Sunday, 31 December 2017


happy nyeto you
from me

omnipotent coffee pot

goodbye to this old year and all her worries and wonders. goodbye to those who died in the struggle for right over wrong, and may you live on, in our hearts, in our slogans, in our tireless pursuit of social justice. goodbye to this old year and her snaking contradictions. goodbye to the mirror and faded reflections of ourselves. goodbye to the ones who had to move out of town, may your adventures be long and dreamy. farewell to the useless imprint of ugly headlines. goodbye to the addicts who took one too many. goodbye abused powers and the fear you inspired. goodbye to new threats of nuclear war. goodbye to depression and not getting out of bed. we are young and inspired, facing 18 hour days. we will not be tired. we will not be phased. out of mainstream culture there arose such a clatter, boys and girls turned their heads to see what was the matter. the bells began tolling, the sunlight was rolling. good spirits were working and smiling a lot. they had so much to offer and an omnipotent coffee pot. 2018 the new year just begun. there was plenty to do under the sun.

Friday, 29 December 2017


there was friendship
there was laughter
there was spirit

all the ills of 2017
starved off

makes me wanna roll
a bowling ball down
your alley

and over
the edge

closer to publication

the way i get closer to publication is by getting closer to my desk and the keys and the screen through my eyeglasses. by getting closer to the endless hours of playful work. mute the environment as much as i can. endless other hours of readying myself spiritually to be up to the process.

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

character redemption

Rather than kill a corrupt or malevolent character off, why not go for redemption? Many heroic figures of storytelling legend were once poor, disabled, disfigured and underwent incredible transformations to become super and special, carriers of the light. It is much harder and more valuable and compelling to make treasure out of raw materials, or refurbish and recreate a tarnished old soul!


four hours of highway driving into the Sierras and several more of pure dreamy silence led to a breakthrough. now I know how it has to happen, and who is to be redeemed.

Monday, 25 December 2017


there were coyotes last night out in the snow under the shadow of the mountain. panting breath of ice. underbellies soft and warm. eyes ringing truths of the wild. in small packs they roam. hunting. howling.


twilight is lighter than it is dark
we look to the light
knowing it will
be gone

Saturday, 23 December 2017


we benefit by choosing selfless lives, turning away from pleasures the average person affords. the cost of living is lower in an ascetic home and heart.

my god. when I think of some of the selfishness of my past, and what it cost me. if I can champion you before I champion myself, life makes better sense.

I imagine we will always struggle with our choices and I hope 4 more comfort than regret traveling through these lives. these geographies. even saints were travellers, once.

Thursday, 21 December 2017

broken toys of cyberspace

one died of a bullet through a heavy bound text shot by a girl and a go pro camera. another talking trash on a binge drunk rampage got murdered by the character he assassinated. one took an elevator up a high rise in China then climbed free and slipped to his death. a million followers more cannot help you when you're gone. we will remember these years for all our sad broken toys in cyberspace. someday may they be retrofitted with new capes and powers and costumes. and endless lives in the deadly video game where they reside.

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

your atypical

your atypical was beloved
we were all so inspired
especially me

when you acted like a child
and ran circles around
the tree

when you drew a moon
where the sun was
and it came
to be

atypical. photo by katya, 2017

Tuesday, 19 December 2017

letter home

I wish I could call you and thank you for the yummy turkey and green bean casserole. I caught a bad cold so my voice is compromised. Hope you had a safe trip home and I miss you. If I'm well enough I plan to go see the family in Tahoe this weekend as Xmas falls on my day off. The last 3 months have been the hardest yet most exciting time in the past 5 years what with interviews and licensing demands and writing my book and training for my ultrarun in March. I'm taking this moment of rest to breathe (with inhalers 2 help!) and appreciate all that I'm trying to accomplish. None of it would have been possible without your help so I thank you. Love. K

Monday, 18 December 2017


There will be those times no matter how well you have prepared when you experience hardship. stay calm and faithful to your work. do not be afraid to ask for help. every hour of hardship is worth fifty hours of contentment. on the other side of s.mode, may you find your spirit renewed.

Sunday, 17 December 2017

aka.pain diaries

Gettin' to be great at anything is like throwing yourself into a whiteout a snow sky (not a blackout) and surrendering to how the world feels you touches you allows you to exist... and fights you to see what you're made of (engulfs you if you're not made of anything worth asserting yourself) and celebrates you if you can stay in it's light (and darkness) long enough (aka endure) to change and tolerate pain, and work at staying the same while changing. call it core values if you want. call it spontaneous expression. call it art or authorship if you want. call yourself god. see if I give a fuck.

Saturday, 16 December 2017


the winds rose overnight and compelled us all to feel. limbs of sycamores fell into the streets. the cat brought me a headless robin in a mouth full with feathers. i believe i am chosen to be raw. nothing comes easy anymore. i tell my story by words. life has never been so enticing.

Thursday, 14 December 2017

book review

Other Voices, Other RoomsOther Voices, Other Rooms by Truman Capote
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Capote uses character and language so well in this novel. This book gave me a fresh take on how words can be manipulated and strung together in fresh and innovative ways, and was definitely useful to me both as a writer and reader. I also like that it takes place in the deep south. Capote captures time and place and context, while offering us new lenses, fresh atmospherics. I found this novel magical, it casts a spell which holds on from beginning to end.

View all my reviews

the preface

To my loyal readers. Happy Holidays! Here you can be the first to put eyes on the preface to my upcoming novel, Ame and The Tangy Energetic. I am open to any feedback you may have...

This is not a fantasy. This is a story about friendship. About how to move on when your trust has been decimated by the world around you. About a ragtag alliance of nomads and rebels, who show resilience in the face of marginalization and cultural dissociation. This is a story about recovery from addiction and trauma. About alchemy and the turning of fear into vitality. About being real no matter what, even when you look bad. About caring in a careless world and being loyal to the ones who care about you. This is a story about love, heartbreak and redemption. And faith. This story is an oddity, out of step from mainstream literature and made up with its own rules and rhythm, and it comes from the heart of a wounded healer. Someone of no great significance, who simply survived the streets and lives to tell. This is a story for you.   - Katya Mills

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

wallflower social

may the social sphere be elastic, i wished, and expand without cracking and breaking off, falling like an icicle and killing me where I stand.

in the meanwhile i got my couple hours a day good medicine in writing my book, my blog, and making out with words.

the tongue kissing was the best part and the audience swooned by the character studies i inhabited.

inhibitions were wall flowers to our garden variety virtual open microphone affairs.

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

the best feeling

can be an everyday feeling not an unusual feeling and not one i wake up to necessarily, no, the best feeling arrives in the process of the right action, when i am doing the good and often unpleasant work. and when the hard work proves the best feeling, time after time, we see we can count on it. that's how the hard work becomes just a little easier for us, and living begins to knock kindly.

Monday, 11 December 2017

in kind

Correspondence was not much fun anymore. i was lucky if i got a card in the mail. emails made me nervous because there were so many awaiting reply. the days of receiving long letters penned in script by hand in ink on someone's personal stationery were over. i had a thought. if i took the time to write letters the old way again, bypassing text and email and chat and video, and even bypassing phone, would I get a response in kind? and then might time turn back for us and write our lives the way we once wrote them, when we wrote long missives on personal stationery with silver trim and painted envelopes, hanging sideways over our elbows, quietly playing with each letter,  slowly, conscientiously by scripted hands, young and rolling in ink.

Sunday, 10 December 2017


a starless sky
moving sea
a diving hawk
you and me

the sea
the starless

turn around

Saturday, 9 December 2017


this morning i woke up at dawn and followed the river for a while. the sun came up and the breath disappeared. dogs ran up and down the levee. i showered and dressed and took a spirited step out the door and drove down to a sacred place where i met with some friends to create a reading and writing group. though i have never brought folks together before formally for the purpose, my whole life i have preferred the society of artists and writers, rebels and dreamers. and mostly caring friends. so i am hoping this read.write.publish initiative will go off well for us, and come in with twenty eighteen.

Friday, 8 December 2017


finite articulated outlined forms are no longer sacred. they may be one thing today and another, tomorrow.

our love is murky we cannot see the bottom. the light takes on form, passing through. my love for you is imperfect. overcast.

it never changes.
we can touch the sky.

Thursday, 7 December 2017

bubble gum holy city

as a symbol Jerusalem represents so much to the world and its religions. one would be outright foolish to try and wrap the archetype around some personal or even interpersonal wet dream. corporate thought processes delude you. pursuit of a bubble gum packaging theme. one could lose faith.

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

freight train

The #metoo movement
a freight train out of Hollywood LA
on a runaway

watch out
she's rolling down rails

touch the iron
feel her coming
for you

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

know things

there are things you know and oh, did i tell you i know some things, too, like how much i miss you and need you around, to fill up my heart with your being profound?
k @ home 2017

how you keep it together

the sun rises every morning. sometimes you have to pull the curtains back from the windows and let the light in, otherwise you may not know. the sun did its part and showed up. you have to do your part now, and arrive on scene. in the light and feeling the world upon your exposed skin, you can be rugged and raw. just exist. you won't have to recite your lines, though they may ask you. the longer i live, the more i find it difficult to rehearse. painful to memorize. how i keep it together (when i keep it together) is by showing up honest and true, hiding nothing. it can be painful getting here, and the magic lies in spontaneity. which also means... we cannot always keep it together. it won't necessarily break their hearts to see us falling apart for a moment. i love to watch them watch me regroup.

Monday, 4 December 2017

any one of us is so much more

The multiverse has shaped me and so I run in colors, and when we meet we bond by the imprint left upon our personalities, the texturing of all the forces that contour us into recognitions. You are so much more than you. I can hardly stand not to love you not to know you. Come with me.


Super was the moon and animate the trees; the winter winds arose and bled right through my clothes. I was dodging in and out a moment right before your eyes, yet you were tracking down to daydream. Be very kind and stay alert. This is how we may survive.

Sunday, 3 December 2017

Life makes its own meaning day after day. Joseph Campbell knew what people are searching for and it's not the meaning of life. I want the embodied feeling of being alive. The vitality. This is a greater cause. Still I am driven to write the books I was chosen to write for the world.  Lately I feel I am closer to a wholeness of energy, a fullness not unlike tonight's super full moon. I think it may be a payoff for all the obligations I've taken on. It's an interesting experiment but I have to write the books. Nothing compares to how you feel when you do what you were born to do.