Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts

Thursday, 26 December 2024

12.26.24 diary

 We walk several miles north to Elvis Presley Boulevard and the Westgate Hotel. I have a heavy backpack on with water and bananas and clothes. My basic black dress over jeans and white Nikes with maroon swoops. Your knees are sleeved and cannot take too much but you don't complain. It feels right to arrive a little road weary. Like our little pilgrimage to the King. Along the way a Buddhist came up to us and pushed a jade bracelet around my wrist before I knew what was happening. She flashed us a generous smile. You dug out twenty bucks and she placed two necklaces around our necks with emerald seated Buddhas hanging off of beaded chains. She did not speak any English and it didn't matter. We offered thanks and loving embraces. 

"It's going to be the longest drive from your house to mine tonight," he tells me. "I'm going to hate it." It's 5am and your thoughts already have you twelve hours ahead. We haven't even checked out of Room #2342 in the Horseshoe Hotel. You watch the morning news while I swallow my vitamins and meds with coffee and perform my rituals. 

The Westgate still has the original clamshell billboard where they used to post lettering announcing his residency. That was back when it was the Las Vegas Hilton and the International. The first thing you see coming in the lobby is memorabilia. His first ever pistol alongside his favorite gun, a .357 which he kept holstered and brought with him, on and off stage. A menu of all the groceries he ordered two weeks at a time. Lots of porterhouse steaks and pot roasts and filets. Five whole chickens. Tomatoes and veggies and onions and bread. A pair of his black boots and photos of him, on and off stage. The sheriff badge he got when he was deputized. A gold watch and his stripes from the Army. A few of his favorite belt buckles. 

We only had one major fight the whole five days and it was the day we lost one another on the Strip for two hours. "It was because we were apart," you say. I love the way you frame it and name it. I love you so much. Who knows how many more years we can travel here together on holiday. I have faith it will be many more but life can be unpredictable and you never know. Bunny and Mousey are almost twelve years old. 

The hotel holds the old world charm. The lobby ceiling is low with recessed lighting and there are chandeliers by the bar and lots of frosted glass and redwood. Big black and white prints of Tom Jones and Bobby Darrin and Wayne Newton and Elvis, and many others who performed here years ago. There is an inscription that shows how many shows Elvis performed in a decade, and every show was sold out. He gave his all to this place and the people who came to see their beloved hero. We walk around looking at all the images carefully like we are in a museum. A lady approaches me and warns me not to go into that room. They are selling timeshares.

You could call something tragic but you don't have to see it that way. All of us are born to expire. Our lives and bodies are like land leases or timeshares, too. The King lived the most spectacular life! Just like the Buddha before him. It doesn't have to be tragic. I offer you something, too, after all you have given me. Not just a hundred dollars of the seven hundred I won this week betting on the NFL ... I also give you faith over fear. The nine miles distance between our two homes is nothing! Distance cannot stand between us. We are always together, like magic. 

Katya Mills, 12.26.2024

Friday, 22 December 2023

hither.to.the.mountains

hitherto working a solid 40 for 51 straight weeks they received the annual holiday bonus with gratitude and headed to the mountains to close out a great year.     #katyamills

Thursday, 18 November 2021

socio

all the holiday ads

in all the holiday papers

could not put them

back together


the savings promised

future bank at the

coinstar


#katyamills

Monday, 7 December 2020

zoom 40

in the heart of the pandemic 

within six feet social distance of 

an asymptomatic friend you 

contracted death 

surreptitiously 


faced mortality and

survived

 

you planned a great feast

of endless gratitude

table of forty 4

the holidays

by zoom 


#katyamills

Monday, 19 November 2018

crash

holidays are here and i do not wish to crash. try not to overindulge in sugar and sweets. i wanna good effort going in the right direction. best to keep reading and writing.

Thursday, 14 December 2017

the preface

To my loyal readers. Happy Holidays! Here you can be the first to put eyes on the preface to my upcoming novel, Ame and The Tangy Energetic. I am open to any feedback you may have...


This is not a fantasy. This is a story about friendship. About how to move on when your trust has been decimated by the world around you. About a ragtag alliance of nomads and rebels, who show resilience in the face of marginalization and cultural dissociation. This is a story about recovery from addiction and trauma. About alchemy and the turning of fear into vitality. About being real no matter what, even when you look bad. About caring in a careless world and being loyal to the ones who care about you. This is a story about love, heartbreak and redemption. And faith. This story is an oddity, out of step from mainstream literature and made up with its own rules and rhythm, and it comes from the heart of a wounded healer. Someone of no great significance, who simply survived the streets and lives to tell. This is a story for you.   - Katya Mills

Thursday, 29 December 2016

sugar

K in Tahoe. pic by K's brother
These are the holidays and sugar runs high and mighty in the bloodstream. I wanna get back to baseline

back to water
back to coffee

rivers
and the sea

avoid the fake
and real news, too


back to books
and Tetley's tea

all my old friends
and me

Monday, 26 December 2016

Journal # 12.25.16

Into the snow and nowhere to go, good times with the family. Cell phone short circuits in the frosty air, Santa Claus is up there, keep the dog close so coyotes don't get him. I have no idea how the day will play out, just gonna go with it. This is not my territory, exactly, but I feel loved. Live life without limits. You can do anything -- so dream big!

Friday, 23 December 2016

Journal # 12.23.16

I met a friend for coffee this morning, I was not on much sleep, my days have been busy with writing,  work, finding gifts, reading, planning, talking, dreaming, walking. We caught up on our lives and he invited me back to his place to look at some original artwork of his, colorful and imaginative paintings, oils on canvas dating back fifteen years or more. He let me pick out seven of them, and the rest he says he is going to destroy. I gathered they served their purpose. I know better than to try and talk another creative soul out of destruction. I thanked him profusely as he rolled up the canvases and placed them in my arms. When I got home, I tacked every one to the white walls of my apartment, many of which needed some meaning. The counters and floors are now cluttered with holiday gifts which need be wrapped. The air smells of Sumatra I have been roasting for my brother and sister. Why would I call her a sister-in-law, when I can simply call her my sister? 
sunset at Walmart 
A storm is coming and the rain here will turn to snow in the Sierras, and I will be following its tail to Lake Tahoe, with all of these gifts for my nieces and nephew. Star Wars watches and piggy banks, Hard Candy makeup and alphabet stickers and bling, jump ropes and soccer balls, silly Xmas tee shirts. I really had fun shopping for the kids. Tomorrow I will remember how to wrap a gift properly. Today I will get on my bike, in the rain, and ride up north on the river. I am making a couple hours a day for my novel. I take my chances for naps, and find myself waking from strange dreams to my cats and the sound of the heater. The cats they curl up on the bed, and listen to me recount the stories of my dreams. Or else I stretch and I sing to them. I will kiss them and get out of bed. I cherish the lives alongside my own. 

Thursday, 24 December 2015

not even a mouse

all through the house I walked, not even myself, looking around like a stranger with a window into the life of some wannabe, I guess it was me,  not desperate just wannabe better I suppose. Wannabe more loving. Wannabe more real. Wannabe more conscious. There are books everywhere and a kindle with many more trapped inside it. Even more in my head. I'm your idea girl. I am yours. You can have me. Wannabe now, all through the house, rolling wheels of swiss cheese, not even a mouse... wannabe me, with or without you.


Friday, 18 December 2015

force me through the holidays

I could take my happy freshly home-highlighted head on a smiling walk down the road, the street flanked by sycamore trees and not so many post office boxes anymore, throwing all their skinny winter arms into the empty sky asking for what? Ya I could on a head full of Peruvian Oro Verde.

I am makin' room for us so small in my head, I only have a cupboard left to rent  it's like New York City in there. Ya but I'll do it just to keep you. I could freeze and throw my arms up, too, and stand there until it's dark and a Ford Explorer with one headlight takes me out -- so how I feel is real --  I hurt the way you hate me, passively, denyin it all along like your some kinda saint cannot hate.

I love the way I remember us. I could continue, long past the ancient era of news and music and video on paper and tapes. Or I could shut the cupboard up and paint it, put the painting over it my friend just gave me. Something new, you know. Where love goes after a dead end. Left me stupid, left me dumb, left me empty at the end of a road, thanks a lot. Then told me keep going, right off the road. If I still loved you I could and you know I would.

 How much silence is left to dilute the poison in a media concentrated mind. Give me an ugly sweater, some pumpkin pie and a league of national football and force me through the holidays. Honey, I'm sorry, I don't mean to wake you...but... how much poison is left, is there enough to kill the silence?

No, no, fuck all that!

Gimme a broken home to fix.  I'll take my memories on multigrain, multiplatinum, put it on a wall, behind glass. Then one night in creative impulse, after he chases up my skirt and back down into a dream, I'll break the glass and pull the alarm, hover out on a hard drive's shiny disc, slicing through an mp3 made by you and me. I'll run away and then walk back. I'll love you in secret. I'll make love with a memory pulled out of a locket. I'll stab the knife into the socket. I'll pray for us in public. I'll stare into the eyes of the baby tigers.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Journal 11.21.15

The holidays are a heavy time for some of us and me. I wish you all the best with family and friends and laughter with strangers, or the most delicious silence in being alone in the quiet comes over the USA all the holiday weekend long. I wish you long walks into colorful autumn foliage. I wish you good health and a vision for your future. I wish you peaceful dreaming to maybe meet again those you have lost, and hold their hands in another world. I wish you warmth. I wish you be forgiven and given fresh chances and good food. I wish you would be kind to yourself, and if you find yourself alone again, you will be there in my heart, I swear, remember, we are all alone really, and it's okay.   - K

Update... On the writing and self-publishing front, I am trying to stay active with the Daughter of Darkness while it's fresh in my mind from working on Maze. When I published Book One last February, I took about a month away from the series before diving back into it. This time I don't wanna stop. Truthfully I don't know where Book 3 is gonna go. I mean I have 55,000 words of material I wrote last year, but much of that was written before the plot for Maze came together. There are some good hunting scenes, for sure, which I plan to use. If you have any ideas let me know.

Finally, I hope that my idea of reading all of Maze on this website is okay with you. I understand some would like to read my usual flashes, my creative nonfiction, but I am thinking about putting that aside so I can do these readings instead. They both take up about an equal amount of time to compose. Please let me know. Best wishes!

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Journal # 11.07.15

I am living between holidays, between pages, between headaches from a screen, between meals, between distances. And probably between relationships, if I ever date again. I'm not sure why I would, though, I guess I used to enjoy suffering with short bursts of pure love. I miss my landlady from Oakland, she lives in Napa Valley now. She always did enjoy wine. I used to be able to wake up and splash cold water on my face and feel okay. That was so long ago I'm surprised I still recall it. Now I'm much happier, but I rarely feel okay, does it make sense?

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

goodbye. 2014














i get into bed
under three layer
blankets

new year's eve
day

a kitten darts
into the mitten
goes under
toe

with me
we hide from
wind storms

never get
cold never grow
old

god blowin' giant
fronds off
the palms

loves me
loves me not

falling
tree cartilage
almost murdered
us

in twenty
fourteen

Monday, 29 December 2014

get real. 2015

They
gonna love
    me
for who I
really
am

the way I love myself
get real

i wanna be celebrated
   anywhere i go
 anything i want!

say anything!
     do anything!
  get real

i am gonna settle down. meditate
have a family. support
                     some kids!
                  sweet as candy!

            a bank account!
             in the black!
                get real

my partner
       will satisfy me around
               the clock!

    every way
imaginable!
          get real

i will find
the special place
where my secrets are safe

where no one
can
hurt me

get real

get a cell phone get
a tablet. get
wireless

get a clue
on the cloud. and
get real

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

forecast. partly sunny to breakthrough of light

Listen my friend, you will do well today to simply approach your interests, wherever you may find yourself. Your environment need not stop you today, from following your attention where it leads you. All you gotta do, my friend, is breathe in and out, carry yourself as best you know how, love yourself a little or alot, be courageous and immerse yourself in the moment. Allow for silences to fill up the room. Look anyone you want in the eye. If difficulty arises, have confidence you can bring your light into the dark places where others may very well reside, this holiday season. Immerse yourself in your felt senses, and let your intuition be your guide today. Follow your heart towards its passion, even if it is unfamiliar exploration of any given situation. Have gratitude. You are right where you oughta be, okay? Loving you today, if you cannot love yourself. You will find a way. xo - K.