dis.cords

moving towards 

on phones with cords we 

wanna be okay but we 

not

mobile hotspots 

hooked up with all the bars

then out of touch 

again. traveling up the stitchwork 

of our scars

umbilical we anticipate 

gettin cut

#katyamills

paper.cut

I gotta paper cut off a flyer I was distributing. The walls were papered blue. I had nothin better to do than let it bleed until a friend of mine could wrap my finger around a bandaid. It felt a little like getting your fingertips pressed in ink. Except this time someone cared about you.

promise

once there was a boy named bee 

upon my knee

softly telling me how rivers

did not reach the sea in the year 

twenty twenty three

some were black others blue

in twenty twenty two

and none could you wash your

self in

his eyelashes fluttered 

feeling me shudder

i could tell 

he honestly knew 

he unbuttoned my collar 

i cried and hollered and then he promised 

just breathe

then rolled up our sleeves so carefully

we could see those cuts on

our arms

with one finger 

he crossed my lips

tenderly looking into my eyes

and

we existed quietly there

until about quarter past one

bee upon my knee

and me

i wondered if all of the darkness

 he shared

could 

     ever

         be

          undone

yet i knew our

                 pain

             was

         the

same

- KatYa, 2017

memory of a using life. oakland 2012

the dull ache
behind my eyes
in this deadened
room

ima rag doll
i am

a benign tremour
moves
my hand against
me

a blue light
and white
tells
the papered
walls
how to feel

and somewhere
back there
someone's got
so bad

someone's got a blade
and cuttin
up
their arms

i know him
i left him
he pushed me and his
hands into a
mirror

shattered
what was love
or was it?

just a using me
using you

you left me
in this loveless
board and
care

steely-eyed
people talkin
to themselves
and no one
hears

will that be
me? how long
in the
becoming?

bored and careless
days are running
through the
years

down my arms
of sun-scarred wood some
porous lettin
through

the crime and
all the fears

the people turn
away

in this
dark corner
of gods earth

someone raises hell
and hand
and people
turn away

and screams of dreams
the horrors
passin
through

rag doll city
heart of dark
stake and claim
and clawed away

possessive
minded
revolving door

leave me be
some more

find me gone
inside my mind
benign
tremors hold my head

how can i
turn away?

peel back time
peel back the skin
define your days
of dyin

using ways
come back upon us
karma's all i
know

and then my heart
its in my chest
beats out an
ultimatum

your gonna go
you gotta go
please slash and burn
and leave

i see my heart
i feel my heart
i wear it on my
sleeve


© Katya Mills