final trick

her life did come apart and it was a tale as old as time. she took on credit card debt and sometimes her checks bounced. they came and ripped her cable out and the car on lease was long since repossessed. she found it harder and harder to tough it out. she got by on canned goods at the save mart and public transportation to a minimum wage job. she wasn't going to ask anyone close to her for money when there was little hope in paying them back. second hand stores for clothes and government assistance for food. she had already moved several times and the rent was going up. she chose escorting to bring some stability to the equation. this worked for a while but she got discouraged by the scum of the earth. maybe one out of ten johns. the other nine were fine. the work paid well enough and she met them online so she had not yet been in trouble with the law. she had a guy she trusted to watch her back. she paid her debt and got a high def tv with all the movie channels. she shopped at Macys and bought a lightly used late model Ford. she signed up for classes to become a phlebotomist and got prescription glasses. she met a man who made her laugh and did not judge. she had close calls with cruel men and she got beat. the guy she hired for muscle caught one and payback. in tribute to her sister, the one who disappeared and never heard from again, she did a final trick and got out of the game. this super turnaround would not be covered by the nightly news.  #katyamills

i deny i

like they do you could 

too live behind the lie 

deny. do you not feel cherished? 

do not live dishonorably

this is no way 

2 live  #katyamills

Journal # 03.19.15

If I open my veins for you to see my checkered past, will you honour or hate me? Trust is a difficult thing, but easy by the eyes of a stranger. So long as we love ourselves, no one's opinion of us can set us back for long. Stay true to the melody of your song. My checkered past gives way to a game of chess. The Queen is a powerful one, what with her ability to move in any direction, as far as the board permits. The situation of her disciples, the pawns, determines the outcome of the game. The whole board from above looking down is a galaxy. A mathematical conundrum. A triumph of man by the mind. In life, what you need may you find. I wish you protection along your way. But know that your game is not simply the world. Children at play enact circumstances from the inside out. We are all children at play in our lives. We can come to a separate peace just by trying. Then the surface is swept clean, and we create purpose as we go. Such is human nature. Joyfulness comes off the back of the wind whirring through. Off the back of the drought. Of the storm. The calm comes after a great rage. The war. Stay there in the center of your calm, and you are home. You are the Queen. You may look after the King. Without him you are nothing. Without you, there's no life. The pawns in the pattern form a remarkable boundary. Some may pass through and others cannot. There is not always a way around. You can storm the castle through. The knight has its due. The bishops all turned black under a sky; it was blue. The world is ours until we die. This is true.

STEPPING OUT OF TRON

Stepping out of Tron
Posted on October 20, 2014 by KatYa


I lost my world in a mirror.

The mirror tricked me. 

I thought I was 3D.

I was 3D, until my mirror tricked me. 

Now I’m two dimensions. 

Eye candy. 

Background noise.

Someone taught me how to be one-mindful. 

Now I am single-purposed. 

One-dimensional. 

My blade just lost an edge.

They figured out a way 

to grind me up so fine, into

a pointilistic portrait. 

My EP is an LP. 

I’m seen in single vision. 

I got a one track mind.

As i got stirred into the kettle hot water, 

with powdered cream and splenda, 

I guess I missed the point.

Still would I find my way through them, 

though the passage was not easy. 

Pontificating in the joint.

I reconfigured myself then, 

like stepping out of Tron. 

Back into the world of phenomena.

Now I am
(something like)
a phenomenon.