Thursday, 29 October 2015

how to be alone

I would be happy to live out my days as a recluse. I think it would be pretty fun. I could do all sorts of scientific experiments. Study up on Thoreau. I'm only gonna have one food group a day. I will start with starches, mashed potatoes, and then move to tomatoes, and if there are leftover tomatoes I will find a skunk and spray another animal so I can use them for a tomato bath. Then they will owe me a wonderful debt of gratitude. The animals will become my little helpers. If there are leftover potatoes I will post them for a lookout, take advantage of all those eyes. I hate how they look at me before I beat them with the masher. When I am filled with guilt I can sit by the stagnant pond and write a treatise on human nature. Find a swell theory to overcome my remorse. You are not what you do, your actions do not define you. Oh! If I can realize one of my shelved dreams and colonize the famous lac bug, I will study and write a book about proper usage of shellaq for dyeing winter wools for sweaters. I will call it Shellacrilage. Hopefully my animals will be agreeable to lending their winter coats for testing dyes, though it might confuse the foxes when the badgers all turn red.