Tuesday, 29 September 2020


my DNA got to shifting 

crackling beneath the power lines

pupils turned to bolts

of high voltage lightning


Monday, 28 September 2020

autumn like a junky

once the sweetest season 
now full of fire and smoke
like a junky once was
the sweetest boy 
now full of piss
and vinegar


Sunday, 27 September 2020


a continental grip divides us

our interior lands locked ona hollow

green and red morning

sun struck


Saturday, 26 September 2020


 i have seen sunrises i lived by the llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll light


Friday, 25 September 2020


brotherhood of backflip off

diving board half toed

wild. temperate like

pool nerves


Thursday, 24 September 2020

i saw i was

i saw i was no help to you today i

could not see you. i saw i was wishing i

could explain i was the urge to break 

a law i saw who you came for i was

the key. i was the let down in your eyes 

first day of fall.


Wednesday, 23 September 2020







replete with 


i love



Tuesday, 22 September 2020


 fall came like

an anthem

we rose we

dropped on 

one knee

from a distance

the prayer


the sea


Monday, 21 September 2020


they had seeds for eyeballs the

oval packed about with soil

melancholy was their vital

irrigation the tears

in reverse 


Sunday, 20 September 2020


i'm a lucky one found

work that makes me think

and feel. congruent with my 

mission on this fucked up 

planet earth


Saturday, 19 September 2020

twitter handle

Katya444ever 🏳️‍🌈

latchkey kid and #indieauthor. nonbinary (she/they). genX. as the sun rises i morph into a #psychotherapist. i hold out hope for anyone and u

latest book review


's review

liked it
bookshelves: giveawaysmy-kindle-list

I really liked the story and the message of this novella. I don’t think I’ve read a stream of consciousness styled book in a long time and parts were hard for me to get into.

It surrounds four 20-somethings in the Chicago area in 1999. The point of view is through the eyes of Kat and her experiences.

Overall I liked it, but probably not loved it. I would read more from this author, especially if there was a sequel to find out what happened in Kat’s life after 1999. :)

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway, but these are my true opinions. Thank you for the chance at reading this book.

Thursday, 17 September 2020


she took a train and they could see her
tear two sugars for her coffee
while the china rattled 

she contemplated her navel 
should i tell them what's
on my mind? she 

thought she thought
she thought


Wednesday, 16 September 2020


the shade of lipstick

made from poison 

berry matches your eyes

fierce yet optimistic


Tuesday, 15 September 2020



my thoughts racing
kept me up at night
chasing. voices whispering i
tried to be polite but they
would not heed i
shouted tore at my hair
until my head bleed. finally
i got busy with chores and like
a plant without water they
could not live no



i buried you under a thousand pounds

social anxiety mixed with

tears medication fears and 

dysphoria. what a mercy



Sunday, 13 September 2020

death by tablet

robotic dogs and drones

cardboard cutouts at baseball games

peanuts and popcorn by microwave

virtual tours and perpetual world

wars. super storms and lightning

complex. next is death by tablet. 

oh! what a time to fall

in love 



the calm comes 

from within


Friday, 11 September 2020


may the spirit prevail through 

heat smoke and virus 

fire and political storm in twenty

twenty. i push and make demands

of this lethargic clumsy body 

just the same 


harvey: god of the sea

we took some shots you 

caught me in transition on 

a silver disc. years later we 

met for dinner. i was lost

a cat back up hurt and poor 

you gave a royal fanfare i 

found out you're gone by 

internet. i will never forget you

my god of the sea and

to the sea you return


Wednesday, 9 September 2020


i got 8 cavities i

filled one with coffee

two with hopeful thoughts. one

with words the participles

dangling off a crown.

i got 8 cavities

the one closest to the root i

filled with feeling

stacked another high

with books to the ceiling

i got 8 cavities i

hold out on any dentist

keep my goldfish ina shallow

pool of flouridated


the very last?

for to keep

the ones who have no




they killed me with kindness they

sure got a way with 




Monday, 7 September 2020

bloody gums


she flossed her teeth six times 

the day before the dentist

to save herself a guilt trip

you can wake up feeling fat ugly stupid

and be wrong


Sunday, 6 September 2020


o heavy cloud made of timber 

nuclear bloom over our 




careless affairs

breaking the 


the fire 

in my belly 

will not be subsumed


i offer these 



Saturday, 5 September 2020


the AQI was awfully high 

banana slugs had a cough i 

called my best in conditioned air

to volunteer the feeling then dug out

a break controlled a burn. we 

lend voices to the bodies in

the pitch


Friday, 4 September 2020

bluelight 4

our expressions masked. our eyes

reflections of blue light. our friendships 

our lessons our lives within zoom



barely visible behind

spring locks they 

could not imagine 

any future 

so they sought refuge 

in the past. years  

in their head

until they found the key

to unlocking

a life


Wednesday, 2 September 2020


rising in elevation 

through pine forest

deep into fall and a brushing

of snow

few words between us we 

cut up some wood

built a fire 

the shadows jumping

the walls give the room life 

tell me a story i 

don't care if it's true we

make it all up 

as we go


Tuesday, 1 September 2020

x differential

though miles and miles away we 

wrote the same  sentences typed the same

words struck the same tone hit the same


what set us apart

was my letter x

to your letter



Monday, 31 August 2020


what i would give

these memories to

reclaim how our

hearts beat the



Sunday, 30 August 2020


she was latin she was loud 

a mom and proud. they lost 

touch they cannot find her

probably got a new name

a grandchild. they rest

head on knees. the ones they 

loved they left behind and 

now they gone


Saturday, 29 August 2020

mission #200

you left a pack of cigs in my car i 
don't know who you are i
left them on the bench on 
the east front of west sacramento walmart 
O two hundred hours
for you


Friday, 28 August 2020


cotton blue curtain coins fall out our pockets ona black plastic seat jammed like flowers picked and slotted for our life together shot with two smiles beaming a trace of sadness behind profile kiss for the camera suddenly feels drunk


Thursday, 27 August 2020


 every morning i turn her

wheels up tear a rag off

an old shirt and polish

my fuji. tighten every spoke 

turn the pedals run

the chain across a toothbrush

shine the reflectors. pray

to god today may i not be 



Wednesday, 26 August 2020


 we played whist 

in the hospital waiting room

to take our mind 

off it

i gave all my 

tricks away

to see you



Tuesday, 25 August 2020

mouth. 25

 how can i get close 

to this mouth full of politics how

can i love this head 

full of venom isn't it sad 

this oscillation of reality 

a threat to human kindness

shouldn't you be against

the law?


Monday, 24 August 2020

Sunday, 23 August 2020


a ghost in my apartment

knocked a pill out of my hand

which fell under the cabinet below the

sink. when i got down to fish it out

they grabbed my arm and happy



Saturday, 22 August 2020


you cannot know them 

sealed inside an envelope they

will cut you like paper they

are shredded beyond repair

you wish you could reach them you

wish to have them for tea

locked inside a trauma they

will cut you by accident they

are secretive. precise with words

senseless must they be



u should c

 all the darkness 

when the light 



collector of spirits

she so direct she 

unabashed she so direct

no foreplay. you

overexposed and she 

over you and your

bullshit. touch your soles 

2 the floor get real. she will 

collect your spirits

and stretch them if 

you dare 2 let her 



Friday, 21 August 2020


fires surround this city 

at the cross of two rivers

in this belly

lives a fire


crossing of 

artery and vein


Thursday, 20 August 2020

defend us

the lashes defended our eyes

from snowy ashes

in 72 hours across california

over 10,000 lightning strikes

over 300 fires

we dropped orange 

dystopian tracks they 

could not defend

us from tears


Wednesday, 19 August 2020

heart repairs

my friends they 

all died of broken


or traded them in

for junk

i took mine to 

the shop for 


not what it was

when i first fell

in love but it



Sunday, 16 August 2020


the horn section bursting

set up a break against the


the reeds supple 

like fingers 

even the concrete got

to feeling. our feet 

left gooey indents in

the road

a new kinda hollywood 

where everyone's

a star


Saturday, 15 August 2020


 one eleven scorching hot one

ten wasn't enough one 

eleven the power grid got crushed

the block goes dark

all the people complain 

luddite for a night so

what. wired so long

you can't remember your



Friday, 14 August 2020

fuck all.14

i wanted change so bad

an end to the dying

an end to the killings

and denial

a magical awakening for those 

who are thoughtless. deluded. without


i once was the same

fuck all anyone could have done

to move me


11 hearts

today we gave 11 

hearts away

to the fighters


a fake smile for the 




oh forest sèche silent listening silent waiting
skyscraper pines in a circle ina line
give us your dead to keep us
under the axe waiting for rains
this coyote night


Thursday, 13 August 2020


the bottom of a well i 

kept drinking. archival footage 

slowly sinking flash drive 


many moods 

 like sound 

i'm thinking 

take the drive for a

ride to the river. bait it ona hook

cast it out to the mouth

of a bass 


Wednesday, 12 August 2020

hunting dog

walked out a ways i 

discovered a lonesome hunter

lapping water ina clearing in

the forest

warm ashes still left

from the campfire

long floppy ears you 

spoke to me out of hurt pushed

your paws forward down

into the earth

i awoke to your cry

who left you and



Tuesday, 11 August 2020


among the pines

high above a clearing

ex the cell phone

ex the net. ex


we turn the tin pan

blue on a burner

blue the water 

boil we

to the birdsongs


french press and dress 

the dawn. just like those

who came before



headlights deep 

searching the forest

no more streetlights wind 

like a chorus

far away from

all this chaos is where i

wanna be



 found the belly 

of a lonely world i

found the heart inside

the belly of a cold

old world i

found the blood hot

rushing. all the girls were

gushing i 

found the beat it

was my 





done with it all

lean back. fall

change the station

every 1 deserve

a stay.k.tion


Tuesday, 4 August 2020


fate rolled up on paradise. petroleum 
residuals sliding through tropical 
depressions on the backs of shellfish 
and marine life coming up for air

cracked hull and skulls
a wisp of watery smoke
in its wake


Monday, 3 August 2020


know me
know me not. for i am
but a single floret you
cannot see when aerial
looking down on me
in this parade of
roses. love me love
me not



displays a fan of royal
flush. all the subjects



passage through incendiary heat
they screamed into atmosphere
deployed parachutes and swung into
a cool sea. no longer reflecting stars
they became one


street smarts before streets

i swept the floors then 
sat down to read
checked my phone 
got a glass of water 
did the dishes

body against land
land against water
the slightest change in pace
direction or 

they were out there

looking for the weak one
running desperate 
within a herd

survival depended on
having street
smarts before
and after


Friday, 31 July 2020


stalled out broke
down the middle
of the road you
got the worst
and best of humanity all
in under sixty


what with

what with water what
with sun you arose
from nothing

Wednesday, 29 July 2020


she holds the secrets
from before the land
broke up and oceans



colors flood
the story in your heart
locating a world
focused on eye



days and nights
the stress i gotta suppress
my feelings sometimes
before they run me
away from

nights and days you
give me a hard
time i don't
know exactly what
to say

not unusual like
any day i think i'll get up go

back to the


Sunday, 26 July 2020


you found me half dead
in the heat you 
rolled past like a mirage gave 
me your wheels and ran 
alongside me while the mercury

the river edges
wavering undefined with 
wakes from props

i was gonna pass out i
dropped down the subsequent

in sand steps deep we
dove into the life


Saturday, 25 July 2020


no place for a kid the
she's been hurt before
you come on so
strong. without her phone she's
isolated.  you care so much you
control her won't
give her space when she
asks. you're the only one
she's got. listen. it's a pressure
through the wind pipes too 
much she gonna run



imagine the day we
may flood the streets we may

see ourselves
smiling and may
we embrace because it's


Thursday, 23 July 2020


the government sent the
not so secret police

even the iron on patches
would not iron 
on. you broke out
super glue

the same you used
to affix the stick to
your flag

your rough
locks in fighting

got your attitude

painted another layer
of enamel on your

texted your friends
to meet under the
oak tree

don't forget
knit hats the
masks the baking


Wednesday, 22 July 2020


i came up
4 air you pulled
on my hair we
fought 4
swore 4

my forever 4 
ever underneath
the outbursts we


come x

come by tunnels i
surf the channels
to find you

come by rainbows i
arc out over the city
just to see you i

come by wheels
encrypted ring

i come by sign

just 2 be by
your side


m path

i took the m-path
out of the city

abandoned buildings
electric lights
and rain

i took the blue
line just to see you



a fine set of books
coffee that cooks
songs with good

we must be
in para


Monday, 20 July 2020

face of the sky

laughin in the face of the sky

cryin all the tears from a cloud

prayers hit the earth

loud when heads are humble

and properly bowed


Friday, 17 July 2020


They were in Florida at the time. Ocean, orange juice stands, rednecks, salt and sugar, lizards. She was coming down for a visit one week. The summer of ‘98 found them smoking and drinking, watchin the surf pounding away at the beach, lulling them to sleep until the sun rose and woke their asses up. Pop some X and go for a swim. Lay out the multicolored towels. Feelin the sun layin in the light. He was pushing into keys on the typewriter nights while she kicked back on the couch reading magz. They worked their fingers across the board so the letter arms wouldn’t rust, living off the pay and bonus from the last job. Rumbling around the intercoastal on the bike to take the steam off a hot humid day after the noon rains.     

- Katya Mills. Excerpt from my new project, tentatively titled They The Firmament.

Thursday, 16 July 2020


the bricks let
the elements
soak into the

i hit them

dropped a fin
on the bar for a gin
watching you go
soft into the

i can't help it
im obsessed by
the song

can we play it

rewind all our fast
trax play it super
slow together

we got no choice we
gotta move on
im sorry but ill be

watchin you go
soft into the

gotta find
my voice soft
into the night
soft into the
light its hard
on us

this life


ghost of green eyes

ona street a cat
confronts me the ghost
of green

came up crying
talking to me
like you felt
my pain

you did

know how to hiss
forgot how to

i got some crumbs
for you and some
time. get down


ghost of green
eyes. here

i remember i
was not allowed



made some fire then
we collide

at the diner
count our

clash of
the mexi


Monday, 13 July 2020

rotary phone

like some sweet casino game
they drilled holes in a disk
attached to your face
buxom and heavy
enough i could defend my life
by you. crack some bastard
in the skull. curled
umbilical cord wrapped around
the body. receiver gripped cold
dial zero for an operator
will talk you down
until help arrives


Sunday, 12 July 2020


they was loving life they was up
at dawn and ya they got knocked down they
got up quick they came back fighting
after they been through it they
sat back drank a
cool glass of water up
at dawn and

such was life


Saturday, 11 July 2020


you let me cross you let me 
dress i let you 


Friday, 10 July 2020


tiktok the time goes by time
goes by stars gaze into our eyes
never stop never drop keep
pushin along. tiktok cannot
kill this song keep


Thursday, 9 July 2020


i want to be a watercolor so i can wash away. i used to want to be a sharpie. now i was a stillness they could focus on. a moving stillness absorbing heat and sun and sky and sound. the city only a few miles away but i kept it real in my heart. i was easily aggravated. i got on wheels and rolled the fuck away. i had to leave it all behind regularly for freedom. these words they beat you up at night. you wonder how the mouths had the nerve to let them through the teeth. i forgive easy, ok, gimme time. happiness was once so easy to find. like an astronaut chicken in walmart. butter. tomato onion. pepper. garlic. now i was full of anxiety and depression. i could not seem to unrelate myself to them. i turned to fast food in the pandemic. i couldn’t change the channel. i had to learn to show an interest in the life around me. i took extra time lining my eyes with chocolate maybelline. i took great care with my lashes to make em look like japanese wood carvings of waves. i want to be a watercolor. so i can wash away.

Wednesday, 8 July 2020


i click my visions off
rest my elbow on your
thigh to F-stop and find
some damn balance


Tuesday, 7 July 2020

seven ways of saying

keep showing
up don't let these thoughts
overpower you. stressed
detained i see you locked
inside a flame beside
the river

talk to me show me how
you feel. we are water when
we let go


be like my cat be

july i was high up
front like the head
lines what with changes
following each note of this
damn sonata they rise they
fall see. my emo
in my face be like my
cat by my
side  - OH
by my side


sad wrap son

sad rapper at the sad
wrap. spittin lyrics at the
ice cold mirror. once visionary
critically acclaimed high
life reduced to crap sad
rapper why life so sad that's a
wrap son


Monday, 6 July 2020


i am walking home before midnight
the city crackles with explosives the
heaviest ones shake the ground and
resound against the pop pop pop the
whistling with definite small caliber
gunfire shot off by the rebels
among us. the powder and sulfur
permeates the heat my old traumas
are resurfacing the anxiety is only adrenaline
lit like a fuse. you cannot cancel the fourth
of july.  the wonderment in kids faces beneath the bloom
a full moon. ascending receding
block after block. the river the
only stillness tonight. its reflection
captures my imagination


Sunday, 5 July 2020


culture got canceled our tickets
would not be redeemed
all the statues were harbored
and hawked off to Russia
i guess was not all what
it seemed


Thursday, 2 July 2020

pepper tea

the subtle thing got a little louder the
magnanimous one dropped back some. when they met
for pepper tea the not so subtle truth told the big
thing you sure made me feel important
you did. thank you. they stirred sugar
evenly. room enough
for two


Wednesday, 1 July 2020

81 corona

eighty one
got a bigger screen tv got a hammer
a case of beer and a fever of a hundred and two
eighty one gonna sweat it out in a shape fitting armchair
eighty one. a child of the second world war
running a fever reads
a hundred three
ain't no damn virus gonna stop me


Monday, 29 June 2020

am.pm dawn in america

nothing forced we
plot course let it take us
dawn in america. we were wrong we got right
my apartment an organic
living mess like the desk of a social worker on wednesday i
tried to take flight off the screen off the paper
now i'm grounded. stay still. chill
the time we got to spendin
you were the one. i couldn't care what they saw
the faded flags fly eyes
desert dry i could cry coffee
for all the sleep we lost
the sunrise. the 8th wonder
of the world


life before cars

i remember you years back. funny and loud
silence didn’t stand a chance

they expanded the freeway

now i cannot hear the birds
like they planned it

ten lanes now
the whole family out

bowling. an icy can of orange and two

tone shoes. big shiny ball ona slow roll

i got you in my head again. when you left

it was life before cars


Sunday, 28 June 2020

thank these gods

these notifications surround us from
all sides chirping like new species of bird
fuk these ads between songs they
killin us. okay i
thank these gods for you sweet
heart keep your dreams alive on
sunday. covid 19 proliferates culture
gets canceled ok good or bad
we are young. a little hot
sometimes thats all


these dreams

feeling lost they
danced back into one
of a thousand worlds they
called home

lightning struck
through a dark web

they drank champagne
with a twist on a staple of twitter

now was time
to search themselves then
produce these


Friday, 26 June 2020

snapshot 25

the sky is asking the
water running i
discard my early morning jeans
step into the
peach skin of apartments
the weave of baskets the
morning sun the
life of the



Thursday, 25 June 2020

june 25

capture my imagination
provoke it. feed it beans and
rice and release it into
what's left of
the wild


Wednesday, 24 June 2020

book giveaway


    Goodreads Book Giveaway


        Trouble '99 by Katya Mills



          Trouble '99

          by Katya Mills


            Giveaway ends June 28, 2020.
            See the giveaway details
            at Goodreads.

    Enter Giveaway

Tuesday, 23 June 2020


shooting the mouth off
another infraction rolled
up tight end over
end i gotta stop
to think

sometimes by light or water
beneath the wind whipped
trees the city speeds the violent
dust up of paper flying about 

by the koi pond in some
anaerobic muck the
beta swallows the
alpha. all is well


Monday, 22 June 2020


i saw the law i
went outside. they searched me
they searched my car they
fined me cuffed me
locked me behind bars they
assaulted me made me feel stupid
ashamed hopeless and lost
consider me lucky they
never took my life


Sunday, 21 June 2020


a skinhead ina truck ahead of me flying
beyond the limits drifted left hit the median
at thirty degrees bounced off
fender crumpled

brakes burning i thought it was over
for all of us. dirt from the shoulder rising
to meet the windshields
giving us flak

like nothin happened
we picked up speed and drove on
heartbeat tapering down

the trajectory of my life is not dissimilar
almost totaled

like nothing happened i go on
body demands coffee day and night
approaching fifty like i'm
twenty-five. takin flak. sense of purpose
no different than it was
back in ‘85 


june 21

slept for ten hours and would have
more but for hydraulics screaming
under weight of recycling beyond
the back door. dissociated after my sugar crash i
zoned out on credit karma
to witness the inevitable separation
of self from hard-earned


Friday, 19 June 2020

snapshot 26

life is always 
changing hard to

temperature climbing
freestyle rhyming
cultures dubbed like sound
no longer willing
to be reduced
to a wheeze

statues standing in
stone motion cold

getting up i get
down to strike keys
dissing the

Thursday, 18 June 2020


leading a protest against
emptiness i was
in need of SSRIs
held up by hairspray 
insides like jello
lookin sorry
played out
feelin neglected
relationships faded i
could not synch the
clocks i was checking
all the locks

i found my
own way out by god
that's life 

remix 2012


we were group thinking
rising in numbers 
exponential on the

then i saw you

detached. by the stairs. head
down shoe laces free
style blowing out
in some other

you lifted your eyes you
searched you extracted my heart
by a keyword

i would give up my cause
for you. unlock me
from the masses! the
pain is almost


Tuesday, 16 June 2020

knock down drag

you were workin several shifts
holding it down. i was lifted hopin
this could hold up. you were
switchin gears then i tried
you and we had a knock down
drag out. the dogs left howling
in the yard. a playful sun hid
behind a cloud. then set the
sky on fire. i. you.
we all come down


Monday, 15 June 2020


yesterday i got lost
on gen z emo
rap and cried about the lean
the purple the blue
they turned
before their time
came due

thank god
the music lives

Sunday, 14 June 2020


life is sharp and ready
to cut

cat on my chest
pushing retracting

life is soft and
dreamy ona
sunday morning

the newsprint wants
to murder

so much to do
not enough time

the screens blinding

i would be lying if
i said i was


Saturday, 13 June 2020

dream sequence

i am walking a bridge made of guitar
strings made of guts. over a gorge.
back in my hotel room there are lamps
in the bathtub. the place is ransacked and
i think it was me. sleep
i need sleep. no blankets no sheets just a
mattress on the ground. blood rushes
from a slit down my forearm. i am weak
no words to speak no tears upon my
cheek. nobody around. i pick up the old
phone wrap the cord around my arm
restless to remember your number. i call you.
the tone of each ring holds a promise.


Friday, 12 June 2020

honestly i

so i lost it
what can i say
knuckles bleeding

they ran up on me
the thoughts rushing
my mind i had to ice a mf
hit me from

picked some flowers
for my momma on
my way home
depleted of color
looking for a sign
fixed on my cell
i cannot see
whats happening
to me

blue bells for
momma a monster
in my heart

don't wanna wash
this blood away

i lost it what
can i say


Thursday, 11 June 2020

what was

the future arrived
maybe a loved one
 or two
you and me because
we knew
what was


Wednesday, 10 June 2020

june 10

i see you on video you look so good
all airbrushed like that lemme give you
a virtual hug or a heart. will i see you
in real life and when? i filtered the audio so your
voice is crystal clear. calling from a stitch
in a switch. damn. the game
finally swallowed us.


Tuesday, 9 June 2020


sparrows dip
wings and turn about
the gold fields

tent city at north
gate and sixteenth god
am i lucky

ridin wheels
over the american

exchangin words
at the fountain
gettin wet

thank you

spinnin hot
spokes shinin
in the sunlight

close to my

Monday, 8 June 2020

Sunday, 7 June 2020

world without words

you will never add up
admonished the numbers

the letters formed into soft
words oh. ok. sorry and if you
say so

you must be calculating
to help us. precise.
do we have to spell
it out?

the letters went silent. they drafted
a non compete clause but the
numbers they just multiplied out
toward infinity

the letters they felt
useless. abandoned

then a question arose
how will we communicate
without us?

the numbers stopped
at a loss for

Saturday, 6 June 2020


hong kong. never too far
from my thoughts

all the action in my country
where i am caught. and you
my sister. so far, far away i write this letter
if only to say

we love you
we will not let them bring you down
may we laugh and hold hands may we
fight this together

always be free in our

Friday, 5 June 2020


the water comes to a boil
i measure out some grains
juan valdez to wake me up
coffee black on a full moon

friday. everyone lookin 4 an outlet
i got mine behind these


Thursday, 4 June 2020

june 3

june. thunderstorms broken sleep
boarded up businesses and the national
guard scattered like buckshot all across town
the mindless dumb they thumbing their nose
pulling on straps full face smiling don't
care. under the window some
junky gone pale fishin for a vein
eyes fall back sunk in that old melody
shook up waiting for
the beat


cold city

sun touches the earth
the line becomes more
and more defined

a firmness in your belly
metallic taste on your tongue

little moons
running wide orbits 
circling you

the sun cool the ice
burning hot

the kids
sweeping up
after you

not everyone's gonna be
what the world wants
you to be

wiping the palms
off the glass you
wait for night
to forget


Tuesday, 2 June 2020


we livestream through the
heat waves never touching we
walk the blocks like bandits

wearing masks wondering
what happened to the world we
once knew


Monday, 1 June 2020

hope ina hopeless time

back to the liquor store

for another scratcher you
poured a cup of coffee at the gas
station walked out
of town on the train
tracks you recited in your head
the smile the cashier gave you
the balanced smile

all the hope you
ever had ina hopeless


Sunday, 31 May 2020

back yourself up

we danced to the old songs dated
back when life seemed less

complicated less strung out

on media talking to us from our pockets our screens keeping tabs all
night and day long we danced freely like we had some kind of voice some kind of choice in this automated cyber world you really gotta know deep down who you are

download yourself or get
tagged archived judged and encrypted
back yourself up

(less than) lethal

the people come together
pelted by rubber bullets burned
by tear gas. fuck the pandemic! they
will not be detained

the force is lethal
calls itself less than
less than lethal but make no mistake
whatever label they slap on
the force is lethal
it can kill you make
no mistake it can and


litigation can take
the spine out of any


if you had a heart you cried if
you had a heart you shouted out
against the unspeakable 
horror if you

if you had a heart it broke and maybe 
you could not control yourself 
for a while

grieving these systemic patterns 
you could not bear to remain


out on the streets
where a drop became many
a stream became a river 
an ocean of

against the unfeeling

dredging up a particle of hope
there to see where
we were not

Friday, 29 May 2020


they wield extreme power they can kill you in public
and will. and did. again. George Floyd. we expressed outrage
six feet away from the sidewalk to the ends of the earth. we
who have hearts alive and beating
theft and what did you expect? fires. broken glass. mayhem and what
america? what did you expect? you hunt and trap our friends our comrades
helpless. caged. handcuffed on the ground all the breath forced out of them. another life
stolen another family loss. a community. a nation of communities.
america you will wake up from your imperial dream you will. the
institutionalized isms will be eradicated. we won't let you sleep our country
means to much to us. leaders arise to deliver
social justice. free shipping. cops accused of murder. found
guilty. based on facts. convicted. sentenced to life
or death

Thursday, 28 May 2020


when you feel unwanted
like static
to airwaves


only you
can see see how
essential you

stay true to

anchored between

even static has its righteous
place in this

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

what the hell

i didn't know
what the hell i 
was doing
i lacked insight
i lacked judgment
but i did what i did
and i did
what i could
and survived and
now i know
what the

Tuesday, 26 May 2020

keep dreaming

when you finally let
the old dream go
you can get down
to really living

they say

but who?
who can live?
who can live without

Monday, 25 May 2020

love over coffee

the essence steeped
clouding my energy then
i put down my pen
leather bound journal open
faced in the café i
closed my eyes and thought 
of you
our energies once
commingled here
the pressure of heat on water the
steam submerged in milk
endlessly colored by
coffee how we met eyes
ina non-committal
slightly disinterested
i felt you
looking over me i could taste
you tasting me
steeped in me
the essence at first clouded
my energy
then i was
i was

Sunday, 24 May 2020

book giveaway!

Enter this contest to read my latest novella for free if you like fiction!
Please vote for my book if you like it in the UKSTORYTELLER2020 contest on Kindle!

Posted on May 24, 2020 by KatYa

Goodreads Book Giveaway
by Katya Mills

Giveaway ends May 31, 2020.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads. Enter Giveaway

Rate this:

Saturday, 23 May 2020


we were kids
not even ten
when we found
our hideout ina
faded olive
window cracked

middle of the pet

i had to stop
reading books
late into the night
if i hoped to get up
early enough
to meet you all

but i could

Friday, 22 May 2020

polaroid u

are the life you are the 
hard seasons the
recipe dating generations

careless restless and reckless
the soft viable understanding
at the end of a great confusion
soon escapes you

owls in the night upset 
your blood pressure you
throw parties you create
and destroy

you drink endless glasses
of milk and bourbon you
call and no one answers

raise high your fists you
splash around dark thoughts 
and then

and then one day
you give a damn you
really do you seek forgiveness
and the strength of

you change but all they see
is a snapshot a

you upset the blood
pressure you reek of hard seasons
recipes dating back to a great

all that is left of you
is your change

open your fists and let
your hands meet. look
up to the sky. may the soft
and viable understanding
save you


Thursday, 21 May 2020

rock ridge

one kind word
and the new world
opened up 

the obscenity
the hatred
the judgment 
the old concrete
broke apart

one kind word ina city
of water of engine of
fire of steam made 

to the heart

ina whisper
ina vision
ina friend

Wednesday, 20 May 2020

may 20 2020


the birds
gave my heart
some hope
ina song 
for the 

the best

my brother
it pains me
divides us
the way i see you do not see
the world

i turn up the Smiths
to stop my heart
my heart
from hurting

take my will take
my life

all i
all i know is
my brother
you're the

if i could only love you
for the way you look at life
look over your shoulder
follow your arm
open my eyes
and declare yes!

yes! i see what
you see i love what
you love!

would i lie to you?
my brother

no. but i

i can love you
love i can

up mood 1

my mood drops like a beat
you answer when i
call and

 we get to our feet
walking the miles
just to meet

my mood 
rises up become a bird in
the sky

can't say exactly how
fuck i sure know


twenty days in
been dragged down
before and will

twenty days in
got your mind made up so
turn up your song

feel it and go
for it

like you never loved life

Saturday, 16 May 2020

next book?

i've been considering my next project. my next book. i'm excited to say i unearthed a treasure of archive material on my drive, files some of which i previously had trouble converting, hundreds of pages of autobiographical material dating back to my twenties and early thirties, and all the adventures i had. life was going off the rails but it sure was entertaining. lots of stories and characters i otherwise would have forgotten. i'm excited to either remix it into fiction or semi-fiction. i could publish it as straight autobiography but it's so much fun stirring it up and remixing. this has become my niche period, 1990-2010, and i hope to approach it from a completely different space.

Friday, 15 May 2020

4 am

i discover the earthquake
37 miles out of Tonopah
Nevada by the water
rippling in the pool

200 miles away!

the cats screaming bloody murder
behind this apartment building

put the coffee on
it's friday anything could happen
save the kid surrender yourself
to a riptide

it can be beautiful

what a commotion
as we roll into
the weekend

Thursday, 14 May 2020


like a bullet with a tracer
ink shoots off your 

a bitterness
on the tongue 
at work

like a dance the tears
play up the eyes

level the bottle 
nudge of the wrist
cold heart heats 
up then 

you wake to the sun
where you lay

breath and thoughts
in motion push 

 volumes of 


Wednesday, 13 May 2020

may 13

how we missed you
in the heart of the pandemic
we got you second

through rain through snow
upon us

the sunlight

those of us alone
the way we register fear

the wind

how much is lost
without your

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

MAY 12 2020

i grew up in a complicated world
lots of adult parties and American businessmen
lots of stay at home moms in

many years later
i make a simple life
a working life
not too many friends
i keep to myself

i could not recreate the world i once lived in
i could not and would not
it was never my world

i love the simple life
the working life
neither destructive nor uninspired
diving into mysteries

Monday, 11 May 2020


carries to god then
back down to 
earth palms touch
marked by crescent lines
destiny moves in
and out of self
brokering wilderness
in a heavy

Sunday, 10 May 2020


     a rocky
over the handlebars of your bike
swimming when the pool
was closed howling when
all the world was quiet
then i saw you then
i knew
you for my
one my

Saturday, 9 May 2020

run with the night

you run with the night you
sleep in the sun
an inchworm stretches out
on your thumb you 
sleep through the day and run
with the night 
you live 

you live 
in the


Hyde Park Cafe. 1997

all is elevated
this floor over the earth
this table the grain flush
above the floor the arms
of the couch free
falling bodies at half a perpendicular
snaking lethargically like
my thoughts


eight sided glasses
opening rims up to the sky
fan blades cutting through a plane
brass reliefs flowering
rooted to the ceiling

thursday night
all is elevated

twenty three
high on coffee high on


JANUARY 9, 1997

thin as a grain of wheat
rarely uprooted from his chair
black cat at his feet
waiting for the next meal
the next dream

traded freedom to his granddaughter
so he wouldn't have to live in a home

eyes red around the rim
voice deep within the throat
bones coated with dust like the painting
of his long since passed wife
hanging on the wall behind him

six foot three he can still
touch the sky
i used to jitterbug he says
and smiles. heart following memory
up the gulf coast
across the panhandle
all the way back to California

when he's upset
sometimes he swears (the gravel
spitting off his thunder)
GIVE ME THE KEYS! i'll drive there my
damn self i will!
alone? she questions, eyes bulging

and i
i believe him
you better hide those keys

remix 1997

Friday, 8 May 2020


TROUBLE'99TROUBLE'99 by Katya Mills

This 42,000 word book represents a project I started two years ago, digging into my archives for material. The book is set in Chicago where I lived for 10 years of my life, and my intention was to capture the spirit of twentysomethings at the turn of the century. My first published novel, Girl Without Borders, covers the same historical ground, so if you enjoyed GWB you most likely will find Trouble'99 a sort of homecoming yet with different characters. This story follows four friends and comrades, facing hard luck in both love and life in the city. I hope you like it.

View all my reviews

Thursday, 7 May 2020


we drank hot chocolate from silver-rimmed china
around a polished wooden table

i found your big toe beneath it
punching through the canvas
while eating macaroons

why are you running away?
she asked us

i stood up tall
on my toes

you would too
if your home
was like ours

the leader

my brother has been storing acorns
how will we find food when leaves
curl up in the cold? we will eat them
so to fill up the hollow spaces 
between our ribs. i will get the
last acorn because i am
the leader

Sunday, 3 May 2020

NOVEMBER 22 1997

playing crazy eights listening to music
talking trash fighting getting high
twentysomethings in the late 1900s
spilling drinks spilling consciousness
on the dance floors of YBOR CITY

a blackout drinker in those days i
would lose my credit card and eventually
my wallet my shoes and my keys
my sanity. early hours of the morning
nothing but my clothes and my high on
and a couple phone numbers of friends
in my head.


you came to my door selling candles
and applespice tea in blonde wooden
boxes. i bought the one with a dragon
holding a sword. the kind you wanna
carve into your arm some day

remix 1998

Friday, 1 May 2020

projection of a long lost high 5

begotten children descend
planted according to trend
dropped like fashion
and spirited away

taken from vision with
binary ocular precision
Made In America!
by decree by

you try to defragment you
hope for some clarity then
comes trouble. another
greenish colored bubble
eating bacteria to survive

projections of a long lost
heartfelt high

living off lip service the echelons
make hay. they
promise to play out tomorrows

robbed of nutrients you forgot
who you are. exercise occurs between
edifice and car

doing the laundry
you cycle back to humble
removing the factory tag
carry the sadness ina brown
paper bag

remix 2010

Wednesday, 29 April 2020

2010 tangible truismic

sometimes we are the half of life

jaw floored variety of bored like a


 72 rpms back to back to back

well-placed commencement at the very end of some


got there with your body and realize back there

somewhere your spine fell out

drinking wine until you pass out flopped around ina 

sorry omega-threesome like a caterpillar hanging out



you check your gps for self-locus flower 

stop accepting all substitutes-imposters-splenda-and-cancelled-checks

go long and selfless beyond the ego panic attacks

get the train back on track and loosen all ties. free the suspension 

beyond the words so trite and truismic

here and now we conjure ourselves in flashes again and again 

until we reach some static in the attic

we need not be cardboard we are

solid tangible statuesque ennui

from the archive
remix 2010

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

dressed ina stare

this room. the one window never
saw a sun set never saw a sun

tired yellow light. emotion-driven
words. dawn not yet broken
and who would know

lonely nights in the city
she lay with someone. any shadow
wrapped in sheets

she was meant to be
surrounded by prayers
careful movements
giving hands

and who would know
not this user not this

end of a cigarette
wet. blackened
the other

ceiling dressed ina stare

against his chest
she listened
every man's heart beat different
and none for her

remix 1998

Monday, 27 April 2020

FEBRUARY 11 1998 (1/2)

 I found a typewritten sheet from the Royal I had in Florida, 1998, tucked into my diary. Here's a remix from the first paragraphs I wrote...

She lay with him she
trusted him she knew him no more than
the shadows the moon cast on the wall
dressed and gone by morning

balancing on the edge of the tub
she shaved her legs with a cheap razor
someone left behind

the blood didn't bother her
there would be no sleep

he lay awkwardly after
hands in his pockets
she played a palm across his chest

to be robbed was something
he imagined he

taste of her in his mouth feather
pillow imbued with her

#katyamills. remix'98

Sunday, 26 April 2020

PTI and Don Hadlock

Don Hadlock, co-founder of PTI: the Process Therapy Institute in San Jose, passed away in January this year @ 77 years old. I wanted to tribute him as a leader and teacher and mentor and all around wonderful human being. I was blessed to encounter him within a year long Group Process Therapy series while I was enrolled as a Master's level student in Holistic Counseling at JFK University in Campbell, CA. He and his wife Carol founded PTI 40 years ago, he said, after having had a revelation while driving through the Santa Cruz mountains about the difference between content and process. Content (in the context of therapy) is the words a client speaks. Process is what they are doing while they are speaking; essentially, any other ways they may be communicating through their behavior. Maybe they are biting their lip or laughing when they mean to cry. There is a wealth of information which may be overlooked by talk therapy focused on content. By holding space for and calling attention to process, one can guide someone through present-moment interventions, deepen the therapeutic alliance and cultivate both self and ego awareness. Process therapy is also trauma-informed.  The 'pain body' as Tolle refers to it, encompasses how we hold our history of trauma in our body, which naturally extends to how we relate to the world: ourselves, our friends, family, and community. Mr. Hadlock taught us how to help a client interface the pain body from a gentle and invitational spirit. I am indebted to him. I believe my ability as a psychotherapist to create space and facilitate process and group process in my clinical practice, sources from many of his teachings. I think of him often in my work and I miss him.

Saturday, 25 April 2020

metal flower morning

she was a barista. my friend
gettin people high on stiff colombian shots!
she remarked

a cafe bar in a hotel
little round marble
tables. guys (and girls) feigned to read
watching her change money
serve drinks

looking around
thinking everyday thoughts i
waited for her to get off shift

listened to the steam
scream through silver

metal flowers

how could anyone ever
kill themselves? i overheard
a woman say to her husband
behind a newspaper

what with the wonder
of the world i don't know

they can and
they do lady they can
and they do

shuffling cards laughing
looking and being looked upon
exchanging cash and feelings
young Americans

we had it good
we did

metal flowers
screamed across the tissue
smoking would kill us all
if we wanted to
so bad

remix 1998

Friday, 24 April 2020

Tampa, Florida. 1997

narrow dirt roads for legs
two moons for eyes she
was once that kid on a
milk carton

did not want to be found

twelve years later watching x
files smoking weed helps

the pain she
cares for her grandfather
and her son

they're both handfuls

grandfather drinks and smokes
like he's half his age
boy cries and throws tantrums like
he's half his and he's

she loves them without

i want to be around people
who give me energy
she shouts (competing with the
swamp cooler) not
take it

thick gravel roads for legs
half moons for eyes she
hasn't changed


Thursday, 23 April 2020