thank you and i mean you

© KatYa

i am nothing and though this belief
if announced to mom or dad or brother
or aunt or nephew or niece would
get a hurtful or dismissive response
i would imagine for i do not dare
tell them but

i am nothing and when i am nothing
and can feel all my atoms spacing
feel all the roominess in there and
wanna rent it out well

i am nothing what would i do with
money it just collects slowly in my
checking account which i do not
know exists until i swipe a card so
i can get something to eat or to read
or to feed my sprawling head

i am nothing again tonight and only
you only you only you may get it
when it leaves my lips and smile
and touch my clasped hands on the
table between us in the bar in the
library in between all the words we
dare to share

and smile and say
so what do you have for us today
Katya?

Journal # 02.15.15

Sunday.

Squatters next door in the renovated house that has been on the market as a rental for almost a month. The leasing agency must be out of their minds. They want double the going rate for their apartments. I realized the man who exited the side door was not a tenant, when he had to stand on the trash bins to hoist himself up and over the wrought iron fence, just to get out of the backyard. Some girl who had been riding her bike up and down the alley, stopped and took him on as passenger. They weaved their way out to the street.

I made some smoothies in a blender, with a friend. We didn't have a banana, so it was slightly acidic with mostly oranges, apples, and pineapples. Earlier in the day, someone was talking to me about how we are all atoms and energy. A big smile came over his face. He said it all came down to love in the end.