change and do not

the moon

made by the sun

into a glowing scythe

two blade ends harvest 

the stars

we must now locate ourselves

from within

please 

no matter what may happen

do not change

#katyamills

analogue

under a formidable skyscraper

the trains clack along in their tracks

dripping sparks to the street

a young man in low heel boots and brown denim

semi-smile on the lips

you want me like i want the sun and sky

drinking off the pot of burnt black

we are analogue 

#katyamills

what year is it?

feared hated and without friends

he went out on another emotional killing spree

the unruly exiles dominated 

his heart. older now and not so strong

he came to on the ground

dazed and defeated

and asked the boy what day 

it was. and then

sadly

what year?

  #katyamills

aeon

the truth. so easy and hard to tell. sometimes it appears instantaneously. or must be laboriously  mined. the truth. hidden from our hearts for an aeon

#katyamills

radio music and the neuroplastic explosion

she would find herself involuntary humming. if only there was a sigil or neuroplastic explosive to pinpoint the spot on her brain where overplayed one hit wonders derived  #katyamills 

compass

they settled into the living idea

turning inward for direction

a recovery from this incessant 

longing for belonging

#katyamills

 

happy ass

seeing you happy I could not so much detest you for all the things you did that made me unhappy like buying another gas guzzler when you already had three. seeing you happy

#katyamills

not a color. a hue

I wouldn’t call it green. wouldn’t call it blue. the way it painted over our lives there was little else we could do. Not a color but a hue. He knew a place by the water in the shade. The river looked blue from above, and green when you invade. I would miss these friends. We drank decaf coffee out of a thermos and it was disgusting. Say nothing and be seen and not forced to speak up. The clarity of untroubled colors here in the shade. The river was blue from above, and green, when you invade.  #katyamills

October 3

dreams pushed the eyes across the oily undersides 

of their lids. rapid

 inside this skull the imagery 

senseless and 

vapid  

#katyamills

stitched

i stitched together a so so morning after a night turning with visions and scratched up onerous sleep. i cannot count my blessings. innumerable are they. the counting itself helped me go down and get up nevertheless!

 #katyamills

endless thought

this won't be linear 

it won't be pretty it won't go your way

you will encounter hopelessness and death

battle endless thoughts 

try to love it for what it is

and be kind to yourself 

first

#katyamills 

all u have

"you are two people again stumbling through life and pissing each other off. but it’s not so bad and you get through it and let it go. snuggling. because you are all you have". #katyamills

how to begin

all the problems of the world upset her. not just her own. she did not know exactly how to begin. she thought for a while then took out the pan and began frying up some bacon and eggs as the morning light filled the room.  #katyamills

no plus one

and when you feel it surging, alternating currents, rising and falling, nothing compares. true love. a cellular party. two invites. no plus ones.   #katyamills

the camel

I am the asana

holding my heels 

listening to Boards of Canada backwards arching 

diverting all thoughts 

from the chasm

 #katyamills

cuts in the fabric

the black jeans broke apart again at the knees. while stitching them back together all the memories from the past ten years the details of which were in the scuffs and nicks and paint stains and cuts in the fabric set off images and the feelings intricate as hell

 #katyamills

on cycling

This needed no overture

to fall in love with cycling all over again 

like you were ten

#katyamills

immediacy

you twisted the storyline. it was a lesbian memoir from the year 2000. must you? I got turned off by this thing that turned you on. Imagining me with other men and women. We were at quite an impasse. a little hopeless. I looked you in the eyes. we both started laughing.

  #katyamills

more than less than

she spoke up for herself 

and told them off

her gemini twin came out swinging

she knew she was more than 

less than

in the past she did not defend herself

and less than became miniscule

they would not come out of pocket  

again  

#katyamills

power.less

she had a title she commanded a bit of respect and it was all a bit of a facade but what can you do? in the context of power you travel farther from the thing you hoped for. she was left feeling a modicum unloved  #katyamills

the west

they wanted out but there was no escape. they had chosen this. they had gone to school for this. they had gone into debt for this. they had traded out of a life of dim prospects and odd jobs for this. this was the West and no matter your colors capitalism would make you pay. #katyamills

F 150

your blood is black

drinking water like gasoline

you can get me through the rocky places

you cost too much to have

when not working 

you are idle and no good for nothing 

i love you

#katyamills

the lesser known

The sky turned red from blue
we saw the sun and knew
sanity had flown

what followed was the lesser known

as the darkness grew

#katyamills

nine nine

the plants she had tended to from shoots in the pot gave her a recent bloom and she applied ample blush under the lashes. lines darted out from the corners of her eyes and betrayed her true age. fuck it. she wiped all the makeup off. I am old. I am wise.

 #katyamills

down in it

summer is ending. the farmers harvest the grapes. the hawk wings tipped to the side observes the changes from above. i am down in it. in the city they live in tents on the avenues with blue-nosed pits to protect them. a simple walk on a cool fall morning is my high. 

  #katyamills

sunrise 1

her face the sun had not touched for many weeks. she worked at night and industry never sleeps. the early sun caught her near the horizon pulling laundry off the line before the rains. she let the sheet fall to her chest. closed her eyes and felt it. #katyamills 

life hack @ 24

if she cared any more it would kill her. and it saved her. stopping. it was a life hack @ age 24. the whole pain and suffering caring caused her was sent off into the night like a wolf. for a while she lived on nothing to lose mentality 

#katyamills

Super Taco

I met some good folks at a memorial yesterday at a Super Taco in South Sacramento. The two daughters one of whom seemed to be like a black sheep and left out. The best friend of the daughter, Sandy, who kept an upbeat energy the whole time. The oldest grandkid who planned on becoming a pharmacy tech like his mom, and told everyone to be happy today because that's what his grandmother would want. Then there was one with the world weary eyes. A founding member of the Deftones. Dominic. He said he teaches music at Skip's music and they were relocating the store to Madison Ave and we should stop by. Tosh lost his sax to a house fire so I know he would want to go. it was a not so blazing end of summer day thank god, even clouds in the sky which is rare for September. we were out on a wide patio for hours with little cover. Tosh and I brought some orchids we picked out for the family of the deceased. she was the sister of Tosh's sister-in-law and the big C had claimed another one. I never met her but her daughters and grandchildren were full of the kind of emotion that meant they were so deeply loved and cared for by her. we all ate together and talked. young kids running around the caterers. when the mic got passed around toward the end it was hard and I found myself crying for someone I never even met. especially for the little boy, her closest grandson. he couldn't keep it together and neither could I but he stood up there like a little champion under his dad and mom and spoke. Tosh's nephew Mike, a big man with a big heart, said a few words because his mother could not. He recalled how Vickey used to measure his height against a bush in the yard and they all got a kick out of that. I gave the big man a big hug when I saw him after. He told me there aren't any good people anymore. His voice breaking up. I don't really agree with that at all. But the way he said it, something behind the words was true, and that's what I agreed with.   #katyamills

all love

you were sunk in the couch trying to escape the world. i couldn't light a fire under your ass so i lit the three wick candle. the cats were positioned one on top of the other grabbing neck by the teeth and simulating sex. cut it out. you're brothers for godsake not to mention fixed. I rambled on senselessly in the dark. You have a love and hate relationship with coffee! you shouted. I had to stop and think. No. That's not right. It's all love.   #katyamills

like happy

like anything good it won't be handed to you. I fancied myself Amelia Earhart. jumpsuit. cropped hair. purposeful half smile. I did not sleep well but who cares? leaned into the props to get them spinning. it's up there. above the cloud cover. go for it!  #katyamills