Wednesday 20 January 2010

what i got is all i got, you can have it, 2

What i got this blessed morning is only a little laserlight of my truth, early, cold, dark, windy and wet. pretty soon i gotta jet to work, one way or the other. another day like before...i stay open. open to my core. cause thats how i keep from goin 2 hard in this hard world. moods so down sometime i dont know what im looking for. scared what i might find. already come across so much pain and heartache. sound a little like ya heard this before? im sure. truth is repeated, like a ritual, like your chores.

today i make the bed in which i lay. my boyfriend RIco steady by my side all last night. kept me warm. held me tight. atleast i got this prince lookin out for me, but we both strugglin with heavy burdens, too. the pressure can be overwhelming. Like tryin to pay the things need payin for, and jus tryin to stay out the eye of the law. once you in the system they wanna keep score, its sad. i wanna escape. amnesty must be a dirty word to the law, like rape. well thats just what they might do if they hang another charge on you, forget your license to do what you do. they will make sure the world knows of your crimes, boo. in the world you may have struggled years to earn your keep. one moment with the law, one moment asleep? u cant afford it, the trauma, the dehumanization. cause to the system what you value is of no concern. or so i learn now, day to day. over the nightmares. but get stressed real bad anway. panic attax. fresh talkin to my people around the way. oakland, my home, where i wanna stay. but the system is a force, it wont back off. you dont wanna cycle through. you betta watch yourself (they tell me), where you go- with whom you do consort. im just realizing. never been in trouble. charges got dropped. the first time they really touched me. governments and justice systems, they cold! it aint pretty. you better keep on moving through the city, the urban element you call home, the landscapes anything but monotone.

and heres how i feel, how i handle what i know. still gettin off on life good, the spice of city life for me, the various many peoples who touch me in my hood. and im fallin in love cause i let myself. its scary real scary but i wont turn away from it. the connection is deep & i have waited and waited for it. i dont want to put a wall between myself and so-called criminals, when forgiveness runs deep in me, love swells. i try and reach out and touch and be there, for you for him for self and such. this is how i manage to live, keep learning, smile and find a way to turn it all around. cause no ones playing with a full deck. some power trippin and cant even keep themselves in check. but awareness knows and our eyes can tell, so we dont need to get hopeless, belle. stay beautiful and let your smile light up the sky. i will feel the warmth and let it through me, channel it to you whether you knew me, or not, cause i feel for a stranger, will do my best to bring to them some kind of hope for keepin on, some kind of radiating light or just a poem or a song. cause when you know whats really going on, thats tight. no more strugglin shock or surprise. no more terrified cries, no more buying into their lies. empower yourself and check your judgements, follow the karma and you realize, this earth for you and us together. dont run inside scared of the weather. embrace it all and it will you, let nature be and you be true. i will be here for you now, i hope be there for you, too. just like i represent for self, nobody can ruin my day. i will pray for those who try, all the way at my best, or struggling when im filled with anger. my own family left me alone. and i survive. i lift my head and speak my truth. i will bring you tears, i will offer rain, aquarian spirit at best is fluid. the healing of the ocean is the channel of my undying devotion to those who suffer through each day. not knowing will they make it. to you i say; i been there, too, i made it through. be yourself fierce, dont let them get into you and turn you down or back or over. know your truth and dont get over. just get in there and have courage now, let passion flow through you. study the Tao. know your friends or find someone. you need someone to rely on. conscious contact is the key. with self and spirit and your divinity. be tough and vulnerable, walk with grace. you have every right to take your place in the natural way of ecosystem, multicultures and paradigms moving, keep on breathing, keep on choosing, and fall on your face a hundred thousand times, thats where you may just find divine. where you stretch! dont look for it, keep faith, she finds you. miss divine so fine. be open, receptive and vulnerable. honor yourself and no one may just lift right off your toes. the light surrounds you. live the life, now, go! live the life, the life you chose.

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