'madman'

So what if I am disturbed. I cannot stop playing with my hair. My doctor saw me I was taking the ends and wrapping them about my fingers then sucking on the whole damn lot of them, and he said 'that's very strange' and then went on with the discussion of my health. I had not said anything to defend myself. I guess I thought it funny that he called me strange, even if it was only what I was doing. I did not say anything because you know how people are, so defensive and all. For sure he would have gone to great lengths to ruin it. He would have said something like he did not mean i was strange, only that what i was doing was strange. You know, separating out shame from guilt or some kinda stupid moral compass thing, which you would expect him to do, being your doctor and all, supposed to be professional. I really kinda liked that he thought I was strange. I had lots of broken ends, that's why I did it. I really was disturbed anyway. Everybody knew that.   - KatYa

Surgery

Dear friends, I went in for surgery today and had my index finger on my left hand sliced open by a very kind and soft spoken MD while I talked to a really nice nurse named Renee about fireworks, Southern California and waterskiing. Good thing I hit the grocery store yesterday and bought food to sustain me for a week. My finger is bandaged and has twelve stitches making it whole. There will be pain once the numbness wears off, the doctor assured me. I have light painkillers by prescription in case I need them. I feel relaxed at home and though I have had some painful and trying times recently with close friends, god-willing I may get through it with a determined smile and wish everyone the very best. I cannot type with my hand wrapped up this way for the next two weeks, but I will use my iPhone if I must to keep writing to you all my ongoing impressions of this strange life of many miracles, uncommon pleasures and pain. I have to uncover its meaning every day and so my spirit is polished like silver to shine for you. - KatYa