when you breathe
you do so effortlessly
whereas i have to run like i am hunted
just to sharpen this axe
writing off this shallow sleep
blow by blow
all the dreams and visions
I must confess they
irritate my soul
what are we? other than
more than halfway out of
control
#katyamills
I wish i was a space cadet
for a day
like an astronaut from another planet
seeing earth from a great great distance
admiring its perfect beauty
wanting to go so badly
thinking it would be everything it's not
rooted in my imagination of it
not having any landing
gear
#katyamills
roll up the cuffs
get to work. tie up every moment
making money
if you find yourself
lounging on fancy furniture
one day
staring at the walls
drinking endless high balls
alone
remember
you asked for it
#katyamills
the first drop of rain
seeded from the ominous cloud
began its long journey
down
gravity
the murderous bastard
broke them apart
all hopes of making it whole to earth
perished
luck have it they landed
on the bloom of a blushing schoolboy's
cheek
waiting in the cold
for the bus. shivering
a selfless salty teardrop
took them in
#katyamills
on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon
we forked fried taro masterpieces
and lemon curd in wonton skins
toasting the end of all soul sucking
aspects of life
#katyamills
the sun left the sky
violet and orange
the paint faded fast
under this skin
i touched universe
at last
i meandered inward
inspired by a beat
and hit the thoughts
at feeling street
#katyamills
i won't cry
unless you cry
sectioned off under the lights. another stage
black tights and vests with shiny buttons
midnight blue
boots laced up
awaiting your direction
heaving chest of breath
inflection
in opposition to certain
death
#katyamills
chain controls on
descending from the peak
swallowed by dawn
you fell back asleep
the pines made way
for us to pass through
i was deeply moved
cutting tracks into the frozen sea
salted groove
#katyamills
silence can be weaponized
when i was a kid you showed me how
and i brandished it
until i learned right from wrong
not speaking up is what i find offensive
when a few honest words could
settle the hurt
#katyamills
the rain
the wind
the love you
rescind
anaerobic ponds
once clouds
reflect
and march
marches on
without
you
#katyamills
on a red eye to Boston
a lovely affection traveling up and down the spine
conservatorship recently revoked
on the threshold of grandiosity
leveled by whiskey
they saw an opening. 3A in first class
and prepared a cash bribe for the chosen
one
#katyamills
they tamed the squares of grass
weed machines whipping tentacles
the equinox spoke in shades of green
kid became a turtle. camouflaged
feigning a study of the phone
#katyamills
it astonishes me to remember how i hurt you
and you nearly killed me and yet
we were in love
some say leave the past in the past it's ancient history
i remember it all
if it were not indispensable why
do we study History as if it were
some exquisite
butterfly
#katyamills
smoking after heavy
drinking. taste the bloody lip
thinking
up all night reading pacing writing
heart and mind playing
fighting
sprinkler system pushes up
out of the ground at dawn for the back
track
#katyamills
one of my favorite comedians
made me extremely sad for the first time ever
by dying
i watched reruns of his shows
and laughed and laughed so hard i cried
but then i got confused
was i crying from the dying?
it does not matter because he was great
and i miss him
#katyamills
chased out of China
they made it West in shipping containers
up the deep water channel
into our city
the artful ones escaped the ports
dodged cars into yards
only to face their distant cousin
the American raccoon
who welcomed them
with gnashing teeth
to living hell
#katyamills
all the coffee in the world
could not shake your personality
you needed someone to discuss it with but you did not want to
and so the world learned to live
with you
#katyamills
pain has many flavors
in the spine it's like cayenne simmered in a chamomile bath
three years on it's still hard to relax
the pandemic almost buried us all
now i take my key
striking out to see friends
#katyamills
there's nothing like the sound
of early birds of spring
you gotta mute the commercials
to really understand
#katyamills
you talk of eradicating our rights you
lost touch with reality
you have mothers brothers sisters nephews
daughters and sons who identify
yet you still disbelieve?
you sleep but never dream
your hatred your brand your kind cannot last
we will always exist
#katyamills
we broke off into cliques
saturated in our societal relations
disinterested
writing off half
the damn world
i became an individual again
somewhere i don't know how or why
without closure
outside
looking in
#katyamills
back home
staining they sketchpads with inks
up all night alone they would not buy the lies for free
misfit friends in they head. loner celebration
extinguished the tv and touched the room with radio
they cast they line
deep and trolled for broken
hearts
#katyamills
a storm of emotion
anticipation of victory
all the colors of all the territories
condensed into one
powerful narrative
delivered to all the major publishing
houses only to face resolute
defeat
#katyamills
maybe 7 years old
pushing lemon wedges into my mouth
until my face stretched out
from the sour
acid
eliciting laughter by my diversion
better than any excuse
for bad behavior
#katyamills
#katyamills
I confess
I am undeserving
of your caress
these words he spoke
a mouse in his throat
for you know not yet
of my betrayal
my fingers closed
into a fist. i struck out
until my knuckles
bled
the earthen world
undeterred