un.loved

she wanted answers but there weren't any, you just had to press on. she had an urge to call up and bitch out the distributor, the manufacturer, the mayor, anybody. all she had left in the cupboard was a sleeve of saltine crackers and even they had taken on air. i am all the books and am/fm radios dying for reception on the shelves. life flies by and you cannot catch her on the internet. she felt dead inside. inflation and end stage capitalism had sapped them all. the phone rang and she did not answer. mark came over and rapped on her window. how come you won't answer your phone? his name was so sudden. mark. let's get out of here. they walked to the park. he tried to cheer her up. let's get some ice cream. she couldn't stand the thought of anything milk related. stop it mark. you can't help me. it's hopeless. a lost cause. he stood on his head until his face turned red and she couldn't keep a straight face eye to eye with his belly button. she laughed and laughed until she cried.  what’s wrong with you mark? i love you, mark said, but you don’t love yourself. that’s what’s wrong.   #katyamills

meditation

I thought about the origins of a feeling of unloved
How many generations one must go back
How long it had been passed down
And how could this weed ever
be uprooted

Or would you always
forever feel unloved
no matter if all the world gave you its heartbeat
the sky and the earth
the birds and the trees
the honey and sugar
the radio the tv

the winter spring
summer and fall
the lonely ghost faraway down the hall