off note

the dissonance caused by all 

the off notes touched a hundred 

thousand hearts who turned 

the radio up and swore 

someone finally got them 

#katyamills

Journal # 10.11.2016

i got all your friendliness, you made me soft in the abdomen for us, we could have shared a smoke and a crazy secret, a kind of bluetooth pair. vital was the origin and splitting off the infinitive, in a low-pitched bad news lesion in motion. i wish they had been there, the ones bobbing between bookcases with their fingers at their lips. but it was only me and you, clicking with exclusion. the time has been measured and planned in your head, now you needed only to conduct an orchestra of one. i was in great demand, apparently, before i stumbled off in tails tattered, in league with papers, my reaction mute, understated, in shadows long and growing... my darkness, unwanted, degraded in your spotlight.

once i got back to my dear beloved light of my life, well, i had some trouble it is true, pulling tooth was blue, but my man spoke of god and my friend she spoke of other important good things to do, and yes i undressed. yes i took my silence and rest, the blonde mouse he showed white belly up for trusted scratching. catfish hung back in the shadows. when i got myself up i rose up, i felt real, i wasn't any such pale as the spotlight made out, i wasn't any bit angry toward you or the world, vitality was mine again in the doing what needed to be done. another usual kinda day. the kind i keep then to myself, and to myself a secret melody. 

Journal # 03.19.15

If I open my veins for you to see my checkered past, will you honour or hate me? Trust is a difficult thing, but easy by the eyes of a stranger. So long as we love ourselves, no one's opinion of us can set us back for long. Stay true to the melody of your song. My checkered past gives way to a game of chess. The Queen is a powerful one, what with her ability to move in any direction, as far as the board permits. The situation of her disciples, the pawns, determines the outcome of the game. The whole board from above looking down is a galaxy. A mathematical conundrum. A triumph of man by the mind. In life, what you need may you find. I wish you protection along your way. But know that your game is not simply the world. Children at play enact circumstances from the inside out. We are all children at play in our lives. We can come to a separate peace just by trying. Then the surface is swept clean, and we create purpose as we go. Such is human nature. Joyfulness comes off the back of the wind whirring through. Off the back of the drought. Of the storm. The calm comes after a great rage. The war. Stay there in the center of your calm, and you are home. You are the Queen. You may look after the King. Without him you are nothing. Without you, there's no life. The pawns in the pattern form a remarkable boundary. Some may pass through and others cannot. There is not always a way around. You can storm the castle through. The knight has its due. The bishops all turned black under a sky; it was blue. The world is ours until we die. This is true.