be like my cat be

july i was high up
front like the head
lines what with changes
following each note of this
damn sonata they rise they
fall see. my emo
in my face be like my
cat by my
side  - OH
by my side
be

#katyamills

expiration date. sadness

one day you woke up feeling lighter. this was different. this was hope. it made no sense and could not be denied. the following day it was gone. the light was shining and the birds were singing but all you saw and heard was dead again.

still what stood out for you now was the recollection of yesterday's hope. wanting another taste of that.

so you got out of bed a little earlier. you saw the slightest smile at the edges of your lips in the mirror. you were able to sing some morose song by the Cure in your head.

- Katya Mills, 2019

say

you are the new kid 

you work from within the system

you paint the walls in there some deeper colors

when the system changes you feel

a great sense of pride and ownership

you are local now

say

a new kid appears

they want to paint the walls

you resist. you worked so hard to paint them

they don't know what it was like before

they don't care

you care about different things

say

change is hard

faux hawk city

i only got one life to live and my part's crestfallen off my head, my eyelids hanging half-mast tonight. my thoughts are no longer disorganized or petty or obsessed or compulsed, you see, i only got one life to live so i'm takin' a train to faux hawk city, honey, and i won't be comin' back without you, no, i won't be comin' back all alone.

Journal # 11.02.16

She wore a suit to the convention, she always wore suits nowadays even if she was walking the mojave desert barefoot. Something inside her had switched, proprioceptively, and all those free spirits baring skin through broken fabrics she once identified with, no longer appealed to her sense of herself. She even began to part her hair definitely and not in one place all the time, but it was a true part - i mean linear - so anyone could follow the line to its natural conclusion, wherever it happened to run that day. The change was neither accidental nor superficial. A vertical adjustment in the makeup of her personality took the horizontal carelessly. Like if you had a birthday party on the ninth moon of Jupiter, and you only served monochrome helium balloons with astronaut ice cream.

vitamin k