Journal # 03.02.15

I wish I will live in self-forgotten. For now I look into the fog. Then turn on the space heater. My kittens all curled up in different rooms. They need the heat more than I do. One is topping a wicker basket of clothes. Another is curled upon the bed. The third, the lone wolf, on the belly of the armchair in my kitchen. I sit at my desk and wonder how life got its limits, so endless the moment it seems. I dare not look into the future. When all my kittens are gone. When perhaps I am here, at this same desk, with new kittens. Traitor! With new poems on my tongue. New paperbacks to my name. Ebooks on kindle. Traitor! I have forgiven myself already. For life trudging on. Forgive myself, towards self-forgotten. And once I forget myself complete? It will be left for someone else to remember who I was.

living off a lien

This one 
steady preaching 
weakening the
room

against my
desire

flattening life
down to matte finish
matinees

i tried to scream
it stole my breath

i was downcast
the entire day
overcast and
thrown

against my 
desire

i woke up 
in the middle of the night
pulled its guts out
 the wall

it tried to scream
i stole the breath 

imagine waking up
to calm

mammoth fronds 
blown off the palms 
gone with the wind

we survived fallin'
tree cartilage
for 24 hours 
or more

woke up
to quiet calm

the fire
inside me
inside you

the desire

it was
    not mine

living off a lien
in twenty
 fifteen

goodbye. 2014

i get into bed
under three layer
blankets

new year's eve
day

a kitten darts
into the mitten
goes under
toe

with me
we hide from
wind storms

never get
cold never grow
old

god blowin' giant
fronds off
the palms

loves me
loves me not

falling
tree cartilage
almost murdered
us

in twenty
fourteen

get real. 2015

They
gonna love
    me
for who I
really
am

the way I love myself
get real

i wanna be celebrated
   anywhere i go
 anything i want!

say anything!
     do anything!
  get real

i am gonna settle down. meditate
have a family. support
                     some kids!
                  sweet as candy!

            a bank account!
             in the black!
                get real

my partner
       will satisfy me around
               the clock!

    every way
imaginable!
          get real

i will find
the special place
where my secrets are safe

where no one
can
hurt me

get real

get a cell phone get
a tablet. get
wireless

get a clue
on the cloud. and
get real