how do you tell a story
when half your thoughts are liars?
swipe them away and
tell the truth
#katyamills
Showing posts with label lies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lies. Show all posts
Friday, 12 August 2022
Sunday, 27 March 2022
o.mission
they lost the sea a long time ago. they had to believe in the country as ascendant, powerful again. all they made off that land in the east, farming it, working it, was indispensable to the world. so roll the dice, old school style with tanks and battalions. the one in power decided it for them, the time was now, give your grown men for the military, the only chance was by land. a great many families got crushed up and swallowed. for what? by omission the whole thing was a lie. #katyamills
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
we are young
The days run away and I cannot do anything about this, I do not understand my age. I suppose we are all very young, even the very old, and this appeases the cruel god who comes out from time to time to command us away, life changes and we are not welcome anymore...
you are done with me and i am done with you and all our messy nonsense of two thousand three hundred forty-five yesterdays. I cannot say what came over me but i remember crying when i knew i was no longer gonna be protected or saved. I was to be blooded and charged with my Appetite For Destruction and to carry all the old Lies again, in rare form; they coulda made a fine killer of me, at the academy...
what I want to say is, losing you, this was one of the saddest of neverending losses, what i wanna say is sorry. and you have no need to forgive me unless it helps you -- please -- i think i forgave myself but i wonder -- when i hurt -- thinking of all the times you told me fuck off
before i finally did
you are done with me and i am done with you and all our messy nonsense of two thousand three hundred forty-five yesterdays. I cannot say what came over me but i remember crying when i knew i was no longer gonna be protected or saved. I was to be blooded and charged with my Appetite For Destruction and to carry all the old Lies again, in rare form; they coulda made a fine killer of me, at the academy...
what I want to say is, losing you, this was one of the saddest of neverending losses, what i wanna say is sorry. and you have no need to forgive me unless it helps you -- please -- i think i forgave myself but i wonder -- when i hurt -- thinking of all the times you told me fuck off
before i finally did
Wednesday, 3 June 2015
Friday, 18 July 2014
vas deferens. carried away.
that's a lie
a contraction
predicated by
a lie
a contradiction
fighting
my own
diction
maybe me
poet
wanna
be
should go to get inspired
to the sea
bring jack kerouac
big sur
small wonder
he fell to his death
on the rocks
that's a lie
on the rocks
that's drunk
to the teeth
that's tight
constricted
predictable
something easily
predicted
the one who 'plays'
with words
added to a
peurile
penile
vaginal
flow
masturbatory
that's a lie
'cause after you're done?
find yourself
lonesome
exposed
in the sun
the milky substance
the texture
the scent
this is true
indeed
on paper
true
don't let them say adam
don't let them say eve
don't let them say loins
the butcher turns
blue
write away
right away
while the world outside
waits
that's a lie
Kafka knew
burned all his books
that's a lie plus a
lie plus size
sky
add the earth
let half the wildlife
die
the spermozoa
the egg the
vas deferens
this is true
cause
we all
get
carried
away
don't say white
don't say black
say fifty shades of grey
gray
grey
over
play
bundle it up
under your arm
a mess of sticks
the faggots
for kindle
take them together
walk them out
to the world
watch the pieces drop out
behind you
see yourself in them
the dropouts
horizontal
vertical
thrust
thrust
open
hearted
come
shot
true
© Katya Mills, 2014
a contraction
predicated by
a lie
a contradiction
fighting
my own
diction
maybe me
poet
wanna
be
should go to get inspired
to the sea
bring jack kerouac
big sur
small wonder
he fell to his death
on the rocks
that's a lie
on the rocks
that's drunk
to the teeth
that's tight
constricted
predictable
something easily
predicted
the one who 'plays'
with words
added to a
peurile
penile
vaginal
flow
masturbatory
that's a lie
'cause after you're done?
find yourself
lonesome
exposed
in the sun
the milky substance
the texture
the scent
this is true
indeed
on paper
true
don't let them say adam
don't let them say eve
don't let them say loins
the butcher turns
blue
write away
right away
while the world outside
waits
that's a lie
Kafka knew
burned all his books
that's a lie plus a
lie plus size
sky
add the earth
let half the wildlife
die
the spermozoa
the egg the
vas deferens
this is true
cause
we all
get
carried
away
don't say white
don't say black
say fifty shades of grey
gray
grey
over
play
bundle it up
under your arm
a mess of sticks
the faggots
for kindle
take them together
walk them out
to the world
watch the pieces drop out
behind you
see yourself in them
the dropouts
horizontal
vertical
thrust
thrust
open
hearted
come
shot
true
© Katya Mills, 2014
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Heart Holds A Vacancy
(penned in darker times, 2011)
the Sea
her depths grow out from green
from green to royal blue
Where
all our lies get hot
get salty
Liquidate
into butter
Congeal
into residue
residual
of which
Constitutes the laundry list
of lies
uncommon
picked for
pulled for
Juice
Energy
Extraction
By decree of part-sentients
(part-not)
sworn to secrecy
Whose vows have been
exacted
spoken
logged
attributed
catalogued
the precise configurement
figured
configured
drawn off the slight balance of
good will
accounted
for
then left
here in this courtyard
where touched
touched by the elements
Produce a serum
bottled
capped
guarded
two men to a vial
There a discordance
a shaking of foundations
if the color hits the litmus test
and meets other requirements unknown
(you can tell by the sound)
a hollow tone
The amplification
of which
discards
shucks
throws off
any and all
antagonist untruths
(left brown and dyscolored in the foamy froth)
The purified potion
then drained
hits a shade resembles
goth
The scientists stand
satiate
fatigued
admiring
edge of tide pool...
Truth!
Taken from the scene
from the light
double encrypted
left inaccessible
walled off
Truth!
Like pores
touched by witch hazel
locked behind skin
sealed from the world
and her sin
Truth!
Language is lost
in the crowd
of the avowed
Truth!
Eyes tell of suffering
naked like ankles
bit by geese
scraped on thorns
bleeding until clotted
sometimes
Truth!
found
retrieved then
hidden
until she may be
cloned
replicated
For now
we are left with the same old
same old
caked makeup
meet low-grade rubber
wall ball material
circa '79
smoke trails and
salvage yards
highways
bits of plastic
bits of plaster
just another
man-made disaster
For now
we are left with our scars
on water
steady boiling
until poached
For now
A double-breasted
back-stabbing
On Front Street
by the boardwalk
The perp
vanishes
in a fog of Chat
Room
The forensics team drinks coffee
the coffee
sure is bitter
For now
the lies proliferate
canvass our nation
gas consumption fever!
TV vacation!
What once was compromise
now has
no promise
each for his own
all or none
mentality
Long island teas comped
on a corporate spread
for the so-called VIPS
for the pros
Young runaways
expose thighs
to highball bids
much too low...
Is this not enough
exploitation
and suffering?
to pry open
the safe
where collective truths
are stashed?
Until then I will hold
for all the good
people
a vacancy
in my heart
unparalleled...
a love enduring
unequalled
uncommon
and
true
from me
to you
Friday, 18 June 2010
tonight is written old or new
Tonight is written: eat whole orange. Avoid the tv the friends of yours, ignore the light box with all its darkness. try not to hold your resentments. any longer. Soulgrabber nature of some situations, morbid as they are, must be understood in cold impersonal terms. There is no other way. To understand them. Try not to rest there too long. Sing a song. Let emotional mind channel into heart and hands. Let mind rest, if mind gets caliente hot. Catch internal preoccupations as they arise. Like butterflies scattering up from the net. watch them jet. Catch and release. Approaching winter...get down there in the basement and locate fleece. Down of geese. The kind your parents loved. When you thought they loved you too. And when they did. Remember them for a sec. Just a sec.
Just a sec or collapse a wreck. Blankets offer sensual warmth and lovely false security. Take it! Grab it to ya! Close your eyes & smile wide. Turn your body from side to side. Dance with yourself, goodness for your health. Thank goodness. Acknowledge evil. what is no good in the world. What exists and does harm. Shadow form. Against the mild winter rains of northern california territories.
Candles will be needed. Candles yes. Incense yes. for purpose of atmosphere regeneration, in any one room home. where one lived with one raccoon. Once upon a time. Once. Wait! Of this you will never know. It cannot be bought, cannot be shared. Intranslatable. Love insatiable. Raccoon and then there was silence. Felt like a great great weight, felt like violence. Tjen turned to rain. Felt like sleep. And never the same. Became and became... and became.
Break out lottery ticket!This the ticket? Intuition lights up still. Waiting but somehow knowing. the megamillions 5 picks on the random tix. You feel an oncoming fix to your account...Cash cow comes alive and kix. No longer infected, antibiotically corrected. like you played games for years. Following the stars through your fears.
Went like second nature to the liquor store. Asked for five seven nine seven four in some prearranged or preordained string theory kite store. Numbers you visualized then released to clerk in an unassuming way, like it was your ritual to play. Clerk gave you your stub with matte finish eyes to meet. You take it and tuck it away. Sugar sweet. Two toned orange with numbers printed in a blackish grey. A silk yellow pouch showed up in your mail. Devastating return without end, without fail. And all that came to you when you came to? when the cash came through, all that came to you?
was treating your friends true. in this day and age. simple in the complications. thoughtfulness conveyed across the thousand thoughtless stations. When you gave doubt away, No one doubted you any more, not you not them, not any other nor. just naturally lined up behind you like the lines in cords. Taoism studies made this progression so clear, sort of going with the river, like an extension of tears.
We need expedient travel over water. I don’t know why. I dont know why my raccoon died? I did not know why I gathered the people i did all around me, I hardly knew what to say. the falling tree fell not 100 yards away. began our conversations. could have killed one of us probably. Pine needles given as reparations. bereavement followed the machinations.
material situation (earth) you find yourself in. Sweating on the bart train, morning commute. Have come to enjoy work. or life with work in it. a fortunate motherfucker so long have u been! Conscious of this and conscious of sin. of sanity. of gin. powerful lucky indeed. More conscious maybe. More painful, baby! Eyes open. Red sometimes. Air pollution. Sadness...Up all night? no solution.
Badness. Rubbing eyes a pastime. Now in the past. Keep bringing it back, the mind. body. spirit. Altogether now. Dust it off. Polish it to shine. Stay right in the moment where they say all will be fine. But thats the future, no? where All is fine? finely attuned and anticipated? pour to drink, some old table wine. forget the future, the past. Align!
Right now in the moment. The train station. This is where we receive them, the signals and signs. We may misread them. Then dropped into the past, where conscious life gets trashed. Communication breaks down. Which is insignificant. Just a fact scribbled on the wall of your mind somewhere, and maybe yours. maybe not. Like a French cave drawing, outdated, carbon faded. Fact. Union represented. Permanently belated, never on time. Watch on the hand is purely for design, minute and second hands mated.
Today you are out of bounds, no self no lines no borders to cross! the moment, you start to like her! She holds your only evidence. witness to her makes you free to cleanse your soul and rinse. no cavities! The drip dry of your self esteem, leaves you light like linen fresh. The harbor where the moment stays? refuge for expressiveness. the choices you have right now? are all the choices needed. The little choices you make each second? really big! need not be repeated... to underline your life you live, this may be quite imperative!! You operate against advice, eat exotic rice, so choose to move on when u wish, put thought on ice.
You help yourself to frozen confections-- paleta guy has some selection. Just watch out for the central raisin. terrible to taste. eat around it, so none goes to waste. of my horchata (pudding flavor yum!) today plan to get you some. The other plan is to work. But not too hard to stress u out. U want it even to fill your spirit. Then Connect for sure with someone who owns a gun. Like H.S. Thompson, gonzo in the mountains, ballistics just for fun. change. maybe give up an opening or light, in the dark dark day. Sun is up, but anyway. Unconscious shadow lurks in corners. Mirrors may be used to dispel bad aura. Read your Tarot cards for more information. Not your own, find someone silly. or just do it alone. Or with the psychic who wants your money really.
Honey its true! to make a living thats what they do. Give you what you want but not what you need. You give you. Ultimately it was your choice that planted that seed. Honestly we need honesty, just like everyone else. With you, honest with you, you, and with them, them too. The lies may taste good, but so bad bad for the health.
Just a sec or collapse a wreck. Blankets offer sensual warmth and lovely false security. Take it! Grab it to ya! Close your eyes & smile wide. Turn your body from side to side. Dance with yourself, goodness for your health. Thank goodness. Acknowledge evil. what is no good in the world. What exists and does harm. Shadow form. Against the mild winter rains of northern california territories.
Candles will be needed. Candles yes. Incense yes. for purpose of atmosphere regeneration, in any one room home. where one lived with one raccoon. Once upon a time. Once. Wait! Of this you will never know. It cannot be bought, cannot be shared. Intranslatable. Love insatiable. Raccoon and then there was silence. Felt like a great great weight, felt like violence. Tjen turned to rain. Felt like sleep. And never the same. Became and became... and became.
Break out lottery ticket!This the ticket? Intuition lights up still. Waiting but somehow knowing. the megamillions 5 picks on the random tix. You feel an oncoming fix to your account...Cash cow comes alive and kix. No longer infected, antibiotically corrected. like you played games for years. Following the stars through your fears.
Went like second nature to the liquor store. Asked for five seven nine seven four in some prearranged or preordained string theory kite store. Numbers you visualized then released to clerk in an unassuming way, like it was your ritual to play. Clerk gave you your stub with matte finish eyes to meet. You take it and tuck it away. Sugar sweet. Two toned orange with numbers printed in a blackish grey. A silk yellow pouch showed up in your mail. Devastating return without end, without fail. And all that came to you when you came to? when the cash came through, all that came to you?
was treating your friends true. in this day and age. simple in the complications. thoughtfulness conveyed across the thousand thoughtless stations. When you gave doubt away, No one doubted you any more, not you not them, not any other nor. just naturally lined up behind you like the lines in cords. Taoism studies made this progression so clear, sort of going with the river, like an extension of tears.
We need expedient travel over water. I don’t know why. I dont know why my raccoon died? I did not know why I gathered the people i did all around me, I hardly knew what to say. the falling tree fell not 100 yards away. began our conversations. could have killed one of us probably. Pine needles given as reparations. bereavement followed the machinations.
material situation (earth) you find yourself in. Sweating on the bart train, morning commute. Have come to enjoy work. or life with work in it. a fortunate motherfucker so long have u been! Conscious of this and conscious of sin. of sanity. of gin. powerful lucky indeed. More conscious maybe. More painful, baby! Eyes open. Red sometimes. Air pollution. Sadness...Up all night? no solution.
Badness. Rubbing eyes a pastime. Now in the past. Keep bringing it back, the mind. body. spirit. Altogether now. Dust it off. Polish it to shine. Stay right in the moment where they say all will be fine. But thats the future, no? where All is fine? finely attuned and anticipated? pour to drink, some old table wine. forget the future, the past. Align!
Right now in the moment. The train station. This is where we receive them, the signals and signs. We may misread them. Then dropped into the past, where conscious life gets trashed. Communication breaks down. Which is insignificant. Just a fact scribbled on the wall of your mind somewhere, and maybe yours. maybe not. Like a French cave drawing, outdated, carbon faded. Fact. Union represented. Permanently belated, never on time. Watch on the hand is purely for design, minute and second hands mated.
Today you are out of bounds, no self no lines no borders to cross! the moment, you start to like her! She holds your only evidence. witness to her makes you free to cleanse your soul and rinse. no cavities! The drip dry of your self esteem, leaves you light like linen fresh. The harbor where the moment stays? refuge for expressiveness. the choices you have right now? are all the choices needed. The little choices you make each second? really big! need not be repeated... to underline your life you live, this may be quite imperative!! You operate against advice, eat exotic rice, so choose to move on when u wish, put thought on ice.
You help yourself to frozen confections-- paleta guy has some selection. Just watch out for the central raisin. terrible to taste. eat around it, so none goes to waste. of my horchata (pudding flavor yum!) today plan to get you some. The other plan is to work. But not too hard to stress u out. U want it even to fill your spirit. Then Connect for sure with someone who owns a gun. Like H.S. Thompson, gonzo in the mountains, ballistics just for fun. change. maybe give up an opening or light, in the dark dark day. Sun is up, but anyway. Unconscious shadow lurks in corners. Mirrors may be used to dispel bad aura. Read your Tarot cards for more information. Not your own, find someone silly. or just do it alone. Or with the psychic who wants your money really.
Honey its true! to make a living thats what they do. Give you what you want but not what you need. You give you. Ultimately it was your choice that planted that seed. Honestly we need honesty, just like everyone else. With you, honest with you, you, and with them, them too. The lies may taste good, but so bad bad for the health.
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