Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Journal # 04.07.15

I was busy landscaping indoors when some giant teak speakers began to hum. They were so large I could not see them. I was not at home. The humming soon inspired me. I decided to gut one of the speakers, so all was left was a large and very handsome teak box. I affixed the proper postage and an address overseas, then pulled the side off the other speaker for a cover, in reverse chronological order. I lifted the box on to my back and dragged it outside to where the mailbox was situated. I brought a blanket, pillow, gallon of water, and some breadcrusts from the pantry. I left a reasonable amount of cash for all the items, and a note on the coffee table.

Stingray'15 by KatYa
 'For one handsome teak box, borrowed for necessary and genuine purposes.'


I seated myself in the center of the box, on the pillow. I wrapped myself in the blanket. The food and water beside me. I leaned as far forward as I could reach over my legs, and situated the cover over the box, then used my staple gun to fasten it from the inside. Then waited. Some time in the future, in the dark with some light to hold on to at the edges, they shipped me to a distant land. And this is how my journey began.

Monday, 6 April 2015

The tragic fate of an object

Someone hand-crafted a special toy for a child once. The child was very pleased with this gift. Someone saw this toy and thought every kid should have one. Someone heard the idea. An ear got cornered and could not escape. Someone believed every kid could have one, after all. The craftsman was party to a meeting. A discussion was had. The craftsman felt proud and honored, and could use some pennies. He was almost penniless with big ideas and a small family needed supporting.

Everyone stood to benefit. A plan was drafted. The craftsman got to work. The orders came in. The kids were delighted. The objects were full of love and good energy. The businessman worked hard to spread the word. Inventory became important. Accounting became important. The books grew. The craftsman was getting tired. The numbers grew. The kids were delighted. They wanted more. The craftsman hired within his family and moved to a larger space. The landlord shook hands. The craftsman's wife slept alone. She made roasts and pies. She encouraged her husband to sleep and eat, and come home.

The family operation grew. The objects were gems. The kids around the world were delighted. The craftsmanship was quality. The businessman had larger ventures in mind. He saw the craftsman's craft as his bread and butter, his cash cow. He pressed for larger operations, and signed a few larger orders behind the craftsman's back. The craftsman shrugged his shoulders. There were bags under his eyes. He knew not what to do with the money. Investment advisors came to roost. They rang the doorbell and bothered his wife. They tried to intercept him at work and home, and out upon the town. They succeeded.

The tax man came a knocking. The kids were delighted. The bed was untouched. The wife felt like someone had died. The craftsman was proud and exhausted. Contracts running through his mind. He kept to his craft. He taught others. He was the master. His apprentices lorded over new charges. Outside the family. New digs. New operations. The businessman was wearing fine leathers and silks. His office overlooked central park. His bank account kept growing. He found politicians friendly toward his big idea ventures. He funded their campaigns and they took office. Architects and Tax attorneys and local celebrities paid him visits. New ventures were seeded.

One day the craftsman was too tired and getting sick. He retired and left his craft for his best apprentices to carry out. The spirit carried over for some time. But corners were cut. Some people worked to make money, and with the money hoped to start their own ideas going. The objects of art and master craft, became victim to mass production. Every one seemed the same. Some of the moving parts were made immobile, for the sake of saving time and money. The orders were relentless overseas. No one seemed to notice the sacrifice. Which encouraged more cost cutting. The brand was plastered over half the world. Everyone stood behind it. Everyone. The discrepancy in craftsmanship was overlooked. No one knew the mastercraftsman had no part in the craft anymore, other than the mastercraftsman, his wife and his family. All that mattered was the seal of the brand. The insignia.

The kids were no longer delighted. The objects were no longer sacred. The cost of the item was less. The value of the item was also less. You could buy it any store. Kids showed off their new objects to careless eyes. Everyone knew about that. Some had the same. Some had bought it in the same store. The objects were put next to the bottlecaps and pet rocks and one shelf beneath the treasured dolls and sea glass and family heirlooms passed down. Still, the objects kept coming, and the adults who were not yet in touch with the kids, kept buying and giving the dull things off as gifts.

The kids accepted objects with weak smiles fronting disappointed eyes and care less feelings. They soon decided to make new use of the objects. Turns out Cherry Bombs could really blow these fuckers up good!!

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Journal # 04.05.15

The curious case of a furious pace we establish over the mean dream of time. The still life was painted all around me. I was a blur. A gif instead of an image anymore. Do you see me clearly? What I mean is what you mean to me. Yes I find myself blasting the walls with forgetfulness. Whitewashing the pain. The photos of my family getting old and unimaginable. The dust settling. In a time exposure it collects like snow. That mean dream of time. I want you all to stay still for a moment, can you, while I inhale you? Drive through and discard the materials. Take the Home and leave the Depot. Inhale me. Leave me with your days of heartfelt laughter, nights of lonely pain. Do not worry. Together we will walk the tracks. Then momma rings the bell and calls us home. I will see you clearly through windexed windows but we cannot touch through the glass. There will be white gloves today, and soft hands. Church-like.
katya by katya '15

Underneath the facades the fingers with fingerprints hold the history of all our lives. The indelible mark the world has made on you and me. Watch me close as I play a song out of my tummy on my breath, and call the fingerprint up like a cobra, unraveling and floating into the air. Then we will wrap it like ink into a sleeve around our arms and be amazed. You are much more than you ever intended. Blow up your french pressed purposes and back to the source. The single origin flat whites in the whistling sand of the Sahara. The white cottons will protect and camouflage us from the drones delivering x and y boxes to the consumers. This is not our business. We are on pilgrimage by the path of our black and blueprints. Many days together, all alone, in the open space of many flavored silences. The nuances will delight us. The flood is coming. It comes from within. Do not distract away from your own birth rights. The pain is only immediate, flashing. The redemption is outside the club. In the cool night air. Passing the smokers remanded to their habit, hugging the walls, friends for life. I talked to them. I was a blur. I chased my fingerprint without demur. The dream become reality. A furious pace. A curious case.

Saturday, 4 April 2015

Journal # 04.04.15

I awoke one night not a month ago, with madness in my face and eyes, about to scream. I awoke alone in my bed with a kitten or two beside me, and sat up straight with such a rush of adrenaline uncommon at an early hour. I awoke with a wave of nausea spreading up through me, and a clear vision of my nightmare just had. I awoke knowing the evil in my dream had found a new tactic around my defenses, and come up from inside me. I awoke spitting, trying to spit out her venom. I awoke spitting and hyperventilating now, trying to exhale the toxicity inside me. Was I possessed? Was it a succubus? Who had it out for me, I wondered. And in the days to come, I was worried. Very worried. I was tired. Very tired and feeling the residuals of the terror of that night. I finally reached out for help, just today, to a friend. My intuition told me he was the one. And the way I translated all that he offered, was as follows... We may naturally want to gather good energy and hold it close to our hearts, to heal us. We cannot hold on to energy. This blocks the source.  It is crucial we let it cycle through us and release it back out into the world. "We want to  continuously flow the good energies out of us, on a permanent basis." You cannot capture good energy. It will spoil and become toxic. Everything I have, I must give away. I reached out for help and help was there. Indigo. I got away from the world and I kneeled down to pray. Indigo. My friend had given me that which I lacked. Indigo. I saw myself standing. I saw myself running. I saw myself holding and blocking the source. What I realized was the evil in the dream, the entity, was myself. She was me. I saw myself and then my self disappeared and reappeared inside me, frothy and toxic. Part of my self. What I must do is let go of the goodness I have been receiving, release it back into the world. And it starts at my fingertips, typing away on the keyboard, giving you back what I have been given.

Friday, 3 April 2015

Journal # 04.03.15

Some kinda reverse osmosis then the water's all gone the tears cycled through you and cannot be collected again like a path once traveled to great heights now overgrown by ferns and hidden and passed by unseen... and only the lucky one who walks slowly enough and dismisses the calls to catch up may find the way to the great heights we all remembered. And only the sun stops and awaits this ascent from the darkness where shade cools the blade of the fern and the shoulder of the one who has stretched off the spine to divine with the fear falling down like a spear to the ground and still.

No one around.

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Journal # 04.02.15

The onus was on the wind to carry the dandelion seeds to the earth. The onus was on the rain to push the seeds into the soil. The onus was on the earth worms to stir the soil. The onus was on the nutrients in the soil to warm and hatch the dandelion out of its seed. The onus was on the dandelion to make its way to break into light. The onus was on the sun to give the little dandelion the strength to rise up and awaken into a new world.

The onus was on the man to feed his children. The onus was on the woman. The onus was on the town to provide something to do. The man was hired to wake up before dawn on sweltering summer days. He slammed his fist down on the alarm clock on the carpet under the couch. The television was local static. Not even the infomercials were up at this ungodly hour. The blanket had moth holes in it and had not done a good job keeping him warm. The eight bottles of Molson Golden made up the difference. He was still intoxicated. He broke out the Yuban and spilled it out onto the formica. Half of it landed in the coffee filter splayed out like a cotton bleached sunflower. He grabbed it up by its edges and tossed it into the coffee maker. The hard pharmaceutically enhanced, chlorinated tap water blasted into the pot so he almost dropped it into the basin. Seven of his beer bottles were in there. The other was on the coffee table by the couch, half full of warm beer.

Half a pot of coffee brought his buzz back. Worked nicely with the pastry against the lingering effect of alcohol. This would get him through half the morning okay. He fired up the mower then stepped aside for a moment. He took a shallow breath and lit a cigarrette. He looked out across the acre lot ahead of him. The damn thing was like a meadow of gold. Dandelions. Fucking dandelions. He couldn't wait to annihilate them all!

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

wild (a poem)



'wild'-- by KatYa
(image © words)


i tell you what
there will always be fresh lands
for us

see them out past the tears
past the years
recreate. old memory

the coffeehouse was
a fill-up station for
humans

i accelerated on out of there
and stopped only for
the child

looking
at me

i was a quick study
slowdown
i got down. low down

time disappeared
into a wrinkle in
the sky

i thanked the curious
eye

the little
one

i smiled not too wide
a little. one

to know it's
okay

how to?

mom today. dad today.
little brother on the way

i am emotional
too. i am a child
like you

you are
too

like a child
too

wild
too

me and
you