GRAND THEFT LIFE 1.15

Journal # 04.14.15

Black jade helps protect me in times of trouble. What has been given me by loved ones and friends, whether material or immaterial, offer the most viable potency. White light can be summoned in meditation or even given to someone i meet who i feels needs it. The elements are pure and not to be trifled with -- at one's own risk. Use of fire, water, air, earth, for any purpose must be sacred. Fear is a constant companion and must be seen and dissolved throughout the day. Present moment carries the most access points for carrying anything out. Not to diminish the potentials in time travel, visions, or other possible use of the temporal. Love is a word easily tossed about in a modern world. I can only experience love anymore through action not words. I do not identify as anything. I only know what i know and what i do not know. I may wear many hats, but each one can be replaced. mystic. author. poet. counselor. empath. androgyn. intuitive. lover. friend. sister. daughter. athlete. addict. punk. schizo. Lucky numbers #4. #444. #7. #8. #11. Astrology can help. Pagan can help. Transpersonal can help. Mindfulness, prayer, light, energy, consciousness. Then go out of the head. Stop the thought and find source energy. Cycle. Recycle. Who knows? Maybe something wonderful will come of it all?

Journal # 04.04.15

I awoke one night not a month ago, with madness in my face and eyes, about to scream. I awoke alone in my bed with a kitten or two beside me, and sat up straight with such a rush of adrenaline uncommon at an early hour. I awoke with a wave of nausea spreading up through me, and a clear vision of my nightmare just had. I awoke knowing the evil in my dream had found a new tactic around my defenses, and come up from inside me. I awoke spitting, trying to spit out her venom. I awoke spitting and hyperventilating now, trying to exhale the toxicity inside me. Was I possessed? Was it a succubus? Who had it out for me, I wondered. And in the days to come, I was worried. Very worried. I was tired. Very tired and feeling the residuals of the terror of that night. I finally reached out for help, just today, to a friend. My intuition told me he was the one. And the way I translated all that he offered, was as follows... We may naturally want to gather good energy and hold it close to our hearts, to heal us. We cannot hold on to energy. This blocks the source.  It is crucial we let it cycle through us and release it back out into the world. "We want to  continuously flow the good energies out of us, on a permanent basis." You cannot capture good energy. It will spoil and become toxic. Everything I have, I must give away. I reached out for help and help was there. Indigo. I got away from the world and I kneeled down to pray. Indigo. My friend had given me that which I lacked. Indigo. I saw myself standing. I saw myself running. I saw myself holding and blocking the source. What I realized was the evil in the dream, the entity, was myself. She was me. I saw myself and then my self disappeared and reappeared inside me, frothy and toxic. Part of my self. What I must do is let go of the goodness I have been receiving, release it back into the world. And it starts at my fingertips, typing away on the keyboard, giving you back what I have been given.

Intuitives

You may know us
By air currents
Electric

In a faraway
Place without
Outlet

We may speak
Without words
Looking
the glass
From within

We
May come
clean
cross
The
Crossing

Our
deepest
sense
felt
somehow

Somewhere
Rare
and
unusual

where streams
bend backward

Glancing off
Blockages
And human made
Check dams

To clasp
into rivers
impossible

By Katya Mills