Sunday 12 July 2015

no rest on sunday

No rest on sunday, this sunday... i found myself awoken by crying, though i went to bed listening to laughter dispersed through fan blades. Got up and had my cup, took a shower and took my meds,  decided today to venture out and see friends, a grand idea, really, to find fellowship at a turbulent time, internal... Afterward my friend and I, we went for coffee and talked. She asked me how's it going with your book? I found myself with a big answer whistling through my teeth off an inspiration, and you could not possibly shut me up if you tried! I had only taken a couple of sips of my coffee. I surprised myself. This is good news for the days ahead working on and out my material, on the urban fantasy and out into something fresh worth publishing... my friend seemed to enjoy what I had to say, and really I didn't monopolize the conversation... i know well enough to say what i need to say, and then get quiet and curious, discover another life and listen, carefully. I know how to be a friend by now, thank god... I have been delving into the pages and trying to make a first draft make second draft sense. I have been stopping when challenges - by the complexities of a novel - cause me over-exertion. I have sat down and allowed myself the time to be curious about solution; to daydream, and even dream myself into inspired revisions! There's nothing like the free-associating mind to work it out. But I cannot help the intrusions of life, the pain of things past my ability to comprehend or change - the complexities of a feeling - from arising and flooding my system and sometimes shutting me down for a while. But I will protect myself, because in so doing I also protect my work, and anyone who reads my work, from harm. My thoughts may at times fall tragically off the rails, pressuring the heart, but I am well-versed in survival and remain determined to keep faith and courage in this ever so critical process.

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