gem

imperial pints to touch

we brought
shared visions of our future
lot

chicago
summer burning
hot

long stretches behind typewriters
open facing books

fingerprints dusted in
ink backs up against
a kitchen sink

worked into a
gem

#katyamills
remix’97

reading our minds

thinking of you
falling for you

neither fear nor misunderstanding
today. the moments
make me sad

how long will we have

you are tired i am
tired not always discontent
but tired

by the world
quaking
rocking
shifting
endlessly


shut the door

let us be

warm feet meet cold feet
lying on a couch reading
our minds



#katyamills
remix 1997

daylight with earth

she saw by
her soul
images painful
bold. this world
its children
mix daylight with
earth

she took the lights
down. he pissed on the porcelain
water scattered
with poison

dead leaves pale
faces under a big
sky

candles on the tank
elbows
and shoulders and
knees

he had to have her
pain made him
whole again

 behind his eyes
a redemptive quality
cast in a pervasive light

his struggle
hers



#katyamills
remix 1996

lightning without thunder

through clouds flashes
through eyelids

blanket over tired feet pillow
under head how long is forever? you
let me sleep

the wind
sands
the dunes

washes the truck
dry my eyes on my
plate you let me
eat let me
sleep

time flashes by on our tv
sets. through eyelids through
clouds

lightning
without thunder

it is past our bedtime past
our pastime before
we even know it
and

we even
know it



Katya Mills
remix from '96

shade breathing dust at noon

Pelicans seesaw then dive in a row

stabbing daggers into salt

water in the wind

i am the line not yet drawn

a whole awaiting division

clouds form faces against the sky

watching the sun

swallowed by the sea

i am permanence for that 

which is changing

seagulls flutter and cry

across the new horizon

some light left behind

a burning memory 

i cry in colored sunsets

waiting for coffee

to open my 

eyes

i am a shade breathing

dust at noon

taken and remixed from the black cover 

journal of katya mills '96

i was 23 years old

October 1996 (remixed from entries)

i ran the streets
she saw me struggling
my struggle became ours

october
cold days under big sky
leaves dead and tumble
pale faces passing

she saw with her soul
images in her head
she painted painfully
bold

while i lay on a couch
watching light
she swung herself over and
into my arms

dropping elbows into my chest
pinning us into the cushions

together
laughing

we ran the streets
we were young
all was told

gone the glittering
gold


-Katya
(remixing diary (1996) entries)

letter to true love (1996)

Here I reprint a letter I wrote (1996) and never sent
to my first true love. We parted ways that same year.
(from my black cover diary)...

A-- ,

Do you still love me? Because I love you and I'm not fucking around when I say so. And to be perfectly clear, to make certain you understand me completely and unquestionably, I want to tell you again I love you, and I have never stopped loving you from the day I met you, through the ups and downs, the varied moods, the emotional depths and altitudes; from the joy we carried, to the coffin of pain we buried. And if you ever want back in my life, my love, there's a home for you in Tampa, FL. I will never be too proud to confess my love for you, I promise, for love is too strong to be fooled by shallow pride.

cocaine (1996)

I found this piece I wrote in script, 1996
(black cover diary)...

cocaine

sweeping the powder
with the tip of the fingernail
composing your lines

and nothing can bring
you back

bend the neck down
let a shoulder drop
turn your head to one side

meet your creation

the tide comes in
washes you away

fade gently into the horizon
behind a cloud

the undertow

your world has
consumed you


-Katya