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excerpt from my yet-to-be-published novella

Katya 2019

There may be hope for me, I thought, rolling the smoke between my fingers. How different everything felt. The box, the stem, the lighter, the cig. I could sense the tobacco leaf inside the paper. Crunchy, resilient, it bounced back when you pressed it. I set fire to it and watched it burn and glow. I felt the smoke hit the lungs and exhaled at the top of my breath, I can breathe. Maybe I will last, after all, I thought, relaxing and getting used to myself again, taking drags. Aden looked worried, huh, I suppose they all did. I wish I could tell him...I still see things that turn me on. The barber shop cylinders have gone dark, the neon lights are lit, the end of the night far away, the dance floor naked and ugly without a dance. I paid the check and smiled. - Katya, Trouble '99

july 31, 2019

this morning i did my jumping jacks and boiled the coffee to mix with cream. this morning i called my dad, today is his birthday. my kittens are alarm clocks and get me early out of bed. i did the dishes and prepared a salad for later. i rang the tibetan bell and listened to my heartbeat. i called the love of my life for he is on the road again. i cannot count my blessings. i can sit here at my desk and beat up the old english language for a while. all what makes life at 46 worth living.