hurt with

now they hurt in silence 

not as bad as they hurt before swearing

before jumping off and hitting the shin

after stepping on the cat's tail

to them the hurt was good for it was not only the cat anymore 

who was hurting   #katyamills

my talisman

sad about a world gone bad 

on a heavy dose of sedative

you were quick to judge yourself

my talisman. when will you see

the light?

   #katyamills

sugar spike

they was sucking on chocolates leftover from halloween and traumatized by the sugar spike but someone had to do it  #katyamills

have a (violent) cry

emotions had to be worked through but not like this. they could not afford a ticket and did not wish to die. maybe bars - pick up men - drink for free - duck out? the spirit had so many terrible suggestions. they settled on a film. cried violently when the heart broke.  #katyamills

(fuck)

I preferred horror and she preferred crime, and the genres seemed to bleed off the screen and into our life together. We didn’t fuck enough, in her opinion. And the more she held it against me the less I wanted to (fuck).  #katyamills

criticism

wouldn't do much good if you didn't believe in yourself. showcasing your work in the public forum was a gauntlet every artist had to run. 

#katyamills

fall back

played time 

one Sunday morning in November 

slapped the thief back 

hand of the clock

sixty more minutes to 

fall back to 

write the finest

verse  

#katyamills

odyssey

the valerate was not numerically stable in the blood. the doctors fumbled for a baseline while they prepared themselves for the odyssey. they wondered what the wars would look like six months out and would they still be around? it gave them the kick the urgency they needed  #katyamills

time a thief entwined with memory

remember January? you asked. like yesterday. how we tipped the new year with a bottle of red and fell asleep hopeful. time was a thief entwined with memory clawing like ivy into mortar for dear life. the cats pawed at the blinds. silence a dangerous thing and we avoided it for hours.     #katyamills

isolate

she was trending toward isolate. call it an acceptance of death. at which time anyone would be involuntary reunited with all ... and that's beyond   #katyamills

fuck cancer

he was anxious waiting for the bus. he already missed one treatment and shouldn't miss another. he promised his kids. the toll it takes on your constitution. it scared him. he put his elbows on his knees and stared at the print on his chest. fuck cancer. 

#katyamills

hard sell

I got him to go up the hill with me to the orchards. a hard sell but I did not want to go alone. hard cider & tv remote his thrill. once we hit the clean country air he thanked me profusely for getting him out of the city. we drove by a liquor store. he didn't even ask.

 #katyamills

no rules

for the last time they told her 

these are the rules. if you don't like them you can leave

her first move was to get the tattoo

with her best friend

then they mapped out a plausible

month long wave for her

surfing couches

#katyamills

burdens & beauty

do the things you least want to do 

and do them well

you may find beauty in these burdens 

if you can take them on

wholeheartedly

#katyamills

inside the core of the moon

relinquished identity

dressed in uniforms

scrubbed to glow her surface 

floor

almost everyone did something

fully outside the values 

to get inside the moon

core

  #katyamills

billionaire recycling

we found the one open on Sundays. you laughed when I told you the name. it helps you stay humble doing things you could easily outsource. glass plastic and tin to the Billionaire Recycling. Don't know if they got rich I'm still a paycheck from broke  #katyamills

the weekend

the night was a twisted thing. the geese flying in formation came to claim the great pond. friendship on the rocks. weather could not make up it's mind. flash flooding. they opened the locks. dreams tried to kill me in my sleep.  #katyamills

monday

 monday morning. protest. refuse to get out of bed. 

presence avoidance and condemnation

do not condemn yourself

for not being fully present 
even the most celebrated among us 

shy away from pain

#katyamills

wild vast indifference

I hold this lantern high

some light allowed

against a lurching grave contagion

some wild and vast
indifference

#katyamills

standby

she somehow neutralized the threat after much fighting and let her thoughts wander, indulging the parasympathetic

#katyamills

would could

i offered you what i could 

and you would not have it

so i gave it all away to the ones 

who could who would

benefit

#katyamills

dreamer

see nothing is permanent. i just got tired trading out shells for new ones. to live in a place i could own on the basis of a loan. i was a dreamer. listening to the oven cook the pulp out of pumpkin seeds. the future did not frighten me.    #katyamills

October 20

voices from war torn regions rise like fire 

anytime a true leader speaks 

the flame becomes a candle   

#katyamills

half of ten

Vitamin K

@Katya444ever



I was half of ten. Though the clock said midnight it was #dusk and my brother was gone. I hastened to the window where I saw three moons and no sun and life would never be the same. #katyamills

butchering classics

when the world is at war and there seems no end in sight, only escalation, i find myself singing more and more. if a missile ever strikes my neighborhood i will scream and run like anyone. later, if i'm still alive, i will sing all the harder, butchering classics.

#katyamills

north of the cross

october was sullen 

the trees bare 

the cider hard

like your stare

i will not be deterred 

i do not scare

one mile north of the cross

at midnight

if you dare

#katyamills

silly

your profound critique 

came off silly 

if you are not offering basic kindness first 

why would we care?

#katyamills

hard won

like you I have been hurt 

one too many times

god bear witness to surviving the self and other harms done

chin up. until death come we both know 

it will be hard won

#katyamills

contradict

im having trouble with life I 

don't even know why

the trees are very still the world like a painting the light infiltrates 

the wings of birds

its too early to feel troubled

now waking and speaking 

i rise up with you

in contradiction

#katyamills

the Japanese restaurant

the warmth the cheer
of the Japanese restaurant
receded. the night swallowing us
multi-colored mochi melting
in our bellies

broken glass 

reflected another's misfortune

how is it you walk in the shadows? 

you ask 

because. 

no demons lurk here 

it's a myth

#katyamills