who you are

My sweater has holes in it and you will not forgive me.
I tell you I bought it this way and now you really cannot forgive me.
I tell you I lied, I made it, I cut these holes with knives when I was bored.
You stop blinking and stare.

Trying to smoke
me out.

I shrug and pour myself a cup of coffee.
I'll never be who you want me to be.
And I forgive you.
You seem to always have that look on your face. In my kitchen.
It's who you are.

do over

Not all was well, there was a zap and i got zapped, I don't know why it was me but it was, i didn't need a charge this morning i already had my green tea extracted and my acid was lactic the ultra didactic. Someone was having a bad day. Someone really hurt me and thought it was okay. Someone deserted me and i got zapped. What can I say? Someone didn't mean it, they were having a bad day? I wanted to have patience I wanted to be tolerant I wanted to be loving I wanted to be kind. But i got zapped and i kinda lost it, today, not all was well so i gave myself away and traded bullshit for bullshit on a five minute text exchange in the pits of interpersonal refuse calling out a hater like i had nothing to lose. But i lost it. For a moment i lost my sunshine my peace of mind and got zapped. Oh well. I'm gonna forgive myself and start the day over.

the living dream phase

I really hope to see you randomly in the streets, to meet you there in the sun or the shade, the rain or the glade, by the fence or the tree, the lamppost or newsstand, you and me once again have a chance at a life, a stopping of time. I am only fortunate because I believe myself fortunate, and it would be a great misfortune if I did not. I only love you by showing my love to you, but who says you cannot show your love in a thought or a prayer? Life gets more confusing and then I stop thinking, let something else take over, less abstract and more concrete (perhaps right under our feet), there need be no confusion so long as if or when the moment arrives on the tangent of our lives on the streets of this city, we see one another in that random beautiful way and connect in that semi comfortable way of matching up against the small changes in our separate and recent fortunes, and what I can do at that time, if that time were to arrive, is turn my attention and presence to you completely, perhaps with a smile - definitive in the eyes - and listen when you speak and not interrupt and not let the magic dissipate by any technological device in my possession (calling to us like they will), but rather undivide my attention toward you and if the chance arises for a handshake or a hug, choose the latter, for who on this dying earth does not wish for the physical rapport? - some great reassurance in a small gesture - and though we may go on our ways off the tangent back on queue, and though I may depart without any certainty I will see you, I can thank you for your time in one of many different ways, and show clearly how I care, burning through the haze... the living dream phase.

wild. vast disinterest

wild. vast disinterest
Posted on October 22, 2014 by KatYa


Yes i tire
of a selfish
liar

i wanna set something
afire and do

these words
blaze out
the woods
where you
lost me

left me
to clarify
my grave
indifference

i pick the line between us
and raze your toxic
charming

asserting my
wild
vast
disinterest

yes…
it is alarming