different now

now i am having the adverse reaction to tv. i am different from you. now restless in the sleep. now pursuing some dream. now i am indifferent, locked without key. now sitting still. meditating. what looks like peace… it is an illusion

#katyamills

made this way

smiling

i was made smilin

enamel chippin off the tombstones 

of my teeth

pouting

turnin slightly tangerine

when you pinch

my bottom

silent

i was made silent

feelings mixed up inside me

not one has found

a way out my 

mouth

standoffish

not because i think im better

but because i do not at all fit

in

i was made this way

if you don't like me

so what? it's who i am

and i don't like you

neither

from desperation circle to unique and united on a sunday morning

We are robin eggs. Pretty and fragile. Colorful. Me and my older brother. You and me. Our mothers and fathers and sisters and cousins in this permanence come to meet us, this sun come shining upon us, the same light we all share from the birth of every day, the peak heat midway and stumbling through the certain changes, scratches on our vinyl, scars etched upon us, all shook up we are the same.

Being born is our decided fortune
Dying, our collective fate
Sleeping into dreams
Dreaming to awake

Waking into a nightmare only the mind can indulge, only the spirit can turn around, and no one said it would be easy. Whenever I let myself coast, when I indulge easy comforts, my world becomes a run down motel with vacancy. You wouldn't wanna stay there. There's no ice in the ice bin, the vending machine steals your change, and the only inhabitants live on desperation circle. There's cable tv with no HBO and the remote is sticky with no batteries. You have to take the bedspread and cram it out of sight, it's so goddam ugly. Like an unrenovated Ramada Inn in Delaware circa 1982. Don't pry into the corners you might find some broken glass with chore still inside it. The economic disparity, here I cannot hide it.

Can we get along
I need to get along with you
But I'm gonna have to work for it
I'm really uncomfortable

Yes we can and no we cannot, text messaging cause we are too blocked to call. We firewalled one another off for survival. The lines formed on our faces from all the trying to see eye to eye, all of the emotions like waves over all our lives and our faces, no we cannot and yes we can, ground ourselves into it, be there for me and be there for you,  and yes and no and I don't fuckin know what emoji to send anymore... is there a smiling Buddha? And there the colors go, running again like they do, and the white clothes turn blue. And the off whites do too.

The waves break over us
The foam like ginger ale
Hissing. A snake
Trying to stomach it
Digest it whole

The am radio days away in a last quarter rocking chair of tranquility, and no and yes and it doesn't matter how anymore but we tolerate one another, good to you and good to me, fruits and vegetables, oatmeal in the morning, bacon and eggs, spinach, shrimp, salmon, and yes and yes and yes I will share mine with you. We are in the same world, we share the same world, the blue and green one from space, the system in place. Television light slaps us in the face, cool blue like my offs and my whites, too.


And not only tv is to blame
We are all at fault
So let's get over it. Don't you wanna be your very best today? Your most kind and most fascinating and most helpful? I do. I know you do, too, cause we share the same sun. Our spirits can arise and make do if we wanna. The very best of each of us, united, unique and united.

do not be confused

Today is your day to kick ass. Even if someone's got you imprisoned, even yourself in your own mind, but even then you can ask for a book cause that is your right. If whoever has you locked down won't let you read,  try and exploit the weakness in their rigidity, all the way to your freedom. Today is Friday and your chance to shed the skin of the past and come out all bright and shiny and new. People will notice you if you simply show up. I like to walk somewhere, under the sun, walk a mile or two and find a cafe and sit and watch and think and write. Maybe let a friend know I will be there, so they can come see me if they want. Today is your day to kick ass. Don't let social media hold you back. Get back to your sacred expression. In whatever form. Respect yourself and they will respect you, too.

If you get tired, by all means meander, online or off, but come back to yourself and your connection with what only you know and let it speak. Make that fashionable statement only you can make, whether its how you dress how you walk how you talk how you write how you sketch how you  skate how you run how you gesture how you preach how you teach how you fight how you give how you help how you see how you feel how you deal. Be you. Be free. Be real.
  - K

K reads 'Impossible Unique'

Original material by K

The lyrics to my song...
(from K iS SilEnT)

'impossible unique'

I can love you
seven. eight
days a week
our love
in / of
impossible
unique

regenerates
the snake

a nation
beneath
the lake

a question mark formed
around the life form
inside of us

thirty-two seconds
to unconditional

a timeless future awaits

spirits on dates
drifting down rivers
of corrugate
glue

heartbleed city
who knew

zero
balanced
degenerative

yearning for the night

predawn of artificial 

light

candles. burning
lifetime 

supplication
in / of oxygen

fall asleep breathing

in / of love

impossible 

unique

not the same old narrative 

on a fog bank 

overdrawn

yawn

take all the pictures
marry them silently
passionately

take all the i's

 (before e's)
teach them selfless living

strange

 to suddenly see
receipts of deceits returned
to the store

strange!
impossible unique

strange / dear god!
so suddenly free
impossible

unique

no longer above
no longer below
candle wax flow in
and of love