the Japanese restaurant

the warmth the cheer
of the Japanese restaurant
receded. the night swallowing us
multi-colored mochi melting
in our bellies

broken glass 

reflected another's misfortune

how is it you walk in the shadows? 

you ask 

because. 

no demons lurk here 

it's a myth

#katyamills

farewell to a peaceful day

it started so well. a cool morning after a hot day in the valley. my love came to see me and we read the newspaper together on the balcony. like any couple on any sunday morning going back a hundred years. the prime minister of Japan had been assassinated. i went to prepare coffee and discovered one of the cats was missing. somehow the front door had been left open. my heart sank. we searched and searched. i called and whistled and called before falling into an emotional flatland. i went online to distract myself from the shock. one of my old friends whom i survived addiction with  - initials DC -  had been homeless on the streets for many months now. farewell to a peaceful sunday.   #katyamills

emo.tion.al

i want to be a watercolor so i can wash away. i used to want to be a sharpie. now i was a stillness they could focus on. a moving stillness absorbing heat and sun and sky and sound. the city only a few miles away but i kept it real in my heart. i was easily aggravated. i got on wheels and rolled the fuck away. i had to leave it all behind regularly for freedom. these words they beat you up at night. you wonder how the mouths had the nerve to let them through the teeth. i forgive easy, ok, gimme time. happiness was once so easy to find. like an astronaut chicken in walmart. butter. tomato onion. pepper. garlic. now i was full of anxiety and depression. i could not seem to unrelate myself to them. i turned to fast food in the pandemic. i couldn’t change the channel. i had to learn to show an interest in the life around me. i took extra time lining my eyes with chocolate maybelline. i took great care with my lashes to make em look like japanese wood carvings of waves. i want to be a watercolor. so i can wash away.