Monday 28 February 2011

just has to move, i pray, please, anywhere but here -- anywhere-

What happens when you try and live in the moment and you learn to let the immediate past go like ashes thrown to sea through air. sometimes its gonna be salty, the residue, other times its gonna be so blunt to the taste you might curl up in a ball and i might throw the palms of my hands into the fucking wall and the paint starts to melt in the heat between two people who have expressed mutuality and love for half a year maybe, yet distribute hate to one another like its the hottest deal around. right?

Right. theres no denying it, theres no whisking the dirty truth off your baby button down now, girl, you gotta get a hard unseeded lifeless force field, and sadly, not let the self she so embraced once out? into that space so sacred that circle you said? and the dreaded life inside there? i mean, what happens next, like every half hour, is some sea change comes over our atmosphere and our ghosts pick up on the darkest secrets and influence our consciousness. its not good or bad. it just is. we are only to accept it and learn to restore the wholesome love that we truly indeed did establish, no one can take that away.
 i love you
          you love me

point and so very blank was she


Hey! lets all get together and play solitaire, its march, madness, finding solitude by gathering... finding differences and amplifying them.... destination lone star state? follow the signs for terminal unique. yes, spring is loading and the download may take a month but its a bit by bit torrent with a rep, you know, cnet sponsored and hard money followed the softpedia accolades... the corporate condensation on the window of february rains falling away as we hit the runaway and vive la return of  Dunaway (planet Faye), out from the refuge she found expatriate somewhere unknown, certainly we went round the golden globe and all via social networks and gps pinpoint through satellites throwing limelight cast off meteoric cavernous cobalt reefs expelled from certain negative space...and sourced from the largest cubic zircon you never saw!

Hey. calm down now, chill out, let your nerves loose and out of tune, its okay, by now most of us are tone deaf or suffer from know how it gets when your loved one you coupled off with gets her point across, screaming escalated from yelling from talking angry loud, from hella argument over what you forgot halfway through but kept a life of its own, cycling through the house upturning furniture in a cyclone, and a distant vague memory that kiss and the finger up the arm and under the strap over the shoulder, to the map you know so well from one freckle to a mole... then all the way down in attentive star massage form to the very soles of her tender young feet, the heels come off and you weep. the toxic energy pushed down the calf and the ankle and out in a rush leaving you well, the pain was put to sleep.

2011 month #3 and the pain, the pain has been put to sleep mostly. Do not disturb.

Tuesday 22 February 2011

unresistance. under sun. under flower

There will be a day. there will. a day for all of us, all of us! a day when the sun shines upon us and the clouds then gather right as our skin begins to feel the burn, and the water will lightly tumble from the mist and soothe us all over.

All over. Soothe us all over. The rain, gentle rain coming down, yes. A day like the one that followed yesterday. A day like the one before tomorrow. A day like today and just that simple. Not simple like ignorance, simple like a tree. The mighty channel and conduit between earth and air. That which pulls the water up from the earth and returns it to the air. That which turns the carbon dioxide to oxygen for our delicate lungs to inhale. Our delicate selves. Our delicateness.

And what will we know but that we walk among the trees and they are still and silent? What shall we understand other than that they, the trees, are really there for us? And not to climb and sway in the colorado rockies high up above a place where we trust. We had that trust once, we let the trees be like homes, naturally so, we made homes in trees. Now we make homes of trees. No matter. No right, no wrong. Only what is. Only what is. Come back now from what was and why what was, was. Come back now! From what might be, if, and could be, supposing. Sharply i say, come back now! no, not just you, but i swear me! This is no character assassination. This is self-preservation. In rare form.

Rare form! yes. Cause i dont tend to talk this way, i dont tend to act this way. I just happen to write this way. Yes. Its conscious and then its channeled, and its not for anyone to worry what it was, is, or will be. Only to read on and leave these words each of them in the fucking dust hey! I say! My eyes are bulging, my veins are in relief. I am in some sweet zone. It feels calm and centered yet i know its the eye of my storm, thats all you will experience. Cause thats what the might pen imparts at best. The eye of the storm. You know youre in the thick of a hell raising unseasonal monstrosity and massacre. You fear as sentients do. And yet you are maybe sitting back comfortably or forward, as sentients tend to lean. Anything perfectly straight up and down up and down, is either in drill or acting or inhuman! The fear, you see, to spot a computer who masquerades in the near future as human to the impoverished relativity of sentient eyesight.

 Thank god they underestimated you. Thank god and godesses! you know! you know through more much more than ocular instant messaging! you know through heart! through soul, through senses beyond their ability to adjust and tweak, intuitive knowing! for which empirically they still scractch heads. how to gauge and control? and this variable to measure, still they seek!

Still the ship leaks, as we madly tighten screws against the onslaught. We never thought liquid could be so brutal, when we poured it into our champagne flutes from a crystal spout shipped straight from Prague, in the days of generation federation X and great rising consequence from sex without the plastic. The polyurethane era. The plastic people. Life without plastic had become dangerous, unknown! Plastic replaced even the metal and glass that surrounded us on rubber michelin. Plastic out of which we drank, fucked, and saw the world. Plastic in which we carried all our weight. Plastic which blew up and around us in down draughts in new york city. Plastic in which we preserved our foods. And covered our ears so to hear sound. Covered body to keep the rain out.

And yet the liquid onslaught was upon us and we knew it. Dripping rusty roads resurfaced as downpour of demands abysynnian, algerian, tunisian, and more. Fallen into disorder, out of polite contrite detached cold satellite living. Into a mesh of sweat and tears and mingled voices crying swearing cursing out the blunt affects of basic monarchs (in game if not name) who made their beds unconsciously, yet will awaken to having to lie down again so. so! so sad. so wonderful. sold to the lowest bidder. Sold off and thrown off of the great rising sentiment of social science, unpredictable and misunderstood!

There will be a night of making love! Great lovemaking for all of us birds without nests, without limits, under duress. As private or public as you wish. This fornication of new unexpected creations of nations. Across the land! across the sand! and As (or as not) you wish.

There will be hands held down low and in the air. Will be? There are and have been! Its all here with us now! Past, present and future! When time folds like this...when time folds...

There will be an adrenaline rush that lasts for many golden minutes seem like hours. There has been! There will be a moment of captured empowerment...there will be

A moment of divine devoured.
Of rapes unresisted.
Of cessation of
cease and

In the wake of such
 global- juicy- resistance
the strange pull
the apparitions...

under sun
under flower

Monday 21 February 2011

dominoes & heaps of clean clothes

all i got this morning is alot. all i got this morning is enough. all the soft edges of last polite evening, have been pushed and shoved and formed into something bigger than the pushes and shoves, something tough. all i got this morning is tough. tough shit if i think i know how things will work out. between me and her. for me and my cats. between me and myself, you know, i would have mentioned it first off but hey! tough shit. i mean it in all the best intended of meanings you might derive. like hey, suffer some more and you will have something.

all i got this morning is a wood table, a computer trying to keep up. exhaust out its back has not stopped for hours, you know, before when it was soft and dark and unseen. well. i prefer it all exposed. like that fad they had in chicago in the nineties, lakeside restaurants made of old guts of buildings once used to push the meats around, the meats that once and possibly still arrive by train to the hub of the midwest, yes.

old draughty tool and dye factories, fishmarkets, whatever, you name it, you got a price? of course you do, cause check it out! the new money and old money have converged again on downtown chicago only this time, yes, this time, the real estate moguls, the Sam Zells, the financiers, the Donald Trumps, the late afternoon talk show success stories, Harpo Studios, the big guns are out for Lake Street where she begins her long road through the west side ghetto...ooh oh, dont say that then! maybe dont say it now, either, dont wanna ruin the good thing that is the industrialized refurbished tall ceiling buildings early on Lake, like the first half mile and moving moving moving! but going nowhere, the same old sushi on your plate. guess what?

garnish it with soy sauce. yes, soy sauce! on fish! Crystal hot sauce on the oysters you slide off their rocks to your sitting tongue waiting. all i got this morning is waiting. waiting for the unemployment check to come. waiting for the internal to stop isolating and go outside. waiting for the sun. listening to the Doors complete. completely thrilled is all i got. two cats named shy and drama is all i got. and thats more than most can handle. i got my homeless friends looking for homes. i got my home which i dont got very long now, i have been told. i have grown but not grown old. i have been abused and abused i have. tossing my litanies into the fire of the next conjured argument with friends or enemies. all i got is friends.

all i got is enemies. number one on the hot list of those who hate my guts? me. of course, who is better able to hate on you than yourself? you know yourself and between you and god bear witness, well, thats the kind of sentence i got strung out and led to the forest path this morning. sometimes urgency. infrequent panic. lots of bottom dwelling wrath. allman brothers can soothe it only so long. grateful dead? i give them half a marathon and one more song. all i got is my music sometimes. this morning all i got is a cloud and the light so bright its perfectly loud and hurts my head a bit. but i got medication for that. OTC and see what i got? i got meds and antibacterial handwash a tropical sea color blue with bubbles trapped in there like, well, like

Leaders trapped behind their military might in Egypt and Tunisia and Iran and Yemen and Algeria...trapped like bubbles in a cascading tropical blue of facebook ignited what i like to call 'overdue'. ya, all i got is a good good feeling about whats happening yesterday and today, not too many yesterdays ago here now in the two and the ones, i mean we got numerology to look at here, these numbers gotta add up to something? today is february twenty one, twenty eleven. thats

All i got is nine, and that suits me just fine. maybe even hits the mark on the enneagram. they assign you a number, well, you assign yourself one, and get all intoxicated in the mind kinda as you identify with that number over all the others, right, and then, then they have the nerve to tell you only hours later, well its a workshop okay, old sufi wisdom, you cannot possibly suggest you will overturn centuries old wisdom you young sap you? no. thats out of the question. so you do what youre told, and what is right is what is told to you, and what is wrong is actually believing just that. so they say. well, you all now know what number is you, we have had the panels present themselves and discuss and field questions and get all intoxicated over this in a peets coffed kinda early morning attention cause you paid for it at the private university here so its really like a pleasnant day of put into it what you will get out of it usually some sort of spiritual piece to calm your aching heart, well, thats how i sometimes felt, right, out at the break for bubble tea at the break. tough choices confronting us: what will it be? glazed, french, twist, or cake?

All i got is donuts and coffee. and thats alot more than most. all i got is a flat screen tv thats not mine, and a drill i wanna sell, and some inkjet printers that clearly have the land of lost toys written all over their sad sets. not even worth taking the time to list them on amazon, i bet. well i got them too, the ones i relate with. the lost toys of the land of lost toys. the land we did not ask for, nor did we claim. the land of broken heart hypersensitives. the land of no shame. i guess i have no shame, sometimes. but how else would i fall down? and had i not fell down so much? what would i be then? some mother goose? watching thelma and louise a humdred times, thinking on the loose! they're on the loose!

See i got what i want! i got loose! i got free! no one to be accountable too, i got no one! oh. wait. look what i said. i got no one. like i loved it. how strange. how counterfeit.

I got me and my cats, and my girl she got me too. we got cosmos if we want them, and free internet speed! we got windows #7 and heaps of clean clothes all about the floor. shes got my clothes covered, she washes them dry. I cannot keep up. I try and i try. but i got all those clothes. i got them. they're mine. i see them on the floor and realize this truth. my cats jump atop them and topple down or make it, up to the dresser and atop where i make up. my palette now minerals of buff and cream. finishing powder applied before i will be seen. maybe by no one. not even myself. i make myself up and look pretty hot. my webcam thinks so..has she told me? i think not. but i like to believe, you see

i got faith and thats all i got. cause i like to believe! and thats something there! yes ill hold on to all that i got, as i watch the riots in the middle east, gosh, everyone scares me! so hot! what will we do when they warm up our america? what will we say? so half the leaders taken out like checkers so simple. the domino kind of falling of regimes that played mean. meaning they didn't play nice. probably put the rich in ratio like the rich here in our country. why is that so fascinating? its not. they will hold up the evidence. the leaders we supported, the regimes we crutched up. the buttresses lead back home.

i hope america stays true on her path and admits her wrongs. i will try and do the same. cause im a little america anyway, still young, i got that if its all i got. young american like Bowie said, hey, i got my Changes and i can lean still on that, self-supported, barely making ends meet. but ends do meet you know, when all you got is two ends and a strong desire to come full circle into your own wholeness.

Katya 02/21/2011

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Blended Label G, 2023 (Part I)

There are those fictional and real beings who happen to silently make their way through city streets. Their real or imagined relatives may not even feel them, as the blood connect was lost as evolution took precedence Such has been proven on a non-empirical level. based on 5 sense deconstruction to boil down to clarity of beyond sense (sixth sense, as it was once called). Although proof is no longer a requisite for validity in the new paradigm world order. Specifics such as the date and time of commencement of this new order are also superfluous, as temporal influence has faded. Filling the void where time once meant so much, is a concentrate of here and now fullness of life, often considered a discipline. But for most considered a lifestyle choice. Watches no longer adorn wrists. some are hidden under clothes, embracing ankles.
They may be seen but not heard, these particular sentient who go alone. Five sense perception of them often fails as streams cross one another over and out. More than likely your visual blends them in with the countless nuance of colors that canvas the urban element. This is year 2023. More than likely thats how they want it. to be blended. to blend in, ya, thats how it was supposed to be. No right. No wrong. Simply colorful everything, simply all night long. Like a club dj rolling tight trance joints for the crowd to feel. No the futures not cold computer driven. Still clouds are pressured by fronts, to tears -- driven.
These silent ones, they may be chosen. they may patronize the same magazine stand or cafe. they may perch. they may be silent there where they patronize, there where they perch. don't be fooled. They may be loyal and intimate, personal in relations. How so? if silent? Well, they might hold your hand for a moment longer than others. Or hold your eyes with theirs. Tractor beam. Attraction. Being chosen said more about ones openness to life than choosing. Choice was a consumer driven concept long before abandoned, and the great malls of the last century all were now centrifuges and research labs for the subtle senses. The homes of renowned empiricists now filled by squatters. Squatting was a luxury activity exclusive to the formerly impoverished creative brilliants who moved town to city in the former century and struggled to push the paradigm shift through.
The true pioneers of organic intuitive acceptance of mindful presence. Words can only touch the surface of the meaning, and were not emblazoned in lifesize advertisements. Ads had become illegal. Punishable with dominatrix ownership for up to one month of nonconsensual slavery. Attaching ones org to a mission was also considered a violation of personal liberties, as the future was to be revered for all and not limited possibility. Proselytizing the sentients into a limited potential future based on some dreamers special mission was considered flagrant and intentional violation of liberties. Like herding people into some container. were this to manifest, the door would close and trap sentients in a confined space where all individuality would be suppressed.
China in 2023 was the forefront global leader bringing eastern solution to the world paradigm in decompressed whole passing on to the world in a non-violent and benevolent manner, the wisdoms inherent in confucianism, buddhism, taoism, communism, sufism, among other religions and or eastern subscribed philosophies which evolved china into its current selfless rugged dialectic nature.
Sentients efforted and fought as usual, but reverence was placed so much differently and more carefully in the world 2023, the landscapes of the last centurys ruling global authority had become relics and often archived as interest fell mostly on the new world order, which struck most sentients as highly advantageous and useful of the species and individual talents and gifts toward healthy unbiased purpose wherever possible...all the way to the ends of the earth, which were not ends after all, as awareness now informed us of non-finite individuation. this was accepted as practical science, contemporary thought-feeling-knowing.
Yet still they go unnoticed, the silent ones. This is as it is.
And by law, accepted. Awareness has not changed. 2023. Awareness is like it was, half-whole. In need of a consciousness blender. But the laws reflected a great difference. In effect, all diverse perceptions broadcast by sentients and picked up on radios in tunnels, were to be accepted. Non- acceptance, resistance, denial of others truths, abuse against the pioneers of initially unpopular ideas was punished by slow reflexology torture. The feet access all CNS points of sensitivity, and modern culture placed high value on sensitivity.

Desensitivity was about the most malevolent practice as a desensitized sentient was today scorned. All evolution has the fall out of affecting consequential negative feedback, which angles off the light of the fresh vision and becomes the new bastion of ignorant factions which can be discredited yet never completely silenced by current waves of heart centered caring intention... (part II to come).

Thursday 3 February 2011

the year of

 the year of



met within

the lizard
was struck

by rabbits
hind legs

metal legs

he fell
to earth

and so

the moss
then pressed
then fouled

rabbit springs
and round

like boiled

strange sound

odd vibration
through earth



so deep it --

felt like
     feeling --

soon all
would be
laid out
over moss
over stone


white metal
what remains

soft coils


all year

woven metals

lush darkness