relentless

when i turn the lights down i let life glitter and fade like the tail end of a comet. the lungs fill up. a lonely dog howls. the words turn into images and bridge to another life. when I dream it's relentless.

#katyamills

Ripley

8am. beyond her usual waking time. she yawned and stretched and yelled out cathartic. early sun thru blinds made lines on her body and face and across the sheets. she watched Ripley strike the man in the head with a glass ashtray, the night before, and dreamed she had committed an unspeakable crime. she had not been feeling well and needed the rest.  #katyamills

nov 27

 today's nightmare ... tomorrow's dream

#katyamills

BBC and Vitamin C

a terrifying dream all alone in the back seat of a van being driven by no one in reverse on the highway upwards of eighty miles an hour. when I awoke I took a swig of orange juice and let the BBC and spoken language calm me. #katyamills

more than halfway out of control

 

when you breathe 

you do so effortlessly

whereas i have to run like i am hunted 

just to sharpen the axe

writing off this shallow sleep

blow by blow

what are we more than 

halfway out of

control

#katyamills

2.9

we set out. the sun was high in the sky. denver omelettes and coffee. we put chains on and headed up the mountain. you were chewing on jerky, i played with the chain on my neck as we talked it all out. the rivers were mighty carrying snow and dead skin down to the valley.

#katyamills

translucent orange

my brother made a family 

to keep the lineage alive while i 

produced only a masterpiece 

literary in nature to mark 

these times

#katyamills

tired from sleepin

i got pummeled by dreams 

last night thrown into skirmishes

fought back but could not 

stay on my feet. now its morning 

and got to be ready sometimes

so tired from sleepin  

#katyamills

anarch.y

was gonna cross myself

take something wasn't mine

had the opportunity and 

let it be. before i awoke found

myself reading what i wrote on a stage

touching into the under

blue arm tattoo

dear anarchist dream self 

thank you for coming in 

line after 48 years all 

crosses

#katyamills

dreamer

inside the dream the

dreamer searched for coffee

for creamer

#katyamills

play 2 win

goth girl 

off work 

threw her apron in the bin 

hit the bodega

voted blue

a dream play to win

#katyamills

i dream

i dream my words may help
you through rough
times

i dream

last dream in august

this morning i am early to rise
a dream i had stays with me
but i do not remember until
i get a phone call from my best friend
who also is early to rise

i begin to share with him my dream
for he was in it and in it
i had to call 911 because i was worried
about him

the officer on the phone
listened and asked me questions
then calmed me and reassured me
it was good that i called and

i had no need to worry any longer
about my friend and
gave me a bible verse which was
Corinthians 3:16

i only call up these numbers

when i recount the dream to my friend

who called me and who happened to be

the subject of the very dream!

he asks me do i know the verse?

i do not and i do not

 often read my bible anymore so

right then and there i 

call up the verse online and 

cannot even get through it 

without fighting back tears...

Do you not know that you 

are the temple of God 

and that the Spirit 

of God dwells in you?

nightmare #

I was alone in a dark house in the woods late at night, when all the doors and windows started rattling. I thought maybe it was the winds. I turned on a spotlight, some relic of old Hollywood, and opened the front door to see. The air was calm and still. I saw a small figure in the woods, dressed in red. She was picking her way through the brush, approaching the house. I was frightened of her, for she had power. She called out to me: who are you? Katya, I said, calling out into the night. I am Katya. When I said my name aloud, all my fear dispersed. I was given many times my strength.

dream sequence

In this dream I found myself in a stranger's house with you, and we were set up by two thieves to take the fall. We had nothing in our possession yet we started running. You  ran far ahead of me. I could see them coming for us and hollering after.

I wanted to run but my entire body was set in slow motion. I had a terribly helpless feeling! I moved up a long strip of land, connecting yards, and saw a puff of smoke and heard them shoot you. I never felt so hopeless.

dream #98

living made sense against a senseless world. each moment a firefly encasing light. we are protected. full of meaning we do not die. slow down a sec. come near. it's you and me. walking through all our pain to better versions of our truth of ourselves.

dream sequence. march nine

What if I cannot live with anyone, ever again, I thought to myself, before falling asleep. I have been tired since I asked him politely to leave. He did not take it very well, and I did not take his not taking it well, well. I was tired by trying to share my space, and by trying not to share my space, and fell fast asleep.

Up the stairs the atmosphere was boisterous, everyone seemed happy like evolved, and my mind kept turning us over and over, wondering why we were so quiet, down here, so reserved, like somebody had died. I was in the midstream (exactly halfway up a long and straight stairwell) when the matron of the house came about before bed asking around and offering her hand, to make the last hour a good one, keeping us safe and needless, tidying up.

Her daughter, my friend, had left a small book behind, with a cover splashed in pink, which stood up on the floor by the couch. What if she never returns, ever again? The book had small truths littered about its pages. I wanted to offer it to the contemplative boy across from me on a broken chair, but I could not move. I'm not much of a lucid dreamer.

She spoke to us kindly, my friend's mom, she made me feel I was helping her just by being there. She had always been the kind to illuminate your presence for you. When I awoke, I wondered would I see her, ever again? She died many years before.

Journal # 12.25.16

Into the snow and nowhere to go, good times with the family. Cell phone short circuits in the frosty air, Santa Claus is up there, keep the dog close so coyotes don't get him. I have no idea how the day will play out, just gonna go with it. This is not my territory, exactly, but I feel loved. Live life without limits. You can do anything -- so dream big!

CIM - '26.2 or nothing!'

finish line!

I am thrilled to have finished the California International Marathon yesterday in just under 5 hours, running from Folsom to Sacramento @ dawn to noon! I could not have made it without all of the support I got from friends and family, fellow runners and spectators, and volunteers cheering us along throughout the course. I stayed on pace this time, focusing on a negative split, and finished really strong without a whole lotta suffering like last month when I hit that proverbial wall.

kiss the sky

This was truly one of the best days of my life! The dream I had to run -- when I was just a kid watching and cheering and giving cups of water to the runners @ the Boston Marathon -- finally became a reality. I wanna give a shout out to those of you who have been following my 6 month journey, and provided me with so much encouragement. I am grateful to you! Look out for 2017: I may move into the ULTRA-marathon with an attempt at the Gold Rush 50 kilometre trail run which also starts in Folsom, in May. Sky = the limit.

cim or nothing

Journal # 07.22.16

I am alive. I am a lecturer after lecturing, I contemplate the yolk of an egg. Trying to hold it together. Grinding out theory in multi-colored peppercorn. I am a laughing hyena asleep on a snowbank, all by my lonesome and no one to laugh with. I am a crying hyena, animalistic. I am discontent, swollen with pride. I am chastised by my family without words, someone else pays the bill. I am the taste of salt water taffy on the tongue, I am content. I am the touch you touch after several years forced apart. Together we have a chance, my love, we have a chance.

KbyK. July'16