been so long

oh the dawn when all thats wrong

in the world made right

the light come even into the sky

i could stay with you here for ever

and ever. been so long since it rained i

think im gonna cry  #katyamills

stretched so hard i touched memory

the visions were transverse

mixing with memories until

they were infused

came from some old scratch on

some old disc in my fourteenth vertebra

top of the column down

probably got it playing frisbee

circa 1992

a tree pushed a root up and tripped me

in an old growth forest i

had broken up with my third

best friend

forever wasn’t as long as

i imagined

ends

ends are unlike me I like moving along and on and breaking bread with friends again. many months from now to trade memories and embrace, we will see how we never ended at all

Rolling Allostasis -fin)

This girl. My great friend. She would be in her thirties wherever she may be today. Don't get me wrong, not all is lost. I have her in spirit. And she. She has me. Our paths diverged, converged, and diverged again. But that only makes room for a natural confluence in times to come. Until then, I will remember. Every day I must remember. How we braided one another's hair. Mine was dark. Hers was fair. Softly tucked into one another's love and friendship. Spinning in ascending spirals of synchronicity. We both had hard lives. Spare moments, like tires, we reserved for felicity otherwise contraindicated. Our belief systems ran through us, like a syndicate. We talked serious about light things like cloud formations, on an otherwise sunny day. We fried our eggs runnyside down, on an otherwise sunnyside up ticket. We had this magic of making light of what was always considered  heavy serious, and vice versa. The kind of deep shallow friendship most everyone's always looking for. She made me laugh and inspired me to see things her way. We had an benevolent kinda influence over us. Sunnyside us, in our evolving door of trust. She thought i was hella cool, and i thought her the same. We were never disappointed. Except by all those earlier years lost, passing one another by in the great halls of our separate schools of life. I was held back because i broke too many rules. She was pushed ahead, because they couldn't handle her. We didn't hurt anyone. Just coloring outside the lines, creating new paths of learning that veered sideways of the clear expectation. We made them uncomfortable, so they made us the same. But until we found one another, we could not feel fully appreciated. I guess.

Culture began to stall, when shit got comfortable. Unable replaced the able. Complicated the simple. Made no sense to us. We were easy targets based in our culture of fringes and folds where those marked and judged can be pushed and hidden, you know, like this great free country, yes? But still a box, a little ice tray mold into which the spirit is poured and then frozen. And then consumed? Not us! Though assimilated, we would never be accepted. We would not melt in any mouths. So we became something of great fortitude. Thank goddess we found one another for that great moment in time! While the populace fell to platitudes. Unremarkable. Mid-range.

And all her life the others in it, they considered her strange, and preferred her estranged. They watched her. Invited her. And tried to embrace. But she was bouncing that spirit all over the place.
Could not sit still. To her, life was to no end, a thrill. She listened to short wave on transistor. When the short wave broke, she cried. Your outdated! her little sister said, watching her sipping from a crazy straw planted in a New Coke.

She raised no objection. Circa 1985, and she knew it. Just liked to get under the nerves, hit the CNS sideways. Like pharmaceutical Adderal's gonna save you from stress? There was a shiver. Transistor radio. She shook it hard. Still wouldn't deliver. Purely mad for a moment, was she. Mad mixed with strange, created a rolling allostasis. She arched her back, crossed her legs, and entered held prayer stance. Energy flowed through her spine, chakra to chakra. Short wave breakbeat broke through pores of wood - so slow she could still catch it...and she would.

Remember. She is strange. Oceans of sound = place she reside. With flora and fauna, she lets herself wash in with the tide. Found often by fishermen, but never side by side. Incomparable. Unusual. Only self-referential. Be careful reading into her! If she trusts you, she may confide.

Remember, she's strange. Handle her with care. Whatever your arrangement, you must rearrange. Reconfigure central cortex, adjust it two firewall lengths down. Then you may be lucky to touch into her-  but only if she looks to be found.

Often hiding in shade with the lights drawn blue. Often sharing her heart, not what's in it for you.  She's a catfish among perch. She's treble to the bass. She will come up for air when you just got attached. She was a champion of indigenous peoples for the better part of the past century. She was indigenous to herself, and life, her own fascination...

She had only understood her life was hers, after a long drawn out anticipation. Like the breath of the divine into the void...for creation.

Katya Mills   07/13 kissilent.wordpress.com

What Gives (dedicated to K+K)

Yesterday i was half.... today i am whole.... being with you babe made it so, you made me so. i was really sitting pretty on the front porch calling you. the immediate downcast when you did not call back made me soft. the stone under my behind chilled me cold like a front. i took down my guard and got my credit card, hit the atm for some retail therapy. pulled myself up a little taller on the sidewalks. i thirsted for you. you made me tremble. the chills ran up my legs and down my arms. so deep was the feeling. when you looked down at me from above; blurred out of my focus was the ceiling.

In my mind i remember so clear. Yesterday you were there. In my mind, you are here.  As i looked up, daydreaming of you, you tumbled away. I what the fucks up? why cannot i locate your dangerous self in the streets? when can we again roll comfortably between the sheets? the wave of your passion riding over me. the latest fashion you peeled away from me. the whole day long the music....you and me. And close to one another, we had another way to use it. To ask the kinds of questions you ask when you desire. in your eyes i witness fear and great excitement. Reflections of my own.

Stone to stone, we rocked the house. You rocked me over on the bed and fucked me pretty well... the ten minute tremor is how i could tell. i fade into your spirals, I drop into your pattern. The music of your soul, well, your music squares my saturn, my ruling planet of aquarius. fresh marked parameters. i love us all around. Up through our solar powered chakras. down the whole united states of soul. You make everything i bought into turn over. I am sold. you cost a lot less than holding. possession charge? i guess i'm guilty. the weight of evidence, ice cold. all the way down the block. you are the puppet in my sock.  i'm losing energy to the thoughts, without you i may be nothing. you come from the past and scramble my ass. bringing me to some progression on my knees. Our hearts in two beat out one  pattern so bold and true. a place where all choices get lost in the fold, the K-crew. some complicated simplicity, some droolin fools gold. im really wrapped up in your mystery. i love you.