it was obvious

i was in pain over life and just breathin was hard
i was reading Franny
then Zooey

i was falling asleep
listening to the world series

bathtubs and smokes
ashes and water and
manuscripts too

nothing's like 1955 anymore
but reading
listening to the world series
falling asleep

i was in pain over life
 just breathin was hard
someone and their make america great again campaign
make america hate again

make america
force america
love america
hate america

we would be stronger together
our future president proclaimed
my boyfriend kept calling and calling
 the ringer was off and
it was obvious

i gathered strength
 all alone

i was thinkin about god
 just thinkin about god
 clasping my hands around my pillow
 lying on my side

made the pain somewhat
made the pain
subside

Review: Catcher in the Rye

 I made a reading room out of my back room the other day. I put that big old chair that's been getting decimated by the weather these past two years inside, and a blanket over it, and a light over it, and the first book I read in there was Catcher in the Rye. The same copy with the 1985 cover, you know, the maroon one with the yellow title. I got it from my family and now the pages are yellow and the cover fell off a long time ago and I pinned it to my wall behind my desk. I like to think my dad gave it to me in a really gorgeous way, like he told me some kinda sentimental thing with his eyes gone watery. I know that's not really how it happened, though, because that's what he did with his copy of Nine Stories. I'd rather he gave me Catcher than Nine Stories. Even if I liked eight of them. I don't even know I still have Nine Stories, anyway, if you know what I mean. I think I may have just seen Catcher on his book shelf and just wanted it so bad I just took it. Stole it from my dad. Really madman. I feel so honored that Holden Caufield shared his thoughts with me, I would never go and kill anybody and blame it on the book. How come so many people did that? Way back before it was published,  JD Salinger went to New York and read his book to an editor there. Up in some skyscraper office. He got so upset when the guy told him Holden was really crazy and they could not publish a goddam book with a goddam crazy narrator. They say he ran out of the office and was crying. They say that's because Salinger was Holden. That's what they say. People have a funny way of saying things as though they were truth, when it's really guesswork... anyway, I know I'm talking about things you probably could care less about. You know what happens when I get to talking. I want you to know I thought of you today. Only for a little while, you know what can happen when I think for too long. I wanted all the thoughts to be good ones, but some of the not so good ones approached me too. I told them go away. They sorta edged up and stayed, and I realized I would be wrong to tell them go away when they had a right to be there, too. But I love you. I know it took me a long time to get there. But I got there, didn't I?