silly

i feel silly cuz i haven't got a need 

to be so serious all the while. i can

act like a child a few moments every

day. when i was a child i did not 

have the luxury of being silly much

of the time. my parents were heavy

drinkers, god bless them, and not 

always friendly with a hyperactive

kid. so i was taught how to mute

the playful spirit and shut up.

k nov'2017

december upon us

the month was turning over like you, beside me, in bed. i knew you would be there for me and that was the point. i got so tired of getting passed by and passing by and i began to understand i deserved more, i wanted more. but first i had to understand how to be alone and be good with one, at peace with that. now it's december and not so cold, anymore.

see.blue

what can i tell you when i feel discouraged and you feel discouraged, too? all i can tell you is look, we all get down and see blue. all i see in you is you are real with that feeling, you are holding, exuding the pain. this is making you more of who you are. someone i can love. you are real to me. i can see your struggle in your eyes and hear it in your words. the depth of your blues mirrors my own, and you touch me where before i was alone.

last day

fightin to breath
swamped with media
loving you

mad at a careless system

sometimes it feels like
the last day
and

our boots crush the leaves
trodding on
into the thick

avoid the news

The news cannot inform me anymore. I will avoid it like a beggar won't let up. It wants and takes and leaves me feeling rather odd and empty. I must protect my heart and strike the ritual down. This is the only headline.

depress play

on any depressed day
i depress play
and engage

the motion
rolling
turning
makes a music
I can feel

working my fingers
threading my thoughts
with yours

through playing we
get free

the mindful among us

we are possessed with an urgency to make the moment the only place to be. there, there, all the senses are emboldened and urgency gives way to immediacy. you won't require any further entertainment.

finding real

I am on a mission to find reality. I won't find it in my phone or in the dark. I cannot find it alone, nor in a crowded park. I step into my jeans my boots my leather jacket pulled around my hoodie. Here behind the wheel, eyes open and coffee steaming at my lip, waiting for this old train to pass through town, exhaust smoking in the cool morning air. A smile pulls over my face cuz I know I am real with you. Yesterday we ran. Today I'm gonna break out the draft of my book and mark it up somethin' fierce.

slow

Slow falls like snow. Not pelting just touching and melting. Slow is not weak or worthless or lazy or wasteful. Slow is not what they say in our fast culture USA. Slow takes the time to truly understand. Is seen and sees. Patience. The world doesn't know what it wants.

like the day I was born

Outside the sky is a canvas and all our forms are drawn against it. the leaves this time of year make everything timeless like the day I was born.

faux hawk city

i only got one life to live and my part's crestfallen off my head, my eyelids hanging half-mast tonight. my thoughts are no longer disorganized or petty or obsessed or compulsed, you see, i only got one life to live so i'm takin' a train to faux hawk city, honey, and i won't be comin' back without you, no, i won't be comin' back all alone.

give the pain a voice

this holiday season may you feel part of. not alone. and if you are in pain, what does the pain say to you? give the pain a voice so it can tell you what it needs to go away... then go ahead and give it what it needs because it's the giving season, honey, it's what we do! 

y.

many of the people the world has written off for dull have the brightest spirits, and shine
out from the dark places where their bodies have been relegated

dream #98

living made sense against a senseless world. each moment a firefly encasing light. we are protected. full of meaning we do not die. slow down a sec. come near. it's you and me. walking through all our pain to better versions of our truth of ourselves.

2017

Always you came to me in 2017 with your moss-colored eyes and lay by me at a trust-colored angle. I found it quite endearing. You are good for me.

what was life

what was life before our devices which stand between us and our loves and our lives?

dream #1234

So many dreams to go. This one is a waking dream of  acceptance, to see myself in the context of all my world and relationships and choices and demands, the push and pull, the ebb and flow, and wake up each day willing to embrace it. To fight for what I want and need, knowing full well the fight will never end for the challenge is the life.

girl on bicycle with cigarette

death knell
church bell
she don't give a damn
hell

hacks get hacked

Now we uncover the hacks and the vices of folks who got power truth spoke to. now they wish that their names be forgotten after fame had a name to remember.

yet

I was on the yet and thinking of you before we even met, and you let me down when I met you. Beware of bold imagination, I promised myself, before meeting me where I was, the only place I could be, many years after a lifeless rehearsal of life.

one stone. two birds

a gun is the coldest moulded steel you ever put in your hand, holds a darkened chamber where living death sleeps, full of powder, ready in a puff of smoke and recoil to take two lives in one second. the other one won't die by the bullet.

echoes of yourself

alone as you may feel you are surrounded by echoes of yourself in words others speak when they address you and clothes they choose to wear for you to see and opinions they assert in a language you know cannot be taught only shared and is meaningful for you. together at long last.

books

i was invited to Folsom this week by a book club to showcase my work and meet some who read my first serial fiction. i had a blast and got to share my process, and listen to some fine critiques of my work. now i know i cannot fool anyone and why would i? good books can sell and weak books sell, too. i am determined to publish only books that brought out the best in me writing them. blood, sweat, tears, and coffee. it's no use to be loved or hated if you cannot take pride and stand behind your little offspring-creations.

pay-per-view you

I wonder if some of these power players who are being cast out of Hollywood might end up cast in porn flix to make ends meet or just get off? They could easily relocate to West Hollywood or commute and reinvent themselves. Then anyone too lazy to call an escort could lean back and pay-per-view you.

600 years

we could keep us around by populating a host planet or why not go extinct right here, and let earth eradicate our species? we've had a good run. we could show our greatest virtue and make room for new species. we will look better in retrospect.

the terror

all the summer long the anniversary of the terror, like a toxin in the marrow, gave the thoughts a quiver for the drawing of an arrow

theory.orientation

When asked what is my theoretical orientation, i have to consider the latest and greatest changes and developments both internal (to me) and external (around me). so my answer definitely changes from year to year... at the moment, in regards to conducting therapy, i would describe my orientation as so... i continue to try and meet people non-judgmentally with unconditional hope and regard. i consider them courageous for coming to therapy, and consider myself blessed to be brought into their world to travel alongside them for a while until their stated goals have been met. i do try and listen carefully so i can understand their challenges, and also to listen for nonverbal communications, and acknowledge what lies in the spaces between the words. i am process-oriented, and like to slow down the pace and leave room for affect and feelings. i want to see challenges from a holistic perspective, taking into account bio psychosocial and spiritual aspects. Therapeutic alliance is an important as a means for us to work in the moment on relationship, an opportunity, and I like to reflect back to a client what I am hearing as they share their story, so they can see how they come across. Finally, I like to encourage people to identify their personal talents and strengths, so that they can amplify these narratives to build self-esteem and see what they are capable of accomplishing in the world.

un.plan

vitality gets dispelled by a plan, yet planning is expected and encouraged. i wish we could release our blueprints more readily, without fear, to the wind stirred up by a rising sun.

IT'S HARD

i remember our old town, early eighties. we were kids, riding our ten speeds out for some records or ice cream or pizza or movies, and usually to your house same day. find some trees to climb or trouble to get into. even then i felt different and it made me uneasy around people. painful sometimes. but i always felt i could be myself around you. i wonder what you're up to now. life is hard, isn't it? i wish i could find you and take you down some dirt path where we could talk, and i thank you.

jack rabbit

jackrabbits jumpin through my mind, skippin over all the traps all the dips all the trips, go rabbit go, don't you let this crazy world get you down, tuck those ears back off the breaking of the news, follow the good path you've been given for to choose.