may 14

saturday 

you got me a manicure

the color was pretty in pink 

we ate fresh tamales

watched the movie about a hotel in Budapest

and woke up to birdsong

and cats watching 

the nest

#katyamills

#katyamills

lazy summer fun

we plucked the worms from the earth and pinioned them on hooks on strings and cast them into the lake for the sunfish to strike and get hooked through the gills then fight and flight and make it worse and we reeled them in ona pole and plucked the fish from the waters and let them gasp for air while baking on the planks of the dock in the sun until dead then put them in a crayfish trap tied to a clete and threw it overboard for three days and nights and pulled it up full of crabs cannot get out then boiled a pot of water ona stove and threw all the crayfish in to boil red and cool and break the tails off suck the head, all in the name of lazy summer fun. we were kids. i won't be upset if i never go fishing again.

silly

i feel silly cuz i haven't got a need 

to be so serious all the while. i can

act like a child a few moments every

day. when i was a child i did not 

have the luxury of being silly much

of the time. my parents were heavy

drinkers, god bless them, and not 

always friendly with a hyperactive

kid. so i was taught how to mute

the playful spirit and shut up.

k nov'2017

swiss.miss

Swiss miss and her illiterati, they were slick and unfriendly, i could not get a handle on them. they reappeared one bad night in a cemetery of the living dead. how could i have forgotten? memorialized, shrink-wrapped and placed bedside for his or her personal pleasure, in the sickening days of settling spring. the city was crawling all over itself. perfect time they chose to show up, just after you took a shot of distrust to the arm.

I offered her a pipe dream to leave, sent her on a google search, chasing after an elusive $100 gift certificate to one of the old bludgeoning corporate book peddlers and thieves -- fucking Borders -- oh, how they made panhandlers out of bookshop keepers! Never could any decent community forgive them! 

I gave her a routine about signing up to test out books for free. "They lend you a pair, you break the spines, and if you don't like them (even if you do) you got ninety days to return them for a different pair." And on and on. "Work it, girl. What's the catch? All you gotta do is review them online and grab that gift certificate." I could see the avarice behind her eyes. She was on her way down the rabbit hole, but I'm sure I would see her broken soul again. These types are resilient as weeds and never go away. 

Her crew, the illiterati, could only read between lines! What good were books and Borders... they sought covers, discretion, walls. Together they insinuated one wiry upper body full of hot and senseless air. Cannot you see how I shudder to think of the lives could benefit from the air you suck, you and your crew, swiss miss? Her chub nostrils flared out at me at the top of the stairs, could I restrain myself from giving a push?

Into a marble broken fall
Blood dispersed across the smooth texture of it all
A chalky taste at the back of my throat
Homicide suddenly seemed...

okay

pause into super fun

What I love about life. The fireworks stands have risen like cardboard flowers and stand in church and pharmacy parking lots selling small explosives at small expense, so common people can contribute a bang and a kick out of stars into the dark night and anniversary of our independence not long from now.

Today is the 7th in our latest summer wave of heat. Almost everyone has a roof over their heads. Almost everyone has a freezer, an ice cube tray, water gets frozen and cracked, only to melt down the throat and pissed out steaming, flushed and back to the ground and up into the plants, or out into greater bodies of waters, then subject of the sun and burned into haze cooled into fog, condensed into air, risen into clouds, cooled again at night and dropped...

The opening eyes of children, the tall ones first, all the way down to the middle ones and then the littlest ones holding their hands looking up up and incredulous, just as you all strike the matches and ignite the sulfur with twine and flame made from fluid, the spark off the side of your thumbprint grinding alloy with the flint, rubbing your identity right into it, and your small stars shot into the night with all the others, aginst the rippling flags and melting pot of frozen sugars...

If we could only all see, only see, you and me, from above, all the breaking apart and coming together of material, the tension, the unity. Cries of joy, subsiding, crackling seconds of attention and paper particles confetti the air, then back to subdued tones and complaints and kids running and using legs like trees to hide behind and duck around. Then looking up again and the thunderous sound far above makes you realize how small you are, and the adults become kids all over again. Fifty years or more of this. Rocking chairs on porches and reports like gunfire but without the violence, only to be super fun times, and the kind-like voices over radio. Television flashes through the windows in the dark.

Headlights cast across the knees. Some are walking and others on bicycles, and many now driving away. Listen. Crickets and squeaky wheels. There will be no less struggle between me and myself, you and yourself, and ideally we can be our own best friends, i can be my own as i display the best of my abilities in plain view,  up against the best of yours and everyone else's. Perfectly on hold and iced until tommorrow. Four of swords. Pause into the super fun into the calm afterward.

The material of life. The mercury makes a difference, tomorrow more pressure and harder to breathe. My fair skin is nothing to the sun. The body is much on the mind, is nothing compared to the spirit. We will sleep and wake again into the beauty of the fullness of light and the breakfast table. If I am lucky I will continue to fight my own desires, my own ennui every day, blasting it to hell and confetti myself into paper. Being alone won't matter. Could be a great day coming and why the hell not.