give in not up

to the playful
to the hunger
to the boredom
to the laughter
to the weakness
to the cat calls
to the warmth
to the strength
to the comfort
to the ease

never will i
ever will i
give up

Journal # 09.20.16

Another night followed another day followed another, the rails scraped clean by braking, the trains screaming down the line. Somehow I killed my depression and went on living lightly. Then it came back hard bearing down and I jumped out of the way. What do you want with my life? I am not rich. I am not pure. I am not decent. I am convoluted and curse a lot. I eat Doritos for breakfast. I talk to cats like they are my children. I am a favorite scapegoat. An object of attraction. A third rail. Of all the people in the world...

must be
      you want
          what you cannot have