so run down almost all winter long? well, half of it, per diem. Gratitude i B - IN. held my neurotransmitters with all my might, and well...i just kissed em.

"Yes its true, we aint got nothing to do. hot sunny day, you & me, me & u. Lets count grass blades or play spades" said i to my guy. "No lets not do," said he to me, "baby boo, honey dew -- lets just B'. aint so scary, youll see, lil G. like honey, to honeybee." Me and RickRoyale, we buzzed around the apple core vibration in the Chi we experienced - having capitalized the b like Royale said: just B! Come what spirit dictates, Come natural like djs in their bedrooms, just diggin into crates. Come as you was, you R, you C you B, and what U B, U R. Rated R, with foRnication, not otherwise specified city theatre on a not perfectly known streetcorner, where ssri antidepressants move like tumbleweeds. maybe a bed? why so plain? i like dancin outdoors, when it rains. knocked U out as 1 world became darker, you and I became 3-some-times were hard to fall into, a rhythm played out in parallel process to dark shade gone light, isnt that right? livin what were talkin, givin out, locking back in-to our eyes so in love. goddess above!

the stillness, oh yeah, come back to the thunder. cause the lightning of the love shot rolled it under and out to sea. such the power of WE. but comin into focus again (sharper contrast against the love movement) the stillness my likeness in looking glass theatre. surround sound of his sweet brooklyn intonation in my head reverberating. while the strangers stare and some be debatin...the chevy impala girl drives sure looks like a beater. kinda like her, beat niknak, small rack, big smile when she lets it, earth tone emporium meets miss purple blouse blue jean queen and yes, do they get me, oh, hooray! what a day! crazy lane merges with insanity way. we find one another, the alienated. we treat one another how we would be treated. not too kind, non competitive, bad impression underly glances furtive. trust long broken, mishaps while tokin. chasin highs not just lookin. attracting heat, just cooking. surviving somewhere between book ends.

Full throttle on bay bridge, V6 tried and steady, tank beneath back plates on fumes, close to empty. The asian cargo ships seem like grounded, hardly floating,  appearance? impounded. the Pacific Ocean she got you and me, we surrounded. immersed in blue galaxy. midday sky like our foreheads, kinda wrinkled, kinda waxy. empirical data miners catch wind like a taxi. this field or strata has gone paranormal! better get back to whats known, make it formal. leave the alienated in the subnormal district, beneath the highway so if you drive, well, you lucky missed it (what they would say under their morals; you missed shit! how about a fancy routine? a part to play? a bit? charades define us. brush ourselves of anti-normal behavior locked inside us, digestion secondary to kitchen raids. come join our society...and shhh! let us tell you... our parties are not subject to police raids).

Yeah yeah yeah, fucking country culture clubbers sometimes! Hit the brakes! kick rox! culture is a worn out concept in mush-land. land of the rush- land. land of the unplanned. land of landfill sand. land of a thousand tribe, a thousand band. am fm radio knows no cable. pagers outnumber cellies, 4 sure. no tourist attractions = no tours! come to mushland you might end up on all 4s. acquainted with criminals and whores. mushland is Yeshualand. carpentry and calloused hand. adult video store manned.  you create it only to watch it get washed smooth like waves over sand. forget what you expect, forgo what you planned. Fuck! dont you know this trains been runaway since yesterday! i mean way back when, back in the day; from the heart of the lions den. the mixtures of elements spotted conjugal in shadow of corporate imperialism.  some sellouts look down from air con cubicles, a few degrees removed like bifocals run through prisms.

Well i could not stay long in mush land, you know. might have to turn a trick or start a row. But hey its the only place really to go. ask J. son of G., cause he know. me i subscribe to Siddharta newsletters. Eastern type language, Orient letters. Kanji and so forth. so forth to go forth. manifest i well. i-an-i create song from tibetan tuned bell. Rising high above the weight of this world, immaterial form, free from that burden so attached we carried. now shed. no longer imprisoned. unburdened now. with vision. like what i saw in F*D*Y. . Rick Royale had it, too. and something more, massive appealing to i, made me (of us) so sure. Royale the one I love, one who got my eye. with strength from up above, or where gravity cease to play. Like space? (so they say). His spirit? where the alpha came out some situation... burned like fire, singed & frayed, im afraid, yet far from extinguised, now do u comprenez, en english?

Cries from behind boas, lies and licorice, material get repo, you know... then ya dont know. Diverse gps configurations make us, his spirit and mine do interact & flow. tracin the critical stars in the sky. needing exactly almost nothing to get by. stillness. side by side. sixth sense throwback, our genetic recall, flips us past lives ahead down those acid scrubbed halls. where U can see your reflection, never settle.  Let yourself change like rock to heavy metal. never B someones projection. this is how i C this. and not just to C it -- to B this   -K

Thursday 18 March 2010

dont let love fade you...Arise

So.... i had to talk to you... get the clutter out my mind....  you help me remember what im here for... the good things.... drop the insecurities.... comeback from certain deadend alleyways america lead you down... another street kinda hustle in your head... can feel when youre gettin hustled, if youve ever hustled.... some gotta make ends some way somehow.... then you & you gotta survive too....  shinindiamond attunement -- being real in all youre doin.... becomes you &amps up your profile so no one in particular would not be fuckin with you from the gate... high heels own the real estate... kinda confidence demands a show of cards... pulls the hustle out of hiding..... aligns where street heads residin....simple bicycle wheel spinnin urban politics, kinda fiending for the hustle yourself as you come together in the way brothers and sisters lost & found do: amped! found common soundground, kinda audiovisual unity of sight seen....  eyes open, props & status come natural over time.... gives ya soul its spring cleaning -- sweat tears flushed bluegreen.

Next ya know the Thai neighbors offer sa-wa-tee-kops and kas with hands positioned directly below the breast in prayer and a gentle bow of loving kindness.  received moist with goodness like a full kiss you got for me hella afterhours when i get my punk ass back home in your lovin arms for the night. my smile means alls well: here i stay for a while, ya,

new tenants takin root now in my  headspace...
i do welcome with my own intoned 'sawateekaaah!'
aka SHE NO BULL SHIT !! flies solo if she wanna
anyman stepup toher? now hes a gonerrrrr!

Love at the right temperature was the feelin i was feelin i realized,
smiles lovin up to ceilin.
Tucked in the muscles the folds of your arms
and ya i got somethin to say, tooooo
you may be tryin to sleep, ya
but a feelin comes once some time
what say? (he wants silence!)
(he pulls you in tighter)
so what i got to talk to you?
(you resist, he works harder, you persist)
so wha? this aint a felony
just a feelin'
--he fights ya in his sleep--
no contest - R U - of his strength
he laughs ya off
you may as well stop strugglin'
i do i do
surrender to him, 2

This variation of love, whatever it was, kept life rolling pretty well now. Some of the love was her love to herself, a great rebalance from a month of feeling low. She was able to kiss her love out to some friends and certainly Royale. Other of the love went to a family member who came ill. Other of the love was kissed back and above of the sender. To its source did render. The generosity of the human spirit...tender.

its cause i love you
i swear! (she wants to say so bad)

its cause i love
it comes from love!

You know she's made an appearance (love).  You know so. Inside you know shes there cause something feels significant and sometimes maybe wonderful. more often a little unusual or unexpected, but so right  when in seconds you  get caught up to what happened. Always something, stands out. Not  always right, not often terrible wrong.  Sometimes even wonderful.  Overshadows what was said. Only to unlock our hearts out me with you, to share.  can be 2 confusing at first...

we had to talk (she says softly)

im pretty damn sure
about it cause...

cause its about us
well i thought so
dont you think so?

She will find you in your pores if she must hunt you down.zut alors! no witch hazel can shut her down, na, she will access to the core. if you let her and even if you dont sometimes. She can find whats real. She will roll back to either side  that wall know the one that previously turned half the living room into an oriental narrow rug lined hall.  And thats not all...

shit-- (she worries)

i cant know us
only we can

his lazy floppy head
got real silent
her words
ran out on her

like ripples
 in water
run & vanish

She felt the subtle change come over the air. A slow come on, this drug. For a longer lasting more powerful experience. Was it deliberate? Was it natural? She could not say.  She knew the love had arisen so easily because she was allowing process to unfold. Real love (it seems) could not miss the mark. Could catch you flat footed in the depths --or floating, from above...

so i got you? says he
(she looks out sideways)
(inquisitive plays)

for a little while
now atleast
i can rest (she thinks)
she release

what i was holding on
feel the ground on
which we stand upon

commence dawn
(no longer frightening)

there you are now
sitting on the bed smiling
here i am
taken to the skies

fantasies brewing
between thighs
beyond eyes...

when set loose upon the town
the depths
feeling... arise

Wednesday 17 March 2010

the truth rocks like rockin chairs. until no one cares.

 Direct and clearly i offer you the truth. My truth not yours. truth of march 17th twenty ten, 4 in the am. not any other time at all. this truth is all its got. wont exist before nor after. thats the truth. youre in for it now. i can tell. you have your hands up on the glass. you want it on the other side. you know it wont be anything more than what it want it still. i better not be a tease. please.

the truth is you love yourself mostly. and that your expectations for life have fallen short a little, but not so much you cannot accept it. you do. and you do so with a humble grace as best you can afford. you may still have dreams to fulfill. you may have let dreams be dreams and tolerated, no, survived this time around, this blue and green windswept ball of earth and fire, and desire. you have your ways to feel. you pretty much think you know the deal. the unknowing is not an easy embrace. until the unknown and unexpected really takes place. you have experienced this. this opened your eyes more, but the glare was still there. you could cry more and do. connects you to yourself, true? the feelings seem so much heavier than words now to you. the meaningful moments come infrequently through words, always through feeling. the dead ends of your hair come and are cut in time by your stylist. the dead ends of relationships past linger like shadows in your memory. some can upset you to contemplate. others you feel like had their moment and passed...and so okay. you are scared and relieved to lose youth. the spiritual realm you open your palms too. like soon after you were born, spiritual knowing returns to you. all you now know, you know you knew.

The truth of that time is said and done. said and gone. no analysis. no looking back. You wanna let go of the stuff weighing you down and let yourself manifest today, please. Dont let anyone block your goodness, your compassion, your intuition, your effort, your loving. White light may surround you if we are given the strength to. I offer prayer for all of us this morning. All of us and our loved ones. The ones who did not make it this far. The ones who went beyond us. I offer what i can in hopes to bond us in this blizzard. Confetti machine world wizard.  manifest creatively and seamlessly, fluidly, systemically, carefully, non-violently, to devote yourself, sincerely... to see out the delicate marbles your eyes toward...unbound...with focus....soft focus.....flex lens....receives light then bends....refract then sends...sacred energy spins...synergy without friction.... conscious untying... leave some loose ends....undo all knots....and just touch

Residual energies flow out here...
sugar sweet, this heady heat. makes you up and kick out your feet. jam yourself out onto crowded street of like alike kind you find, community, yes, unity. community unity with colors raised high, red, yellow, grass green, blue stars and whites of their eyes....the children up on our shoulders, little ones can see... to hold us so intact  now shared in social response to smiles of hearts & felt warmth-- like oatmeal over fire. like cutting of the wire so to make all connexions human and touched. no metal means no interpersonal rust. interspatial memory branding- in tabula rasa & drycleaned, trust.

Tuesday 16 March 2010

Stand tall! (despite it all)

 I have not been uninspired for these almost 2 weeks past. I did not just check out on some spring phenomenon, parachuting dandelion seeds or other such theatrics. I could have. No. Instead i found my energy got wasted  around some petty awful scandalous shit that the male species tossed my way. Now women could take any scandalous ball of gossip and amplify or make it flat. But men have the worrisome habit of personifying a drama such that it be repeated in realtime. meaning my time, your time, their time, our priceless moments together, really. lets not be naive. well. the lifestreaming of a half moon ago until now of my recent drama would clearly elicit the truth for you.
The truth is i have been swimming downriver, gliding quite gracefully, glistening my silver flanks to reflect the divine and really shine. i came upon some powerfully churning eddies on either bank, and though i set course for the narrow between, i found myself against my will and strength taken into lockstep dance with a couple of coarse barnacle bastards. If you are reading, you know who you are. Dont think you would get off that easy, now. Kats got her claws in your petty soft affair. I would call it game, but games dont come from desperation. 
Thr truth is ive been diverted and treated poorly by strangers and less than strangers these days past. I was vulnerable and continue to be for many reasons. I must put the necklace VIva gave me back around my neck for protection. I need to get down and pray and meditate. I must. Turn this drama into vapor dust.
I meet you. I see the best in you. You smile and i smile and we feel we got something. Know the feeling? I put my heart on open. My attention on listen. My eyes over yours. My anime animated and curious, attracted by your niceness. Not unaware of the flirt of your shadow and mine. I have an eye on them in the background of us. Hoped you did too. But no, your shadow grew something fierce and stopped playing nice. Tied a noose in my jumprope. Stole the air out my kickball. Turned the sandpit to asphalt. Shit! No fair! The monkey bars crumbled beneath your weight. I had to be brilliant just to cross the alligator pit below.
 Maybe a couple guys in a couple weeks have really disappointed Opened heart has closed with tremble of sadness. Why was i not worth respecting? Because i trusted you and shared and tried to relate? Tried to help you and me? And what could have been a fine alliance turns into a timewaste. WHy? did u underestimate me just because i tend to set my firewalls to low, emotions to slow absorption? Did u think my spirit so impoverished she would fall apart in the storm of it all you set in motion? I had to carry all your tension. Then throw it back upon you. Fly away, fly away!...(looking to the sky)...flew!
Some pieces exist in draft form over the blue season i experienced. I woke today drained and frightened but determined to get back to form.  not feeling right at all. extremities too far from the core. dreams leaking in through the gap under the door. trying to let these sad misguided souls of men off into any possibility. just off my aura. the day was quite nice, sunny, benevolent. i was a tired painful feeling, I was. were i able to be present i could have felt her touch, the day arisen. but i fell under again, woke and repeated, again, fell under and fell under and got pulled into a roll and rolled into a burn and burned into the sea of my recent life misfortunes i could not shake loose.
Only by writing through it this moment am i finding my way out of the hole. There will be rewards of untold wonders if i can push my spirit through this quaking eruption of seawater and salt. I have transcended storms before. This one looms as gray and foreboding as any. My consciousness stands sentry. Rough waters mirror the stirrings of my deep well of energy. So much has taken away the calm of my soul these past few years. How dare i survive. You did not count on it. You thought i would be locked up or lost somesight somewhere unseen and thank your god again for that. unseen like that part of yourself you saw in me, that part you long ago sold out to history. that which you wish so hard will ever return. so sick you think its gone. so sick you hopeless. seasick and floatless. sunken.
I will love you more, no matter what hate you push.
I will love the part of you got hurt and never healed.
i am trapped by you. i am in pain. but already i can move.
 i am off balance, cannot stand sure.
i have to lie down and try to reset ... through dream.
knock loose the seam of enduring love and passion that fuel the death drive, thanatos. i got to get the hell outside! get back to my true friends. my true family!
we take air to our lungs. 
lungs to our air.
wiggle our toes.
smile and stare...
into our eyes
golden sun sighs!

Tuesday 2 March 2010

what way might we carry ourselves?....possessed? styled?

today i hope the earth dont quake under your foot, and if it do... i hope u know what to do. the gratitude comes pourin out of every crack, every pore, when you realize what you have, well, so many multitudes lack. all this leisurely strolling through the web pages through the modern age. survivin quite calmly on what inside the big country is still called an honest fair wage.

ya, today i hope the rain hits you nice and soft like, each teardrop crackin like an egg and rolling down your curves, girl. caught in the cage of your ribs, guy. cause anything will do to awaken us today. i can always wake up a little bit more, you know, and it comes through the not so sunshine like comfort, not so easy like walking instead of driving -- but really, is it all that hard? and it wakes ya! i swear! rolling out of bed and out the front door before the sun has even arisen, shut in place, the front door.

and this is the way. this is the way i want it all. gotta make my oatmeal the old-fashioned way today, ya, real oats nothing prepackaged. its just that easy. walk to work instead of drive. rain? hell! i will still arrive. maybe a shiver in a bone, but a spright in the step. believe me i havent even half begun just yet! later we gonna make a kite out of sticks and throw away sheets, no scissors just knives to cut out the sail, hell, better yet -- use teeth!

come on, wheres the wild in us gone? into the cracks of potholed urban dawn? awaken like a vampire, get out of the yawn thats captured your heart! turn the crank with your arms, its a manual start. the automatic has developed an affliction, some static, cant rely on shit no more, im sorry, life thats promised now cease to be a bore. you know the way is simple mind over matter. one more stick of butter will only make you fatter. take your carnal desire and throw it in the fire, let it burn itself away, now down on your knees to pray, thats right. cause what you need is some TCL, tender care & love. to hold one anothers hands in the cold, well, try taking off the gloves.

yeah, see i could fight for the harder life. in the easy sway of american afternoon. you'd be whistlin dixie, i am howling at the moon. not wailing but wild. not fully grown, not a child. i dont know, you carry yourself one way, i am otherwise styled. self-assured and quite possessed. like the baby bird throws herself over edge of nest. this is how you can have it. courage over fear, eggs on the grill, pan-seared. or you can still wait in the warm spot you got, wait to get nudged to your edge by your dear mama loves you so, knows you better than you yourself know.

well, guess what? caller #5 is gonna survive. thats you kid, hiding out under that oversized lid so long now, the heat you starting to feel it? the earth that quakes all around us now? the water almost boiling, thought it was a hot spring, didn't ya? so did i, until my feet caught fire, too. swimming became my talent. up up up! young men and ladies! bubble on over like the pop-froth of the eighties. your moon boots need no gravity. your crest toothpaste got the anti-cavities. today because you popped in the studio so quick, were gonna serve you up some waffle thick, dripped in butter and syrup the way you like, like, like. now your here and here you have it, AMNESTY! my dear. now come on, now, grab it!

change your mind, let yourself go, keep repeating this mantra: U DONT HAVE 2 KNOW! u dont have 2 know. let all that garbage come up for air, its stale and designed to proliferate fear. no, no, you dont have to let go of the combo to your locker, silly. just let go the idea of keeping everything locked up, compartmentalized, thrown into jail. cause the prison system got so fat the economy looks frail, by comparison. please take your amnesty and we will have nothing between us!  i took it before you, please believe me, trust! no it wont feel great, you will be a bit wobbly, vulnerability is the least trafficked lobby, from D.C. to self, the less than one man march, marches over ground zero, in negative degree windchill so cold, so cold, yes, so COLD that...

your eyes and mine open.