journal entry #5

2.9.26 

all I am is breath. transparency. like the materials you chose to adorn me with. pellucidity of desire. my bones dissolve in your embrace deep in these high count hotel casino sheets. tonight I bring you luck. I am your ace

2.2.26 

only you can. they cannot imprison your soul

2.3.26 

the pain I endure comes less from culture wars and dissipated love or the malaise I feel in my tummy than from the minutes the hours rife with possibility I squander in the doomscrolling semiconsciousness of this our modern age


2.4.26 

the photo of her fell off the wall. her mother and sister recalled it was just after breakfast. they were picking up the shattered glass. only much later did they learn she had lost her life that morning. many miles away in Vienna.


2.5.26 

destitute unwashed unshaven uncertain if he was hallucinating a world full of apathy toward his condition he left with one charitable gaze from an otherwise insolent boy lambent in heart


2.6.26 

the wound came in various colors across the years and could not fully heal without the medicine you were unwilling to give. your apathy betrayed you. I cared less and less and less (about you). I guess it was contagious. It is sad. Yet I feel so deeply I know I've moved on


2.7.26 

before where she stood she saw what was not there. her blood her heart made itself known in her chest pursued by the shadow she cannot best. terrified to believe she was no different than them. this inheritance of mine. can it not be sublimated for good?

2.8.26

so pale
the world becomes 

by the end when the shadow 

once integrated 

disintegrated

by #katyamills 2026