1984

you tore into us

drunk again

one of your moods 

unpredictable 

charged 

i tried to make 

myself small i

stood out like a cherry 

on a sea of whipped 

cream

#katyamills

polaroid u

you

are the life you are the 

hard seasons the

recipe dating generations
back

careless restless and reckless

the soft viable understanding

at the end of a great confusion
soon escapes you

owls in the night upset 

your blood pressure you
throw parties you create
and destroy

you drink endless glasses
of milk and bourbon you

call and no one answers
you

raise high your fists you

splash around dark thoughts 

and then

and then one day
you give a damn you
really do you seek forgiveness
and the strength of
conviction

you change but all they see
is a snapshot a
polaroid

you upset the blood
pressure you reek of hard seasons
recipes dating back to a great
confusion

all that is left of you
is your change

open your fists and let
your hands meet. look
up to the sky. may the soft
and viable understanding
save you

#katyamills

LA and DV and ADDICTION

Draft material from the Daughter of Darkness series...

(this chapter refers to Maze's mother and family)




" LA was a long way from here, but his mom was a short distance to his heart. She was a social worker and worked to help women like herself escape from situations and cycles of domestic violence. She was the shoulder to cry on that she never had. She had a fine memory of her own necessary flight from danger, and the hundreds of half-baked efforts which preceded the determination she ultimately summoned to leave half her offspring in the hands of God and her sisters to look after. The kisses on their little heads. The telling them it was gonna be okay, when she herself was not convinced. The every little setback she encountered on her traveling up and across the border and into the suck of American culture, had her pining, sometimes bodily, to return to her many loves. Her family. All spoiled by one splendid scoundrel and fool who knew only how to transmit his self-hatred by beating on the one who loved him the most. He considered her a permanent fool for being permanently smitten with him. What was he worth? He considered himself, like his father before him, to be garbage. The more he beat her in the alcoholic stupor, the more he hated himself. The more he hated himself, the greater a fool she became for standing by him. So he would make her suffer, and prove himself right about both of them. Never worried and never conjuring any image of what life might be like if she grew a spine and left him. Which is why he went on his own mental vacation and never returned, after she did. He could smile and laugh at anything. The anger was gone. He no longer needed a home or anyone to support. He could see his remaining kids and not recognize them, somehow. Yes, it was sad. But the strange way he reacted made the depths of his loss a bit easier to bear. For now the people called him smiling old man, with nothing to smile about. "

Impressions? Keep it or lose it?
You can read Book One of this series here... Grand Theft Life