pattaya 2007

I remember when I looked emaciated like those boys trapped on Pattaya beach in the Thai cave licking the limestone walls. My life driven by anger and fear took me there in my twenties and again in my thirties. I was in certain darkness and could not get out. My heartbeat slowed by pulses of heat and  flashes of pain. I was so lonely and surrounded by loners like me. I thought it was me against the world, and it was. Me against the world and me against myself. You cannot live long that way, and you cannot live that stance forever. Some die young. I had to make a full turn. I was wounded needing love. I was hateful needing peace. Fire needing water. Impulsive needing patience. Selfish needing out. Needing meaning, needing work. Needing a meaningful relationship to myself and others. A devotion to a spiritually seeded cause. All life is like mine. I had to humble myself and see the universe in me. Cool my jets and stop taking off, running away. Stay. I had to stay and breathe into it. All life can be renewed. All life is like that, yours and mine, all life is valuable. We need you.

moonlight redemption song

She is easy
easy on
the eye
sunny side
down
sea foam
sky

maybe u were
depressed

now its
ancient
history
high

Shadows teased
out from
dark places

maybe you
were depressed

before she
reached
you
drew you
close

She is easy
on the eyes
she upends
a pack of lies

maybe you felt
depressed

Come here child
into her velvet
luminescence

come elbows
come shadows
come knees
come sorrows

Come miles
and miles
of smiles
and smiles

Come here
heavy hearts
and disease
come thickening
etoufée of
malaise

Come seated
diamonds
glancing
off rings

come puppy feet
demons in
sirensong
sing

come flu-like
symptoms
and the nation of
sneeze

Welcome
lighthearted
islands of
breeze

Let us remember
our single
source
origin!

Let us rejoice!
from Portland
Maine
to Portland
Oregon!

Recall all the politics
and faded old
paradigms
back to the lab
with their tail
dragon
fire

Maybe you were
depressed, well
be that no more!

Tonight under moonlight
our world gets renewed!

An bright
honest soul
all what
came of
a liar