Friday 24 April 2015

Journal # 04.24.15

Love would come around the corner and look at me and smile, and I would have to smile right back or else love would be gone. On a rainy day, love would show up while I was busy looking for rainbows, love would be right there next to me but would not tap me on the shoulder. I would be rubbing the fog of my breath off the glass, when love would disappear. Love would be there in the park watching me with my head in my hands trying to sort it all out, and a squirrel would come by and I would not pay attention, and a child would come over and I would avert my eyes or hang my head deeper between my elbows, hiding. And when I finally got to looking up with all of it sorted out, love would be gone. Love would be in line, waiting in line, and I was waiting in line, too. Tapping my foot or fidgeting around. Trying to look cool or at least interesting. Wearing my sunglasses indoors. Waiting for my number to be called. All that waiting and love was right there beside me, waiting, too, and when I wondered much later why I had not had a chance at love, I would worry myself about it and wonder what was possibly so wrong with me, and not even realize that love was right there waiting for me when I was not even thinking about it. And so I might even get so lost in my feeling, lost in my thinking, lost in my doing, that I could weave deeper into a rooted sadness with all the laughter and sunshine around me, and then even identify with the sadness so to make it stay when it might have passed by but not now. And the ones that came to play would demand I play, and stomp on my feet if necessary, talk my thinking right out of my head, hold my hand and pull me away from myself. And it was like love forcing itself upon me, attacking me, and I could either fight for my sadness or put up. And heaven is a place on earth when the change comes along and you let it. Earth is a place on earth. And a good place when you get with it. Mess yourself up in the dirt. Work really hard and get tired. Like you mean it and then you realize you do, you do mean it. And then it's like a spring or source of fullness inside, out. And it is bright. And you remember it from a long time ago, even though it's now. And you might be singing, dancing, or crying. With friends or without. Inside or out. Rain or sunshine. Happiness or pain. Whatever the condition don't matter anymore, cause love has got ahold of you and it's nothing like it ever was before except relentless and freeing. Go now. Share it.

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