lover girl boy

she choreographed the words

by heart channeled to the lips
conducted by the tongue she
wanted him he wanted
her. the earth shook the
ground beneath cut up into zigzags they
held their ground they
held hands across the divide
and made the world
whole

#katyamills

not just on

prose (original)

i hardly ever dress up. i was raised in corduroy and cotton. took me twenty years to tear up my clothes. love of a thrift store and all you can find. life underground because main street got old. i could not appreciate anything. until I found you.

poem (remixed from prose)

i hardly ever dress up

i was raised in corduroy and cotton

took me twenty years to

tear up my clothes

love of a thrift store and all

you can find life underground because

main street got old

i could not appreciate anything

until I found you

chalk it off as existential slowburn -i

An old letter i wrote to someone i was in love with ...


PART I

i guess i have been thinking about this honest expression you wrote to me last night
and really worried that i might not be up to addressing it, responding in to it, even reading
it all the way through - which i finally did just now. not so many hours ago you wrote it, and
not so many hours later i read the beginning and purposefully sped through it so the feelings
would not arise. the tough ones. the ones that are the simplest proof (to me) of my love 4 you.

you really opened your eyes and stared at it, didnt you? i mean the relationship, as is, as has
evolved, what has become. i can tell. my question is rhetoric. and its very fucking discouraging,
traumatic and sad, if i look at it one way. the way i see it all when you show me no mercy and
i, in return, show you none back. why? like the argument by the bathroom that must have had
to happen (even though it sucked royally) so that we could be forced to talk about the things
that you very tellingly reminded me we have been brushing over or forgiving or letting slip out of
mind in a patterned way... to be continued

losing you. pellagra. disintrigue

losing you is like walking the streets in boots without laces
 head down. i am a
system of a down.

Storm clouds gather and bless my sorry hot head
with cool cool rain. toxic locket
in my hand. i
broke off from my neck.

My feet sink into earth turned to mud and bury me
where I walk. they got me outlined
in chalk.

Losing you is a crying
frame around my every. waking. moment.
blurred absurdity of timeless
melting reflections of

me
what with
you. by my side. like a vegetable. lima beans.
without you
im deficient. lacking. snacking on Cheetos.
doritos. taco bell hell.

smoldering processes of perseverated
thought. forgot all i was
taught. sold everything i ever
bought.

my purpose has gone under
submerged by your wonder
full drowned metal jacket
iron lung. out to dry.
giraffe neck stalks
hung
over rail ties
steely eyes. buzzards. flies

without you by my side
i keel over, Korean. the kids
all falling out
of me.

the youth in my step
got folded. lost my rep

forgetfulness comes on for self-defense
photos put away in shoeboxes in basements.
I approach the world with shock
with disdain

Memories of you 
leap like jack
 rabbits beside the
path

I feel like Sylvia Plath
bell jar banality
calloused heart played out
on a Spanish
guitar

te amo
who am I?
te amo
without you...
i die

Living rooms become lifeless
the empty tie-dying of memories
run clear through my
conscience

i am nonsense
all the colors of my world bleed out around the edges.
the silver
all tarnished
the tea kettle screams
the whippoorwill
night jar
black tar
heroine

she comes like a fury
then leaves you
again

I hold my head.
wishful
prayers at the bottom of the stairs
soaked in pine knot
pellagra.

Trapped in a faulty defect toy
anhedonic
without joy

disintrigue. shit. it makes up
its own
words

a rubix cube recall
cannot solve this pain
               resolve this mainline of loss

fuck it. i guess ill go
shopping