plastic oceans

awash in plastic oceans

they lived for the ones who could not

no longer medicated numb

no longer heralded by fear 

no longer dressed in tailored ads

the followers of fads

they lived for community

like it was the first day 

like it was

the last

#katyamills

enter the ocean

i cannot believe i am
flawless if you told me a million times

the salty breath

crashing into shore 

repeats this notion in my dumb

ears

if you dare not enter the ocean 

headlong you will not drown

neither will you be 

healed 

#katyamills

small by the sea

the ocean swallowed the red sun

whole. you and me tucked behind a blanket

this sandy realm gone twilight i feel 

so small by the sea and it's good

why had we not gone swimming? 

had i forgot... in the body

the memory pulled me up

with a start. the mind 

cannot fathom the sinister   

#katyamills

conception.28

she holds the secrets
from before the land
broke up and oceans

conceived

#katyamills

alto

she swims alongside the current

she follows the sun into the sea

after many days of searching

they presumed her drowned

they knew nothing of the changes

or how she made it through

she may as well have died

she cuts through open water 

she moves the breath of life

she has come awakened

to meet the deepest sea

type.writer (archive #K) -iv

we drank coffee and squeezed oranges
in the morning. canadien whisky
at night with milk. smoking
4 finger lids

the letter c
started to stick
i had to find oil
and take arms
she was essential
to my vocabulary

tuning our guitars together
swimming out past the
sandbar to the lone buoy
the hammerheads liked to
circle

what we thought we ever knew about anything

the Sea
her depths
wash out of the green
to constitute
a firmament of
jellyfish

inexact
unspoken
wobbly
uncatalogued

drawn off the balance of
good will

unaccounted for
in waves
in rolls

pretty coins
ripped open
swaying in the
tide

the amplification
of which
throws off
any and all
of what we thought we
ever knew about
anything

you cannot fight her. she's the ocean

i went to the ocean and crashed into a giant wave; it was like a slate wall, transparent green. i had only a white undershirt on when we collided and black boyshorts underneath, and the wave did not hurt but it slapped and broke into many liquid particles which could not be traced but pulled my hair down and stuck to my face and neck which felt pretty good, and beneath me everything was undulating with a calling, sucking motion, calling me, fizzing, and i was not scared though i was unlike the giant scaly bodies underwater, deeper out; i knew she would not hurt anyone unless they fought back, you cannot fight her she's the ocean. i did not break in my black and whites, in the rainy day greens and blues of the undertow, i just stayed together and let the ocean cry and pull me, and the salt to dry in the bubbling nest of spit and foam. i went with the ocean and i guess i disappeared, i mean the earth did not know me, nobody looked for me, or if they did they did not find me, but someone missed me, somewhere, i just know it. i could feel them and saw them in my routine kelp readings thereafter. Mostly it was my family, so far away but still caring and loving me a lot, maybe more than i would know, the otters suggested, teaching me the art of cracking mussels. i lay my head on a current, listening to the ocean, and traveled to new lands never before known, in a sea bubbling like soda, the many colors peeking up off the crests of the waves crashing inward far from us on the inside looking back to the shore, and the earth now was scary, dropping off of the level, and the sky quite unfeeling, unhelpful at best, but we didn't care... and i slept peacefully, peacefully, there.

-KatYa, 2016

08.18

Find yourself behind your eyelids.
There you are.
Read all about you.

Touch the softness of your upper lip
pressing into your bottom lip.
That's you.
Soft like that.

The enamel surrounds your teeth.
That's you.
Protecting you.


Visualize all the media of all the days
getting vaporized. So your head is clear.
Finally free.

Now remember who you are.
Who you ever were.
What you wanna do.

Canary.
Ocean.
Yellow and Blue.

The blessed.
The good.
In me.
In you.

Now
can we love?

Big Fish Little Fish

The little fish was not eating much
maybe a half a sea cucumber a day
the big fish was eating most of his friends all the time
the big bad fish ran out of little fish

there was plenty of sea cucumber around

the big fish got tired and drifted slowly about
on a heavy stomach of little fish friends
he could not catch the last of the little fish

the little fish was quick and light
and darted behind the coral
the big fish could not even close
his big mouth

the little fish stopped on a fin

the big fish saw his color go by but that was all
a silvery flash of translucent orange

the big fish coughed up air bubbles
the little fish missed his friends
he saw the big fish needed help and food
if he were to survive
his own appetite

the little fish could not laugh
but would have, watching
him die

Journal # 05.02.15

 Some old paradigm element had us skimming across the Keys all the way to Key West. It was fantasy. You just don't do that. The islands are long and a long ways apart. They may be connected by bridge and culture and climate, yet each is an entity unto itself. If you stand next to someone in line for bread and water, are you family? The journey would be long from one to another. Harleys trailing exhaust for miles, coughing in clear cracks over the aqua blue magnitude. The fantasy might find redemption in a storm. Red sky in morning. The air shifting and accelerating until few birds could fly. Old nests would be blown out like paper. By afternoon, people stop and stare at the amazement of clouds. Hold onto your bloody mary. American flags begin to whip at the whitewash on the poles. The sky turns many colors with the sun reduced to a narrow band of grey-white above horizon. The clouds would compete with the sea. Pull your outdoor furniture inside. Find your pets. Businesses taped the glass. Lizards darted into porous ground. An ocean above and below. The fantasy lived in the storm. The fishermen took in the catch. The boats being secured all evening long, then the rains came. Only then could our splayed Keys reach and touch one another, falling together on the ring as the winds picked up to shore. All became monotone and inaudible. The sky, the sea. The earth. The mind. And from there we might finally, after too many cocktails and smoke and dissension, come together and unlock all the truth. A moment of clarity. In the morning, it was gone. It was fantasy.

Journal # 03.14.15

When I go to the ocean in an emotional state, she levels me. Hyperventilating after the nightmares. The water and salt in the breeze. Inhale. The day begins in an unusual way. Deeper. Look into the fog. The many gradations of white light, rising. Soon to see the horizon. The crow's feet soften and dissipate around the eyes. Calm. My thoughts fall into the sound of the waves curling into the shore. I can walk away. Sustained. I can meet someone. Excited. I can see you again. The way you were to me once. You notice the change over coffee, and are surprised. You get up and motion for me to arise. I hold you in my heart. Anything else was all lies.You hold me in your arms and in your eyes.

K reads her little poem (to you)

K reads K

from K IS SILENT

xxooooxo

 

culture push (a poem)

The sea flattened the dunes
And kept on rolling
Claiming land
Mercilessly

Shadowing
Eyeballing
Hunting
Conquering

Lapping its message
Wave by wave into my mind
Like some unwanted culture push


The sea kept on rolling
And rolling
Claiming land
Without a deed
Mercilessly

Rhythmically putting me to sleep
Washing over me
Like a dream...

The children made their dreams out of sand
Exquisite upon the land
Then watched as the sea
Slowly pulled the sheets on it all
Mercilessly

The sea
There it was
Pulling all their dreams
In waves on down the shore...

The smallest children
Got to laughing
At that big old sea
After crying

Trying to carry their dreams
Away from them
That big old sea
Silly sea!

All would fall
Easily asleep
To the sound of the sea
Rolling on and on
Mercifully

Giving back all the dreams
It once took away
Mercifully

The big old
Great merciful sea
With its give and take
Push and pull

Carrying the divine
In its culture push
Rhythms

-Katya, 09/13