another song. played out

please
i am already

on deserted ground
 waiting for a swing or a push

i can push myself and
push myself around

i remember the way i treated you
before you pushed
my limits

i like who i was
then i could 

make you laugh
and it felt good to laugh
with you

now i'm drowned
in venom

not so long go
nearly all i had left to give was
giving of my
time

now nothing
can be undone
or done

no more terrible
no striking out
 no leaving what is left
no ladies and gentleman
this is the end of the show
you must go

i got the last issue
a few words chained together
hopelessly

given
gave up

blankets in the winter
piled into my arms

Katy self-portrait '12

and then

silently
smothered

be cautious now!

be quick! i tell myself
be careful anymore!

dear child i am again reduced
or blown up
to revisit

i come home late...
 long after supper...
slowly shut the door
up the creaky
stairs

though i coulda
done some kinda wrong by you
i only did what i had to do
which was hard

nah, easy
over easy
real easy
sunny side up
(dark side
down)

to protect me and
grit your teeth!
to protect
you, too, me
and you

what's done is done
and the recidivist rate
of suffering rises with
the mercury...

not just you
i hurt
too

i am who i am and make no excuses
 i have only so much energy
i do what i can to keep
the pilot lit

i guess
some think
i start fires

but i believe
i build them