Thursday, 31 December 2020

ice cream cone

without words without art we 

would all fall asleep there 

can be no sunshine the ice 

cream falls off the cone     


#katyamills

Wednesday, 30 December 2020

the entertainment

they filmed you in Croatia 

at a press conference outdoors

flapping your lips with 

your powerful friends 

red face big belly


then suddenly an earthquake 

put you ina spotlight

the unlikely entertainment

dancing like Elvis in 

1955


#katyamills

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

clueless

they can pinpoint a beetle
antennae drumming the earth
satellite imagery
immaculate coordinates
from space they alter the ecosystem
in cells driving home clueless
in mercedes they cannot locate
themselves in the body the breath
why cannot they see
with eyes?

#katyamills

Monday, 28 December 2020

samsara

why try and escape
the life anymore? be a drop of water
inside this rainy day and
cycle through the 
system

#katyamills

flaw.less

my head tells me lies
warping me again. stillness. the house settles
through its cracks
nothing is flawless not a diamond
eyes cannot see
no careful patchwork coat of paint
spackle job can arrest
fractured we settle but i
never no i never no
i never
will

#katyamills

Saturday, 26 December 2020

they was kind

they was quiet when i
expected noise and heat
my vertebrae rolled in with laundry
screwed down by the
street spine up like train tracks
over the sierras. i thanked god
they was kind. only heat the machine
my life dry spun the rain
came down in sheets

#katyamills




one twenties

under the lights
the supermodel shows well
then backstage draggin on 
Slims 120s 
lambasts the makeup girl 
for missing her
mole. you can conceal 
yourself and airbrush awhile
the spirit likes to watch
you exhale. it all goes up
in smoke 


#katyamills

Wednesday, 23 December 2020

4

today god today 

may we have

the guts to tell

the truth



#katyamills

semisweet ending



when i die bury me pen in hand

typewriter for a stone. do not trust your sight

or touch the body scentless

cold and frightful in the ground

while my spirit seen there

wanderin the cemetery grounds leans

off a row whistling some

semisweet show tune




#katyamills

march of the mobile homes

when water boils down to air
relationships and typewriters
take dust my health i try
to care. the country the past
the future. depression a sensual affair
worlds in the saucepan
wander they will the march
of mobile homes. pessimism a paved
road beneath which all
life settles and i
won't

#katyamills

Monday, 21 December 2020

you cannot care too much

i got keyed up

tearful unable to speak

reflecting what you told me

had happened 

they called me overinvolved they

said i lost perspective

they wanted to pull the case

out from under me. i
fought back 2 show it only
makes me work harder
to help


#katyamills

arise

938pm. the silence breaks
arise with words 
and the endless 
expressions

alive i am laughing
@ the past 
@ the future

the sky


#katyamills


Saturday, 19 December 2020

Friday, 18 December 2020

rockstar #1201

the city outside
restless
yearning
they make
windmill inflections
metal-dipped harp strings 
a door off its hinges they
lean off the wall 
listening to it all
talking to self ina 
wistful way like a 
lost son’s 
mother’s 
prayer

#katyamills

Thursday, 17 December 2020

rockstar #1200



a rockstar like they used

to be thin as rails

bad attitude

couch surfing or up all night

drinking smoking

never rest

wishing they were dead

exposed 

pushed on the stage by

the manager hassled

by the label

rarely paid littered 

with dead

flowers



#katyamills


Wednesday, 16 December 2020

pale and glow

the lake was calm  

took him in running 

diving forward and

down. the voices at his back 

drowned

gravity mollified

he turns to sand

shock of hair a sea 

creature reaching 

limbs pale and

glow they know 

never to be seen

above or 

below


#katyamills



Tuesday, 15 December 2020

life after psych meds

gave you back 

what you lost you

wake up wanting to

face the world

though frightened

you live a little


life after psych meds you

feel yourself falling back 

you twitter like

a baby bird


lift your arms high

full with down now 

fly


#katyamills 

Monday, 14 December 2020

leaving cali

the straight edge of coast

the icon of west meets

east the rush of gold 

lost its allure


big capital fled big 

government's reach

the fire and smoke 

income and sales tax 

leech


with great nostalgia

for the beach


#katyamills


Sunday, 13 December 2020

shells

walking on shells they

by the sea was

hard not to break

them. easy to break

but not broken. finding

the words could not 

be spoken.  

held in the hand held

to the sky

colorful so many textures 

informed by

the sea


#katyamills

Saturday, 12 December 2020

post bok choy intention

the goldfish eye the

watery vision bok 

choy carried up 

on chopsticks the

distance between us

the intention to do 

no harm


#katyamills

Friday, 11 December 2020

good fortune

locked up

nowhere to go haunted

by memories they

discovered the story inside

desperate to be written

you could call it

good fortune


#katyamills

Thursday, 10 December 2020

TRANS.AM

after

years of loneliness

adolescence was a fury 

depression

suicidal self-hate

5150 hold

you

finally got your freedom on 

the road. cool oil base 

floods your system

liquid gold!

existence 

no longer 

denied!


#katyamills

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

where

the sun rose and

hopelessness wisped

away. you once had it all i 

wonder where

you are


maybe 

there's hope for you

too


#katyamills


Tuesday, 8 December 2020

make reality

when 

the world has beat you up

long and you let it

finally you scream 

ENOUGH!

lean into the mountain 

a seemingly impossible 

angle and move forward

for you make

reality


#katyamills

Monday, 7 December 2020

zoom 40

in the heart of the pandemic 

within six feet social distance of 

an asymptomatic friend you 

contracted death 

surreptitiously 


faced mortality and

survived

 

you planned a great feast

of endless gratitude

table of forty 4

the holidays

by zoom 


#katyamills

Sunday, 6 December 2020

lead

come to the center 

find your common

ground let the stuff spin 

around


there will always be dynamics  


find your self

hold steady with 

flex balance your 

chex and

lead


#katyamills

Saturday, 5 December 2020

shelby

they told you your heart

gonna fail fucked up felt like 

blackmail. you wrenched cars 

with remington kept an eye 

on le mans built cobras to

strike. a half century later

doing donuts in a prototype

giving thanks like we may 

today for a true American 

hero


#katyamills



Friday, 4 December 2020

how you conduct your electricity

we gave you 

our eyes our ears our 

consideration


how one conducts

electricity may be the greatest variable

building local blocks 

of protein


you and your cause 

emaciated shouting lying gesturing

lost


we move on. hopeful to solve 

global conflicts in 

community


#katyamills

Thursday, 3 December 2020

incarnation

 we woke up roaring and pawing and 

stretching


the incarnation of animal

crackers we washed 

down with milk 

before bed


#katyamills

Wednesday, 2 December 2020

broadcasting hope

if you feel like running 

around the block 4 times

like a dope

broadcasting your 2021 aura 

of hope then 

go!


you are you

don't ever let

the world 

dictate


#katyamills

 

Tuesday, 1 December 2020

Monday, 30 November 2020

fallen star

canceled by culture you
made it all
the money the fame
a star B4 you
opened your mouth
alphabet cereal
senseless
sideways
now watch
your star
fall


#katyamills


Sunday, 29 November 2020

cold night heart

the mercury she dropped 

so low my heart 

almost stopped you 

came my way

turned night into 

day we

took the world on

together


#katyamills

Saturday, 28 November 2020

dc still life

on the banks a slow 

and colorful death a

river of legislation

passage of paper

finality of leaves 


opposite sides of

the aisle came to 

knees 


above roots 

beneath trees


#katyamills


Friday, 27 November 2020

thatz fire

down by the delta the sky

opens up with the land


on a couple hours sleep we hit 

walmart. unimpressed in a world

of slippers pumpkin 

pie and receipts


night fell over the lot

the wind shook us down i

looked in your eyes they

were laughing like fire


i saw an angel on a tire swing

just kids in the yard

on the wing


#katyamills

inspired by my friend Karen W.



books

If your reading list includes favorites such as...

Girl, Interrupted
Naked Lunch
Flesh and Blood
Junky
Basketball Diaries
Angela's Ashes

you might like
 

Sarah Berry-O'Cain rated a book 

really liked it
Trouble '99 by Katya Mills
Trouble '99
by Katya Mills (Goodreads Author)

Wednesday, 25 November 2020

nobody get hurt

"Dani had a way of defusing Fleck, like taking the wick out of a bomb, and he became more like a bowling ball rolling along. He might still knock you over but nobody got hurt." #katyamills #wip

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

YES#WIP

the story is taking shape finally after the last five months of writing and editing and struggling to understand which direction to go. trying to unravel and get some ground underneath this...i met a guy who is sitting on manuscripts he wrote years ago. i told him he might want to consider self-publishing. it can be a joyful experience.  #katyamills

Monday, 23 November 2020

chances

heart beating she tore a 

corner off a page

wrote down her number

for the one with the glitter on 

her cheek who blushed

tucked it into her 

back pocket lined

by red fabric


#katyamills

Sunday, 22 November 2020

foster kitty

free to roam another

home. dear foster kitty

look so sweet on 

all four paws no worry 

soon we leave the earth 

for mars 


#katyamills

Saturday, 21 November 2020

dreamer

inside the dream the

dreamer searched for coffee

for creamer


#katyamills

Thursday, 19 November 2020

sun.shine

i was only 11 in 1984 we 
found freedom from our families
in graveyards at night trying tricks on 
our boards without wheels then
down the hill the days in town on wheels
the SMITHS blaring the radiant
sun out of the sky

#katyamills

Wednesday, 18 November 2020

the day social media died

cat out mousing 

to sharpen his claws i

 stuck inside dredging 

the twitter feed like some 

weary curator 

in a third rate watered

down shop of intrigue 

and horror


#katyamills

Tuesday, 17 November 2020

give thanks

 you had a day off you

worked so much these days 

free time was an anomaly

pressure came from somewhere

inside you. say a prayer

walk outside

let the day come 

to you


#katyamills

Monday, 16 November 2020

mas.fina

sunshine bleached the world

in half. i gave you the prism and we 

made colors of black 

of white mas fina the

light


#katyamills

Sunday, 15 November 2020

up nor in

push me in mud wash

me in sand peck my nail beds

until they fissure steal 

my thoughts  pull my hair 

for the nest button up

my feelings


still 

will i never 

give up nor 

in


#katyamills

Saturday, 14 November 2020

pm.am

the week washed away
with the rain. gone 
after sleep we lumbered round the house 
catching up with ourselves you 
and i. rolled before dawn
for a bird. blasted the heat.
tired of covid and politics tired
from work. such was life


#katyamills

Friday, 13 November 2020

wax cy

am. friday 

cold walk to the corner

heat of coffee in 

my hands

radiate 

out to u

with love

Thursday, 12 November 2020

polar.ize

your skin turns to paper as you push your point

across before my polar eyes. over 

six feet socially distanced you yet miles

away in this 2020 

vision


#katyamills



Wednesday, 11 November 2020

murder hornet spelling bee

my friend was labeled can

no longer fly the sky free they

put a target on his back the

sweetest bird i know! my friend the 

only uproar he ever caused back 

in elementary when he took on 

the bumbles and won the

spelling bee 


#katyamills


Tuesday, 10 November 2020

worlds

a great pond formed at the point 

there where they gathered for tales

had been told. all had gone quiet 

the fireflies formulating a slow beat of light

the pond dried up all its ink seeped into 

the paper earth. another word another 

world would never be  


#katyamills

Monday, 9 November 2020

atmos.phere

winter morning. the stillness the quiet

we achieve inside these walls 

maybe a miracle. the earth circles 

the sun! we are all flying 

through space!


#katyamills

Sunday, 8 November 2020

holding on

prints in the snow

breath frozen on a pane

of glass was as close as we

got all winter


i loved you even more i

clung like an icicle

to the photograph. your

words like a child drawn

on the back


#katyamills

Saturday, 7 November 2020

rain.1

california. 4am
coffee rims the paper


six months searching
the sky headlights found rain


i turned down the radio
march of death by tally i
raised the windows 2 inhale
the breath of life

#katyamills

Friday, 6 November 2020

claim 2 fame

he was a sad boy she
was a bad girl only one
on earth 
could draw a 
smile upon his 
face  

#katyamills 


Wednesday, 4 November 2020

a chance

waking up 

useful and alive and awake

with a chance. come what may

every american

oughta be given this

experience 


#katyamills

who u

 all you gotta do is keep doing

what you do 

becomes who 

you are    


#katyamills

Monday, 2 November 2020

thoughts post publication

i got some distance and six months later went back to reread the latest book i wrote. TROUBLE’99. i read the first half on friday and the second half on sunday. i don’t think i would have changed much. i was really happy about the first half. the character development and the plot and the struggle and the setting were all crystal clear. dialogue was good. no typos or obvious grammatical issues. in the second half you saw an intensification of the problems my characters faced, both internal and external pressures mounting: socioeconomic hardships leading to sacrifice of values, addiction, conflict, suffering. a reader hoping for them to see a way out of their dilemma will be disappointed. they struggled to make enough money busking and selling weed to get off the streets. for them this was a great success. Kay freed herself from an unhealthy relationship with Aden. the hardships they all faced together clearly strengthened their friendships. 

yes i allowed for a little light to enter the story, but mostly they marinate in their problems. i admit as a stand alone TROUBLE’99 fails. this book is intended to be the first in a series, so there will be a sequel.

my point in writing these somewhat dark tales of hard reality these past several years is to highlight very real social injustices. to give names and faces and make these people real. it’s so easy to walk down any city street in America and ignore a large segment of our population. to recoil and turn away from those faced with addiction and homelessness and great depths of mental illness and trauma. i know many readers read books to escape reality and go somewhere that fills the heart with joy. my books may not always offer that kind of escape. they may take you somewhere you never wanted to go. but if you are looking for an adventure of a different kind, if you are hoping to have your heart stirred with understanding if not compassion for the downtrodden and alienated among us, my work may interest you after all. #katyamills

Sunday, 1 November 2020

democracy

he looked up from the sunday times

blew a burst of nicotine and cadmium

into the light and said

see? democracy

works


#katyamills


Friday, 30 October 2020

moons on wax

unable to get what you 

want when you wanted it your 

eyelids fell over two waxed 

moons thankful for all 

you have


#katyamills

27

we were young we were trouble you
knew us by our answering machine messages 
we set fires in your faux fire
places   

#katyamills

Thursday, 29 October 2020

still life

turtle green eyes stare wide off the back
of the couch strewn with catnip porous by hundreds of thousands 
of claws. fleck of tail. gnash of teeth
the red sun rising       #katyamills

Wednesday, 28 October 2020

end of policy

 the impoverished pride of a wannabe dictator

washed up on a foamy shore

edge of a landfall hurricane. the world wept

and shook a fist for the casualties 

of careless policy    #katyamills

Tuesday, 27 October 2020

Book Review: Nabokov's Luzhin Defense

 

by 
23957933
's review
 ·  edit

liked it

It took me 9 months to finish this book but that's not terribly unusual. Anything written by a master like Nabokov can be taken up like a special chocolate your traveling cousin brought you from overseas, kept in the freezer and partaken once in a while for an instant of exceptional flavor. I would only read 5 pages at a sitting and I had other books and magazines vying for attention. Nabokov's writing style will never disappoint a careful reader, unless perhaps the translation is weak (and you're not likely to come across that problem if you live in an English, German, or Russian-speaking land, for he lived in many countries and translated his own work). The story revolves around a boy who takes up chess and becomes obsessed by the game, easily chosen over a community of peers who have little to offer and mostly pick on him for his appearance and demeanor. There is an obvious antagonist in Valentinov who takes Luzhin around to coffeehouses in great cities around the world, setting up matches, promoting him widely and checking him into hotels and pulling him by the collar without any heart for how he may feel about his insular life as a budding chess master. Valentinov reminded me of Elvis infamous 'doctor' always in recess with his bag full of 'medication'. Luzhin naturally decompensates under the rigors of traveling and the hyper focused spotlight of competition, performance, and obsession with the game. You could call his nervous breakdown the Luzhin 'Defense' as it ultimately acts as a defense mechanism to protect his ego from being swallowed whole in this world. The remainder of the novel is reminiscent of Dostoyevsky's The Idiot (another book I am reading very slowly lol) as both protagonists are half-baked moving about with watchful eyes of worried loved ones. Line by line I certainly wasn't feeling drawn into the 'suspense'. This was a character driven book. Clearly not one of Nabokov's most popular. It is a touching study of what it must feel like to exist inside the mind and heart of a man who was fated to play the part of a pawn on the chess board of life.

Monday, 26 October 2020

cold 2 hot

hot to cold you turned so

quickly i wondered what 

i did. turns out your turning

cold then hot then cold

was mood seasonal and

by consensus often

inexplicable


#katyamills

Sunday, 25 October 2020

play 2 win

goth girl 

off work 

threw her apron in the bin 

hit the bodega

voted blue

a dream play to win


#katyamills

Saturday, 24 October 2020

pacman

 a kid of the eighties i

was there when the first computers 

came home. color graphics

with sound effects. joystick some

second dimension golden cheese wheel

floating through a maze swallowing 

ghosts


#katyamills

Friday, 23 October 2020

classix

when the storms of life strike the 

rains the heavy winds we bundle up

and hunker down. i was spinning classics 

for days calling out with the chorus

like forty years ago was only

yesterday


#katyamills

woke

i cried falling asleep i 
could not stop waking up then a bit of a drought
lots of effort in several directions i
really wanted to live to
make the most of the strange time 
on earth. i never fell asleep
again


#katyamills

pain receding

you was down and out 
unable to do much of anything you 
saw how difficult the world 
can be. you called your last friend they 
gave you an idea. reluctantly you stepped out into the sunlight 
cursing your friend and 
yourself...then...the pain
receding


#katyamills


Tuesday, 20 October 2020

tbh #8

no method 

can rival a letter 

written by hand

describing the thoughts the 

feelings to convey

you truly care


much less effective

to be honest 

when you fail to 

drop said letter in

the mail


#katyamills

 


Monday, 19 October 2020

halloween

the method 
unconventional
practiced 
relentlessly within
a wave of sound
from dusk to dawn

a chorus of frogs
water.fire.earth.air

the eye of a
full moon


#katyamills


Sunday, 18 October 2020

cobalt

on my morning walk to seven

eleven for coffee i heard a single bird

watched the light come into the sky

two women held one another

crying by the petrol station

a cat with a collar on a line wrapped round

a man austere by the fence

cobalt eyes 


#katyamills

Saturday, 17 October 2020

tbh #7

to be honest this

can happen to anyone the loss 

of direction sometimes you

gotta pray for guidance

believe in yourself!

there's nothing you cannot 

overcome


#katyamills

Friday, 16 October 2020

butane hill

alone i faced the wind

above the trees blowing

in my hands sheltering the

laughing blue life of

fire


#katyamills

Thursday, 15 October 2020

i.vote


vote for the one who speaks from the heart

who has had hardship

overcome it

who realizes violence and madness

are contextual who did not come out of

nowhere. vote for the one who is

not destructive but

creative




#katyamills



Wednesday, 14 October 2020

7am

7am. getting numb where

the drills will commence the battle 

of the teeth. the sky 

orange like novocaine

painted on gums oh 

what fun. getting

numb


#katyamills

Tuesday, 13 October 2020

flower. papiere

the petals turn colorful pirouettes

pinwheels for narrow pupils having a moment

under careless of cashier judgment unspoken

ultra premium violet exposition

1999. like midnight sun was a tradition


#katyamills

Monday, 12 October 2020

tbh #6

some truths 

are too painful. i dispel

them with ice cream 

and books


#katyamills

Sunday, 11 October 2020

1903

an army nurse out of shiloh
tennessee found herself deep
in the hornet's nest. after the war
came west. the sunken road
prominent in her nightmares
the men bloody and dying
gasping unable to speak she
could not turn away her 
stone is simple she passed 
in 1903

#katyamills

Saturday, 10 October 2020

tbh #5

life has come together in the last decade. all that i have learned has come to use in some way. to be honest it's been a long journey. i struggled for years with identity, mental illness, addiction. never stopped writing. working on my 6th book of fiction. my author page is here: https://www.amazon.com/Katya-Mills/e/B00F5DWHGC 

Friday, 9 October 2020

tbh #4

to be honest i pressure cooked
an artichoke i stole from
your garden. drizzled oil
with garlic squeezed upon
the heart i cut out for you

all u ever learn comes to use
some way some
how



#katyamills

Thursday, 8 October 2020

tbh #3

 to be honest the laboratory 

curiosity has filled 

with experiments will

be trashed the day subject

becomes object


#katyamills

Wednesday, 7 October 2020

bull

gave my towel coded

red to the wind to be 

honest the sun 

is a bull


#katyamills

Tuesday, 6 October 2020

tbh #2

To be honest i cannot know 

your heart your mind and though

your words your actions confuse

and vex me upset and perplex

me i can only be who god

made me and do the best 

i can. 


#katyamills



Monday, 5 October 2020

recipro.city

in this our post-industrial society

how loving to skip the math to give 

your attention undivided. how 

grateful we are for wholeness 

like an apple like

an egg


unless one holds the deficit hyper

active or otherwise multi 

tasked. we understand one

cannot undivide 

it!


#katyamills

Sunday, 4 October 2020

tbh. scratch

 to be honest i 

beat myself into a hopeless 

frame of mind 


no matter how down i

get relentless i

get back to work i

believe 


#katyamills

Saturday, 3 October 2020

mood.Q

my mood was Q a big wide

open with a kick stand wants

to roll. like dynamite 

set off at sunset ina pumice 

equilibrium


#katyamills

Friday, 2 October 2020

into the cellular memory

she concocted a potion for the full

harvest moon. diatomaceous earth

stirred with baking soda

and water. to convey the spirit 40 million years

back when all cellular life was more

or less collaboratively 

symphonic


#katyamills

Thursday, 1 October 2020

di.atom

a diatom i befriended

passed away and willed his remains

in a letter. i mixed a teaspoon

with water and planted myself

by the root of the bonsai

to activate our silica

reverie


#katyamills

Wednesday, 30 September 2020

step.pes

 our best moments i

 wanted more

you moved to control 

alt delete 


on the steppes we

find ourselves 

refreshed


may i sit beside you

in the rain?


#katyamills

Tuesday, 29 September 2020

EMF

my DNA got to shifting 

crackling beneath the power lines

pupils turned to bolts

of high voltage lightning


#katyamills

Monday, 28 September 2020

autumn like a junky

autumn
once the sweetest season 
now full of fire and smoke
like a junky once was
the sweetest boy 
now full of piss
and vinegar

#katyamills

Sunday, 27 September 2020

pri.mary

interior lands lock on a promise 
hollow. blue and red days
sun struck turn orange
a madman a conspiracy they
conflagrate they suck all the oxygen

a boy in class raises his head to ask
without green how will we get
the others? 
silence answered
the sound of colors 

#katyamills


Saturday, 26 September 2020

by.line

 i have seen sunrises i live by the llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll light


#katyamills

Friday, 25 September 2020

brotherhood

Roll the tape! Brotherhood of

backflip off diving board half

toed wild temperate like

pool nerves snapped

towels


pandemic looked pale

in comparison


#katyamills

Thursday, 24 September 2020

i saw i was

i saw i could not see you i 

was the wishing i could explain i 

was the urge to be right i saw 

the key. i was the let down in your eyes 

i saw the first day of fall


#katyamills


Wednesday, 23 September 2020

america

punishing

endearing

hopelessly majestic

america

replete with 

contradictions

i love

you


#katyamills

Tuesday, 22 September 2020

fall.20

fall like a charred

 anthem our throats

coated with smoke

Sacramento

a city on all sides

surrounded by fire

from a distance

the prayer

subsequently

the sea


#katyamills

Monday, 21 September 2020

os.mosis

they had seeds for eyeballs the

oval packed about with soil

melancholy was their vital

irrigation the tears

in reverse 


#katyamills


Sunday, 20 September 2020

luck.y

i'm a lucky one found

work that makes me think

and feel. congruent with my 

mission on this fucked up 

planet earth


#katyamills

Saturday, 19 September 2020

twitter handle

Katya444ever 🏳️‍🌈


latchkey kid and #indieauthor. nonbinary (she/they). genX. as the sun rises i morph into a #psychotherapist. i hold out hope for anyone and u



latest book review

 

by 
17537233
's review

liked it
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I really liked the story and the message of this novella. I don’t think I’ve read a stream of consciousness styled book in a long time and parts were hard for me to get into.

It surrounds four 20-somethings in the Chicago area in 1999. The point of view is through the eyes of Kat and her experiences.

Overall I liked it, but probably not loved it. I would read more from this author, especially if there was a sequel to find out what happened in Kat’s life after 1999. :)

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway, but these are my true opinions. Thank you for the chance at reading this book.

Thursday, 17 September 2020

ponopticon

she took a train and they could see her
tear two sugars for her coffee
while the china rattled 

she contemplated her navel 
should i tell them what's
on my mind? she 

thought she thought
she thought

#katyamills

Wednesday, 16 September 2020

lip.stick

the shade of lipstick

made from poison 

berry matches your eyes

fierce yet optimistic


#katyamills

Tuesday, 15 September 2020

thought.stop

thought.stop

my thoughts racing
kept me up at night
chasing. voices whispering i
tried to be polite but they
would not heed i
shouted tore at my hair
until my head bleed. finally
i got busy with chores and like
a plant without water they
could not live no
more


 

dead.name

i buried you under a thousand pounds

social anxiety mixed with

tears medication fears and 

dysphoria. what a mercy

killing


#katyamills

Sunday, 13 September 2020

death by tablet

robotic dogs and drones

cardboard cutouts at baseball games

peanuts and popcorn by microwave

virtual tours and perpetual world

wars. super storms and lightning

complex. next is death by tablet. 

oh! what a time to fall

in love 


#katyamills


cha.os

the calm comes 

from within


#katyamills


Friday, 11 September 2020

pre.vail

may the spirit prevail through 

heat smoke and virus 

fire and political storm in twenty

twenty. i push and make demands

of this lethargic clumsy body 

just the same 


#katyamills

harvey: god of the sea

we took some shots you 

caught me in transition on 

a silver disc. years later we 

met for dinner. i was lost

a cat back up hurt and poor 

you gave a royal fanfare i 

found out you're gone by 

internet. i will never forget you

my god of the sea and

to the sea you return


#katyamills

Wednesday, 9 September 2020

cavity.8



i got 8 cavities i

filled one with coffee

two with hopeful thoughts. one

with words the participles

dangling off a crown.

i got 8 cavities

the one closest to the root i

filled with feeling

stacked another high

with books to the ceiling

i got 8 cavities i

hold out on any dentist

keep my goldfish ina shallow

pool of flouridated

water

the very last?

for to keep

the ones who have no

home



#katyamills


a.way

they killed me with kindness they

sure got a way with 

murder


#katyamills

 


Monday, 7 September 2020

bloody right

 

she flossed her teeth six times 

the day before the dentist

to save herself a guilt trip

you can wake up feeling fat ugly stupid

and be wrong


#katyamills

Sunday, 6 September 2020

pyro.cumulo.nimbus

o heavy cloud made of timber 

nuclear bloom over our 


reckless

global

nebulous 

careless affairs


breaking the 

sky 


the fire 

in my belly 

will not be subsumed

 

i offer these 

ashes


#katyamills


Saturday, 5 September 2020

back.track

the AQI was awfully high 

banana slugs had a cough i 

called my best in conditioned air

to volunteer the feeling then dug out

a break controlled a burn. we 

lend voices to the bodies in

the pitch


#katyamills

Friday, 4 September 2020

bluelight 4

our expressions masked. our eyes

reflections of blue light. our friendships 

our lessons our lives within zoom


#katyamills

trans.anima.tronics

barely visible behind

spring locks they 

could not imagine 

any future 

so they sought refuge 

in the past. years  

in their head

until they found the key

to unlocking

a life


#katyamills

Wednesday, 2 September 2020

19.85

rising in elevation 

through pine forest

deep into fall and a brushing

of snow

few words between us we 

cut up some wood

built a fire 

the shadows jumping

the walls give the room life 

tell me a story i 

don't care if it's true we

make it all up 

as we go


#katyamills



Tuesday, 1 September 2020

x differential

though miles and miles away we 

wrote the same  sentences typed the same

words struck the same tone hit the same

key 


what set us apart

was my letter x

to your letter

z


#katyamills

Monday, 31 August 2020

super.u



what i would give

these memories to

reclaim how our

hearts beat the

same


#katyamills

Sunday, 30 August 2020

loss.300

she was latin she was loud 

a mom and proud. they lost 

touch they cannot find her

probably got a new name

a grandchild. they rest

head on knees. the ones they 

loved they left behind and 

now they gone


#katyamills

Saturday, 29 August 2020

mission #200

you left a pack of cigs in my car i 
don't know who you are i
left them on the bench on 
the east front of west sacramento walmart 
O two hundred hours
for you

#katyamills

Friday, 28 August 2020

photo.b

cotton blue curtain coins fall out our pockets ona black plastic seat jammed like flowers picked and slotted for our life together shot with two smiles beaming a trace of sadness behind profile kiss for the camera suddenly feels drunk

#katyamills

Thursday, 27 August 2020

derailer

 every morning i turn her

wheels up tear a rag off

an old shirt and polish

my fuji. tighten every spoke 

turn the pedals run

the chain across a toothbrush

shine the reflectors. pray

to god today may i not be 

derailed


 #katyamills

Wednesday, 26 August 2020

tricks

 we played whist 

in the hospital waiting room

to take our mind 

off it


i gave all my 

tricks away

to see you

again


#katyamills

Tuesday, 25 August 2020

mouth. 25

 how can i get close 

to this mouth full of politics how

can i love this head 

full of venom isn't it sad 

this oscillation of reality 

a threat to human kindness


shouldn't you be against

the law?


#katyamills

Monday, 24 August 2020

Sunday, 23 August 2020

happy.23

a ghost in my apartment

knocked a pill out of my hand

which fell under the cabinet below the

sink. when i got down to fish it out

they grabbed my arm and happy

twisted


#katyamills  

Saturday, 22 August 2020

22.unknown

you cannot know them 

sealed inside an envelope they

will cut you like paper they

are shredded beyond repair


you wish you could reach them you

wish to have them for tea


locked inside a trauma they

will cut you by accident they

are secretive. precise with words

senseless must they be

alone


#katyamills

u should c

 all the darkness 

when the light 

breaks


#katyamills

collector of spirits

she so direct she 

unabashed she so direct

no foreplay. you

overexposed and she 

over you and your

bullshit. touch your soles 

2 the floor get real. she will 

collect your spirits

and stretch them if 

you dare 2 let her 

in


#katyamills

Friday, 21 August 2020

a.venue

fires surround this city 

at the cross of two rivers


in this belly

lives a fire

too


crossing of 

artery and vein


#katyamills

Thursday, 20 August 2020

defend us

the lashes defended our eyes

from snowy ashes

in 72 hours across california

over 10,000 lightning strikes

over 300 fires

we dropped orange 

dystopian tracks they 

could not defend

us from tears


#katyamills




Wednesday, 19 August 2020

heart repairs

my friends they 

all died of broken

hearts 


or traded them in

for junk


i took mine to 

the shop for 

repairs


not what it was

when i first fell

in love but it

runs


#katyamills


Sunday, 16 August 2020

loyal.26

the horn section bursting

set up a break against the

fire 


the reeds supple 

like fingers 


even the concrete got

to feeling. our feet 

left gooey indents in

the road


a new kinda hollywood 

where everyone's

a star


#katyamills

Saturday, 15 August 2020

111F

 one eleven scorching hot one

ten wasn't enough one 

eleven the power grid got crushed

the block goes dark

all the people complain 

luddite for a night so

what. wired so long

you can't remember your

name


#katyamills

Friday, 14 August 2020

fuck all.14

i wanted change so bad

an end to the dying

an end to the killings

and denial


a magical awakening for those 

who are thoughtless. deluded. without

feeling


i once was the same

fuck all anyone could have done

to move me


#katyamills

11 hearts

today we gave 11 

hearts away

to the fighters

and

a fake smile for the 

disbeliever


#katyamills

sèche



oh forest sèche silent listening silent waiting
skyscraper pines in a circle ina line
give us your dead to keep us
under the axe waiting for rains
this coyote night

#katyamills

Thursday, 13 August 2020

mem.ory

the bottom of a well i 

kept drinking. archival footage 

slowly sinking flash drive 

memory 


many moods 

 like sound 

i'm thinking 


take the drive for a

ride to the river. bait it ona hook

cast it out to the mouth

of a bass 


#katyamills

Wednesday, 12 August 2020

hunting dog

walked out a ways i 

discovered a lonesome hunter

lapping water ina clearing in

the forest


warm ashes still left

from the campfire


long floppy ears you 

spoke to me out of hurt pushed

your paws forward down

into the earth


i awoke to your cry

who left you and

why?


#katyamills

Tuesday, 11 August 2020

plumas.5am

among the pines

high above a clearing

ex the cell phone

ex the net. ex

communications


we turn the tin pan

blue on a burner

blue the water 

boil we


to the birdsongs

listen


french press and dress 

the dawn. just like those

who came before


#katyamills

wanna.b

headlights deep 

searching the forest

no more streetlights wind 

like a chorus


far away from

all this chaos is where i

wanna be


#katyamills

beat.18

 found the belly 

of a lonely world i

found the heart inside

the belly of a cold

old world i

found the blood hot

rushing. all the girls were

gushing i 

found the beat it

was my 

own


#katyamills



stay.k

heavy

done with it all


lean back. fall

change the station


every 1 deserve

a stay.k.tion


#katyamills

Tuesday, 4 August 2020

mauritius

fate rolled up on paradise. petroleum 
residuals sliding through tropical 
depressions on the backs of shellfish 
and marine life coming up for air

cracked hull and skulls
a wisp of watery smoke
in its wake


#katyamills


Monday, 3 August 2020

floret

know me
know me not. for i am
but a single floret you
cannot see when aerial
looking down on me
in this parade of
roses. love me love
me not


#katyamills

queen

displays a fan of royal
flush. all the subjects
predicate



#katyamills

space.x.home

passage through incendiary heat
they screamed into atmosphere
deployed parachutes and swung into
a cool sea. no longer reflecting stars
they became one


#katyamills

street smarts before streets

i swept the floors then 
sat down to read
checked my phone 
got a glass of water 
did the dishes

body against land
land against water
the slightest change in pace
direction or 
composition

they were out there
always

looking for the weak one
side-eyed
running desperate 
within a herd

survival depended on
having street
smarts before
and after
streets


#katyamills

Friday, 31 July 2020

60.sec

stalled out broke
down the middle
of the road you
got the worst
and best of humanity all
in under sixty
seconds

#katyamills

what with

what with water what
with sun you arose
from nothing


Wednesday, 29 July 2020

conception.28

she holds the secrets
from before the land
broke up and oceans
conceived

#katyamills

i.candy

colors flood
the story in your heart
locating a world
focused on eye
candy

#katyamills

mission.29

days and nights
the stress i gotta suppress
my feelings sometimes
before they run me
away from
you

nights and days you
give me a hard
time i don't
know exactly what
to say

not unusual like
any day i think i'll get up go

back to the
mission

#katyamills


Sunday, 26 July 2020

night.10

you found me half dead
in the heat you 
rolled past like a mirage gave 
me your wheels and ran 
alongside me while the mercury
rose

the river edges
wavering undefined with 
wakes from props

i was gonna pass out i
dropped down the subsequent
banks 

in sand steps deep we
dove into the life


#katyamills

Saturday, 25 July 2020

run.away

no place for a kid the
streets
she's been hurt before
you come on so
strong. without her phone she's
isolated.  you care so much you
control her won't
give her space when she
asks. you're the only one
she's got. listen. it's a pressure
through the wind pipes too 
much she gonna run
away 

#katyamills

o.ver

imagine the day we
may flood the streets we may

see ourselves
smiling and may
we embrace because it's
over

#katyamills

Thursday, 23 July 2020

patches

the government sent the
not so secret police

even the iron on patches
would not iron 
on. you broke out
super glue

the same you used
to affix the stick to
your flag

your rough
locks in fighting
formation

got your attitude
always

painted another layer
of enamel on your
claws

texted your friends
to meet under the
oak tree

don't forget
knit hats the
masks the baking
soda


#katyamills